Silence

SILENCE

By Natasha Preston

Copyright 2013 Natasha Preston

The right Natasha Preston to be identified as the Author of the Work has been asserted by her in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the publisher, nor be otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

All characters in this publication are fictional and any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental.

Acknowledgements

Thank you to the wonderful readers on Wattpad for supporting this book and encouraging me to publish it. Thank you to Mollie Wilson for creating the new cover – I love it!  And a special thanks to my editor, Hannah.

Dedicat
ion

For my mum, Sharon.

Chapter One

Oakley

Most people have heard the phrase, ‘Silence is golden’; many would agree with it: people with screaming children running wild around the house or working in a noisy office. For me, however, it meant something entirely different. Silence consumed my whole life; it suppressed things I could never express. My silence was responsible for my family’s happiness. Silence was my prison.

“Are you ready to leave, Oakley? Cole is waiting outside,” my mum said softly. She leant against the doorframe of my room and smiled warmly. Through her smile, however, I could see how tired she looked. Dark shadows were now a permanent feature under her eyes. Her smile used to be my favourite part of her. Now it was as false as my own, and it was all because of me.

Every single day I want to tell her what has happened. To have her hold me in her arms and promise me that everything would be all right, but reality stopped me every time. The fantasy I had in my head of how things would turn out was just that; a fantasy. I knew that, he had told me enough times.

Placing my hairbrush on the dresser, I turned to Mum and nodded my head once. With a deep breath, I followed her downstairs.

It wasn’t until we reached the front door that she looked at me again. “Have a good day, okay?” Almost everything she said to me was a question. As the words left her mouth, her eyes widened in the desperate hope that I would reply, and every time I responded with a brief nod, her shoulders would sag. 

I grabbed my school bag by the door and swung it over my shoulder as I walked outside.

The morning sun beamed down on me as I turned into the street, making me squint at the brightness. It was the middle of July, and almost time for school to close for the summer holidays.

Cole beeped his car horn even though he was parked right outside my house. Thanks, Cole might have missed you without that. He grinned through the window as I made my way to his car, his dark blue eyes glistening in the early light.

Cole Benson and I had been friends since we were babies. Mum had pictures of Cole holding my hand as I learned to walk. He was two years older than me, but he certainly didn’t act it. My mum and his mum, Jenna, met in high school, and they had been friends ever since.

“Good morning, sunshine,” he greeted, with a stretched grin. Unlike Mum’s, the smiles I received from him never changed. Grinning back was as natural as breathing. His happiness was infectious; our friendship had always been fun, affectionate, loving, and carefree.

It wasn’t always a bed of roses, though. There were times when he would beg and plead with me to tell him what was wrong. He had begged me to talk again. I found that harder than when Mum pleaded with me. As the one person that I could still feel normal with, I hated hurting and disappointing him.

He started the engine and his rusty old car roared to life. It hadn’t been long since he passed his driving test, but he was a good driver and I trusted him with my life – still, I gripped the seat as he sped off. We passed his house, which was just two doors away from mine, and I sighed. I hated school with a passion.

Cole talked almost continuously on the drive to school, chatting away about his car and what we would do later. Occasionally I would nod or smile in response to something he said, but apart from that I just sat and listened to him speaking. His voice was smooth and calming. Not talking to him was hard. I desperately wanted to return his quick banter with something smart of my own. But I stayed tongue-tied.

As we pulled into the half-full car park, I started to feel sick. People seemed to whisper to each other whenever I was around. I was used to it, but I still hated being the centre of all the jokes and bitchy comments.

“Oakley?” I jumped and looked up at Cole. He smiled. “You
gonna be okay today?” I nodded, grimacing slightly. I hated when we had to go our separate ways, and I wished I was older so we would be in the same year.

“Text me if you need anything,” he instructed, kissing me on the cheek, sending little bolts of electricity through my body. Cole knew I wouldn’t text him, but he still said the same thing every single day. “See you later,” he called as he walked towards the sixth form block next to the high school.

Once he was out of view, I let the smile slip from my face. There was no one to pretend to now. It was almost a relief not to have to pretend I was fine. Walking towards the entrance of school, I pulled my sleeves down over my hands and wrapped my arms around myself.
Just keep your head down. Not long until school is over for six weeks.

The bell rang, signalling the start of the school day just as I got inside the old red brick building. My form room was at the end of a corridor that seemed to stretch on for miles. I walked quickly to avoid being caught up with the people still loitering around. Taking my usual seat next to Hannah, I rested my arms on the desk.

Mornings were the hardest as there was still so much of the day to get through. Hannah smiled at me, and I returned the gesture. We weren’t necessarily friends, but she was the closest thing I had in school. She didn’t judge or treat me any differently. I just didn’t think she knew how to act around me most of the time. I liked her for trying though.

“School sucks,” she grumbled, tucking her dark black behind her ears.
Completely agreeing with you
, I thought glumly.

“Oakley, what did you do last night?” One of the boys shouted from the back of the classroom. I recognised his voice as Luke Davis, one of the biggest idiots of the school

“Sorry, I didn’t quite
hear
you.” The room erupted with laughter, and I rolled my eyes.
Original, Luke.

“Ignore them,” Hannah whispered, squeezing my arm sympathetically.

I smiled at her, and then sighed in relief as Mrs Yates walked into the room. With a quick greeting, she flipped the register open and pulled the lid off her pen. Like with everyone else, she called my name but looked up at the same time, knowing she wasn’t getting an answer. There was never any pressure from the teachers on me to talk: they made sure everything was as normal as possible wherever it could be.

After the register was called everyone chatted, waiting for the bell to ring for the first lesson. “Ready for maths?” Hannah groaned the question as the bell chimed.
Nope.
My expression mirrored hers. Maths wasn’t my favourite subject, and today was a double lesson. “Do you think we’ll ever use anything we’ve learnt in maths in the real world?” she mused.

Most definitely.
Although probably not ‘Jimmy left the station at nine in the morning, Jenny left at nine-thirty their stations were fifty miles apart, what time do they pass each other?’ questions.

I had most lessons with Hannah. We sat together through them all, but she spoke to her two other friends more, unsurprisingly since they actually answered her. That was okay with me though. I preferred to do work to pass the time.

“Good morning,” Mr Spice greeted. “Pass these around and get started.” He handed Georgie, who was sitting at the front, the stack of papers and went to sit down.

The class seemed to drag on forever. For the whole two hours, we all worked from the sheets. It was almost like doing a test.
Boredom is actually going to kill me.
I flipped the worksheet over only to find another one.

Finally, the bell rang, and it was time for the first break of the day. Stuffing my pencil case into my bag, I mentally planned my route to the next class. Helen, Laura, and Tina peered over
their shoulders as they walked towards the door, snickering. My heart dropped a little, but I tried not to let them get to me. It wouldn’t be long before we would leave school and I wouldn’t have to see them again.

Heading straight to my third lesson, I kept my head down, hoping to go unnoticed. I took the longer route to my next lesson because there
was usually less people around.

The sun was even brighter than when I left home this morning, and as it shone in my face I cradled my hand over my eyes to create little shade. Suddenly I slammed into someone that was walking around the corner. Gasping, I stumbled back.

“Sorry,” a deep voice said. I looked up and stepped back again. I felt sick as Julian grinned back at me. His smile wasn’t a friendly one, more like one from a predator that had just caught its prey. “Oakley,” he said, in what he probably thought was a playful tone.
Not now.

I gulped and straightened my back to try to look more confident than I was.
Look him in the eye
, I ordered myself.

“Miss me over the weekend?” Julian took a step towards me, and I wanted to run. Running wouldn’t help me at all though. I needed to be strong. Raising my head, I continued to stare him right in the eye. I wasn’t sure where this was going.

“Miss Farrell, Mr Howard, get to class. Now!” the head teacher, Mr Simmons bellowed. I sagged in relief and scurried off to biology, refusing to look back at Julian. I just wanted to make it through one day without anything bad happening.

At lunchtime, I walked to the exit to eat outside of the school grounds. Just as I was about to reach the front door, an arm shot out, stopping me from going further.

“Oakley,” Laura said with a fake smile. “I’m having a party on Saturday to celebrate the end of the year. You should come. What do
ya
say
?” Laura and her friend burst out laughing. How could they still find that funny? Did they ever get bored of their own stupid, pathetic jokes?

I pushed past her, almost running towards the door. The laughing stopped as soon I was outside. I’d had enough of today already and needed to leave. Blinking the tears back, I walked quickly through the car park. How could people hate me so much for doing absolutely nothing? I swallowed the lump in my throat and willed myself not to cry.

“Oakley?” Cole’s voice called out, making me instantly brighten up. I turned around to see him jogging towards me, his messy hair blowing across his forehead.

I took a shaky breath and smiled. I was not going to let them make me cry again, and I really didn’t want Cole to see me cry either. He strode across the car park and stopped right in front of me.

“Hey. Are you okay?” he asked, scanning my face. I nodded my head in confirmation. Cole raised his right eyebrow. “No, you’re not. Hold on a minute, I’ll come with you and we can talk.”

I grabbed his arm as he went to turn away and shook my head. I didn’t want him to come with me. He didn’t need to be the boy that hung out with the weird girl that didn’t talk. I nudged him in the direction of his waiting friends, telling him to go with them. He looked to his friends for a second before returning to me.

“It’s fine. I’d rather come with you,” he said, reading my actions.

Great, I’m the loser charity case that needs babysitting.
I shook my head more fiercely and clenched my jaw in frustration. Of all the people in the world, I did not want him feeling sorry for me. Cole gave a mock-exasperated sigh, his eyes tightening a little.

“Either I’m coming with you, or you’re sitting with us. It’s up to you.” He folded his arms over his chest challengingly.

“Cole, are you coming or not?” his friend, Ben shouted. I had met Ben a few times before but only in passing when Cole was walking to his car with him or something.

“Come on, babe. I’m hungry,” some girl, whose name I didn’t know, called. Babe? Cole mumbled something under his breath, but I couldn’t make it out. Who was she? Was she his girlfriend? She couldn’t be. He would have definitely told me something like that.

My chest felt like a hand had gripped it tightly. I didn’t want them to be together.
Perfect, now you’re jealous.
The thought of him being with someone else made me feel sick and want to gouge the eyes out of the girl.

“I’m going with Oakley,” he shouted back. I slapped his chest and pushed him again, which just made him laugh.
Just go!
“Eating with us it is, then.” He smirked, grabbing my hand and pulling me along with him.

I tugged my arm, trying to get my wrist out of his iron grip, but he was too strong.

“She’s sitting with us,” he explained to his group of friends.

My face flamed in embarrassment. He made me feel like a three-year-old. I was so angry that I refused to look
at him. How could he do that? He knew I didn’t like being in a group of people; I felt so out of place. They nodded, and we all walked around the building to the field at the back. Well, I didn’t walk. I was pulled like a rag roll.

The girl that had called Cole ‘babe’ didn’t look happy that I was there at all. She shot me the occasional discreet glare as we walked. I didn’t even want to sit with them in the first place, and I certainly didn’t want to sit with them if he was
with
her. Eventually we sat down, under some trees.

The nameless girl, who looked a little like a Meg from Family Guy but without the glasses, made a real effort to talk to Cole as much as she could. I didn’t blame her. Cole was an amazing guy.

I frowned at the floor and picked at the grass. I was angrier with myself than I was with Cole. I shouldn’t like him as much as I did. I wasn’t good enough for him.