Shadows of Glass (8 page)

“Or what we will find when we do,” I finished. I am worried about the others, the
band of roving outlaws that had my father so intimidated with their strange weapons
that could drop a person from far away. We all saw the results with David, and I will
never forget the sight when the filcher who held me was hit by one of the same weapons
in the head and his blood splattered all over me. I never want to experience that
again.

Pace’s suggestion of sleep takes root in my mind and I yawn loudly. It isn’t as if
I have anything else to do. The ponies have been cared for and are in the cave with
the rest of us. I no longer have to worry about the children because Sally is with
them. Pace gently kisses my forehead and then steps away. I yawn again and I stretch
out on my side and fall asleep, lulled into peace by the sound of the river that reminds
me of home.

I dream of a meadow. It is from a painting I once saw. It is a wide open expanse of
grass and flowers, things I’ve never actually seen before, except in the beautiful
pieces of artwork on display in the library the few times I was permitted to go. It
is the most beautiful place I have ever seen, more so because in my dream I know that
it actually exists. Colorful insects fly past me with beautiful wings. Butterflies.
The word comes to me, even though I am not certain if I’ve ever heard it. I stand
in the middle, among all the bright colors, and feel the soft kiss of a breeze on
my cheek that smells so very sweet. The sun is shining overhead but it does not pain
me.

Ghost and the other ponies are in the meadow and at my feet Jonah chases an insect.
All around me I hear the chirping of birds, and there are so many more than what I’ve
ever heard before and they are as colorful as the flowers. I reach out to touch a
flower that wavers on its stalk next to me. It is as high as my waist, and as I cup
the deep pink petals I realize that my hands are remarkably clean. There are no coal
stains around my nails and no cuts or scrapes mar the surface of my skin. My arms
are bare and I see that I am wearing a dress of the purest white and the softest fabric
that flutters around me in the quickening wind.

I look up. Something has blocked the sun from my view. It is the same as if I am on
my back on the rooftops, looking up at the milky glass of the dome. It grows larger,
and darker, and I realize that it is a whale. It comes at me from the sky with its
huge maw open, dark and bottomless like the pit where Alex flew. I try to run but
I am not fast enough. It scoops me up into its mouth and swallows me whole, and I
feel my body falling into the eternal blackness.

It is the falling that startles me from the dream and I slowly open my eyes. Everything
is dark, yet I see movement and shadows. At first I am frightened because I cannot
see, then I realize that I can see more than I did before I slept. That has to be
a good sign, doesn’t it?

I try to stare through the darkness, as if my will alone will make it go away. It
is as if a heavy piece of fabric is over my eyes. I do not know at what I am looking.
I just know that there is something there.

I am alone, except for Jonah, who I can feel stretching beside me. Should I call out
for help? Should I tell them I can see? I decide I won’t, in case this is as good
as it gets. It is better than it was before and for that I am grateful. Instead I
place my hands against the cave wall and slowly stand up. Surely someone will see
and come for me. I cannot help but wonder, where is Pace? Why did he leave me alone
for so long? Does he not want me anymore because I am now blind? Does he consider
me nothing more than a burden now? The thought makes me feel like a petulant child,
and I ask myself why he should stay by my side every minute. It is no different than
what I did with him when I brought him into the tunnels.

I listen carefully to the sounds around me and realize that either I am alone or else
everyone is sleeping. I don’t even hear the shifting of the ponies or the restless
movement of the goats that were close by before. I am completely alone.

A cold chill fills me and I wrap my arms around my body. Did they leave me here? Are
they climbing the cliff right now and left me behind because I would be a hindrance
to them? What will I do? I can’t find my way up the cliff on my own and I can’t survive
staying here. I am panicked, so much so that I cannot breathe.

Take a breath Wren …
I breathe deep, making my body and my mind relax, and then I turn my head, trying
to remember the brief time I was in the mouth of the cave, and try to discern if there
is light because that will be the way out. All I see is shadows. None is brighter
than the others. None helps me determine where I am. What if it is night now? What
will I do?

I can’t help myself. I have to know if I’m alone. “Hello!” I call out. “Can anyone
hear me?” My words echo around me, taunting me with my solitude. What am I going to
do?

“Wren?” It is Alcide who comes to my rescue. I am grateful it is Alcide, actually
grateful that it is anyone but James. I don’t want him to see me as weak, even with
my blindness. “Is something wrong?”

“I just woke up alone,” I explain and feel foolish and ashamed when I hear the words.

“Pace said to let you sleep as long as possible. He’s hoping it will help … with your
eyes.”

I don’t mention that I can see shadows. I see enough to know where Alcide is standing.
“Where is everyone?” I ask.

“We’re ready to go up the cliff. I was just coming to wake you.”

Alcide was coming for me. Not Pace. He takes my arm in a firm grip. “We’ve got the
supplies wrapped up in blankets and tied to the ponies’ back. We’re going to put the
children on the ponies and the rest of us will lead them up,” he explains. I wonder
if I’m included in the useful lead them up part. I want to be seen as useful.

I can sense the world brightening around me as we walk. The noise of the ocean is
much louder now, and I can hear birds cawing above me. We have to be outside, but
I have to be sure that I am actually seeing something. “Has the sun gone down?” I
ask.

“No,” Alcide answers. “It’s just low in the sky. It doesn’t hurt our skin to be in
it now. I think the middle of the day is the worst of it.”

So I am seeing something, or maybe sensing it is a better word. Still it makes me
feel optimistic about my eyes eventually returning to normal.

“I’ll take her,” Pace says as he meets us. He kisses my cheek and it feels strange,
as if he’s placating me. The kisses we shared before were so much more, so deep, so
lingering, as if he was pouring all his emotions into that single instant. Even the
one we shared after we came out of the cave had such meaning. The past few have felt
more obligatory than anything else. “How did you sleep?” he asks.

“Deeply,” I reply as the dream about the meadow comes back to me.

“Good,” he replies. “Did Alcide tell you the plan?”

“Yes. Put me with Ghost. He’s used to me. The rest of the ponies will follow on his
tail if he’s in the lead.”

“You know them best,” Pace says.

“I know Alcide checked the trail,” I say. “What did he say about it? Is it steep?
Are there rocks or holes we should look out for?”

“He said it looks like it was man-made because it’s a lot like the tunnels below.
It’s smooth and wide and it appears to go all the way to the top by angling back and
forth.”

“It was probably made at the same time as the dome.”

“Maybe they used it when they were building it to carry things in from the sea,” Pace
says. “The catwalk above certainly looks like it could be in the dome.”

“Is the smoke still there?”

“I haven’t seen it, but it could be because the wind has changed. Can you feel it?
It’s blowing in from the sea.”

Yes, I can feel it. It is rougher, yet inconsistent. When it comes it tears at my
hair, which is loose and wild around my face. I instinctively reach for my kerchief,
but it’s gone. It must have fallen when I stood and I didn’t know it.

“Your kerchief?” Pace asks. “It must be in the cave. I’ll go get it.”

“No wait,” I begin but he is gone and doesn’t answer me. Now I feel even more useless
as I have no idea where I am standing or where anyone else is, and Pace is wasting
his time on a trivial errand for me. Just a few minutes ago I felt as if I was an
obligation for Pace and now I feel even worse as he’s running after something as insignificant
as my bandana. Are the others waiting and watching? Do they see me as a nuisance now?

I turn my head to the left. Pace said the wind was blowing in from the sea and since
I can feel it on my cheek, I hope that I will see more shadows when I look toward
the cliff. I do. Is my sight getting better still? I look up and I see a definite
contrast between the cliff wall and the sky.

I hear the noise of the others close by. The shifting of the ponies, the ramblings
of the goats, and the quiet chatter of the children. I can’t see them. They are lost
in the shadows of the cliff wall.

“Wren!” I recognize Adam’s voice. Neither he nor James has talked to me since this
morning. Since I went blind. I instinctively turn in the direction of Adam and will
my eyes to see him. There is nothing but shadows, but shadows are better than nothing
at all.

“Adam,” I say when I feel him close by. In the past Adam and I have never really talked
to each other. We always had Peggy around as a buffer between us. I always felt he
only tolerated me because Peggy and I were friends. But I also know him to be fair.
Even though he and James are best friends, he doesn’t automatically go James’s way.
I’ve always respected Adam for who he is. There is nothing sly about him, like James.
I know my grandfather thought well of him, or so he told me many times. Maybe he wished
that Adam would have chosen me instead of Peggy. But there was no denying their love.
It was obvious to everyone who saw them together.

Adam doesn’t say anything. Instead he puts his arms around me. He pulls me tightly
into his embrace. My arms are trapped within his and all I can do is put my hands
on his chest as he squeezes me against him. I feel him shaking and realize that he
is fighting back tears.

“Adam?” I ask tentatively.

“She loved you so much,” he says after a brief moment when I imagine he was trying
to keep his emotions under control. “She was so worried about you.”

“Peggy?”

“Yes.”

“I loved her too.”

“I know.” Adam sniffs back his tears and releases me. “I just wanted you to know that.
Before … before things get any crazier than they already are.”

“Adam,” I say. “Do you think what we did was wrong?”

“I think we all made mistakes, Wren. I think I made the biggest one of all by not
stopping James when he wanted to blow up the fans. If not for that…”

“You are not responsible for her death…” I begin.

“In a way I am,” Adam says. “In a way we all are. For all of them. But none of us
any more than the others. It’s a responsibility we all share. And because of that,
we have to make sure some good comes of it.”

“You and Rosalyn have to lead us now,” I say without letting my relief show. I don’t
want to be the one making decisions any more. I can’t make any, not the way I am.

“Don’t sell yourself short, Wren,” Adam says. “You are wiser than you believe you
are. You just have to believe in yourself more.”

“I thought I did,” I confess. “Now, after everything that has happened, I’m not so
sure.”

A shadow crosses my vision and I feel Adam’s hand on my cheek. “Follow your heart,
Wren. It won’t lead you wrong.”

I smile and nod at Adam. “Will you take me to Ghost?” I ask.

“Ghost?”

I had forgotten that no one would know my pony’s name, except for me. And Pace, since
I did introduce him to Ghost before the flood. “The white one. He’s the lead.”

“Your guy is coming,” Adam says. “Don’t you want him to help you?”

“Only if you mind doing it yourself,” I say.

“I don’t,” Adam says and he takes my arm. “Do you know our plan?” he asks.

“I do. Adam,” I have said this before to Pace, but I want to make sure, “you know
there are others that live outside. And they have the weapons like the one that injured
David. We have to watch out for them.”

“We’re aware,” Adam says. “There’s not much we can do about the weapons, but we will
watch out. We don’t know what’s up there, Wren, we can only hope that it is something
better than what’s down here.”

“Adam. I am so sorry about Peggy.”

“Me too, Wren. But at least we had a few moments. It’s more than some.” He takes my
hand and puts it on Ghost. I immediately recognize the feel of his shaggy mane. “Here’s
your beast then,” Adam says.

“Thank you, Adam,” I say. “For everything.”

“You too,” he says and walks away.

Ghost is glad to see me. He butts his head into my chest. I find his head with my
hands and lower my forehead to touch his. “I’m like you now boy,” I say. “Trapped
in the darkness. Hopefully between the two of us we’ll find our way out.” Ghost snuffs
at my clothes and nips at my sleeve. I know I smell different to him. I no longer
smell like coal and earth. Now I am covered with the salty smell of the sea.

“Are you ready?” Pace asks me. He puts my kerchief in my hand and I use it to tie
my hair back.

“I am ready,” I say. I wrap my hand around Ghost’s halter. “Show me the way,” I say
and we move forward once more into the darkness.

6

We are all creatures of habit.
It is easy for me to pretend that I am once more in the tunnels, just putting one
foot in front of the other without thought because there is only one way to go. Either
down into the mines or back to the stables. That was my circuitous route, night after
night as I worked my shift, guiding the ponies with their loads of coal. Walking up
this trail isn’t much different from what the ponies and I are used to.