Shhh... Gianna's Side (9 page)

“What happened at the game
?”

“We were drinking
in the parking lot.”

“What happened during
that time in the parking lot? Did you see Mr. Nichols?”

“I object
, Your Honor. He’s leading the witness,” his lawyer declared.

“Your Honor, I will rephrase.”

“Motion denied Counsel,” the judge stated.

“Gianna, what happened
in the parking lot during the football game?”

“
We were both upset over the fact that we got kicked off the squad and I had lost my scholarship. We weren’t cheering at our last home game and we decided to get drunk instead.”

“
Did you recognize anyone in the parking lot? Anything happen?”

I knew the second I said his name everything would change. I was terrified.

“Miss Edwards please answer the question. Who did you see in the parking lot on March 7, 2005?” I didn’t say anything.

“May I remind you that you are still under oath and are mandated to answer the
question?” I stayed silent, not wanting to answer the question. I looked around the room at all the faces and what they expected of me; each one of them eagerly waiting for me to respond.

I looked down in my lap
, hoping it would make it easier for me to answer. I wanted to be anywhere but there.

“He was in the parking lot
. He was walking with his family to a car I didn’t recognize, he looked like he was saying goodbye to them. We watched the car leave and then he walked to his truck.”

“
The ‘he’ that you speak of–” he paused “–is he in the courtroom?”

I nodded,
remembering I had to answer. I whispered, “Yes…”

“Who is he, Gianna?”

I swallowed the lump in my throat and dug my nail into my skin. I felt nothing.

“Mr. Nic
hols. Mr. Nichols was in the parking lot that night.”

I jolted
when the waitress told me my cab was outside waiting for me. I placed a ten-dollar bill on the table before making my way to the taxi.

“Can you stop at the liquor store on the corner please
?” I asked the driver.

I
hurriedly walked down the halls of my apartment building; kicking my door closed and eagerly placed the bottles on the counter, I poured straight whiskey into a glass and took it down in one gulp; I repeated it three more times. I couldn’t breathe, I felt like there was a hole in my chest that was allowing all the air to leave my lungs. I didn’t know if I would ever be able to breathe again.

The red blinking button on my answering machine caught my attention. I pressed play.
“Gianna, it’s your mother–” Delete.

“Gianna, where are you–”
Delete.

“Gianna, why aren’t you–”
Delete.

There were ten more just like that…

“Good morning, this is Christine Benson from The York Chronicle. I am looking for Gianna Edwards. We are doing a spread on James Nichols and would love to get a statement on how you feel about his early release–” Delete.

“Good evening, this is Chris
Garrison from the Vegas times. I am looking for Gianna Edwards. We are very interested in interviewing you on the upcoming early release–” Delete.

There were seven more just like that…

“Gia…we…I…” Click, dial tone.

It was the first time I heard her voice, other
than her answering machine, in six and a half years.

“Mother fucker,” I yelled.

“Gianna, we have already established that Mr. Nichols was the one in the parking lot the night of March 7, 2005. What happened when you saw him?” the prosecution proceeded.

“
Nothing; we watched him get into his truck and leave.”

“What happened after that?”

“We followed him. All we wanted to do was get a chance to talk to him and see if there was anything he could do to help us. I lost my scholarship and we just wanted the opportunity to talk it out with him.” It was the truth, I was telling the truth as the tears streamed down my face and I had to close my eyes to stop them.

“Proceed, Gianna.”

I cried, “I can’t…”

“Your Honor,
permission for a recess to consult with my client?

“Granted. Court will recess for
two hours.” When I heard the gavel hit, I jumped.

He
placed his hand on my shoulder and squeezed it in a comforting motion. He placed his hand on my lower back and escorted me to my parents. My mother immediately pulled me into a hug and told me she was proud of me. I excused myself to go to the bathroom. I splashed water on my face and heard the door close behind someone. I didn’t have to wonder who it was.

“Are you okay?”

“What do you think, Mack?”

“I know, Gia.”

“I can’t do this. I don’t think I can go back up there,” I said, looking at our reflections in the mirror.

“Gia, we’ve come this far…you can do this. We can do this.” I nodded.

“You look like shit.” We laughed.

She helped me fix my makeup and we l
eft the bathroom holding hands.

“Please rise. The court will
now resume with Honorable Judge McMullen.”

“I call Gianna Skyler Edwar
ds back on the stand.” The prosecution stated. I looked over at McKenzie and she winked at me.

“Gianna, what happened when you
followed Mr. Nichols home? Please tell the jury.”

“
McKenzie and I got out of the car and knocked on his door.”

“Did he answer?”

“Yes.”

“What happened when you made it inside?”

“We tried to talk to him about our grades and he kept feeding us more alcohol.”

“Liar!” Mr. Nichols yelled, jumping out of his chair.
It was the first time that day that I finally looked at him. He looked straight into my eyes with hatred. I didn’t recognize them anymore.

“One more outburst like that and I’ll hold you in contempt, Mr. Nichols,” The judge called, tapping the gavel twice.

“Were you drunk?” he continued.

“I was happy and buzzed, I guess.”

“What happened next?”

“
We pleaded with him to help us and he kept telling us he couldn’t, that it was out of his hands. He got upset and started yelling at us, he threw things all around the house. He could tell that Mack and I were getting scared and he excused himself to go to the bathroom. It was then that Mack and I got out of there.”

“Where did you go when you left his house?”

“I sobered up and I was driving us back to my house.”

“What happened when you were driving home?” he grilled
, wanting me to say it already.

“Someone ran us off the side of the road and I almost crashed my car.”

“And…” he interrogated.

“Mack immediately got out of the car and so did the driver
. It was a man wearing a black hoodie and a baseball cap and I couldn’t recognize who it was. It was dark and the only lights on the road were our headlights. It happened so fast, I blinked and a baseball bat was knocking out Mack. I tried to run to her but someone grabbed me by the back of my hair and told me that I was being a bad girl. I started to scream and asked him to please let go of me, but it just made him grab me harder.” The tears once again streamed down my face, one right after the other.

“Keep going, Gianna. What happened next?”

“I kept screaming, hoping that someone could hear me, but he wrapped his hand around my mouth and dragged me by the side of the car. I bit his hand and punched him in the face. I scratched and fought with all the power I could muster, but it wasn’t enough to get him to stop. He pushed me away, calling me a cunt and slapped me across the face. I fell to the ground and he got on top of me, beating me. It was then that I recognized who it was.” I stopped, dreading the next question that would come.

“Who was it? Who was there that night?”

I closed my eyes, wanting to disappear. “Mr. Nichols.” I kept my eyes closed, pretending that I wasn’t there and that I wasn’t really saying what came out of my mouth.

“
He turned me onto my stomach and tied my hands behind my back with his belt. He left me there on the ground and I watched him walk over to McKenzie. He hit her a few times trying to get her to wake up. He said she had a pulse and that she was faking it. He called her a liar and a tease. That we were making him do this to us.”

“Did
you feel like you were making him do those things to you?”

“Objection
, Your Honor. Leading the witness,” his lawyer declared.

“Overruled. Answer the question,
Miss Edwards.”

“No. I don’t think we were making
him do those things to us. I don’t know why he was.”

“What happened next?”

“I watched as he ripped off all McKenzie’s clothes. He hit her a few more times but she still didn’t wake up.” I looked over at Mack and she was looking down into her lap. My parents were sitting next to her parents and our mothers’ faces were tucked in the arms of our fathers. It was the first time I had ever seen my father cry.

“Gianna, please continue.”

“He was saying obscenities to McKenzie over and over again.”

“What was he saying? Tell the jury.”

“He was saying that we deserved this. That she was a cunt, a fuck hole. That girls like us needed to be put in our places. That we started all this and he was finishing it. He took off all his clothes and pulled out a condom from his pants.” I heard myself sob.

“He put the condom on before he stuck his penis in
McKenzie’s mouth, hoping to wake her. When she didn’t, he got angry and he told me he was going to dump her body in the woods somewhere. I watched as he violated her mouth.”

“What happened next?”

“He removed himself and pushed into her.”

“Clarify, ‘he pushed into her
.’”

“He raped her. He pushed into her vagina and he raped her. I watched my best friend get brutally raped right in front of me and I couldn’t do a damn thing about it.” I broke down and sobbed.

“What happened when he was done with McKenzie?”

I sobbed uncontrollably to the point I was shaking and screamed, “I was next…he raped me next…”

I knew things were never going to be the same.

For
anyone.

He was out.

He was free.

He had served seven out of ten years and
was released on parole. It took two months for his parole hearing to conclude, and I didn’t do one fucking thing to stop it–not one. I didn’t think that he would be granted early parole, I thought it would be denied like the last time; never in my wildest dreams did I think it was possible that he would be released early. My phone hadn’t stopped ringing since the minute he stepped foot out of the facility. It was everywhere; newspapers, TV, magazines. I couldn’t get away from it. As much as I tried to keep myself occupied, it wasn’t working. The alcohol wasn’t having the same effect on me and drugs were something I did as recreational use; I tried to keep myself clean of that unless I was partying.

I’d been staring at my laptop for the last few hours and with every sip of wine I would take
, my willpower reduced. I did not need to read about him, I did not need to know where he was, I did not need to know anything about him.

He
couldn’t hurt me again…

I was sitting on a barstool at
my kitchen island while my mom cooked me breakfast; it was Friday morning. It had been three days since the closing arguments and everyone anxiously waited for the verdict. I swear I felt the phone ring before I actually heard it. My mom’s eyes landed on mine from across the room but it was my dad who answered the phone.

“Hello
?” he stated. “Yes. All right. We will be there. Thank you.” He clicked end and looked at us. “The verdict is in. We’re due back in the courtroom in two hours.”

I ran to the sink and threw up. My mom was readily behind me
, rubbing my back.

“It’s okay, honey. Justice will be served. You will see. You have nothing to worry about. He is not going to go free
,” she reassured.

I tu
rned on the sink and washed my mouth while watching the vile of vomit make its way down the drain. And just as fast as it appeared, it was gone, exactly like my life. My mom helped me dress and before I knew it, we were in the limo on our way to the courtroom. Mack and I sat beside each other and held hands the entire time. Our parents’ eyes never left us. We parked by the front steps of the building and the nausea immediately returned. Mack squeezed my hand and I knew she was feeling the exact same thing. I squeezed it back, trying to be strong for her, for the both us. Our fathers took off their suit jackets; they quickly placed them on top of our heads to shield us from the press. Our mothers tried to create a bubble around us and as hard as they tried, it didn’t matter. Microphones were shoved in our face and we had to push our way through the crowd.

I wanted to scream and tell everyone to get the fuck out of the way. I wanted to flick off the cameras and tell them to mind their own business. This didn’t concern them. I couldn’t do anything but bow my head and wait for the blast of air conditioning to hit my face when we arrived in the building. I know it’s bizarre
, but I looked forward to that cold breeze every time we got out of the limo, all I had to do was make it to the front doors. Our fathers put their jackets back on and I tried to catch my breath, but my heart wouldn’t let me, it was pounding out of my chest.

“Are you okay?” Mack asked
, mimicking my face I was sure. I shook my head no with panic written all over my demeanor.

“This is it, Gia
. After this, it’s over. We don’t have to think about it anymore. We just need to make it through today,” she vowed, grabbing my hand.

We w
alked behind our parents and took our regular seats in the front of the spectator gallery. My field of vision caught him instantly, he was dressed in a dark blue suit, his hands were folded in his lap and his head was down. He looked despondent, like he didn’t know what to feel. I looked at him the entire time. Thirty minutes later and the judge walked in and we all rose. Everything proceeded in slow motion and I knew I would forever be haunted by this day. There was no going back.

The bailiff got the verdict from the
foreman and handed it to the judge. I squeezed Mack’s hand so hard I thought I was breaking her bones and she let me. He listed off each charge, repeating the same phrase over and over again.

“
Guilty.”

Everyone applauded when he was done listing each verdict. My parents pulled me into a tight embrace, putting me in the middle and squeezing the life out of me. I was numb to it all. I looked over at Mack as my head lay on my mom
’s shoulder. Her eyes said everything, and I knew nothing would be the same after that day. I lost everything.

I could feel him staring at me from across the room. My willpower was weak and I had to look at him. If looks could kill
, I would have died that instant. Hatred spread across his beautiful face. I was wrong…

That’s the moment I shattered. It happened right then and there for everyone to see.

He witnessed it, and for a brief second, I saw pleasure on his face.

He wasn’t done hurting me.

I’d been staring at his picture for an hour. I was possessed as my hands took over and I Googled his name, there was image after image of him. Most of them were of him leaving the courtroom, dressed in a black suit and gray button down shirt, he looked older. He was still the most handsome man I had ever seen and I found myself touching the screen of my laptop just to feel close to him. I clicked picture after picture until I found a press video. I bit the corner of my lower lip as my hand once again took over as I pressed play.

“Mr. Nichols, can we get a statement please?
” “How do you feel about your early release?” “What’s going through your head?” “Are you going to be able to see your child?” “How is your family taking the news?” Please, Mr. Nichols, what do you plan to do now?” “What are feeling?” Reporters badgered.

“Please stand back, let him breathe
,” his lawyer informed. He whispered something in his ear and he nodded. “Mr. Nichols has agreed to release a statement.”

Microphones clouded his face
. “I would like to move on with my life. I need to move forward and forget about the past. I would greatly appreciate if you could respect my privacy during this time,” he declared. His lawyer placed his hand on his back and tried to maneuver him away. The press was relentless and followed them all the way to their car. The video cut out as they were driving away.

I closed my laptop and it made a harsh sound
. I threw it on the other couch like it was diseased infected. I paced around my living room trying to focus on something other than him. When that didn’t work, I jumped in the shower. I washed and scrubbed my body roughly, wanting to get the imprint of him off my skin; the redder it turned, the harder I would scrub.

“Goddamn it!” I yelled.

“Ugh! I don’t understand this. I hate this class. No! I don’t hate this class. I hate this material. I mean who talks like this? Why do we need to learn something that was written centuries ago? I’m never going to use this; you know that, right? Its mindless, useless information teachers use to torture their students,” I blabbed the word vomit.

He laughed
. “You do understand it; you’re just being stubborn.”

My eyes widened
. “I am not. I don’t get this and it’s stupid. Why are you trying to make me stupider.”

“Don’t talk about yourself like that. You’re very intelligent, I’ve been helping you for the last two months and you understand the material, Gianna, you just don’t care to apply yourself
,” he remarked.

“You sound exactly like my father. I do apply myself, I’m just not as capable as McKenzie is.”

He folded his arms and leaned back on his desk. “What does McKenzie have anything to do with this?” he questioned.

I shook my head and grabbed my pencil
. “Nothing. Never mind. Let’s keep going. So Shakespeare–”

“G, that won’t work with me
,” he asserted, making me look directly at him. He rarely called me G and when he did, it would send shivers down my spine. The look on his face was always the same, like he could see through me as opposed to at me.

I felt my guard coming down, the wall I created to keep people at bay lowering itself.

I shrugged. “Everyone expects something from me.”

He nodded
. “I know.”

“What do you mean?”

“What do you expect? Huh? What would you like people to see?” he asked.

“I don’t know anymore. I don’t know if I
ever know.”

He chuckled
. “You know, when you lie, you give yourself away. It’s really interesting to witness; you’re confident all the time, until you lie. It’s your body’s defense mechanism. I believe it’s so someone calls you out on your bullshit. You’re eagerly waiting for someone to call your bluff. Why is that?”

I was taken
aback; no one had ever called me out before, not even Jake or Mack. I didn’t know how to respond.

He grinned at my discomfort
. “There’s so much more to you than meets the eye. You should give people the opportunity to get to know the real you. I’ve had the pleasure of seeing her a few times.”

I blushed and turned my face away; I wanted to crawl into an empty space.

“That shade of red looks amazing on you, brings out your eyes,” he praised, taking me away from thoughts and back to his eyes. They were now dark and intense, his pupils had dilated. He pushed off his desk and locked eyes with me. He walked to the front of my desk and bent down, his hands grabbing at the ends for balance.

“
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate: Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May, but thy eternal summer shall not fade, so long as men can breathe, or eyes can see, so long lives this, and this gives life to thee,”
[5]
he eloquently recited Shakespeare, never taking his eyes away from mine. I licked my dry lips and he followed suit. I wanted to be the one who licked at his lips and the feeling was mutual.

“
Want me to tell you what I think it means?”

I fervently nodded.

“It means that love is eternal and it’s in the eye of the beholder. A summer’s day can transform however the climate may change, and then it will eventually move to another season. While summer may leave, it will always come back, as will the eternal love that they share. As long as both souls are breathing, they are one, because a force bigger than either of them can understand, has them connected for the rest of their lives. And this is the reason for their existence,” he explained and I found myself leaning in, trying to get closer to his lips that I so desperately wanted to taste. He started to lean in and that’s when I closed my eyes. I heard the balls of his feet move and I opened them only to witness him getting up and moving away from me.

Had I just imagined all that?

“Now do you understand Shakespeare?” he inquired with the lust still evident in his eyes.

I smiled
knowing I didn’t imagine it. “Absolutely.”