Shame (Ruin #3) (24 page)

“Lisa, I’m not trying to be a prick, but I’ve been standing here for at least a minute. There wasn’t anyone leaving your room. They would have run right into me.”

“But, Jack, he was here! I swear!”

Jack nodded. “Okay, it’s not that I don’t believe you, but what were you doing when he came in?”

I backed away. “Sleeping, but—”

Jack shook his head. “Then it was probably a nightmare.”

“But he was in my room!”

“Lisa.” Jack braced my shoulders again. “You’ve had a lot of stress lately, with having your room broken into and being romanced by our professor.”

Great. He was making jokes.

“Why don’t I take you to get some food? I’ve got my laptop anyway. No need to sit in your creepy room.”

“I don’t know…”

“Come on.” He walked into my room, grabbed my bag and held it out to me. “Just a quick snack, and, for the love of God, lock your door.”

“It was locked.”

“You sure?” He nodded to the door. “Looks to me like your intruder has a key then, because if what you say really is true, and you did lock the door, and he did break in… the only way in would have been to use a key or somehow bobby-pin the crap out of it.”

Shivering, I folded my arms around myself.

“Food.” Jack winked. “Let’s go.”

I followed him out of the dorm. I was missing something. I had to be! I know what I felt. I mean, I didn’t see anything, but I wasn’t crazy. It wasn’t like I heard voices. I wasn’t Taylor. I shivered as the wind bit into my arms.

“Mel,” something whispered.

Gasping, I turned around and looked at the building and the trees nearby.

Jack paused. “Hey, you okay?”

“Yeah, just… the wind… my imagination.”

“Please tell me you’re thinking of moving out!” Jack squinted. “I mean, I think it’s probably best considering…”

“Yeah… tonight.”

“Where to?”

Yeah, like I was going to tell him that. Talk about getting a professor fired. “Somewhere safe.”

“Good.” His jaw clenched. “Safe is good.”

CHAPTER FORTY-TWO

I tried to flirt with other guys… I pretended to be that girl, the fun slutty one who partied all the time, was too loud, wore her clothes too tight. And it made me feel better for about a minute, until a guy took me up on the offer and I lost my lunch in his face. Kissing wasn’t even the same… nothing was. —
Lisa

Tristan

I
WAS EARLY
picking up Lisa, but after hearing what the guys had told me, there was nothing I wanted to do more than pack her an overnight bag and kidnap her, bring her to my house, and keep her safe.

I knocked on her door. No answer.

I knocked again.

Panicking, I dialed her number just as I heard laughing coming down the hall. Lisa and Jack were talking about something clearly hilarious, and she was standing a bit too close to him, and I… I was caught. Again.

“Dr. Blake.” Jack grinned. “Fancy seeing you here.”

“Right,” I said in a clipped voice. “How was studying?”

“Got a lot done.” Jack nodded, looking between the both of us. “And you’re here because?”

“Tutoring,” I said smoothly. “Sorry, I thought Lisa might have mentioned it to you. I’ve been tutoring her for the past three weeks.”

“Is that what they call it?” Jack sneered.

“It?” I raised both eyebrows and crossed my arms, knowing I looked intimidating compared to his shorter frame. “Mind explaining, Jack?”

“Whoa!” He held up his hands. “Didn’t mean to ruffle feathers. I would really hate to flunk just because I saw something I shouldn’t.”

“Jack,” Lisa warned.

“No, it’s cool.” Jack shrugged like he didn’t have a care in the world. “In fact, it’s perfect… too damn perfect. I’ll catch you guys later.”

He whistled as he charged down the hall, shoving his hands into his pockets like he hadn’t just acted a bit off.

“Well, that was fun.” Lisa gave me a wide-eyed look and unlocked her door. “Did you know you’re gaining a roommate?”

“I may have heard through the grapevine she’s really hot.” I followed her into the room. “Then again, that means I’ll just have to double my efforts to keep myself from mauling her every time I see her.”

Lisa froze then turned around. “Every time, huh?”

“Your look of complete satisfaction with yourself isn’t helping.”

“Should I pack a bag?”

“Thought you’d never ask. Grab what you need, and I’ll help the guys pack you up later this weekend, alright?”

She went into her room and returned fifteen minutes later with a large duffel and the rest of her books stuffed into her book bag. I took the heavier one and double-checked that she locked the door behind her, and then we made our way down the stairs. At that point, I didn’t even care if other students saw me. Then again, the campus was so big it didn’t really matter, and hell, even if someone saw me helping a student move, I’d just deny it, or maybe I’d claim it and quit so I could be with her twenty-four-seven. It wasn’t like I needed a cover anymore. It was blown, and I was officially ready to move on.

With her.

“Oooo, you brought a truck today,” Lisa said, running toward my new Ford. “And it’s red. I think you like red.”

“I like red because you like red, though I got this last year. Now hop in. We’re going to get takeout before I take you home.”

“Home.” Her hand hovered over the handle. “I like the sound of that.”

I sighed, wishing I could pull her into my arms and kiss her senseless. “Me too, Lisa. Me too.”

****

Lisa wanted Thai even though she’d had a sandwich with Jack. When I’d asked her why Thai, she’d said it was just another food that apparently Taylor had destroyed. I didn’t mean to pry, but honestly, I was curious. Curious about her past, not that it would change my opinion of her. I was pretty sure that’s how you know you’re falling for someone — when you want the good and bad, when you want everything, regardless of how horrible, how dark. You want it all, because at the end of the day, it’s still them.

“Did he kiss you here?” I pulled down Lisa’s sweatshirt and placed my lips on her shoulder.

With a shudder, she closed her eyes and nodded.

“Here?” I tapped her collarbone and kissed, lingering against her skin because it felt so good against my tongue.

Another nod.

She was quiet, sleepy. Then again, I’d fed her enough food to put her in a coma. We were sitting in front of the fireplace downstairs in the family room. It was one of the only fireplaces I had that wasn’t gas; the real thing was more soothing to me, the sound of crackling wood like my white noise. All the lights were off, but I liked it that way because my focus was totally on her and nothing else.

“Let’s just assume…” Lisa shuddered, burrowing her head in my neck. “…that he touched and claimed everything he thought was his.”

“So… everywhere.”

She said nothing.

“I’ll have to fix that.” I tilted her chin toward my lips. “I’ll have to make new memories with those lips… and make sure that nothing touches your skin that isn’t good, that doesn’t feel good. And, Lisa, if you ever say no, I’ll stop… you need to know that. I want you. I want you so damn bad sometimes I think I’m actually going insane, but… my desire for you will never trump your need for me to go slow. Understand?”

Tears pooled in her eyes as she whispered, “Kiss me again.”

I kissed her mouth, then her neck, slowly blazing a trail back down to that shoulder I couldn’t get enough of. And when her sweatshirt restricted me, I peeled it off her body, revealing a tight white tank top. With a curse, I sat back and stared. “You’re beautiful.”

“When you say things like that, and look at me…” She gulped. “…in that way, you make me feel like you mean it.”

“I do mean it, Lisa.”

Her eyes flickered away from mine, as if the topic of her beauty made her uncomfortable.

“Lisa…” I shook my head. “…would I lie to you? To your face?”

A ghost of a smile appeared across her lips. “No, you’ve been pretty honest.”

And in that moment I almost told her everything. Because I had been honest… about every aspect of my life — except one.

“Let me rephrase that.” I back-peddled a bit. “Do you believe me when I tell you I find you gorgeous?”

Her eyes met mine. “Yeah. I think so.”

“Not good enough.” I stood and pulled the shirt off my body, followed by my pants.

“Whoa, what are you doing?” Lisa moved to her knees in front of me.

“Proving a point.” I stripped all the way down until I was completely naked. “I can’t hide from you.” I lifted my arms into the air. “It would be impossible to hide my body’s reaction… by just looking at you… I’m like this. By just looking at you, every single muscle in my body is tight. Just watching your smile, concentrating on those gorgeous blue eyes, and I forget everything except you. Your taste, your lips, your mouth.” I moved to the floor. “My body can’t lie…” I kissed her softly. “And believe me when I say I’m not lying with my words. In here…” I tapped her chest. “…you’re beautiful. Out here…” I caressed her cheek. “…you’re impossible not to stare at. To me you’re perfect.”

Her breathing picked up speed as she leaned in, her mouth barely meeting mine before she whispered, “Show me.”

My body about set itself on fire as I met her lips in a frenzy. With a whimper, she straddled me, her body exactly where I wanted her, sans clothes. The kiss was hard, aggressive. Teeth knocked. Tongues collided. I couldn’t keep my hands off her as I helped her out of her tank top, even though, somewhere in the back of my mind, I was trying to tell myself to stop.

I couldn’t stop.

I didn’t want to.

I wanted to exorcise every part of him from her consciousness. I wanted to mark her. With a moan, I slid my mouth down her throat and bit softly where her skin met her shoulder. Her head tilted back, allowing me to trail kisses down her chest.

“Your mouth feels so good.” She moaned. “So good.”

“Good?” I laughed, drawing lazy circles with my tongue down the center of her chest. “Pretty sure I’d rather be great. Good is what you get for participating in a race you never won… and pretty sure, at the end of this, I don’t just want a participation ribbon but a damn trophy.” With that, I flicked my tongue across her bra then tugged it off. “Beautiful.”

She moved her arms. But I held them firm at her sides.

“No, Lisa. Let me look at you.”

She ducked her head.

I stared.

I stared hard and finally realized I’d never get my fill. I tilted my head and plundered her mouth again, this time with such slow strokes — tasting, biting, memorizing. Her lips molded against mine perfectly, making me forget that I was supposed to have control. Making me regret I even knew the word.

“Please.” Lisa pressed her mouth together against me as her body shifted against mine.

I reached for her jeans.

My hands hovered across the buttons. And I hesitated. I hesitated enough to allow logic to trickle in.

If she didn’t know… and I took this from her…

She wouldn’t just hate me. She’d never forgive me.

“We can’t…” Who the hell was that lunatic speaking out of my mouth?

Lisa jerked away from me, but I grabbed her arms again.

“Lisa, look at me.” I gripped her chin lightly. “Let me earn your trust first. Let me earn more of it. Let me date you. It’s been three weeks. I want more than one more week with you or a one-night stand. Let me be the gentleman tonight.”

“I don’t want you to be the gentleman.”

“Yeah, but, Lisa, I think that’s exactly what you truly crave. Not the adrenaline soul-pounding quickie in front of the fireplace, but the type of lovemaking that lasts for hours… days. The type you experience only once in a lifetime, only when you truly give yourself over to someone. It’s what I want with you.”

She nodded her head and slowly got off my lap. I quickly slid on my boxers and put on a shirt.

“Sleep with me tonight,” I offered.

“But…”Lisa shook her head. “…you just said?”

“In my room,” I corrected. “Like one of our totally harmless slumber parties that ends up being completely acceptable because I don’t actually take advantage of you.”

“Will you make popcorn again?”

I grinned. “Tell you what. It’s a little cold. You know where my room is. Turn on the fireplace, get comfortable in bed, and I’ll be up in a few minutes with your popcorn.”

“Smothered.” She added, pointing at me.

“I remember.” I exhaled and looked away. “You’re killing me, by the way. I hope you know. Go put a top on before I forget that great speech I just gave you.”

Laughing, she nodded and picked her discarded clothing off the floor. “Alright… I’ll just steal one of yours to sleep in.”

“Do that, by all means. Then I’ll just be more turned on by the sight of you in one of my labeled shirts.”

“I knew you labeled your shirts!” She pushed against my chest.

I pulled her in for a lingering kiss then slapped her on the butt.

“Ouch.”

“Upstairs, go.”

“Yes, Dr. Blake.”

I groaned aloud.

“Whatever you say, Dr. Blake.”

“You fail!” I yelled after her. “Just in case you were wondering.”

I heard nothing but laughter, and I knew in that moment I’d made the right choice. But did making the right choice one time with her trump the fact that I was still lying?

Pushing the doubt away again, I made my way into the kitchen to get the popcorn. That I could concentrate on. That I could do.

CHAPTER FORTY-THREE

I pretended, just like Gabe had pretended. On the outside I was fun and easygoing… and honestly, things were great — until my mask slipped and then, all of a sudden, I realized I’d been living a lie. —
Lisa

Lisa

I
MADE MY
way into Tristan’s room and let out a snort of laughter when I got there. We really were a pair. The guy had his closet labeled
Closet
, really bordering on OCD. I peeked in and was rewarded with labels of different seasons for different clothes. I wanted nothing more than to peel every label and replace it with the wrong one. Give the man a bit of chaos. He could use it.