Shut Up and Kiss Me (20 page)

Unease unfurled in his gut, and a shiver that had nothing to do with the cold fall rain soaking him to the bone curled its way up his spine. “Mila,” he said, his voice sounding gruff and broken, even to his own ears. Reaching for her arm, he curled his hand around her wrist, tethering her to him. “What’s going on? What’s wrong?” He stared down into her face, feeling desperate.

“
Nothing,” she answered softly, the lie appearing to pain her even further. “Nothing. I just have to go. I’m so sorry, Will, I never meant hurt you… I didn’t know…” She stuttered and stammered for several moments before releasing a hard breath, her body tensing even further. “I have to leave,” she whispered, the stark note of finality in her tone not at all lost on Will.

“
Where?” he demanded in a loud yell, dread curdling in his gut. “Where are you going? When are you coming back?” Suddenly finding himself inexplicably angry, he fired off his questions, one after another. “You can’t just go, not like this!” he shouted, sounding desperate and pathetic to his own ears but unable to stop himself. “Were you even going to tell me?”

Mila averted her eyes, giving him his answer and worsening his rising anger.

“
Mila,” he demanded, her name sounding hard and demanding upon his lips. He held tighter to her wrist. “Look at me.” He gave her a slight shake, but she still refused to look up. This was all so wrong, he couldn’t help thinking—this wasn’t how this was supposed to go. His thoughts, already ablaze, began spinning around and around before finally settling on the only possible scenario he could think of.

“
I’m sorry I lied,” he continued, his words almost begging, “I never meant to hurt you.”

“
It’s not you,” she cried, her gaze finally lifting to his. Staring up at him beneath her wet lashes, rain or tears or both rolled down her cheeks and onto her wet T-shirt, the dusky pink fabric soaked and nearly see-through. “It’s not you!” she repeated, attempting to free her arm from his grasp. “It’s me! I’m no good for you, Will.” She shook her head wildly. “You don’t understand!”

“
So tell me—help me to understand. Please, Mila.”

A horn blazed loudly from behind them. Will glanced over his shoulder to find the cab driver glaring at them from the open window, dismissing him and turning back to Mila, feeling panicked. She was leaving? With no explanation and with what looked like nearly everything she owned, save her furniture?

“
Mila, please,” he practically growled, feeling both helpless and furious. “Tell me what’s wrong, let me help you.”

“
You can’t help me!” she shouted, and with a hard jerk wrenched free of his grip. Taking a stumbling step backwards and up the stairs, she glared down at him. “You can’t fucking help me. No one can help me.”

There was no doubt in Will’s mind that they were drawing unwanted attention, but in a city this large, with such a large variety of people, such spectacles were commonplace, and at the moment he couldn’t care less who was watching. All he cared about was Mila, and the fact that he was losing her after just barely finding her—and for a reason he couldn’t even begin to guess at.

Her eyes were darting to and fro, looking anxiously around him and toward the waiting cab. “Please,” she pleaded. “Please, Will, I need to go! I’m so sorry but I need to go!”

Locking his jaw, he folded his arms across his sopping jacket and shook his head. “Not until you tell me what the hell is going on.”

For a moment he thought she was actually going to oblige him. Her pressed lips parted, the panic in her features seeming to ease fractionally, but just as quickly as her expression shifted, it changed course once again—this time to determination. She swung the bag in her hand forward, forcing him to move to the side to avoid it, and the moment he did, she raced down the remaining steps and ran for the taxi.

Whipping around, nearly tripping over his own feet as he lunged for her, he grabbed hold of her forearm and yanked her back to face him. Her bare arm was slippery, causing him to nearly lose his hold on her. Grabbing onto her other arm, he forced her to face him and pressed a hard kiss to her lips.

“
I love you,” he hissed, staring down into her face, her cheeks wet and flushed, “and before you run off to God-only-knows-where and leave me standing here like a fucking fool, you owe me some sort of an explanation.”

Mila froze. Her body, her gaze, even her breath seemed to freeze. Then slowly, while the rain continued to downpour all around them, while the taxi driver began to call out to them, while irritated people bumped and pushed their way around them, Mila blinked.

“
What?” she whispered, the lone word nearly drowned out by the thunder erupting from above.

Gritting his teeth, Will released her only to grab hold of her purse and pull it from her now weakened grip. Leaving her standing there, he turned away while freeing his wallet from his back pocket. After tossing a fifty-dollar bill inside the cab, he stalked around to the back of the taxi and began pulling her bags from the trunk. With her purse looped over his shoulder, he began dragging the two massive suitcases back toward her building and up the stairs. Setting them both inside the small foyer, he made his way back into the rain to scoop up the fallen bag she’d sent flying down the stairs. When he was done stacking her belongings, he turned to face her. She hadn’t yet moved. The taxi was now pulling away, and Mila was still standing in the middle of the sidewalk, the rain still pummeling her as she stared up at him, no longer panicked but with a somewhat dazed expression.

Feeling slightly calmer now himself, knowing that at least for the moment he had made her stop running, he had made her listen to him, and that maybe this nightmare would be over soon, he jogged back down the steps toward her. Reaching her quickly, he took her hand in his. Meaning to lead her back inside and out of the rain, he tugged on her arm and began to turn.

“
You love me?” she whispered.

Will turned back around, seeing her beautiful face streaked with tears and her mesmerizing eyes blinking up at him.

Yes, he’d said the
L
word, hadn’t he? Yes, he had. And it was too late to unsay it. And now, whatever the consequences were going to be, he’d have to deal with them. He hadn’t known he was going to say it, he hadn’t really thought about it—not until the words tumbled out of his mouth and he realized that yes, he did in fact love this woman completely. He had never said it to a woman before, and until now hadn’t really thought about what the repercussions could be.

“
I do,” he said, swallowing back the unease that threatened. “You’re a smart, funny, and beautiful woman, Mila—the kind of woman I’ve been looking for my entire life.”

“
But we just met,” she stammered. “How can you—”

“
Because,” he interrupted, “when it’s right, it’s right. And this is right, I feel it. Me and you, Mila, I feel this.” He took a steadying breath before continuing. “So whatever is going on with you, I want to help. You need to let me help you. Just talk to me, Mila. Tell me what’s going on, because I’m not going anywhere, and I don’t want you to go anywhere, either.”

Her eyelids shuttered, and all at once her entire body seemed to deflate. But he was far from done. Feeling more impassioned than he could ever remember feeling before, experiencing a freeing fullness within him that he didn’t think existed until that very moment, he stepped forward, invading every last inch of her personal space, and hugged her body to his.

Another round of thunder rumbled through the skies, followed by a flash of lightning. Shivering, Mila molded herself to him, her arms encircling his waist. Looking up at him through several thick clumps of wet hair hanging in front of her face, her red-rimmed, bloodshot gaze met his.

“
I love you, too,” she murmured, seeming shocked by her own admission. “I love you, Will,” she said again, this time with more confidence.

It was a damn confounding moment for Will. On one hand, he was experiencing total and utter joy; and on the other, he was still feeling wildly confused and somewhat slighted that she had intended to just leave him and never come back, with no explanation or goodbye. He had a million questions that needed answers, but by the looks of her—exhausted, emotionally spent, and reeling from everything that had just taken place—now wasn’t the right time to ask them.

Shut up
, he told himself,
and kiss her.

He moved a hand to cup her cheek, and tilted her face up toward him, letting the cold rain splash against her warm lips. It was slow kiss at first, tentative and soft, him simply nudging his mouth against hers. Then Mila took control, deepening their kiss further and further until it seemed that her once tumultuous emotions causing her to run from him were now driving her to him.

Her hands slid up under his jacket and shirt, prying the wet material from him as her fingertips dug into the skin on his back. Gripping her even tighter, holding firm to a fistful of her wet air, he kissed her back with equal enthusiasm, forgetting the fact that they were standing in the middle of a rainstorm on a New York City sidewalk, with people hurrying around them.

He loved her. She loved him. Everything else—hell, everyone else—could wait.

Will dragged my suitcases
back inside my apartment. He ushered me in front, possibly afraid to let me walk behind him, maybe thinking I might make another dash for it. But I wasn’t going anywhere, though that was probably the worst decision I could make. Because if I loved him—if I did truly love him—I would leave. I would go, vanish without another word, all in the hopes of keeping him safe. But I knew in my heart that I couldn’t let him go—let us go. Not now. I had tasted happiness, I had found love—real love—and I selfishly wanted more.

Will shut the door behind him, and we stood facing one another in silence for a long time, both of us hesitant to speak, the rain dripping from our soaked clothes and bodies. I knew that I was beginning to care deeply for him, I just hadn’t realized how deep it had gone. But now we had declared our love for one another. That wasn’t something that should be said lightly, or easily, yet it had been easy. To say it to him. Because I did love him, I just hadn’t realized it until he had said it.

“
Will, I—”

“
Mila—”

We both started to talk and stopped at the same time, Will growing more and more agitated with each passing moment. Will was a man who was used to getting what he wanted, when he wanted it. I knew that this was hard on him; I could see it written all over his face. I was going to leave, I wasn’t going to say goodbye or give him any closure, or a reason for my disappearing. It was a terrible thing to do, I knew that, but I hadn’t been thinking straight, and it hadn’t been an intentional slight to him. Yet standing here looking at him, seeing the hurt on his face because of what I had been going to do, and the confusion at his own declaration for me, I knew that he deserved something. An explanation, an apology—more, if I could give it. But I had nothing to give him. Nothing but me.

“
I’m sorry.” I said the words, meaning them with all my heart.

He swallowed and nodded slowly, his eyes never leaving mine. The rain had soaked me to my core, a sharp chill beginning to set in as my teeth began to chatter.

“
I never intended to hurt you,” I added, not knowing where to start, or what I should tell him. The truth would be a good place to start, but the truth was dangerous, and Will would want to run from me, or maybe he’d want to help—only he couldn’t. No one could help me. Again I questioned staying when I should be running—if not for my safety, then for his.

“
Did I do something wrong?” he asked, furrowing his brow.

“
No. God, no. It’s not you, it’s—”

“
Me,” he said, sounding angry. “You were just going to go, without even saying goodbye to me?”

I nodded.

“
You weren’t coming back, were you?”

Despite the cold I flushed hot, embarrassment and shame crawling up my neck. “I’m sorry. There’s just…things I don’t want to talk about. Private things.” I looked down at my feet. Having to keep seeing the hurt in his eyes physically pained me.

“
You wouldn’t understand,” I mumbled, sucking in my bottom lip.

“
So explain it to me.” His voice was rough, gritty, and thick with emotion.

Looking back up at him, I shook my head. “I can’t.”

“
You won’t,” he said, frowning.

“
I’m sorry.”

“
You already said that,” he bit out.