She Comes First (5 page)

S
IGMUND FREUD
made a name for himself demonizing the clitoris and formulating a truly cockamamie view of women’s sexuality. Freud promulgated the idea that the clitoris was an immature source of sexual pleasure, a mere launching pad for the more “mature” vaginal orgasm, which, of course, could only be produced via genital intercourse. What’s particularly insidious is that at the time of his postulating Freud had a rather clear understanding of the anatomical role of the clitoris and chose instead to promote his personal ideas about female sexuality over current scientific knowledge. In short, he abused the bully pulpit.

Freud demoted the clitoris and promoted the vagina, characterizing clitoral orgasms as “infantile.” According to Freud, adult women needed to get past their need for clitoral orgasms and develop a desire for penetration; after all, isn’t that what penises do? Penetrate? Female masturbation was criticized as creating clitoral
dependency; oral sex was verboten. In Freud’s view, there were no two ways about it: if a woman couldn’t be satisfied by penetrative sex, something must be wrong with her. As Dr. Thomas Lowry commented in his essay “The Cultural Psychology of the Clitoris,” “The idea sprang into Freud’s head in 1910 without a visible shred of experimental evidence and it has probably caused more unnecessary worry than any other single psychological notion.”

Since it was well known at the time that sensitive nerve endings contributing to sexual response were on the surface of a woman’s genital area, Freud’s views were not based on physiology, or an understanding of anatomy, but rather on a conception of human sexuality that reinforced the penetrative, reproductive model. Hence, a woman’s sexuality became subsumed by a male’s. From there, it was all downhill.

“Freud’s summary dismissal of the clitoris as an important focus of sexual sensation for women had an atomic effect on how physicians and psychologists perceived women’s sexuality. It was as if, for most of the twentieth century, women’s extensive genital anatomy, and even the explosive little glans, was vaporized. Memory of the clitoris gradually faded until it became an anatomical nonentity.” (Chalker)

Alas, if only Freud, who himself said “anatomy is destiny,” had had the “clitoral sense” to see that this powerful organ would eventually rise from the ashes of his much-ballyhooed cigar. In fairness to Freud, it should be acknowledged that as he neared the end of his life he acknowledged his incomplete understanding of female sexuality and said, “If you want to know more about femininity, you
must interrogate your own experience, or turn to the poets, or else wait until science can give you more profound and more coherent information.”

Today, our understanding and appreciation of the importance of the clitoris, and the stimulation of it, owes much to the dogged efforts of those impassioned individuals who bucked the conventional wisdom and did battle throughout the sexual revolution of the 1950s, 1960s, and 1970s: prominent figures such as Dr. Alfred Kinsey, Masters and Johnson, Shere Hite, Betty Dodson, and less prominent, but equally important ones like Dr. Mary Jane Sherfey, who pioneered the idea that the clitoris is a powerful organ system.

But knowledge is only powerful when disseminated and put into practice. Men need to take the time to learn what most women know intuitively about their bodies—how to listen to and feel them—and sex needs to be redefined as an activity that accommodates a wide variety of sensual and erotic activities; including, but by no means limited to, genital intercourse.

In both philosophy and practice, any definition of sex must, first and foremost, include a powerful element of respect. According to journalist Paula Kamen, author of the survey of sexual attitudes
Her Way,
“Women receiving oral sex is an act most directly reflecting women’s growing power in both their sexual relationships and in society. The practice depends on both women’s and men’s recognition and respect of this power.”

In
The Cradle of Erotica
by A. Edwardes and R.E.L. Masters, we are told that during the Tang Dynasty, the Empress Wu Hu ruled China. She knew that sex and power were inexorably linked, and she
decreed that government officials and visiting dignitaries must pay homage to her imperial highness by performing cunnilingus upon her. No joke. Old paintings depict the beautiful, powerful empress standing and holding her ornate robe open while a high nobleman or diplomat is shown kneeling before her, applying his lips and tongue to her royal mound.

Well gone are the days of kings and queens and royal decrees, but inside many a modern woman is an Empress Wu Hu, longing to be honored by her nobleman.

L
ET’S FACE IT.
Most men can more easily identify what’s under the hood of a car than what’s under the hood of a clitoris. This “genital confusion” arises because parts of the clitoral network are hidden from the naked eye. Even though the genitals of both men and women are formed from the same embryonic material, and develop during gestation in an equivalent manner, the penis grows
out,
while much of the clitoris grows
in.
(Interestingly, Oliver Wendell Holmes remarked that the female genitalia were simply those of the male turned inside out. But on the contrary, modern science teaches us that the male is a modified female, differentiated during the first trimester of pregnancy. So if anything, the male genitalia are a mirror image of the female’s rather than vice versa.)

The visible parts of the female genitalia are encompassed by the vulva, or what’s commonly, and mistakenly, referred to as the vagina. “Vagina” tends to be the de facto word we use to describe “everything down there,” but the entrance to the vagina, also known as the “introitus,” is just one part of the vulva’s impressive expanse and certainly not the primary part when it comes to stimulation and the process of arousal.

Etymologically, “vagina” originates from a Latin word meaning “a sheath or scabbard for a sword,” reinforcing its relationship to the penis and dependency upon penetration or insertion for broader meaning—which may be indicative of the reproductive process, but certainly not the pleasure process.

What’s in a name? According to Shakespeare, “That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” But the language of science is by no means the language of love; “cunnilingus,” “vulva,” and “vaginal introitus”—those may not be the first words that come to mind in the heat of the moment. But they’re the
right
words, in that they’re scientifically accurate and properly descriptive. And knowing the right words is a powerful starting point for clearly understanding the process of sexual response and, ultimately, developing an erotic lexicon that is unique and true to the spirit of your individual relationship.

In speaking of
The Vagina Monologues,
author and activist Eve Ensler described her thought process in committing to the word “vagina” in both the title and throughout the work:

External View of the Vulva

Ms. Ensler is right: the term “vulva” is much more specific and inclusive, especially when describing the visible parts of the clitoris. Although the vagina plays an extremely active role in the reproductive
process, it takes a backseat to the clitoris in the production of pleasure; employing “vagina” as a catchall phrase for describing a woman’s genitalia actually promotes an inaccurate understanding of female anatomy, perhaps even more so than the more generic “down there.”

So, “vulva” it is—in the interest of accuracy, as well as in the hope of promoting greater familiarity with the term. The words you choose to use in your bedroom are your own business; supplying you with accurate knowledge is this book’s business.

S
TARTING WITH
the visible parts of the clitoral network, let’s take a closer look at what’s really “down there.”

The Mons Pubis.
We begin our journey, north, at the mons pubis, also known as the “mons veneris” (mountain of Venus), named after the Roman goddess of love. The mons pubis is a thick pad of fatty
tissue, covered in pubic hair, which is sometimes called the love mound because it forms a soft mound over the pubic bone.

The Labia Majora.
Heading south from the mons pubis, we next encounter the starting point of the labia majora (major lips). The outer sides of the labia majora, also known as the outer lips, are rich with pubic hair, whereas their inner sides are smooth, lined with oil and sweat glands. Beneath the skin of the outer lips is a network of erectile tissue that engorges with blood during arousal. The outer lips are analogous to the male scrotum, and both were formed from the same embryonic tissue. Although sensitive to touch, the outer lips are not nearly as sensitive as the labia minora (small lips) or other parts of the clitoral network such as the head and shaft.

The Front Commissure.
The outer lips mark an area where the visible parts of the clitoris begin. This highly sensitive area, just above the clitoral head, is called the front commissure, and it’s from this point that the clitoral shaft—an unseen, but instrumental part of the clitoris—protrudes.

The Labia Minora.
Enfolded within the labia majora are the labia minora (little lips), although many insist that it’s more apt to refer to both sets of lips respectively as
outer
and
inner,
rather than big and little, since the inner lips sometimes protrude out and beyond the outer lips. Interestingly, the inner lips are also archaically known
as “nymphae,” named after the nymphs of ancient Greece who were famous for their irrepressible libidos and are the source of the term “nymphomania.”

The inner lips enfold and surround the clitoral glans (the head), the urethral opening, and the introitus (entrance) to the vagina. Like the inner side of the labia majora, these smaller, inner lips have no hair, but are layered with oil glands that look and feel like tiny bumps. Dense with nerves, the inner lips are extremely sensitive and play an important role in the process of arousal.

The inner lips are remarkably diverse in size and appearance. From woman to woman, and often on the
same
woman, no two lips are the same. Some lips are narrow; others wide; some curl inward, others flare outward. Sometimes the texture is glossy and smooth, sometimes wrinkled and bumpy. During the process of arousal, the inner lips change color, from light pink to darker hues, and swell and puff in size as they engorge with blood.

The Hood.
The outer edges of the inner lips meet just above the sensitive clitoral head to form the well-known protective hood (which is analogous to the foreskin of the penis), also known as the prepuce. The friction created when the clitoral hood rubs against the head is a powerful source of stimulation and pleasure. The hood also protects the head from overstimulation; just prior to the release of orgasm, it’s into the folds of the hood that the head seeks refuge.

The Frenulum.
Below the head, the inner edges of the labia minora meet to form the frenulum, a small expanse of soft, sensitive skin,
also known as the bridle. Like the inner lips, this area is rich in nerve fibers and is extremely sensitive to the touch.

The Fourchette.
The bottom edges of the lips meet beneath the vaginal entrance in an area known as the fourchette, or little fork. Just as the front commisure marks the top part of the visible clitoris, the fourchette marks the bottom.

The Clitoral Glans
(the head). Protected by the hood of the inner lips, the head is the crown jewel that rests atop the unseen shaft and crura (the legs). With approximately eight thousand nerve endings, twice as many as the head of the penis and more than any other part of the human body, the head is the visible part of a woman’s clitoris that often gets referred to as the “love button.” It’s not a bad term; just remember that it applies to only
one
part of the clitoris—the head.

One of the biggest mistakes a lover can make is to underestimate the sensitivity of the clitoral head. In fact, at the peak of sexual arousal, the head becomes so sensitive that, with a little help from the suspensory ligament (an unseen part of the of the clitoris), it retracts beneath its hood and is often hidden at the moment of climax.

Some heads are large; others are small. Size varies greatly, just as it does with the male penis. But regardless of size and shape, all contain the same number of nerve endings, so clitoral dimensions have no impact on a woman’s sensitivity.

There’s quite a bit of contention over the etymology of the word “clitoris.” Some believe it stems from the Greek,
kleitoris,
meaning “little hill or slope”; others say it comes from the Greek verb
kleitoriazein,
meaning “to touch or titillate lasciviously, to be inclined to pleasure”; and still others claim that the Greek word
kleitoris
originally meant “divine and goddesslike.” In some sense, all these meanings are true.

Perineum.
The perineum is the small expanse of skin just above the anus and just beneath the vaginal entrance (sometimes referred to
casually as the “taint,” because “it t’aint one or the other”). Beneath the skin of the perineum is a network of blood vessels and tissue, which fill with blood during arousal and become intensely sensitive. Dr. Kinsey observed during his research that the perineum is “highly sensitive to touch, and tactile stimulation of the area may provide considerable erotic arousal.” When making your travel plans of the clitoral network, make sure to include this southern hot spot.

Internal View of the Vulva