Shame (Ruin #3) (26 page)

“Yup.” Gabe nodded. “We’re like good cop, bad cop.”

“Which makes me?” I asked.

“The villain.” Gabe grinned.

I, however, did not.

“He’s kidding.” Wes shot Gabe a glare and led me out of the room. “But really, every good story needs a villain. May as well be both the hero and the bad guy. That way you’re kick-ass.”

“Some heroes be weak,” Gabe said from behind us. “All the princes in the fairytales? They don’t even have pecs.”

“It disturbs me that you look at their naked chests.” I sighed. “On so many levels.”

Gabe just barked out a laugh, while I numbly walked through my own house. It felt empty and cold without her, and I knew I didn’t want to keep living that type of existence. I wanted her to fill it, and I wanted to share it with her. So I would fight. I’d fight until she got so sick of me she had to get a freaking restraining order.

Okay, so maybe I wouldn’t fight in that way.

But I’d be there for her… for as long as it took her to trust me again. I’d be there.

CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE

I thought everything was over with… until the threats started again. They reminded me of who I’d been, and the crappy thing about that reminder? Suddenly you realize that somewhere along the way, you never really changed, just exchanged one life for another without ever really dealing with the past. I’d pushed it so far back into my consciousness that I’d slipped into denial. And if there’s anything scarier than fear, it’s denial… because when you can’t face the truth, you’re left with nothing. —
Lisa

Lisa

I
DIDN’T TALK
to the girls the whole way home. Kiersten kept trying to cheer me up while Saylor rubbed my arm. But I didn’t want them talking to me. I didn’t want them touching me. I didn’t want someone saying it was going to be okay. See, that’s the worst thing you can do to a girl. Say it’s going to be okay when she knows it’s not, when she’s knows that the only real ending to the story is heartache.

“Do you want us to stay with you?” Kiersten asked after pulling up to the dorms.

It was on the tip of my tongue to say yes out of habit, but I just wanted to be alone, and, in that moment, being alone totally trumped the fear that someone was able to sneak into my room. Besides, Jack hadn’t seen a thing and had Gabe seen anything on the cameras, he sure wouldn’t have let me go back. I made a mental note to send him a text in the morning. Right now, I was too pissed to even think about talking to him or Wes. And Tristan? Well, I was heartbroken.

Simply put, he’d encouraged me to trust again, and he’d made me fall for him knowing full-well that I was going to get burned. But he’d let me anyway. That wasn’t love. Love isn’t the expectation that eventually you’ll end up in heartache; it’s the expectation that you can fully trust another human being with everything and still hope for a happy ending.

He’d destroyed that by not telling me who he was.

I was never one of those girls who allowed emotions to control my actions I think that was why Taylor had chosen me in the first place  so I wasn’t stupid. Part of me understood why Tristan had done it, but that didn’t make me feel any less hurt or devastated.

What kind of relationship could we have if he was constantly trying to protect me from things? That wasn’t love. That was control. And I was tired of control.

So tired.

“I’m good.” I waved at the girls. “Thanks though. I’ll see you later.”

“Lisa…” Kiersten gripped my wrist. “You don’t have to be alone… not tonight. You can come stay with us.”

“Or us,” Saylor agreed.

Kiersten tugged her lower lip with her teeth. “I just — I don’t feel good about leaving you in that room alone.”

“It’s fine.” I gently removed her hand. “Besides, what else can happen to me?”

Saylor and Kiersten shared a look.

“It’s fine,” I repeated, meeting their uneasy gazes with what I hoped was more assurance than I actually felt. “I shouldn’t live in fear. Right, Kiersten?”

“No,” she said slowly. “But I do think there’s wisdom in being cautious.”

I pulled out my pepper spray and Taser. “I’m cautious. Promise.”

“Call us…” Kiersten’s eyes reflected worry. “At least call us in the morning so we know you’re okay.”

“Right.” I forced a smile that felt totally foreign, given the circumstances, and got out of the car.

My legs may as well have been full of sand as I shuffled to the dorm. The wind picked up, fluffing my hair and sending it flying around my face. I could have sworn I heard someone say my name again… just like the day before. I quickly turned around, but nothing unusual was there. Just people walking and talking, and, of course, the trees next to my building.

Don’t be ridiculous, Lisa
, I scolded, and let myself in. The stairs nearly overwhelmed me as I slowly trudged up them, carrying the proverbial weight of the world on my shoulders. My heart, my chest was heavy. I felt like crying, but I wasn’t sure if it was because I was ashamed or because Tristan had hurt me so deeply.

When I finally reached my door, Jack was leaning against it.

“Jack?” I squinted. “What are you doing here?”

“Leaving you a note.” He pulled a slip of paper from his pocket. “But now that I can hand deliver it… here.”

I accepted it then read the inscription to myself:
Do you like me? Circle yes or no.

I burst out laughing. “If you’re trying to cheer me up, it’s working.”

He joined in laughter and then tilted his head. “Something bothering you?”

“No, it’s…” I sighed heavily and looked away. “…it’s not a big deal.”

“Want me to come in?” he offered. “I can make a mean cup of hot chocolate, and if it’s guy problems, I’m pretty sure I can give you some awesome advice.”

Something about his expression was too eager.

“No.” I pressed my fingers against my temples. “I have a killer headache, and I’m really tired. But thanks.”

“Oh.” He snorted. “I see how it is. You let Dr. Blake in, but not me? What? I’m not old enough for you?”

The abrupt mood change took me back. “No, that’s not it at all. I would say no to anyone right now.”

He took a step forward, a mocking sneer in place; his eyes were wild. I’d never seen him like that. His eyes darted back and forth, unable to focus.

“Rumor has it you don’t say no — ever.”

My heart started racing. “Jack…” I tried to smile. “…let’s not fight, alright? You’re a friend, a really good friend.”

“Friend?” he spat. “Friend?”

“Look, if I gave you the wrong impression, I’m sorry. I just—”

Jack gripped my wrists and slowly backed me up against the hallway wall. A few girls giggled and walked past as he winked at them. But I was terrified, terrified that he could switch from happy to pissed so fast.

“And if I want more? Hmm?”

The way he tilted his head reminded me so much of Taylor that I almost threw up on his shoes.

“What would you say then?”

“No.” I swallowed. “Because I value your friendship too much.”

“Bullshit!” He slammed the wall above my head. “It’s Dr. Blake, isn’t it?”

“Don’t be silly. He’s our professor.”

“Exactly,” Jack hissed. “Our professor.” He shook his head in disgust then jabbed a finger into my chest. “Just remember, you did this to yourself. You know I could have protected you. You know I had the power to protect you. That it was me all along that wanted to save you, despite what you did?”

“What I did?”

“Professor Blake,” Jack sneered. “Right. Well, have a good night, Lisa. I’ll be sure that he knows I’d like to switch partners. Yeah, I’ll make sure he gets that memo.”

Jack charged down the hall, leaving me gasping for air. A few girls poked their heads out of their rooms but said nothing. That was the thing about college. There was so much drama, and the school was so big… well, it was my fault I’d never really made friends with the people on my floor. That, and the fact that I’d opted out of having a roommate once Kiersten had moved in with Wes.

I gave the girls a watery smile and let myself into my room. With a cry, I slammed the door. Hands shaking, I twisted the lock and leaned my back against the wall.

All the lights in my dorm were off. I quickly flipped them on and was horrified to find that I hadn’t been robbed.

No, that would be too easy.

Instead, there were pictures — hundreds of pictures — scattered around the floor and attached to the walls. I knew who they were of before I even looked closely… me with Taylor.

With shaking hands I dialed Gabe’s number.

“Lisa?” he barked. “Thank God, are you okay?”

“No.” My voice wouldn’t stop shaking. “No, I’m not, I just… I need you. There’s pictures, and my study partner just freaked out on me and…”

“Shh, I’ll be there. Lock the door and windows and keep your cell phone on you, alright?”

“Okay.”

Fifteen minutes later, Wes, Gabe, and Tristan were in my room picking up all the pictures, while I sat quietly on the couch.

I didn’t even feel the warm mug as Tristan forced it into my hands and told me to drink. Shaking, I lifted it to my lips and would have spilled it all over me had he not gripped my hands and helped me.

Feeling like a child, I wanted to lash out and throw the cup at his face, but he was helping — he was trying to help, at least. But his touch just reminded me of what I would never have with him again.

“We called the police, Lisa.” Gabe sat next to me and put his arm on mine. “They’ll be here in a few minutes. We wore gloves to pick up all the pictures, so there should still be prints on them, hopefully. Until then...”

“I’m staying.” I nodded my head, convincing myself and hopefully them as I glanced at each one in turn. “I need to stay. I’m not running away because some bastard is trying to scare me. I’m staying.”

“I’ll stay with her,” Tristan whispered. “I’ll sleep on the couch.”

I didn’t argue. I was too tired to argue.

By the time the cops showed up and then left, it was late afternoon. I was starving and exhausted.

I lay down on the couch and listened while everyone talked in hushed tones. Finally the door closed, and it was just me and Tristan. It felt like the air had been sucked out of the room in a
whoosh
the minute we were alone. I wanted him to kiss me as much as I wanted to push him away for hurting me. It was a toss-up.

Tristan made his way over to the couch and pulled me into his lap. I didn’t say anything; I just let him. The silence was comforting. My eyes fluttered closed, and I didn’t object when his hand caressed my face. Instead, I shifted into it and drifted off.

CHAPTER FORTY-SIX

I never imagined I’d fall for someone so soon after Taylor had ripped me to shreds, but the feelings I had for Tristan were beyond normal. They were… terrifying, and for once, I didn’t turn away. I walked toward the very sun that had the potential to burn me. —
Lisa

Tristan

S
HE WAS EXHAUSTED
.

And I was pissed. The police had nothing, but that was nothing new. They’d been on the case for weeks now, and still had no leads. Wes’s team was doing better than the police department, and it pissed me off that Lisa was in constant danger until we figured more out.

The police had tried to calm me down, saying ridiculous shit about how stalkers rarely make physical contact.

Right. Tell that to the girl shaking in my arms.

I knew better. I knew the mind of sociopaths. I knew what they were capable of, and, unfortunately, Lisa was doing nothing more than pissing whoever it was off. The minute the victim found a sense of confidence and stopped reacting to the fear, the stalker got braver and braver until contact was made. Half the time, the object of their obsession was only slightly harmed. The other half? My stomach filled with dread.

I refused to let that happen to her.

It was nearing eight at night. I’d let her sleep for a few hours while I mulled over all the possibilities. I needed to somehow convince her to live with me, even if it meant I was going to be near her but never with her. Hell, I’d even give her the entire first floor of the house if she needed space, but I could never live with myself if anything happened to her. I wouldn’t survive it.

She moaned in my lap. Her eyelashes fluttered before opening. “Wh-what time is it?”

“Late,” I said hoarsely. “Want me to order some food?”

She nodded and pushed herself away from my lap. After stretching a bit and driving me crazy, considering I couldn’t stop staring at her, she went into the bathroom. I heard the shower turn on and decided to stop staring at the door like she was going to open it up and invite me in.

Cursing, I paced the room and quickly put in our order for pizza, extra cheese for her.

When the shower turned off, my ears perked up. Damn, I was pathetic, but I couldn’t help it. She was a part of me now, whether she liked it or not, and I wasn’t going to leave. I was going to grovel, if that’s what it took.

Wrapped in nothing but a towel, she exited the bathroom.

I sucked in a deep breath, my eyes roaming over her body, remembering what she looked like beneath the towel.

A blush rose to her cheeks before she quickly padded into her room and slammed the door.

Groaning, I covered my face with my hands. It was going to be a hell of a long night.

Another fifteen minutes later, she emerged, wearing a pair of black yoga pants and a pink tank top.

I answered the door, nearly yanking it off its hinges, and was shocked to see Jack again.

“Hey,” I said awkwardly. “Um, how much do I owe you?”

Jack tilted his head. “How much you got?”

“Very funny.”

“Twenty-five even.” His eyes narrowed as he peered around me. “Another late night study session, hmm? Her headache must have gone away.”

“Ibuprofen and a three-hour nap.”

“Ah.” Jack nodded his head and handed over the pizzas. “Heard some loser broke in again.”