Shattered (19 page)

“Every time I felt her moving around, I told myself it was gas or cramps or something crazy like heartburn to keep me from calling it a baby. Ed acted just like I wasn’t pregnant, too. He never touched my stomach. He never asked questions about anything. He actually up and disappeared for a while. Not answering my calls. Sending them straight to voice mail. With him not being around, it made everything easier for me to ignore my baby, too. I treated my stomach like I had a tumor. I got bigger clothes and acted like it was gonna be removed one day.”

“How could you be that selfish?” Jacylyn asked, disturbed.

“Stop cutting her off!” I shouted.

“One day Ed showed up, saying he had an idea.” Nakeeda whispered the last few words. She shook her head like the memory was too much for her to think about. “I agreed with his plan.”

“What was it?” Jacylyn asked.

Nakeeda wiped her face with the back of her hand. “I didn’t even know what contractions was. I hadn’t read a thing about giving birth. Never went to a single class. I didn’t want to know. Knowing would’ve made the pregnancy real. I ignored the pulsing happening in my stomach. I ignored it until I couldn’t no more cuz they was coming too hard and too quick. I called Ed. I was scared. He told me to get a motel room and that he’d meet me as soon as he could. He drove from D.C. to Philadelphia. But by the time he got there, I had already had the baby. She ain’t even cry when she came out. She just looked at me. I can still see her innocent face.” Nakeeda broke down crying. I rubbed her shoulders and let her cry it out.

“What happened to her?” Jacylyn asked.

Nakeeda took a deep breath and drank some water. Then she said, “I ran the bathwater. I wanted…I wanted to clean her off. I wanted her to cry, to smile, to do something, but she didn’t. She didn’t even seem to hear the water running. She didn’t move, she just stared at me. I held her over the water, thinking I could keep her. I could do what I was supposed to. I could forget about what people thought about me and just raise her. I don’t know how long I held her there, but she looked like an angel looking back at me. Soon my arms felt heavy, and I let them fall a bit. My hands had grazed the water, and soon I was letting her slip into the tub. I closed my eyes and ran out of the bathroom!” Nakeeda wailed. “I stayed on the, on the bed…until Ed finally showed up. Blood was all over the sheets, the towels, and the mattress. When Ed walked in, he hugged me first and let me cry until he finally said, ‘Where is it?’ ‘She. Where is she?’ I corrected him before pointing to the bathroom.”

I couldn’t believe church girl Nakeeda was the person telling me this story.

“Unh, unh, unh.” Jacylyn shook her head.

“When he went inside the bathroom, he stood at the door for a long time. Then he ran back out and left the room. He came back with a duffel bag. He stripped the sheets, stuffed them plus the towels in the bag, and then he took it in the bathroom. When he came out, he told me to get dressed before he carried the bag to the car. The scariest thing was taking the water out of the tub so I could wash off everything. I knew it was the water in the tub that killed her.”

“No,
you
killed her!” Jacylyn said, putting her straight. “And here I was thinking you was Miss Sweet Perfect!”

“Shut up, Jacylyn!” I yelled. I was getting sick of her shit. She loved to stomp on people when they was down. The last thing Nakeeda needed was our opinions. I got up to get her another water. When she seemed ready to talk again, I asked, “What happened next?”

“Me and Ed bought a trunk from a thrift shop. Then we found a small storage place off of some back road in Lebanon County and rented a unit. We still make payments on it the first of each month,” she said sadly.

“So not only did you kill her, but every month you pay to keep your secret a secret,” Jacylyn said. “You disgust me.”

“Stop. That’s enough!” I said. Even if what Nakeeda did was wrong, wasn’t nothing our words could do to bring that baby back. We still had to deal with each other and our crazy, fucked-up situation now. This wasn’t the time to beat her up for that horrible decision that obviously still ate at her mind.

“You should’ve put yourself in that goddamn trunk, you stupid bitch!” Jacylyn shouted.

Instead of attacking Jacylyn back, Nakeeda just cried, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“And you still think Ed ain’t have nothing to do with setting you up? He can’t stand your ass for what you did to his baby. You’re right, this is karma for you,” Jacylyn added.

“So if it’s karma, then what the hell did
you
do?” I snapped.

Jacylyn cut her eyes at me and said nothing. It couldn’t have been karma. I wasn’t gonna believe that Nakeeda being trapped in this room had something to do with choices we made or the men we loved. If it did, what did I do so bad? Why didn’t Donte, Ty, Ed, or Rich show up with Smurf? I needed to believe that Rich ain’t have nothing to do with it. That he still wanted to protect me. It was the only thing that kept me from losing it like the rest of them.

N
akeeda coughed and twisted back and forth all through the night. Even though Jacylyn went off on her, she still slept in the full-size bed with us while poor Elena slept on Yenee’s mattress. Oily-Haired Man came in with cold cups of orange juice filled with that pulpy stuff I usually hated. But now it was the best thing I ever had. Skinny Man came in the door with a gun in his hand. He told us to stand up. When Elena stood up, he pushed her back down on the mattress. Oily-Haired Man unlocked our legs from the chains, and then he made us hold each other’s hands before they led us down the hall. None of us had our shoes on, and the ground was wet and smelled like urine. We had been in an old warehouse that stored tires and car parts. I felt so weak. My legs was so wobbly cuz it was the most steps I had taken in a long time.

Skinny Man made us climb inside a dirty yellow minivan, and then they drove out of the building. The sunlight was too much for my eyes. I blinked until they adjusted. We was still in the city. I couldn’t believe it. We drove past tourists and merchants buying and selling like it was a normal day. I saw a flashing sign on a bank that had the temperature at 92 degrees, the time at 3:17, and the date at December 26. We had been in the room for three days. Except for a small bowl of beans, we ain’t have nothing to eat. I wanted to scream out the window. I wanted to let somebody know that we wasn’t supposed to be here. I wanted to jump out of the van and make a run for it, but I couldn’t get my arms to reach the latch. Maybe I was too scared to try it.

I looked over at Nakeeda. She had her head leaning against the window and her eyes closed. Her hand rubbed her stomach. I wondered if she was thinking about her daughter or if she just didn’t feel good. Jacylyn was looking at all the places we passed like she was trying to spot something she recognized. I knew I couldn’t. Everything looked the same to me. Pink, yellow, peach colors swirling into one another. I closed my eyes and opened them when I heard the screechy brakes come to a stop.

“Vamos,”
Oily-Haired Man said. We was at a motel. They made us hold hands again, and then we walked into a room. There was clothes and shoes for us. Oily-Haired Man pointed to the bathroom, then threw a towel and some soap at me. I was delighted all of a sudden. I could finally scrub off the gross funk that layered my skin. I could try to erase Yenee from my mind. I could erase the disgusting memory of that hideous room. I grabbed a green Costa Rica T-shirt, a pair of jeans, and a clean bra that was way too small from off the bed, then headed to the bathroom. I couldn’t wait to lather the soap over my skin. I even washed my hair. I wanted to take the lace front off completely but couldn’t. The hot water and the lavender soap was a dream. I watched the brownish-gray sludge fill the tub and leave a cakey line around it.

“Hurry up!” Jacylyn yelled on the other side of the door. She was right; now
I
was being selfish. I hurried and dried off before throwing a towel around my head and sliding into my clothes. As soon as I opened the door, Jacylyn flew inside. The tub still had a nasty ring around it.

Skinny Man sat in a chair at the door, watching us with his gun on his thigh. Nakeeda was lying on the bed, curled up in the blanket. I could tell she wasn’t feeling well. She was shivering, but there was sweat on her forehead.

“You okay?” I asked.

“I think something went wrong,” she whispered.

I looked confused.

“I feel terrible,” she said, trembling.

“Hey, she need some water!” I yelled at Skinny Man.
“¡Agua rápido!”

Skinny Man smiled and didn’t move an inch.

I grabbed a plastic cup and went to get her some water from the bathroom. When I came back, Nakeeda said no.

“You need to drink this,” I said.

“That’s okay,” she whispered. “Look, I need you to do something for me.”

“What?”

“If something happens to me and I don’t make it, I want you to promise me something.”

“Don’t say that. We’re gonna make it. You sound like you’ve lost hope.”

“KiKi, promise me…when you get back home that you bury my daughter. Her body belongs in a grave and not how I left her,” she cried.

“Nothing’s gonna happen to you. We’re gonna make it, Nakeeda.”

“She’s in Lebanon,” Nakeeda said in a low voice. “Lebanon Storage. Unit 111A. Promise me.”

“We’re gonna make it.”

“Promise me.”

“I promise,” I said.

She was good for a while. I kept wiping her sweaty forehead with tissues from the nightstand, and she kept shuddering. After a while Nakeeda shook even more than she did before, like she was having a seizure. Hard shakes that made her shoulders rise off the bed. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head.

“Keep your eyes open!” I yelled. “Hey, Nakeeda!”

She just kept shaking harder, and white bubbles foamed at her mouth.

“Oh my God, she needs help!” I screamed at Skinny Man, but he ignored me.

“Hey!” I screamed again, but when he didn’t jump up quick enough, I smacked Nakeeda hard until she opened her eyes, but the look staring back at me was empty.

I cried out at the top of my lungs. Jacylyn ran out the bathroom. “What’s wrong?” she screamed.

“She’s…not breathing,” I cried.

“Fuck!” Skinny Man finally shouted, and then he said something in Spanish. He took out a cell phone and spoke Spanish to whoever was on the other line. I stayed with Nakeeda and rocked her in my arms as the tears ran down my cheeks until Jacylyn peeled my fingers away.

“Oh my God, oh my God,” Jacylyn repeated over and over, walking around in circles.

I wiped the foam from Nakeeda’s mouth with my thumbs, then rocked her some more.
How could this happen?
I cringed knowing that one of the bags must’ve burst inside of her. I looked at Jacylyn, who looked just as scared as me. “What’s happening to us?”

An hour later, Smurf came to our motel room with the two crazy-looking goons that had been on the trip with us earlier standing behind him. One look at Nakeeda’s body under the blanket and he said three words I’ll never forget: “Cut her open.”

I blinked back the shock of what he said, and then I felt my lungs closing up, just like they did when Rich found out about me and Ty. Short, quick breaths lurched out of my throat. I was hyperventilating again.

Pop.

The sting of Smurf’s smack ain’t change my breathing to normal. He was a monster in a nightmare that was never ending. I rubbed my burning cheek and blew a long breath across my lips.

“Calm the fuck down!” Smurf barked. “You two will keep your mouths shut about this, or I promise you, I’ll kill you myself!”

With horror, I watched Skinny Man and Oily-Haired Man yank Nakeeda up and carry her limp body to the bathroom. I was too shocked to keep looking.

“Let’s go!” Smurf said before standing back so his goons could push me and Jacylyn out the door and into their minivan. Inside, Smurf showed us our passports and licenses. He showed me a picture of Mommy and a picture of Yodi with Chrissie and Kamau that was in my wallet. My body shuddered nervously. Smurf showed Jacylyn a picture of a baby.
Wow, she had left a little boy at home?

“Tyrelle Elijah. Six months,” Smurf read from the back of the picture.

She had a baby by Ty? Now I understood why she was so pissed off. If he had set her up, then what would that say about their relationship? Jacylyn’s tears streamed down her face. I squeezed her leg. Maybe she felt guilty about being selfish coming on the trip without him.

“Do you bitches understand how serious this is for me?” Smurf shouted, staring at each of us long and hard. “I don’t eat, I don’t sleep until I get back what’s mine!”

I felt like I was in a movie. This couldn’t be happening for real. People was dying left and right. Guns in my face. Threats on my life and my family’s life. I knew what Smurf was capable of cuz of what happened to Nut a couple years ago, but this was too surreal. Instead of enjoying my last ride in Costa Rica, looking at the beautiful sights, I felt horrible as Smurf’s goons drove to the airport. I wanted to erase every memory from my mind of this foreign place. Yenee. Nakeeda. I thought about jumping out of the moving minivan again but couldn’t will myself to do it.

Once we got to the airport, Smurf’s goons took suitcases from the trunk, gave me and Jacylyn one, and then took one apiece. They left the car in the parking lot. It wasn’t my suitcase, and I knew the one Jacylyn had wasn’t hers, either. They felt pretty light. When we walked inside the airport, I felt strange. We went from being trapped in a filthy, tiny room with four girls to being in a huge, busy place with hundreds of people. So much chatter, so much noise, so much confusion. I wanted to tell every person who made eye contact with me what Smurf was making us do. I saw security walking around looking like they wanted me to confess our crime, but I was too scared of what it might mean for my family. When it was time to go through customs, I wanted to shout out as loud as I could “I have drugs inside of me!”

After all the questions that I said no to, they just let me through. Tears swelled in my eyes. I thought about Yenee and Nakeeda cuz they should’ve been leaving with us. How could we leave here without them? What was their family gonna think about them vanishing into thin air like that?

“That went smooth,” Smurf said. “Y’all hungry?” We both was starving so we nodded. Then Smurf said, “Too bad. You think I want you fucking up my shit!”

Him and his goons that he called Gorilla Zoe and Green Mile bought arroz con pollo, torturing us while we waited for our flight. Their food smelled so good. My stomach burbled. When Smurf heard it, he looked at me crazy.

“Here,” he said digging in his pocket for money. “Go up there and buy you and her some orange juice. Nothing more, nothing less. And your ass better not even think about running.”

I rolled my eyes and took the money. Of course, I was thinking about running. But to where? Was Rich still at the resort waiting for me to show up? Was he looking for me around the city? I walked over to the Tampico counter and bought two large orange juices. I looked around the airport while I waited for the drinks. Maybe I could reach the security guard standing by the coffee counter. I bit my lip as I thought about how everything would happen. What if the guard only spoke Spanish or just a little bit of English? Would he understand me? What was I thinking? I could never do it.

“Gracias,”
the girl at the counter said as she handed me the two cups.

I walked back to Smurf and sat down feeling defeated. Smurf smiled. He seemed beyond relaxed for what we was about to do.

“Did Ty have something to do with this?” Jacylyn asked.

Smurf grinned. “Is that what’s worrying you, sweetheart?”

Jacylyn nodded. I was surprised she had the courage to ask.

“And what if he did?” Smurf asked. “Would you be really pissed at him?”

Jacylyn picked at her straw. I knew sarcasm when I heard it, and I kinda felt bad for her. Wasn’t it obvious that she wanted to know so she could have peace of mind?

“What difference does it make?” Smurf asked, like he was thrown off by her direct question.

“It makes a difference,” Jacylyn said point-blank.

He finished eating his food, wiped his hands, and drank his soda. Maybe he was wondering if it was worth even saying. A family walked by, and they was laughing at the silly way one of their kids was walking. We watched them until they found a seat. All of a sudden Smurf said, “No, not in the way that you think he did. He brought you here for a vacation, knowing we came here to conduct business. That’s just as bad, don’t you think? It’s disrespectful. If you meant something to him, he should’ve left your ass at home for this trip.”

Gorilla Zoe and Green Mile nodded like the shadows they was. Jacylyn pressed her lips together and rolled her eyes.

“I had to make an executive business decision,” he said, smiling. “This shit is better than FedEx.”

I wanted him to tell us more, but I knew he wouldn’t volunteer the answers I needed. Despite his little sarcastic comments, I did feel a little relief spread over my body, though. Rich ain’t know about Smurf’s plan. I watched Jacylyn breathe a little easier, too, knowing her baby father ain’t plan to use her to smuggle in dope.

“You girls are ride or die bitches, though, right?” Smurf asked, smiling. “This should be easy for you. I know it’s easy for you, KiKi. You used to doing what you gotta do to survive, right? Sucking dick, eating pussy, swallowing packets?”

I wanted to tear his face off. I ain’t wanna hear the trash spilling out of his mouth. Not now. Not when I was being forced to use my body and risk my life for him. Jacylyn looked at me and shook her head. I sipped my juice and looked away. A few minutes later, he told us to toss our empty cups and follow him. We stood inside the smoking area so he could smoke his cigar. I’ll never forget that burning cinnamon scent for the rest of my life.

When we boarded the plane, I was surprised he had us in first class still. Later I figured it was cuz we had a little more space not to be cramping up his packets and it wasn’t that many people around us to be all up in his business. My stomach felt so full and tight. I ain’t want the packets to burst. The minute the plane took off, I fell asleep.

As soon as we landed in D.C., I woke up like I knew I was finally home and safe. I felt my energy come back. Smurf gave me and Jacylyn a fucked-up look that made me squirm in my seat. When we was allowed to get off the plane, Smurf’s goons handed everybody their suitcases and then we walked to the customs area. It was so crowded with screaming babies, yelling parents, hood rats, businesspeople, O.C. girls with orange tans, and more. Security was deep, too. Every entrance was covered with TSA, police, or military people. Some had big-ass German shepherds with them. Sweat drops poured down my forehead. It was so hot. I fanned myself with the Costa Rica T-shirt I had on.

“Relax,” Smurf mumbled before disappearing to a different line.

I let my shirt go and waited in the super-long line with Gorilla Zoe and Green Mile, who was standing in between me and Jacylyn. I looked at her. She seemed just as nervous as I was. She kept pulling her fingers until her knuckles cracked. The security here was much more strict than in Costa Rica. I mean, even with all the terrorism stuff, I never knew it would be this bad. I watched them collect everything. The trash was full of people’s stuff like plastic bottles, clippers, and lighters. TSA waved their wands over every inch of the people passing through the metal detectors with the slightest beep. They went through suitcases, taking fruit and food they wasn’t supposed to bring back. They even took certain shells and jewelry made from rare animals. I pulled my T-shirt away from my chest again, fanning the heat.