Shameless (5 page)

Get it together, Maddie
, I scolded myself fiercely. 
Riley isn’t some white knight, he’s
a drug dealer who just happens to have some morals.  Don’t go thinking there
could be something more, you idiot.

I climbed off the bike, a little surprised
when Riley climbed off as well and pulled out my shoes and purse before taking
my hand.  He led me down the sidewalk, I was limping badly, and we climbed the
porch steps in silence.  I took out my keys but my hands were suddenly shaking
so violently I couldn’t guide the key into the lock.  Riley took the keys from
me and unlocked the front door.  He swung it open and peered inside as he
dropped my purse and shoes on the hallway floor.

He couldn’t have seen much, it was
completely dark in the hallway, but he gave me a crooked smile.  “Nice place.”

I smiled tentatively in return before
clearing my throat nervously.  “Uh, I – thank you, Riley.  I know a simple
thank you isn’t enough but please believe me when I say I’ll never forget what
you did for me tonight.”

He stared silently at me as I bit back my
urge to give him my cell number.  What the hell would I say?  Hey, if you ever
feel like fucking, give me a call?

The man was a drug dealer and I was a
lawyer.  There was no scenario in the world that could make us work.  Besides,
I wanted a relationship not a quick bang every now and then.

Are you sure, Maddie?  You had a
relationship with Jordan and look how well that turned out.

I pushed the thought out of my head as
Riley took a step closer.  His arm snaked around my waist and I squeaked in
surprise as he cupped my large ass and squeezed.

“You’re right you know.  A thank you, even
one as sweet as yours, isn’t enough.”

“Riley, I don’t know what you want from
me,” I whispered.

“Yes, you do.  Invite me in, kitten.  We
have some unfinished business.”

“N-no, we don’t,” I said nervously.

“We do.”  He dipped his head and pressed
his mouth against my throat, flicking his tongue over my pounding pulse. 
“Normally I’m not one to keep score but I can’t walk away knowing that you’ve
only come once and I’ve come twice.”

I moaned softly as he said, “What do you
say, kitten?  Invite me in and I’ll eat your sweet pussy until you’ve come so
many times, we both lose track.”

“Oh my God,” I moaned again.  My pussy was
throbbing and aching, and Riley nipped at my earlobe before taking my mouth in
a hard, possessive kiss.

I returned his kiss eagerly, pressing my
body against his as our tongues tangled together.  After a moment he pulled
back and cupped my head, rubbing his thumb across my swollen bottom lip.

“Do you want me to stay the night, kitten?”

“Y-yes, I – “

“What the fuck?  Get away from her!”

I jerked in surprise at the sound of
Jordan’s voice as Riley pushed me behind him and stared coldly at my fiancé.

“Get lost, asshole.  This doesn’t concern
you.”

“Like hell it doesn’t!”  Jordan climbed the
steps and I stared at him in confusion as he ran a hand through his short blond
hair.  “What the fuck is going on, Madeleine?  Who the hell is this dickhead?”

“Watch your mouth,” Riley growled.  Jordan
took a step back and licked his lips nervously as I stepped out from behind
Riley.

He frowned and held his arm out, preventing
me from moving toward Jordan.  “Do you know this asshole, kitten?”

“Yes, He’s my, well, he’s – “

I was suddenly at a loss for words.  After
what I’d walked in on tonight, there was no fucking way that Jordan and I were
getting married, and frankly I was a little stunned to see him standing on my
front porch.

“I’m her fiancé!”  Jordan snapped.

Riley stiffened and his arm dropped as he
stepped away from me.  I flinched at the odd look of betrayal in his eyes.

“Riley, it isn’t – “

“Forget it, kitten.  Have a nice life,” he
spat before pushing past Jordan and stalking down the steps.

“Riley, wait!” 

I hurried after him, grunting with
frustration when Jordan grabbed my arm and hauled me to a stop.

“Riley, please listen!”  I shouted as he
climbed on to his bike.  “He isn’t – “

His bike roared to life drowning out my
frantic cry and I yanked my arm from Jordan’s grip and glared furiously at him
as Riley tore down the street and out of my life forever.

“You fucking asshole!”  I shouted before
storming into my house.  I slammed the door, a hard bite of satisfaction
threading through me when Jordan stuck his arm between the door and the frame
and howled with pain as the door hit him just above the elbow.

He shoved the door open and stomped down
the hallway after me.  “What the hell was that, Madeleine?  Who was that
fucking guy and why the hell did he have his tongue down your throat?”

I flipped the switch for the kitchen light
and yanked open the fridge.  I grabbed a bottle of water, twisted off the cap
and downed half of it before turning to face Jordan.  He was staring at me, his
face a mask of anger and hurt, and my temper flared.  That he would have the
audacity to even question me after what I’d seen tonight, brought on a wave of
anger so strong I was nearly blinded by it.

Unwisely, Jordan was still talking.  “Where
the hell have you been?  I’ve been waiting for hours for you to come home. 
After you left my place, I was worried about you.  Really worried.  I tried
calling your cell phone but it went straight to voicemail.  I’ve been sitting
in my car since eleven just waiting for you, Madeleine.”

I slammed my water bottle on to the
counter, ignoring the water that surged out of it to splash against my hand,
and gave Jordan a look of pure fury.

“First, my fucking name is Maddie, not
Madeleine.  We’ve been together four fucking years, Jordan, and I’ve asked you
repeatedly to call me Maddie.”

“You know I hate nicknames,” he protested. 
“Besides, Maddie doesn’t suit you, you’re not – “

“Second, you have no right to question me
about anything after what you’ve done.  Why the fuck are you even here?”  I
snarled.  “If you’re looking to get your ring back, I’d suggest you check
somewhere along Route 47.  I threw it out the fucking car window.”

“You bitch!  Do you know how much that ring
cost?”  He gave me a look of disbelief and I laughed in his face.

“What’s wrong, Jordie?”  I sneered. 
“Planning on asking your new lover to marry you?  Just ask mommy and daddy to
buy you another ring, I’m sure they’ll be happy to help out their little baby
boy.”

His face blanched and I smiled triumphantly. 
“I guess I’m not the only one who didn’t know you were gay, huh?”

“I’m not gay!”  He shouted.  “I just, I
experiment sometimes and if you hadn’t run off in a huff, I would have told you
that.”

“Bullshit!”  I shouted back.  “At least
have the guts to admit the truth to yourself!”

“I’m not gay!”  He repeated vehemently.

I grabbed my cell phone from the counter
and scrolled through my contacts.

“What are you doing?”

“Calling Kurt.  The three of us have been
friends for years and I’m betting he’ll tell me exactly how long you two have
been fucking behind my back.  What do you think he’ll say when he finds out
that you’re not gay, you’re just experimenting with him?  Hmm?”

His face paled even further and he shook
his head.  “Don’t call him, Madel – Maddie.  Please.”

I paused with my finger over the call
button.  “Why not?”

“Because I – I love him.”  His entire body
slumped and he stared at the floor between his feet.  “I’m sorry.  I didn’t
mean to hurt you.  It’s just – if my parents find out I’m gay – they’ll cut me
off, Madeleine.  You know I need that money to live.”

“So you strung me along for four years in
order to keep your trust fund?”  I said softly.

He winced.  “It’s not like that,
Madeleine.  I care for you, a great deal, and I wanted to make you happy.  You
have to believe me.”

“You could have just told me the truth. 
You wanted me to be happy?”  My anger was tinged with sorrow now.  “All I
wanted was for
you
to be happy.  If being with Kurt is what you want,
then you should have been honest with me.  You made me believe that I – I was terrible
in bed.  I thought if only I could lose a little more weight or try a little
harder in bed that you’d finally want me, finally love me the way I loved you. 
I’ve wasted four years of my life with you.  Don’t you get that?”

“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he repeated. 
“You have to believe me.”

“I don’t have to believe a fucking word
from your lying mouth.  Get out, Jordan.”

“Maddie, please, don’t – are you going to
tell my parents?”  He asked.

I barked harsh laughter as a wave of
tiredness washed over me.  “Get the fuck out, Jordan.”

“Please don’t tell them.  Please, I can’t –
“

“Get out!”  I shouted.  “Get the fuck out
of my house right now or I swear I’ll call the fucking cops!”

He held up his hands and backed out of the
kitchen.  I followed him down the hallway and he stood on the porch and gave me
a final pleading look.  “I’m so sorry.  Please don’t tell my parents.”

I stared at him, finally seeing for the
first time the real Jordan.  A frightened little boy who would forever hide his
true self in an effort to appease his parents and keep the money that was so
important to him.

A wave of pity washed over me and I sighed
loudly.  “I’m not going to tell them, Jordan.”

“Thank you, Madeleine.  I can’t – “

I shut the door in his face.

Three months later

M
addie

“So the guy forced you to give him a blow
job in front of a roomful of bikers?”  Roman stared over his cup of coffee at
me and I shook my head impatiently.

“No.  I told you, Roman, I wanted to do
it.”

“Jesus.”  Roman ran his hand through his
hair.  “I leave for four months to do a med tour in Africa and come back to
find my sweet little Maddie has turned into a sexy slut.”

I blushed and sipped at my coffee.  “I’m
not a – a sexy slut, Roman.  It was just a one-time thing.”

Roman grinned at me.  “You had sex with
some random biker in a bar bathroom and then gave him a blowjob in front of a
bunch of other bikers – that gives you a lifetime membership into the slut
club.  From one slut to another - welcome aboard, baby.”

He held his fist out and I rolled my eyes
before bumping my fist against his.  “Thanks.”

His smile faded and he gave me a somber
look.  “I’m sorry about Jordan, sweetie.”

“Did you know, Roman?”

“Why would I?  Do you think all gay men
have some kind of gaydar that alerts them to other gays in the vicinity?”

“Don’t you?”

He grinned boyishly.  “Some of us are
better than others when it comes to gaydar.”

“Did you know?”  I persisted.

He sighed softly.  “I suspected.  Mostly
because I caught him staring at my junk a few times over the years.”

He reached out and took my hand.  “I’m
sorry, Mads.  I should have told you.”

I shook my head.  “It wasn’t your
responsibility to tell me, honey.  Besides, I wouldn’t have believed you
anyway.  I was so deep in denial you might as well have called me Cleopatra.”

He smiled before drinking more coffee. 
“So, what about this hot biker of yours?  What did you say his name was again?”

“Riley.  And he’s not my hot biker.  I
haven’t seen him since that night.  Jordan showed up on my doorstep after Riley
drove me home.  He announced he was my fiancé and Riley left.”

“Well, that’s a good thing, right?”  Roman
said delicately.  “If this guy is as dangerous as you say he is, if he’s part
of a gang running drugs, then you can’t have anything to do with him.  You know
that, Mads.”

“I know,” I sighed before staring into my
coffee cup.

“Maddie?  You don’t want to see him again,
do you?”

“I don’t know.  Maybe.  For the first time
in my life, I – I felt like a woman.  Riley wanted me and he made me feel
things that I never knew I was capable of.  Jordan never made me orgasm the way
Riley did.”

“That’s because Jordan likes to ride cock,”
Roman said bluntly.  “Riley didn’t do anything special, sweetheart.  I
guarantee you that you can find a nice, straight guy who will rock your world
the way this biker did.”

“Maybe,” I said moodily.

“You’re not thinking of trying to find him,
are you?”

“How would I?  I don’t even know his last
name,” I said defensively. 

I cleared my throat and stared at my coffee
cup again.  Roman would kill me if he knew that a month ago I had actually
driven back to the bar.  I had parked at the far end of the parking lot,
scanning the bikes that were lined up neatly and trying to decide if any of
them looked familiar.  In the end I had simply driven away, unsure if Riley was
there and too scared to go in to look for him.  What if he wasn’t there?  What
if it was Jenkins or Frank who greeted me? 

“Mads, you need to stay away from him.”

“I know,” I said irritably.  “I’m not going
to try and find him, Roman.  Besides, if he had wanted to see me again, he
knows where I live.  He hasn’t shown up, so…”

I trailed off and took a sip of coffee as
Roman studied me carefully.  “It’s better this way, sweetheart.”

“Yeah, I know.”  I needed to change the
subject before I made a fool of myself and started crying over the fact that a
biker I had banged once in a dirty bathroom hadn’t tried to contact me.  “How
was the med tour?”

“It was amazing!”  Roman said excitedly.  “It
was hot and the work was difficult but also unbelievably rewarding.  The people
there are so,” he paused, “incredible, I guess is the word.  They face such
hardships in their lives but they never give up.  I treated a child who was
brought in with malaria.  She was only about four and we almost lost her a few
times but she just kept fighting back.  I found out later that her mother had
lost three other children to malaria.”

“Oh, Roman.”  I gave him a sympathetic look
and he shook his head. 

“It was good, Mads.  The girl survived and
her mother took her home.  That’s what I went there for – to help, you know?”

“I know.”  I squeezed his hand.  “When do
you start back at the hospital?”

“Next week.  It’s going to be weird to be
working in a hospital again instead of traipsing through villages with my medical
bag.”

I smiled a little.  Roman and I had grown
up together, he was my best friend, and while he had been slaving away in med
school, I had been slogging through university and studying for the bar exam. 
We always made time for each other, even rooming together for a few brief
years, and I loved him dearly.  I had missed him terribly the last four months
and I stood and hugged him impulsively.

“What’s that for?”  He patted my back as I
kissed his rough cheek.

“I love you, Roman.  I’m so glad you’re
home.”

“I love you too, Mads.”

* * *

I sighed wearily and rubbed my aching back
as I dropped my briefcase at my feet and unlocked my front door.  It had been a
long day in court and despite it being Friday, I’d worked late at the office,
trying to catch up on my never-ending caseload.  It was close to nine and I was
tired and hungry.  As I started to open the door a low voice spoke to my left.

“Working late, kitten?”

I bit back my scream and whirled around,
squinting into the darkness as a figure emerged from the far end of the porch.

“R-Riley?”

“Hello, kitten.  Have you missed me?”

I studied him in the dim light of the
moon.  His face was pale and he staggered on his feet as he raised a bottle to
his lips and drank deeply.

“What are you doing here?”

He shrugged, wincing slightly, before
taking another drink.  “I was in the neighbourhood, thought I’d drop by.”

“How did you get here?”

“My bike.”

I studied the street.  No bike was parked
there and I gave him a questioning look as he moved closer.

“I parked it between your house and your
neighbour’s house.”  He took another step, stumbling a little, and I frowned at
him.

“Were you drinking and driving?”

He snorted laughter and then winced again. 
“No, kitten.  I didn’t start drinking until I got to your place.  I’ve been
waiting a while for you.”

He perused me slowly and I felt a tingle of
lust when he studied my breasts.  “You look fucking hot in that business suit,
by the way.”

He was standing in front of me now, weaving
unsteadily, and I took a nervous step back.

“Are you afraid of me?”  He asked with
something that almost sounded like hurt in his voice.

“No.  I’m just surprised to see you,” I
said.

“I’m like a bad penny, I always turn up.” 
He laughed again before hunching over a little and coughing harshly.

“What’s wrong?”  I asked in alarm as his
tanned face grew even paler.

“Nothing.  This was a mistake.”

He started to leave and I reached for him
instinctively.  “No, Riley, don’t go.”

I touched his arm, my hand stroking the
soft leather of his jacket, and he turned toward me, dropping the bottle to the
floor of the porch.  I squeaked in alarm when he staggered forward and collapsed
against me, shoving me into the door.

“Riley!”

I slipped my hands around his waist, trying
to steady him, and stiffened at the wetness that coated my right hand.  I
pulled my hand free and studied the liquid dripping from my fingers.

“Is this – is this blood?”

“Yeah.  Got into a bit of a mess and got
myself fucking shot,” he slurred.

“Oh my God!”  I reached behind me and
opened the door, staggering under Riley’s weight as I backed into the house. 
“You need to go to the hospital.”

His hand gripped mine in a fierce grip as I
flicked on the light switch and shoved his jacket from his broad shoulders.  I
moaned at the bright red blood that coated his left side and reached for my
cell phone in my pocket.

He cupped my face.  “No!  If you take me to
the hospital I’ll spend the rest of my life in prison, Maddie.  Do you hear
me?”

“Riley,” I moaned, “you’re bleeding badly. 
You need surgery, you probably need a blood transfusion and – “

“No!”  He repeated grimly.  “I can’t go to
the hospital.  Please, Maddie, I just need to lie down for a bit, okay?  I need
a safe place to rest and when I’m feeling better, I’ll leave.  Okay?”

“Riley, I don’t – “

“Please,” he pleaded softly.  “Help me,
Maddie.”

“Okay, can you walk to my bedroom?”

He nodded and I slipped my arm around his
hips and helped him stagger to my room.

“Put some towels on the bed,” he grunted.

“Riley, just lay down, it doesn’t matter.”

“No.”  He shook his head wearily.  “I’m not
wrecking your shit.  Get some towels, Maddie.”

I left him propped against the wall and
hurried into the hallway, grabbing a stack of towels from the closet before
returning and piling them on the bed.  He sat down carefully and I pulled off his
boots before helping him lie back against the towels.  His face was horrifyingly
white and his large body quaked and shivered as he stared up at me with haunted
eyes.

“Don’t take me to the hospital, Maddie. 
Promise me.”

“I – I promise,” I whispered.

“Good, good.”  He stared blearily around
the room.  “This is nice, real nice.  I like – “

His eyes rolled up in his head and he
passed out cold.  I pressed a towel against the bleeding wound, even
unconscious it made him groan loudly, and bit my lip before reaching for my
cell phone.

* * *

“Steady!”  Roman said sharply.  “Don’t pass
out on me, Mads.”

“I won’t,” I muttered.  I was standing on a
stool beside my bed.  The bedroom light was on, the table lamp from the living
room had been moved to my dresser - the lamp shade removed to provide Roman with
more light - and I was shining a large flashlight on to Riley.

“Take some deep breaths,” he advised as he
studied the wound in Riley’s side.

“I’m fine,” I repeated.  “How bad is it?”

He wiped away the blood before, with a
grunt of effort, heaving the unconscious Riley on to his uninjured side.  “It
could have been a lot worse.  The bullet went clean through him, although I
think it probably chipped a rib or two on its way through.”

“But you can help him, right?”

He cleaned Riley’s back with disinfectant
before reaching into the bag at his feet and pulling out a suturing kit.  “I
can suture him up, stop the bleeding, and prescribe some antibiotics but he
really should be at the hospital.  He needs IV fluids and a blood transfusion. 
He’s lost a lot of fucking blood, Mads.”

“I can’t take him to the hospital,” I
whispered.  “I promised him I wouldn’t.”

“Jesus,” Roman swore softly as he sutured
the wound in Riley’s back with small, neat stitches.  “What the fuck have you
got yourself into, sweetheart?”

“He saved my life, Roman.  I owe him.”

“I know.”  He finished suturing the wound
and moved Riley on to his back before cleaning the wound on his front.  He continued
to suture, biting his lip with concentration as he worked.

When he was finished, he bandaged Riley’s
side before helping me gather the pile of bloody towels.  I stuffed them into a
garbage bag as Roman cut off the rest of Riley’s shirt.  I sucked in my breath
as Roman inhaled sharply.

“Jesus, this guy’s abs are amazing.”

I studied Riley’s upper body.  He had never
once taken off his shirt the night in the bar and this was the first time I’d
gotten a good look at him.  His upper body had tattoos scattered across it,
although not as many as I would have suspected, and Roman was right.  Riley did
have an amazing body.

“Help me take off his pants,” Roman said. 
I tugged off his socks as Roman unbuckled Riley’s belt.  Working together, we
eased his blood-soaked jeans and underwear down his legs.  Roman inhaled again.