Shattered (15 page)

A
week before Thanksgiving, Yodi called me to see what I was gonna bring for dinner and if I was coming by early to help cook, but I told her I wasn’t coming at all. Mommy went off in the background. I told Yodi to tell her if Ryan was gonna be there, then I wasn’t gonna be there. Yodi seemed confused but passed the message on.

“Mommy said, ‘What that got to do with it? Ryan lives here,’” Yodi said.

“Yodi, tell Mommy that I’m not coming!”

“Why not?” Yodi asked.

“Ask Ryan why I’m not coming!” I said, hanging up.

When Yodi called me back, I sent the call straight to voice mail. Rich came home just as I opened my book. I blinked away the drama that just happened and painted a smile on my face. I ain’t want him to think something had pissed me off. It was him and his stocky best friend, Ty. Rich kissed me and went to the fridge to get a root beer. He said it reminded him of when he was a kid and it kept him grounded.

“What’s up, Miss KiKi?” Ty asked, stealing my book.

“Stop playing, boy!” I said, tossing a throw pillow his way.

“What’s this…let’s see.
Medical Billing Level I.
Let me test you,” Ty said, laughing.

I rolled my eyes. He always wanted to play around. “All right. Chapter nine.”

“No, let’s go back to chapter eight, and see if you still know it.”

“Stop playing, Ty. Rich!”

“Ty, stop fucking with my girl,” Rich called from the kitchen.

Ty laughed and handed me back the textbook. I stuck my tongue out.

“You just mad you don’t remember it,” Ty teased.

“Whatever.”

It was fun being around the two of them, but I did miss hanging out with my girls. I wished Peaches could see me now. Rich had me in the same shit she flossed. Moschino, Gucci, Dior, and Zac. And the best part was I ain’t have to shop off the clearance racks no more.

“You got a passport?” Rich asked, sitting next to me.

I shook my head. “Why?”

“We never stay here for the holidays,” Ty said.

“So that mean you can’t go with us to Martinique, babe,” Rich said.

“Why not?” I asked, pissed.

“It takes too long to get a passport,” he said.

What? Why he ain’t tell me before now?

“Don’t look so disappointed. You can have one in time for Christmas, though,” Ty said, flipping through another book.

“Where y’all going for Christmas?” I asked, excited. I had never been out of the country.

“Costa Rica,” Ty said, smiling and nodding.

Nice. Even though I was pissed I couldn’t make the other trip, too.
What was Rich gon’ do without me?

Rich picked me up and carried me to the bedroom. “You mad, ain’t you?”

Of course, I was. He started peeling my clothes off while I was standing, and I ain’t stop him. He always made me feel better.

“I just wanna look at you,” he said, looking me over from head to toe.

I tucked one foot under the other. It’s funny how uncomfortable I felt with him staring at me naked when I let so many guys see me that way before. His eyes looked at every inch. I smiled nervously, and then he laid me back on the bed.

“You are so beautiful. Turn over.”

I rolled on my stomach. Then he kissed the back of my neck, across my shoulders and on my tattoo, and down my back to kiss the other tattoo. I felt wetness in between my legs as he kissed my butt and licked down my crack, and then he slipped inside me. It felt sooooo good as he stroked and held on to my hips. In the middle of his thrusts, Rich twisted my body around so that I was facing him. “You trust me?”

I nodded.

“Good, cuz I trust you, too.”

My pussy tightened, and I held Rich inside me until I felt him cumming. His body rocked hard against mine before he went limp from exhaustion. He held me against his chest.

A couple days later, me and a bunch of Rich’s friends was up Adams Morgan, barhopping through the night, bouncing in and out of overcrowded bars and clubs, getting white boy–wasted. When we was coming out the Sutra Lounge, some dude snatched Ty’s watch off his wrist and sprinted up the block. Before I knew it, Ty, Rich, crazy Ed, and Donte was behind the dude, stomping his ass in the middle of the street. Ed was like a live wire attacking the dude. I was scared to death. Donte kept lookout. When Ty leaned down to get his watch back, the dude on the ground stabbed him in his side. I couldn’t believe my eyes. It had all happened so fast. All that blood gushed over his shirt. I screamed at the top of my lungs. Rich was holding Ty while Ed and Donte went berserk on that thief-ass nigga. Soon the street was so crowded with the people watching, and then the police and paramedics came. I ain’t know which way was up and which way was down.

Ty was released from the hospital two days later, and Rich wasn’t letting him stay nowhere else cuz he wanted me to make sure he got better. I loved the way he looked out for Ty. He told me they had been friends forever, and I could tell it wasn’t nothing he wouldn’t do for him. I had thought about hooking Ty and Meeka up cuz they was both wild and funny, but Rich told me not to do it. “Meeka would end up getting hurt,” he said, and I took his word for it and let that idea drift away.

The day they was supposed to fly out, Ty said he was in too much pain and wasn’t gon’ have fun. He couldn’t drink and couldn’t hit the beach. Rich understood and asked me to take care of his friend for the three days he was gonna be away. I felt weird agreeing to do that. I mean, Ty ain’t have no female friends who could nurse him back to health?

“I trust you,” Rich said before he left with his boys Ed and Donte.

On Thanksgiving Day, since I wasn’t going to see my family, Ty asked me to drive him over his family’s house in Fort Washington. I mean, how could I say no? As soon as we walked in the door, they all rushed him with hugs. I couldn’t help thinking why Ty ain’t stay over here with them. As soon as he got in the door good, I told Ty I’d pick him up later.

“Sweetheart, you can stay and get something to eat,” said some guy who looked like Ty.

“No, thank you,” I said stepping back out on the porch. “But happy Thanksgiving, everybody.”

“Shawty baaaad,” the guy said to Ty.

Ty pushed him in the house. “Thanks, KiKi. You sure you good?”

I nodded and headed back to Rich’s Benz. I really felt lonely. Here it was the day for family, and I was hopping into my boyfriend’s car without him. I drove around, even past Peaches’s salon and then by her house but didn’t see no Infiniti truck nowhere. I drove pass Mommy’s apartment building and saw the light on in the living room. Did anybody even miss me there? Toya and Ryan was probably talking shit about me right now. I stopped to buy some cigarettes and then headed back to the apartment.

A few hours later, Ty was knocking on the door. His cousin had dropped him off.

“Here, I brought you a plate back.”

Yes!
All I’d eaten was junk food the whole day. I tore into the turkey, mac and cheese, yams, and collard greens. Ty sat on the couch and flipped the TV on to football. Before I knew it, he was cutting coke on Rich’s coffee table like a pro. My eyes grew wide and my mouth got a little watery. I sucked, then bit my lip. Before I knew it I was like a magnet to Ty’s side. This was exactly what I needed. How did Ty know I felt like shit today? Ty looked at me, then smiled and handed me the rolled bill. I felt so guilty sitting here, staring at the neat lines on Rich’s table. It had been nearly two months since the last time I got high. I rubbed my elbows and looked away for a couple seconds. Then like the coke was calling my name, I turned back around and stared at the fine particles. “You first,” I said, smiling.

He snorted a line, then gave it to me. I hit the next line, feeling like a spark among a whole batch of fireworks. I was so hot. I took my cashmere sweater dress off.

Ty smiled again and said, “I know a secret,” before he hit another line.

“What?” I asked.

“You a bad girl, for real.”

I laughed and danced around the room in my bra and panties. It had been so long since I had a line. I forgot how good it made me feel. I laid across the big couch and stared at the ceiling. I ain’t wanna move.

“Damn, girl. You gon’ make me lose my best friend fucking with you. Your body’s sick.”

“You can look but don’t touch,” I said, giggling.

When I sat up, I saw Ty massaging his thick dick with slow strokes. It made me horny, but I would never do nothing to hurt Rich. I felt ashamed cuz he trusted me so much, and here I was arching my back for his best friend. I jumped up and hit another line. I leaned back to enjoy my high. When I opened my eyes, Ty was standing on top of me, pumping nut over my face.

“Stop it! Stop, Ty!” I screamed and pushed him away before running to the bathroom.

“Girl, you can’t be teasing me and shit,” he said, breathless. “What the fuck you thought I was gon’ do? Damn!”

I shut myself in the bathroom and climbed in the empty bathtub.
What was wrong with me? Why did I let him see me like that?
I cried until I couldn’t cry no more.

I
avoided Ty as much as I could until Rich came back from Martinique. Neither one of us ever spoke about what happened that day on Rich’s couch, and Rich ain’t pick up on shit, either. Whenever he went to meet Ty for something, I stayed in the car to avoid all the chitchat, and if he wanted us to double-date with some new girl Ty found, I told Rich I ain’t feel good. The truth was I
wasn’t
feeling good. I wanted more coke, and since I ain’t have a connect, I knew I needed to make friends again with Ty. He could at least put me in touch with somebody who could get me what I needed.

On the flip side, Rich was so sweet to me. He couldn’t wait to take me to Costa Rica. He took me shopping for some fly shit to wear. He was big on seeing me in white. He bought me two white bikinis, one white Roberto Cavalli dress, and a white Stella McCartney short shorts outfit. I was letting my hair grow back. Fuck what Rich said about me looking beautiful, I felt my flyest with hair. In fact, I was going to Peaches’s spot to get my lace front done. I wanted to surprise her, let her see how sweet my life was now. I even borrowed Rich’s car so she could see me pull up in it.

As soon as I got to the door, Peaches cut me a look that almost made me turn back out the door. But fuck that, I wanted her to know just how good I was doing. As soon as Kori and Daneen seen me walk in, they both shook their heads.

“What you want?” Peaches said, clearly irritated, but out of respect for the woman in her chair, she ain’t curse me out.

“I need you to do my hair, that’s what.”

Peaches laughed in my face and kept doing her client’s hair.

“Can I talk to you for a minute, for real?”

She sighed and sucked her teeth, like I was asking her to open an account for me in her name or some shit.

“Excuse me for one minute. I promise I won’t be longer than that,” she said. When her client nodded, she said, “Thank you,” then walked to the back office. I followed closely behind her. As soon as I shut the door, Peaches said, “You got some fucking nerve showing up in my salon, talking about getting your hair done after all that shit-talking your ass did!”

“You want this money or what?” I asked, showing her a fat knot.

“Do I look like I need your money?” she said, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Okay, Peaches. Damn. You right. I’m not here just to get you to do my damn hair. I miss your ass, and I’m sorry for all that shit I said.”

“Your ass better be muthafucking sorry! After all I did for you, and you tried to throw shit in my face like I wasn’t nobody to you. I ain’t appreciate it at all!”

I looked down and played with my fingers, feeling like a child again. I knew Peaches needed to know all that led me to lashing out at her that day. My back was against a wall, and I wanted her to save me, but she turned me down when I was at my lowest point. I took a deep breath and then blew the air across my lips. “I have to tell you something…,” I started. Then I told her how Ryan raped me. By the time I was done with my story, Peaches was passing me tissues to wipe my face and giving me a hug. I felt better telling her. Relieved. Almost like I had actually told Mommy, even though I knew I’d never, ever tell nobody in my family.

After Peaches finished her client’s hair, she hooked me up with a two-tone do. One-half black, the other half blonde, a cute bang and all. I loved my super-hot look, especially with my favorite red lipstick. It looked like something Fergie would wear. Peaches left Kori in charge so we could go get lunch from Chipotle and catch up. I was happy Peaches was on my side again. I needed her in my corner. She knew me almost as much as I knew myself. I told her how me and Audri ended, then about my sweetheart Rich. I even told her about the dumb shit that went down with Ty.

“Be careful with your heart, KiKi. That’s all I ask.”

“What you mean?”

“Sometimes, you do too much.”

I ain’t understand what she meant, and I guess it showed on my face cuz she said, “I know how…sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to make sure you got a roof over your head and everything, but Rich seem like he want what’s best for you. Why you gon’ fuck it up for some coke from his greedy-ass friend?”

I already felt like shit for what happened. Why she have to point out the obvious? “Tell me something…”

“Okay.” Peaches took a bite of her burrito bowl salad and waited for my question.

“Can you be honest with me?”

“Of course.”

“And I’m not trying to be disrespectful, either.”

Peaches looked at me sideways and pressed her lips together, like she knew I was gonna ask something disrespectful anyway.

“How you get Nut to do so much for you? I mean, when he met you, you was already hooking. How you get him to marry you and keep you up?”

Peaches shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know. I don’t think I was trying to get him to marry me in the beginning. I just loved him. Everything about him. All his imperfections, and I ain’t judge him for it. I think he loved that about me. He knew I’d do anything for him. Nut could trust me with his life, and I proved it to him every time he tested me.”

I ate a bite of my burrito and thought about what she said.

“Why you ask?”

“I mean…Rich is so sweet to me. I ain’t never have nobody treat me like he do, not since my father did when I was a little girl. Sometimes it makes me feel uncomfortable, you know? Like I ain’t supposed to be getting the extra attention.”

“You just forgot, that’s all. I forgot for a long time, too. I’m still learning how to make sure people respect me. Nut definitely had his days when he treated me like shit,” Peaches said, shaking her head and sipping her lemonade. “Rich sounds good for you, though, KiKi. You need to appreciate him every chance you get.”

I kept replaying what she said in my head while we finished eating. When I dropped her off at the shop, I leaned over and gave her a hug. She squeezed me tight and said, “Don’t ever let us fall out over some dumb shit again, you hear me?”

I was so happy we was able to squash that bullshit before I left the country.

“Love you, girl, and no, you can’t have your job back.”

I laughed and told her I loved her, too. “Merry Christmas, trick!” I yelled out the window.

“Same to you!”

After I got my hair done, I drove to Mommy’s job. I hadn’t seen her in a while. As soon as I walked in the cafeteria, she frowned. I knew she was still pissed about me not coming to Thanksgiving dinner and for trying to show off Rich’s car when I took her to the doctor once. She told me I was being too busy and that I needed to focus on finishing school. Of course, I told her I was, but for real, after winter break, I think I was going to skip a semester so I could spend more time with Rich.

“What you doing hur?” Mommy asked, stacking plates.

“It’s good to see you, too!” I signed and gave her a kiss.

“Who did your hair?” she asked.

“Peaches, you like it?”

“It’s okay. So wot’s up?”

“I just wanted you to know that Rich is taking me to Costa Rica for Christmas, and I’m not gonna be around.”

Mommy shook her head and kept stacking plates.

“What?”

“’Kirwuh, I don’t know why you stay so busy chasing love.”

“What you mean, Mommy? You not happy for me?”

Mommy sighed and went to grab silverware. “’Kirwuh, go and have fun. Okay? Is that wot you want to hur me say? This the second time you not home for the holidays, and I jus don’t understand why.”

And she wasn’t gonna ever know why I couldn’t be around Ryan if I could help it.

“You weery me, ’Kirwuh.”

“I’ma be fine, Mommy. Don’t worry.” I kissed her on the cheek and headed back out of the cafeteria.

I couldn’t believe who met us at Reagan National Airport. Haitian Smurf. The same blue-black nigga I fucked twice about five years ago when I was at a party with my girl Camille. Everybody knew Smurf had something to do with Nut turning up in two pieces. Smurf and Rich dapped each other up, and then Smurf smiled when he saw me. I smiled and acted just like I had never met him a day in my life. I wasn’t sure if he recognized me, but I knew how to play dumb with the best of them. Smurf was so caked up and so respected on the streets that I knew for sure now Rich was definitely in the game. I was a little hurt that Rich ain’t introduce me to Smurf as his girlfriend, but just his friend. If Smurf did remember me, I wanted him to know that I wasn’t a tramp no more.

Ty brought a dark-skinned, model-looking chick named Jacylyn. Ed and Donte had some eye candy with them, too, who acted like they was too fucking cute to speak. Nakeeda was about my complexion and Yenee was a dark honey color. Smurf came with two dudes I ain’t recognize. We all rode in first class, sipping champagne. I felt like I was in wonderland.

From the moment we stepped off the plane, I felt a new energy. I could smell the salty but fresh scent of the ocean. The jungle heat laced my skin, making beads of sweat rise up. Rich grabbed my hand and our luggage with the other. Then our whole entourage headed to the cab area. Ty and his girl, Jacylyn, climbed in the same one with me and Rich. We drove a little ways down a parkway that curved around thick green trees and beautiful mountains. I was so excited when I finally seen the beach. Rich kissed the back of my hand and smiled. I saw a sign that said
GANDOCA-MANZANILLO WILDLIFE REFUGE
. I couldn’t believe that just this morning I was in freezing-ass D.C. and now I was in the steamy jungle with gigantic leaves the same size as me, sprouting from trees just as tall as city buildings. As soon as the cab pulled up to a place called Almonds and Corals, I saw two black monkeys run across the wooden path lit by two dozen torches. My heart jumped.

“This is so nice,” I said before kissing Rich. “Thank you for bringing me here.”

“You supposed to be here.”

There was cottages that looked like tree houses cuz the roofs was covered by huge palms and they was raised high off the ground. It seemed so peaceful back here. We all went to different tree houses. Me and Rich’s tree house had a Jacuzzi built in the floor. Red, pink, and yellow flower petals floated in the water with candles. A hammock swung near the Jacuzzi in front of a huge window. The beds was all covered in crisp white linen. White fabric hung around the bed to keep mosquitoes out. This was really paradise.

Rich laid me on the soft sheets and planted kisses all over my body. He pulled my halter dress over my head and took off my panties.

“You smell so good,” he whispered, but I felt a hot, sweaty mess from all that traveling and the jungle humidity. “Let’s get in the Jacuzzi.”

He carried me over and helped me get in the warm water. I took the candles out of the tub while he took off his army-green linen shirt and dark-blue jean shorts. He stepped out of his boxers. I smiled as his dick stood at attention. Then he slid in with me.

“I can’t believe you brought me here with you,” I said before wrapping my arms around him.

“Believe it, girl.”

I rubbed the head of his dick before I put it inside of me, the thickness filling me up. He held me close to his chest as I worked my hips. I wanted to make him love me. I closed my eyes and imagined this was our honeymoon and my last name was Malloy. I thought about what Peaches had told me about appreciating Rich every day for the special way he treated me, even if I didn’t feel like I deserved it, and then I rode him the best way I knew how. I rocked my hips slow and hard, making sure each stroke meant something to Rich. We stared at each other for a few moments until Rich’s eyes closed so he could enjoy every inch of me. Water splashed over the wood floors in a rhythm, but I ain’t even care. I wanted him to know that I loved him.

The next morning after we ate breakfast, we all headed on a safari deep in the jungle. Smurf and his friends brought some Costa Rican girls they must’ve snagged the night before for the ride. We was in three different Jeeps before we climbed out with our tour guides to take us on a walk through the rain forest. We saw all kinds of birds—big pelicans, hummingbirds, parrots, and even the rainbow-colored birds like the kind on the Froot Loops box. I saw a blue frog for the first time in my life. Rich told me it was poisonous, so I stayed the hell away from it. I saw a hairy-ass, two-toed sloth, and there was monkeys galore, too. Brown, yellow, gray, and black monkeys leaping from one tree to another. Huge iguanas and all different types of colorful snakes at every other turn we made. By the time we pulled up to a steamy lagoon with a waterfall pouring from the rocks above, I was damn near scared to hop out the Jeep cuz of all them wild animals on the loose.

But since I looked much cuter than the other girls in my white bikini, I had to stunt for Rich. He knew I couldn’t get my hair wet so he carried me around the lagoon on his back. Then suddenly he dipped me underneath and ruined my hair. I was so heated. All he did was laugh and tell me to take my wig off, but it was a full-laced wig. I couldn’t snatch it off that easily. Thank God, it was human hair, and I could just blow-dry it back at the villa.

It was kind of weird around Ty. Since he had Jacylyn with him, it was easy to keep the convo light. I don’t even think Rich noticed since I was so stuck on stupid with all the newness I was experiencing on this trip. We stayed at the lagoon well into the afternoon before heading back to the villa to shower and change for lunch. I put on a bad-ass light floral Anna Sui dress, and Rich had on a cream linen shirt and beige khaki shorts with these dope-ass Lacoste sneakers. The trendy restaurant was in an open-air courtyard in the middle of a hotel in San José. We sat around a long wooden table with each guy and their date sitting beside them.

“I’d like to propose a toast,” Smurf said with his thick French accent. Everybody raised a glass of something, including me with my bubbling champagne.

“To my man Richie Rich, for all your hard work. That shit don’t go unnoticed, son,” Smurf said, smiling. His dark skin shined under the lights. “Maybe I can finally get this dude to quit cutting niggas’ hair.”

The table laughed, and Rich shook his head.