Sigrun's Secret (30 page)

‘That’s why your parents don’t want you to marry me,’ I said, realization dawning. ‘I couldn’t understand it. I thought they didn’t like me, or thought I wasn’t good enough for you. But it’s because they don’t want you drawn into our family’s feud. Well, I don’t blame them. I don’t want it either.’

Ingvar’s face was so sad as he stood there listening to me, that it made me ache. I loved him; I loved him with my whole heart and soul, but there was only one way to keep him safe. We couldn’t be together.

‘I won’t marry you,’ I told him fiercely.

He looked as though I’d slapped him. He stood quite still, staring at me. ‘But you … we … Sigrun, please! Be reasonable. How can I go in to Asgrim now and tell him I’ve changed my mind? He’ll think I’m afraid.’

The wind roared in from the sea again, almost taking my breath away and buffeting us both. ‘I don’t care what you tell him, and I don’t care what he thinks. I have the lowest possible opinion of Asgrim right now. He causes nothing but trouble. Ingvar,
please
say you won’t support him.’

Ingvar stood looking wretched. His face wore a look of agonized indecision and I could sense the battle raging within him. I held my breath, praying I had persuaded him to see sense. Ingvar turned and looked out to sea for a moment. Then, taking a deep breath, he turned back.

‘Sigrun, believe me, I love you more than you can possibly imagine. You’re everything to me. But I cannot in all honour break my word to your brother after I’ve given it.’

‘I don’t want anyone to support my brother in this bloodlust. It’s madness, and will only make things worse. If you won’t listen, then it’s over. You’re nothing more to me than a neighbour.’

I turned away from him, unable to bear the pain I could feel in him. I’d offered him an impossible choice, but all I could think of was that he hadn’t chosen me. I ran along the cliff. The wind battered me, stealing my breath, numbing my terrible pain. I wasn’t saying no to Ingvar just for a short time. If this feud went on, I’d never be able to marry him. It would be exposing him and any sons we ever had to mortal danger.

When I was sure Ingvar wasn’t trying to follow me, I cut up the hill to the horses. The wind was in my back now, and blew me along, the great gusts making me stumble, whipping my hair into my eyes so it was hard to see where I was going. I had to say those things to Ingvar. I had to hurt him. I wanted to run back and tell him I didn’t mean them. But I didn’t let myself, because this was the only way I could think of to keep him safe.

There were four riding horses picketed on the hillside, beyond the burnt-out shell of what had once been their stable. I hugged them and breathed their familiar scent, comforted by their calm presence. It was balm to the appalling emptiness inside me. The happiness and the hope I’d carried with me for so long was gone: I could no longer believe that Ingvar and I had a future together.

I stayed with the horses a long time, until the evening light dimmed in the sky and it grew too cold to remain outdoors. I hoped Ingvar would have left by now, but when I walked into the house, he was sitting by the door waiting for me. It was almost dark inside the longhouse. Everyone else was asleep, but Ingvar caught my wrist as I tried to push past him.

‘I know why you said what you did,’ he said in a hurt voice. ‘You’re trying to stop me going with Asgrim. But I think he’s right. He can’t have everyone saying he has only the courage of a slave. He has to prove himself and end this. And Sigrun: I’ll go with him anyway. As his friend.’

I tore away from Ingvar. I was so angry, so distressed, I wouldn’t look at him or speak to him. He waited a few moments and then flung his cloak around himself and left.

I leaned against the wall, prey to the darkest despair. I’d quarrelled with Ingvar and for what? He was risking his life anyway.

‘Sigrun!’ a voice whispered in the gloom.

I looked up and saw my mother beckoning me from the door of her room. I went softly over to her and she drew me inside. We sat down on the bed, looking at each other by the flickering light of a fish-oil lamp. I could feel her grief, and I knew she saw mine radiating in my aura.

‘You can’t stop them,’ she whispered. ‘For men, concepts of honour are absolute.’

‘But it’s senseless,’ I said. ‘It’s a pointless waste of life. And it won’t end anything, can’t they see that? It’ll carry on and on.’

‘You and I see that. We bring life into the world and nurture it. They see it quite differently.’

‘Have you seen the outcome of this?’ I asked, dreading the answer.

But Thora shook her head. ‘I saw only the intention to seek revenge,’ she said. ‘Not what will happen. Sigrun, you can’t change their idea of what’s right.’

I didn’t go to bed. Instead, I sat by the embers of the fire, and held my amulet in my hand. It was growing light before I knew what to do. The idea came to me in a rush. It was so brilliant that it could only have come from the goddess.

I climbed softly into the sleeping loft and woke Maria. She sat up at once, alert and ready. I whispered a few words in her ear and then she dressed quickly for a journey. When she came down, I was waiting by one of the chests Asgrim had brought home with him. I bent to lift it, indicating to Maria that she should take the other end. Her eyes widened as she realized what I intended, but she did as I asked. The chest was heavy and we staggered as we crept silently out of the house, carrying it as far as we could.

‘One more,’ I said, still panting with effort. Maria looked awed.

‘He be so angry!’ she said breathlessly.

‘I couldn’t care less.’ I was completely focused, and nothing as trivial as my brother’s anger would turn me from it. ‘He stole from us. I’m stealing back, and for a much better purpose.’

‘What purpose?’ Maria asked.

‘I’m going to settle the dispute. With your help, if you will, and without violence,’ I said. ‘There are ways it can be done, but it will involve large gifts.’

‘I help you,’ said Maria at once.

The second chest was even heavier than the first, but we managed to drag it out too. I fetched all four horses from the pickets, buckling on the largest saddlebags I could find. I took my father’s axe down from the wall, and took it with me.

With the blunt back of the axe, I smashed the locks from the chests. Inside were bags and bags of coins, gold and silver jewellery, goblets, pearls and rolls of silk. We both gasped when we saw the contents.

‘Help me stuff it all in the saddlebags,’ I told Maria. ‘As quickly as we can. We mustn’t be caught.’

We both worked to transfer as much as we could, and then we abandoned the bulkier items and the chests.

‘I wish I’d had time to teach you to ride,’ I said apologetically. ‘You’ll just have to hang on and do your best.’

I helped Maria climb onto her horse and put her feet into the stirrups.

‘Oh,’ she gasped, clutching at its mane. ‘It’s so high up … and oooh!’ She squealed as the horse took a step forward. ‘It
wobbles
!’

‘Hush,’ I begged her. ‘Just hang on tight. Hold the mane or the saddle. You’ll be all right. She’ll follow the other horses.’

I swung myself onto my own horse. Turning towards the mountains, I pushed my mount swiftly forward, leading the two spare, heavily-laden horses. Maria’s horse followed more slowly, knowing it had a novice on its back, stopping to snatch mouthfuls of grass from time to time. I could hear Maria’s half-suppressed squeaks and gasps of fear. It was very unfortunate she’d never learned to ride, but there was no one else I could trust. Even my mother wouldn’t do what I was doing now.

By the time the sun rose, we were out of sight of the house and over the pass. I’d been forced to lead Maria’s horse as well as the spare ones, because it was more interested in grazing than in keeping up, but we’d covered more ground than I’d hoped for. Maria was hanging on tightly to the front of the saddle, looking slightly green, her face screwed up.

‘What’s wrong?’ I asked her. ‘Are you in pain?’

‘Yes. My back end on fire, my legs all stretched and my tummy go up and down like on ship,’ said Maria, summing up her sufferings.

I couldn’t help grinning. ‘That bad? I’m very sorry. Do you wish you hadn’t come?’

‘Oh, no. I very glad I not home. Your brother be soooo angry,’ said Maria, and then she winced again as her horse broke into a trot. ‘I just big hope he not catch us.’

‘He won’t. The other horses are all up in the hills, grazing on the spring grass,’ I said. I smiled to myself as I thought of my brother’s rage. ‘He’ll have to find them or walk to Helgi’s to borrow a horse. By then we should be at Arnor’s, and Asgrim can be as angry as he likes.’

‘Your brother young and very brave,’ said Maria. ‘He settle down when he older. Who Arnor and why we go to him?’

‘Arnor is the man whose baby daughter I delivered two days ago. He’s a
godi
, which means that he can intercede with the gods, leading sacrifices and so on, and also deal with matters of law. I plan to ask him to negotiate with Halfgrim for us,’ I explained. ‘The treasure is our bargaining tool. Halfgrim thinks my father robbed his father.’ I paused, remembering what my father had told me. ‘Well, in fact, I believe he did. So we owe him. And the only way to end a dispute without bloodshed, is by settlement. Payment. I remembered in the night. I thought through all the tales of feuds I’d ever listened to and that was how they were eventually settled.’

‘But how paying Halfgrim make your brother honour again?’ asked Maria puzzled, and struggling to find the words in my language for these difficult concepts. ‘Surely it make him feel worse? Sigrun, Halfgrim
kill
your father.’

‘I haven’t forgotten,’ I said bitterly. ‘And I’m still working on how it will solve things exactly. I hope Arnor will advise us. It won’t just be a payment, it’ll be a sort of exchange or bargain for peace.’

Arnor was surprised when we arrived at his farm, our horses sweating with the heavy load and the fast ride. He came out to greet us, brows raised.

‘What can I do for you, Sigrun?’ he asked.

‘I need your help urgently,’ I told him. ‘In a matter of a delicate negotiation. I’m right, aren’t I? As
godi
, you are the person to come to?’

His brow creased slightly.

‘Of course. Forgive me if I’m taken by surprise. I would have thought your brother would take on such a task, not you.’

News travelled fast despite the distances between farms, and I wasn’t surprised to hear that Arnor already knew of my brother’s return. ‘I’ve taken it upon myself to act in this matter,’ I said. ‘It’s not impossible for a woman to do so, I believe.’

‘Not impossible, merely rare,’ said Arnor. ‘I’ll be happy to help you if I can. But why didn’t you go to Helgi? He has the same powers as me.’

‘Because he was my father’s blood-brother,’ I said. ‘He isn’t neutral in our family affairs.’

‘Very well,’ nodded Arnor and I breathed a sigh of relief. ‘Won’t you come in, you and your friend, and tell me the problem over refreshments?’ He took my horse’s bridle to make it easier for me to dismount. I hesitated. I was going to have to tell Arnor the truth about Asgrim after all.

‘I am concerned my brother could be on our heels,’ I admitted. ‘He prefers the course of violence to settlement.’

‘I see. I’ll order fresh horses to be made ready for us all while you take a drink,’ Arnor promised.

I dismounted then, sliding to the ground and giving my weary horse a pat, while Arnor lifted Maria down from the saddle. She groaned and hobbled as she tried to walk, and I took her arm to support her.

I poured out our whole family history over refreshments, or at least what I knew of it. It was a strange experience to speak openly about what had been such a closely-guarded secret for so many years. Arnor’s wife, Thurid, listened, horror-struck, clutching her baby to her. Arnor on the other hand heard me calmly and nodded. ‘I’ve heard of this Halfgrim. He’s only recently settled near here. It’ll be tricky if he’s broken one agreement already. But I think we might arrange a settlement both families can live with. Especially as you’re disposed to be generous.’

He got up and began to give orders. I quickly understood he was bringing quite a number of men. I was glad of that, not wanting to be at Halfgrim’s mercy again. All over the house, men of Arnor’s household were rolling bedding furs and packing food into saddlebags. I felt guilty for the disruption. But I was trying to save lives; to avoid bloodshed, misery, and grief for my family.

‘Why don’t you leave Maria with me?’ Thurid asked me. ‘She’s much too tired to ride on. It’s at least two days’ ride to Halfgrim’s farm.’

I glanced at Maria, who was leaning wearily against the table looking pale and shaken from the long ride.

‘I
want
to go,’ Maria said sorrowfully. ‘But … ’

I hugged my foster sister close. ‘You helped me when I needed you most,’ I told her. ‘Thank you. Stay here and recover. I’ll be fine now.’