Shattered (16 page)

“Got your I.D.?” She gave me a stern look.

“Uhhhh… I forgot it?”

She smiled, “It’s fine.  Just put in a cup.”  Even though she said it was fine, I knew my sister didn’t like underage kids drinking in the bar, even if I was her brother.  I put the beer back in the cooler and exchanged it for a soda.  I knew that Kelly and Craig’s entire income rested on this place and I didn’t want to be the reason that it got shut down.

I walked around and took a barstool.  My sister’s eyes were still trained on the poolroom.

“Where’s Alyssa?”  she asked as she came back and rested her hands on the bar in front of me.

“Huh?”

“She went there to talk to you.  Where’d she go?”

“She was here?  I never saw her.”  I felt my heart sink.

“That’s weird.  She came in about twenty minutes ago.  She didn’t walk out the front door.”

I jumped up from the bar stool and walked over to the front window.  Alyssa’s car was parked out front, but she was nowhere to be seen.  I quickly made my way out the back door hoping that she was waiting outside for me.  When I didn’t find her, I went back in to my sister.

“She’s not here.  Her car is, but she’s gone.”  I caught a glimpse of my defeated reflection behind the bar and quickly turned my attention back to Kelly.  “Do you know what she wanted?”

“I was hoping she was coming to profess her undying love for you.” Kelly teased.

“Doubtful.” I plopped my elbow up on the bar and rested my chin in my hand, “Probably just coming by to tell me to hit the road.”

“I don’t think so.  She was smiling when she walked back there.  She didn’t look angry.”

“Well, the last time I talked to her she said she wished I’d never come back.”

Kelly shook her head and laughed, “She’s a girl, Jess.  We’re dramatic sometimes.  Maybe she just chickened out?”

“I don’t know.  I’m starting to think I missed my chance with her.”

“Don’t be an idiot.  That girl is crazy about you.  Maybe you need to get off your ass and finally tell her how you feel.”

I laughed off my sister’s last comment and slid off the barstool to head back up to my apartment.

“She’s not like Mom and Dad, Jess,” Kelly called out when I was two steps from the door, “you can let her in.”  I nodded, knowing she was right.

I was still irked by the fact that Alyssa had come into the bar and hadn’t talked to me.  At least my plan was working; I stayed away and she came to me. I busied myself with television and laundry. Trying to keep my mind off the fact that her car had stood empty in the parking lot for well over three hours.  I found a reason to walk by the front windows every ten minutes to check and see if she was back.  I was in the kitchen, pulling a pizza from the freezer when I heard a truck exhaust roaring down the street.  I ran, yes ran, like a child, through the house, shutting off every lamp I passed so I could get a better look outside.  When I saw that black truck pull in next to Alyssa’s car my hands started twisting together as I fought back the psychotic rage that was building.   Collin jumped down out of the truck and ran around to help her out.  She was wearing the black t-shirt from that night I took her home from the basketball game.  Images of her in the t-shirt had replayed in my mind hundreds of times.  It hugged her body just right and it was so soft.  I remembered running my fingers across the fabric, wishing that I could pull it over her head.  I couldn’t hear what they were saying because the sound of my teeth grinding together rang in my ears. He moved his hands to her waist and proceeded to press his lips to hers. He wasn’t groping her like the last time I saw them together, but it still pissed me off that he had his hands on her at all.  Son of a bitch.  I wanted to scream it out the window.  It took every ounce of will power restrain myself.  Furthermore, why in the hell would she want that lunatic to touch her anyway? I couldn’t believe that she was with him.  Again.  The way he looked at her when she was walking back to her car made me think that a lot more had happened between the two of them tonight than I cared to know.  Before she got behind the wheel of her car I saw her look up at the windows of my apartment.  I ducked down under the window, hiding from her sight for the second time.  There was no way she could see me in the dark, but I still took cover.  I heard her vehicle start and both of them drove away, leaving me alone.  In the dark.  Crouched down on the floor.  Pathetic.

I sat there wishing that I hadn’t just seen her with him, thinking how different things would be if I had just made my move the last time she wore that t-shirt.  

It was the last basketball game of my high school career.  We’d just lost to our rivals, the Christlerville Hornets.  It was a Tuesday night, so the after party was canceled when we lost.  Drinking on weekdays didn’t usually stop us from going out after a game, but when we lost, no one felt like celebrating.  Garrett had other ideas.

“Dude,” he said as he came up to me in the locker room, “can you take Alyssa home?  I’ve got a hottie from Christlerville that’s itchin’ for a ride with Reynolds.”

I laughed, shaking my head. “I can take Alyssa home, if you promise never to say those words again.  Itchin’ for a ride?  Really?”

With a devilish grin he shrugged off my comment with a casual, “Thanks man, I owe ya.”

“Yeah. No problem.

“It’s probably a good night to let Alyssa know that you’re itchin’ for a ride too.” He wiggled his eyebrows with a smirk.

“Get out of here,”  I griped at him jokingly.

He jumped back and laughed, “Hey, I’m just sayin’.”

“I get what you’re saying.” I pushed my locker shut and slung my bag over my shoulder. “Now go get your skank and hit the bricks.”

“I mean it Jess,” he said as he backed out of the door, “tell her.”

I made my way out into the gym and saw Alyssa standing by the exit, talking to January.  She smiled sympathetically as I approached. “Hey Jess, sorry about the game.  You played great.”

“Thanks, Lyss.  Hey Jan,” I turned my attention to January, “great job with the leading of cheers and all that.”  I smiled.  January had been trying to convince me that cheerleading was a real sport for the better part of three years now.  I’d never admit it to her, but I knew that shit was hard.  I wouldn’t want to be thrown up in the air by a couple of ditzy teenage girls.

“Shut it, Vaughn.” She slapped my arm, “It’s a lot harder than it looks.”

“Ow.” I grabbed my arm as if she’d really hurt me. “Don’t be pissed at me because two-ton Tess over there hasn’t perfected her toe touch yet.”

“Stop it,” Alyssa defended her friend, while fighting back a laugh because she knew exactly what hefty girl I was talking about.  “She’s a really good base.”

“You guys are horrible.” January tried not to crack a smile, “I’m going to find Hap.  Great game tonight Jess, it’s not going to be the same without you next year.”  Her sincerity almost made me hold back my parting words.

“Hey don’t worry, I’ll come back next year to critique your cheer squad.  I’ll be able to focus all my energy on picking out what you need to work on at practice.”  She turned to face us, but continued backing toward the locker room as she offered up her middle finger and a smile.

“You really are horrible, Jesse Vaughn.”  I felt Alyssa’s hand brush by mine as she closed the gap between us. I turned to face her and had to force myself not to look down the deep V-neckline of her tight black t-shirt.  The foot difference in our height gave me a perfect shot of her breasts.

“I’m just messing with her.” I focused in on her chocolate brown eyes.  “You ready to go?”

She tilted her head, “Yeah, sure.  I thought Garrett was taking me home?”

“Oh, well, I forgot to tell you that his attention has been pulled elsewhere,” I nodded toward the opposing end of the gym to where Garrett was standing.  Alyssa’s eyes followed.  “He’s got a new friend.”  Alyssa and I watched as Garrett laid on his best moves with the petite little blonde cheerleader in a Hornets’ uniform.  She wasn’t ugly, but she wasn’t Alyssa Boyd, either.  She had worked way too hard on her hair and make-up for my taste, but Garrett hadn’t seemed to notice the thick layers of eye shadow and mascara she’d caked on herself.

“She’s… uh…”  Alyssa shrugged her shoulders up as if trying to convince herself and wrinkled her nose, “cute?”

All I could do was laugh.

“I mean, she’s not ugly,” Alyssa tried to cover her blatant diss before giving in. “He could do better.”

“You’re probably right, but I think he’s just trying to find a sure thing tonight.”

“I’ll never understand you two and your ‘sure things’.”

Alyssa didn’t know, but I hadn’t been with anyone in a while.  Trying to use a girl to forget about hadn’t been working out for me, so for the time being, I’d just given up.

“They’re overrated.” I smiled as I ushered her out the door.

On our drive home things took a turn from light-hearted when Alyssa started bitching about her mother.

“I just don’t get it.  She’s always riding my ass about everything.  Am I that bad of a daughter that she constantly has to make me feel like shit?”  She was ranting on about her mother jumping her case about her choice of wardrobe for the night.  “She actually said I look like a common street walker in this shirt.  It’s a t-shirt for Christ’s sake. She probably thinks I‘m sleeping with the entire basketball team.  What‘s next, Mary, you gonna sign me up for Teen Mom?”

I wouldn’t have ever said it out loud, but Alyssa’s overly dramatic reactions were not that different from her mother’s.  They both jumped off the deep end over the silliest things.  I let her carry on for a while, because I thought it was cute how she widened her big brown eyes and crinkled her face up when she was angry.  

“I wish she’d just go away.”  Alyssa huffed and sat back hard against the seat.

“Don’t say that.”

“Omigod, I’m so sorry Jess,” she immediately began apologizing when she thought about the situation with my parents.

“Don’t.” I replied, shaking it off.  I learned a long time ago not to get too emotional over my parents absence.  “I get it.  You’re mom can be a real bitch.”  I smiled trying to make her feel better.  The drive to her house was taking a little longer than usual.  A February snowstorm had dropped a couple inches of ice and snow, so the roads were a little slick.  I didn’t mind being alone with her for a little longer, even though now we sat in uncomfortable silence as she internally beat herself up for her comment.  When she finally spoke I was expecting her to say something funny or sarcastic, so when the question came out of her mouth I wasn’t sure how to respond.

“How much does it bother you that your parents aren’t around?”  She pulled her legs up and turned to face me.  Her arms were wrapped around her knees as she pulled them into her chest.  I kept my eyes on the road as if I was concentrating on the road conditions.  I didn’t want to look at her when I answered her.  I was afraid of my reaction when I saw her face.

“It used to bother me a lot.  I would get so excited when they’d come back for a visit.”

“I remember.” She rested her chin on her knees, never breaking her eyes from me.

“Sometimes they’d talk about sticking around.  That would have been nice.  You know they never even came to a high school basketball game.  It was really hard to be the only kid without parents at a parent-teacher conference or science fair.  Your parents are supposed to do more than just give birth to you.”  I felt myself start to get angry and sad all at the same time.  “When I finally realized that Kelly was the closest thing to a parent I was gonna get, I quit letting it bother me at all.”  I rested my head back on the seat and kept looking forward.

“It’s their loss, Jess.”  I had to look at her when she spoke this time.  “They’re really going to regret not knowing how amazing you truly are.”  Her soft, full lips creased to a smile.  I felt my eyes start to fill with an unfamiliar liquid as I turned onto her driveway.  I quickly shook away the tears and turned my attention back to driving.

“We’re here.”  I wasn’t sure if I was hiding from the embarrassment or the love that I felt around her at that moment.  I couldn’t believe that I’d just poured my heart out to her.  I made a point not to let anyone see the soft side of me.  With her it just came out.  We sat quietly in front of her house for a minute.  I knew she was waiting for me to say something.  I didn’t want to be any more vulnerable that I’d already been, so I just forced a smile.

“Thanks for the ride, Jess.” She hoped down out of the Jeep and was up her porch steps before I could work up the courage to stop her.

When I went to bed that night, I was mad.  Mad at Collin Smolder.  Mad at Alyssa.  And mad at myself for the whole goddamn mess.  I was grateful that I had all of Sunday to cool off before I had to go back to work Monday morning.

Alyssa

When lunchtime rolled around on Monday, I was leery about seeing Jesse.  I knew that we wouldn’t have much time to talk seeing as how my dad and the other two guys who worked for him would be in the kitchen at the same time, but I was still preparing myself for the thought of seeing him.  I really thought that after I talked to him at the bar, things would be different. I’d hoped that I could tell him how I felt about him and maybe we would pick up where we left off before the accident.  Now, all I could do was think about him with that redheaded slut wrapped around him.  Plus, he didn’t even know I was there that night so it’s not like I could bring it up without looking like a stalker.

When my dad came in with the other two workers and they took their seat I was surprised when Jesse didn’t join them.  The three of them all sat down and began digging into the spread of chips and sandwiches I’d laid out.  I stood beside the sink, staring out the window at the backyard, waiting for one more guest to join us.  I noticed the sky’s usual crystal blue hue was muddled with gray storm clouds.  I sunk my hands into the pockets of my khaki shorts and then tugged at the hem of my red and white floral print tank top, trying to occupy my time as I waited for Jesse to show up.

“He’s not eating,” my dad said with a mouthful of ham and cheese.  I quickly turned to face him, wondering how he knew who I was looking for.  “He’s out in the barn.  Said he wasn’t hungry.”