Shifting Gears (27 page)

His words start flooding back into my
brain, like pieces to a puzzle. I’m desperately trying to put them
all together, read between the lines. And all the while, Aunt Helen
is watching me.

I finally mumble, “Maybe they just
went for a ride.” Not convinced in the slightest.

“Funny thing, him taking his handcuffs
and gun with him on a ride with the dog.”

My head suddenly becomes hot and
prickly fingers travel down my spine in fear.

Oh my God. Is it Vinnie. Is he here?
In Atlanta?

“You thinking maybe he was looking for
somebody in Atlanta?” she asks me, excitedly.

“I don’t know.”

“Well, is he looking for somebody
right now?”

“I don’t know.”

She’s looking at me still, and I know
what she’s thinking—the exact same thing I am. I don’t know shit. I
mean, I know a lot about Holt’s childhood now, what made him the
man he is, but I don’t know a thing about the Holt he is today. The
here and now. The part I’m in. Or am I? I don’t even fucking know
that. It’s one thing to tell me how he feels about me, even though
he still hasn’t actually said the words, but what does he plan on
doing with those feelings?

“Why don’t you call him,
sweetheart?”

I guess I’m not doing such a good job
of hiding my discomfort. I try to overcome my fears, convince
myself he hasn’t left...again.

I pull my phone out and call him, but
all I get is voicemail.

“Um, hey, it’s Niki. Just wondering if
you were coming back soon. Aunt Helen has made us breakfast... Call
me.” I hang up. I’m in a panic. Completely freaking out.

I try to hide it, but Aunt Helen sees
all.

“Baby, what’s the matter? I’m sure
he’s okay.”

She thinks I’m worried about his
safety. If only she knew what was going on in my head. The torture.
It seems no matter what he says to me, the way he left me before is
going to continue to haunt me, make me think the worst every time
he disappears.

He should never have left me like
that. No matter how much he tells me now what he feels for me, it
doesn’t take away what it did to me.

“Come on. Let’s eat, and maybe we’ll
go for a walk until he gets back.”

Aunt Helen’s voice calms me, a little.
Brings me back down, a little. I don’t want to go for a walk. I
want to scream at the top of my lungs:
Niki, you stupid fucking
idiot
. I finish my breakfast and join Aunt Helen on a
walk.

Twenty minutes later, I’m trying to
enjoy the beautiful day, which is thankfully mild for summer in
Atlanta.

As usual, this place and my Aunt Helen
calm me.

I half-expect her to drill me about
Holt, and I’m ready for the onslaught, but it never comes. Instead,
she walks alongside me, her arm entwined with mine, enjoying the
peacefulness. Even though we’re in Atlanta, the big city, it
doesn’t feel like it.

We’re on the outskirts, in one of the
few remaining rural areas. Full of wide open space. Most of the
land surrounding Aunt Helen’s is still working farmland. Odd to
think that such a place still exists in Atlanta, but it does, and
it’s a wonderfully beautiful escape.

“It’s so peaceful here. I miss it. I
wish I could pack all this up, and you, of course, and bring it
back with me.”

“Sweetheart, you know you’re always
welcome here. You could find a job at one of the hospitals here in
the city just as easily.”

Tightening my hold on her arm, I say,
“You know I can’t leave Hobbs. I love the people and the animals
there too much. I would miss them, and oh my God, they keep me
laughing every day.”

I start telling her about the latest
incident with Alfie as my phone rings. I pull it out of my pocket.
It’s Holt.

“Where are you?” he says in a very
demanding, angry voice, even before I get the chance to say hello.
Seriously?

“Aunt Helen and I are out on a walk,”
I quickly say to him, trying to keep my calm, not wanting to show
my anger in front of Aunt Helen.

“Where the fuck are you right now
exactly?”

Damn it, he’s pissing me off. He gets
to leave me, I have no clue where the hell he is, but I can’t go
for a walk? Yeah, I can see I need to tell him about my
insecurities, which are very much still alive and festering, thanks
to him.

“We’re walking back up the street now,
about to reach the drive.”

I hear a click.

I turn to see Aunt Helen watching me
intently. I fake a smile. “That was Holt. He’s home now, wondering
where we are.”

At the top of the drive, there’s no
sign of Holt outside, only Sex on Wheels parked near the house and
Kilo, who runs up to us. Inside, Aunt Helen heads off to the
kitchen, and I go to my room, hoping to avoid Holt until I calm
down, before saying something I don’t want Aunt Helen to
hear.

I open my bedroom door only to be
yanked in. Holt slams the door behind me in a fury and pins me up
against the wall.

“What the fuck did I tell you,
Nicolette?” he growls at me. “Didn’t I tell you not to go walking
anywhere?”

Damn. He had told me that, but I’d
forgotten. I feel so comfortable and safe here...and then I’d got
all caught in not knowing where Holt was. The promise I’d made him
at the deli that day had escaped my mind.

“Holt, seriously, Vinnie doesn’t know
this place. He wouldn’t know to come looking for me
here.”

“You don’t know that,
woman.”

“You know something I
don’t?”

He pushes past my question with his
anger. “That doesn’t matter. I fucking told you not to walk
anywhere without me. Fuck.”

I shush him—Aunt Helen is downstairs,
trying to listen in, I’m sure. No way in hell do I want her knowing
about Vinnie. “What do you mean it doesn’t matter? Where were you,
Holt? Did you find Vinnie? Did you find Doc?”

“No.” He shakes his head, his voice
filled with what sounds like frustration and anger.

That’s all I get? I let out a
frustrated sigh and throw my hands up. “No, you didn’t find Vinnie?
No, you didn’t find Doc? Which is it?”

“Nicolette, I was working. I had to
meet someone. That’s where I was.”

“And you had to take your gun and
handcuffs with you to meet someone?”

When he looks at me now, there’s fury
in his eyes. “Babe, I don’t go anywhere without my gun and cuffs,
unless it’s following you into bed.”

I quietly wait for the heat wave
coursing through my body to subside. I stand there, locked in his
stare.

“Look, I know you feel safe here, but,
babe, nowhere is safe until we know if Vinnie is going to make a
play for you or not.”

Holt’s phone rings, and he pulls it
out to answer, but doesn’t release me, still pinning me up against
the wall. “Maddox. Talk. Yeah, I got her. Right. Yeah, right, same
place.”

Who is he talking to, and who does he
have? Me? Is he talking about me? Or did he just finish a job
hunting a woman? I blow out another sigh, frustrated at knowing a
damn thing. I push him off me, walk over to my bed, and plop down.
I kick off my chucks as he exchanges a few more trivial words with
the unknown caller, giving me nothing.

When he hangs up, he sits next to me
on my bed. He does that thing with my hair, pushing it behind my
ear, and I try not to let it drive me crazy. I need to hold my
ground. I wait for him to acknowledge the call, tell me who he was
talking to, whether it was about me or not.

Instead, he brings his lips to my
forehead and kisses me gently. “Babe, you gotta understand, when I
don’t know where you are, with that fucker Vinnie around, I don’t
like it. It drives me fucking insane, baby. Just thinking of Vinnie
laying a hand on you fucking winds me up, babe. I can’t fucking
think straight. I’ve waited three years, Nicolette, three fucking
years for this, for my chance to have you again. That fucker is not
gonna take it away from me, not that fucking easy.”

At his words, the vulnerability that
lies behind that rock-hard badass body of his, I melt. I stroke his
beautifully defined jaw line. “Okay, okay, but can you at least
leave me a note or something? Waking up and seeing you gone, I
still have—”

My own vulnerability surfaces, and his
body stiffens. I shy away from my words, because I’m still not
ready to let him have it all. I can’t.

He doesn’t speak, only wraps his arms
around me, embracing me tightly, almost taking my breath away. Both
of us are damaged, and for the first time, we silently make one
another aware of it.

“Tell me you love me,
baby.”

“I love you,” I whisper.

The rest of the weekend went by too
quickly, as it always did when I went back to my childhood home.
Holt didn’t have to do much to win over Aunt Helen, just smile and
be the gentleman he was, helping her cook our dinner Saturday
night, our last night there. I’m pretty sure if she were younger,
she would give me a run for my money with the way she was carrying
on with him. Giggling, laughing, and smiling at him. He knows
exactly what to say and do to get that giggle out of her, showing
me another side of him. Scary, badass hot guy exterior, but inside
he has the charm to make an old lady feel young again. Her laugh is
infectious, and I love to hear it. Luckily, I heard it a lot as a
child. There always was a lot of laughter in that home, she made
sure of it.

As it turns out, saying goodbye is
just as difficult for Holt as it is for me. It’s always hard for me
to say goodbye to her, but at least I was expecting it. Holt, on
the other hand, didn’t seem to see it coming. Aunt Helen and I
watch as he bends down to brush Kilo’s coat with his hand. They
both look sad, and it’s a little heartbreaking, but I’m sure he
agrees being here is the best thing for Kilo right now.

Aunt Helen turns to embrace me and
whispers in my ear, “Sweetheart, I don’t know what the two of
you’ve got going on, what would make that boy so mad he’d throw a
bottle like he did,” yeah, she didn’t miss a thing, truly, “but I
can tell. Both of you have a lot of built up something, and you
need to get it out. You remember my words, baby, don’t look back.
Keep it moving. You live for now, like it’s your last day. No
regrets. I like him, and you’ve never brought anybody home for me
to meet before. I have to say he was worth the wait,
sweetheart.”

She’s only telling me what I already
knew. She’s been recruited for the fan club...

“You just make sure if he’s the one,
you don’t wait long and get me some grandbabies. I’m not getting
any younger, you know. Though, by the look of him, with all that
pent up energy, something tells me it’s not gonna take
long.”

Oh my God. I can always count on Aunt
Helen not to hold back. I roll my eyes at her and laugh as I kiss
her on the cheek then we turn our attention back to Holt with Kilo.
The two of them appear to have finished their goodbyes, and Holt is
walking toward us with Kilo in tow. He wraps his arms around Aunt
Helen, giving her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. She giggles and
blushes, terribly, and I hold back the laughter at the
sight.

“Thank you for taking Kilo in for me.
He might not want to come back to me if he knows he’s got to leave
this beautiful place.”

She laughs, but when she speaks,
there’s pride in her voice. “No rush, dear. He’s welcome here for
however long you need. I hope to see that handsome face of yours
again too.” She glances at me. I glare at her, and she grins,
knowing what I’m silently saying to her but ignoring me. “It will
make me rest better at night now that I know you are around to keep
an eye on her.”

“I plan on doing a lot more than just
keeping an eye on her, but yes, ma’am.”

Aunt Helen lets out a woot. “Now
that’s a man that knows what he wants and sets to getting it. You
two have a safe drive back home. Niki, baby, call me as soon as you
get in, okay? And give that sweet girl, Cassie, a kiss for
me.”

“I will.” I hug her again and whisper
in her ear, “You are absolutely incorrigible.”

She laughs. “I know. You just remember
my words, baby.”

As we pull out of the driveway and
onto the road, I turn back to see my aunt standing at the end of
the drive with Kilo by her side, waving as we drive away. The two
of them are absolutely perfect for each other, and I’m so pleased I
thought of putting them together.

When I turn back to Holt, I can see
sorrow in his face. He’s missing Kilo already. “You know he’s going
to be just fine. He’ll love it here.”

“I know, babe. I’m glad I can give
your aunt some companionship. It’s just that it’s been me and him
for a long time. I know what it feels like to be alone, babe,
wishing you were somewhere else, with someone else.”

Chills go down my spine as I picture
him sitting in some sleazy-ass motel. Alone.

“So what were the two of you laughing
about?” Holt asks me, pulling me out of my thoughts.