Silence (4 page)

My eyes filled with tears, and I smiled. I’d gotten him back. Grabbing his hand, I squeezed gently in way of an apology. What happened yesterday wasn’t his fault at all. Cole had nothing to apologise for. His face lit up as he smiled.

“It’s okay,” he told me, knowing exactly what that gesture meant. Suddenly, he pulled my hand making me fall forward. I tried to move back, but he pulled me into a tight hug. It was a little awkward as I was sitting on his lap. It was too intimate, and I wasn’t used to intimacy feeling natural and safe. I wanted to run, but at the same time, I never wanted to leave.

I wrapped my arms around him, ignoring the tense knot in my stomach. With every passing second, I felt more comfortable. Cole would never hurt me. I knew that. We stayed in each other’s arms for a few minutes, and I was enjoying it. His fingertips were gently tickling up and down my back, giving me goose bumps.

Eventually, we both pulled away, and he seemed as reluctant as I was to let go. My feelings for him grew every day, becoming crazily confusing. Cole looked happy. His eyes were alight and his features soft. Happiness bubbled inside me at seeing him smile properly again.

“We don’t fight again. Ever again, okay?” he said seriously, holding both my hands and playing with my fingers. I nodded in agreement. That was the easiest thing I had ever agreed to.

He smiled again, flashing his white teeth.

“Good. So two weeks in Italy, hey? We have to do some water sports and hire a boat.”

I raised my eyebrow, making him laugh and shake his head. Hire a boat? Neither of us could sail, and there was no way the first time we tried was going to be alone in a foreign country.

“I guess you’re
gonna go all girly on me and want to sun bathe?” I nodded and smirked. I was pasty white and definitely wanted to get a tan. “Fine, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll suffer through that
if
you go diving with me?”

He had been trying to get me to go diving for years, but I hated the idea of it. I’m not a fan of fish and everything in the sea was all slimy,
and
the sea itself was full of sewage. I bit my lip, shaking my head and trying not to smile. The deal didn’t matter. He would sun bathe with me anyway. He always did.

Cole sighed heavily, pretending to be annoyed. “Fine but two days
sun bathing max, and you have to buy the ice creams.” I pursed my lips and nodded. That part also didn’t matter because as soon as we were there he would insist on paying.

He
laid down and pulled me with him. I almost landed on top of him but managed to move to the side just in time. We laid side-by-side, hand-in-hand, both staring up to the ceiling. I felt happy again.

“We need to get your parents to let you go out at night this time,” he said after a couple minutes of comfortable silence. That was another thing I loved about him – he thought similar things to me. However, that could just be because we spent so much time together.

I turned my head to face him, chewing my lip as I nodded. The last time we were away, I had to be back at the hotel at ten and hang out there for the rest of the evening. We needed to think of some way of convincing my parents that I was more responsible now that I was older.

Suddenly the air felt like it had been sucked from the room. Cole’s head inched closer to mine. Was he going to kiss me? I froze. Did I want that?
Yes, you know you do!

“We’ll talk to them about it later.” His voice was so quiet that he was almost whispering. The way he was looking at me made gave me butterflies and for a second I stopped breathing.

“Cole? Oakley?” Mia shouted up the stairs.

Cole’s whipped his head around. “What?” he growled towards the door. I sat up, putting a little distance between us. My heart was pounding. That was the second time she had interrupted… Something in two days.

Mia walked in seconds later and smiled widely.

“We go in two weeks! Oakley, I’m holiday shopping Monday if you wanted to come?” I nodded and smiled gratefully. I definitely needed to get some new clothes.

“I’m coming too,” Cole mumbled, still frowning at his sister. I wanted to laugh at how funny he was when he was annoyed. Did he really want to kiss me as much as I wanted to kiss him? It seemed like he did. It probably wasn’t a good idea though. If we got together, I doubted it would work out. It couldn’t. In time, my silence would drive him away.

Mia’s mouth hung open in shock. “
You
want to come shopping?”

“I need to get some stuff too, but I’m not walking around every damn shop with you two. I’ll go off on my own.” I rolled my eyes and sat back against the wall. He was impossible when we were shopping.

“Alright, but we’re gonna be out
all day
.”

He shrugged, “Yeah, whatever.”

Mia clapped her hands together in excitement, “I need to go and make a list!” She squealed and ran out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

“How the hell are we related?” he mumbled to himself, shaking his head at the door in disbelief. He really was in a mood. “So you
gonna buy a tiny bikini?” Cole asked, wiggling his eyebrows. I frowned. No, definitely not. “I was joking!” He laughed. I smiled at him, trying to make out that his comment hadn’t affected me.

He sat up against the wall next to me. His side pressed against mine as he reached over and grabbed the television remote. I smiled when he put on yesterday’s
Hollyoaks. He had still recorded it for me, even after our argument. Cole gazed at me, but quickly looked away. Was he blushing?

Cole was, without a doubt the sweetest guy in the world, and I was so lucky to have him in my life. I laid my head on his shoulder and held onto his hand as we watched television.

“Well that sucked,” Cole mumbled under his breath as Hollyoaks finished. He quickly changed the channel to some bike racing rubbish. I smiled to myself. He always said something like that when it finished, although he had spent the whole time staring intently at the TV.

To stop the boredom kicking in from the bikes zooming around in a circle, I grabbed Cole’s iPhone and started playing with one of the games I had downloaded. My phone was old and crappy, so I used Cole’s. I had never sent a text message or made a call. The only reason I had a phone was because Mum bought it for me and insisted I used it for emergencies. Mum bought it when I was eleven. The phone had sat in my bag through two years of emergencies before it was over.

After a few minutes of Cole stealing little glances at me, he turned his attention back to the TV. Did that mean he liked me or not? I wanted to know, but at the same time, I was scared to know – it would change everything.

“Do you want to go to Ben’s party?” he asked after a while. “We should leave soon if you do.”

I did want to go, but I had to get my parents’ permission first. Biting my lip, I nodded.

“I’ll go speak to your parents.”

I instantly knew they would say yes. If I was with Cole, they were happy. They trusted him.

He leapt off the bed and bounded out of his room. I smiled and
laid back, mentally planning what I should wear. Nothing revealing, not that I had anything revealing anyway. Cole would probably just wear jeans and a t-shirt, so I decided to do the same.

Chapter Four

Oakley

“Cinderella, you shall go to the ball,” Cole announced, doing a little bow from his doorway. I jumped up in excitement, making Cole laugh. “I’ll change quickly then we can drop by yours so you can get ready.” He pulled his top over his head. My head prickled, and I was sure I would be blushing.

Cole didn’t even seem to notice my discomfort. He just continued undressing. I didn’t know where to look. What were the rules? Should I just carry on as normal or keep my eyes down until he had finished?

My heart raced when I heard something heavier than a t-shirt dropping to the floor. His jeans? Heat rushed to my cheeks. Was he only in his boxers? I felt like I should leave, but Cole was between the door and me. When I heard him pick up his keys, I decided it was safe to look up.

“Ready then?” he asked, swinging his keys on his finger. I didn’t acknowledge the question; I just got up and walked past him. We made our way downstairs and found our parents in the kitchen, drinking coffee around the island.

“We’re going now,” Cole told them.

“Okay. You both have a good time. Cole, please look after her and make sure she’s home by eleven,” Dad said, kissing my forehead. Eleven? I usually had to be home a lot earlier than that. What had gotten into him?

I looked up at him with my mouth hanging open. Was he really letting me out that late? He chuckled deeply and ruffled my hair.

“School holidays now and I guess I have to face up to the fact that you’re not my little girl any more.”

His frown deepened towards the end of his little speech. It made me feel uncomfortable; I wrapped my arms around myself.

“You stay with Cole the whole time, and absolutely no alcohol.” Dad’s voice was stern, intimidating. However, no one ever mentioned anything. Maybe he was being normal and just seemed intimidating to me. I nodded in agreement, and pulled on Cole’s arm to get him to leave.

Just as we reached the front door, Jasper’s hand flew out in front of us. “And where do you think you’re going?” he questioned, raising his eyebrows challengingly.

“We’re eloping to Mexico,” Cole muttered sarcastically, making me smile in amusement.

Jasper glared at Cole blankly.

“If you get her pregnant I will kill you!”

What?! Where on earth did that come from?

Cole burst out laughing and shook his head while I just wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole.

“Of course not! What’s wrong with you?”

I frowned in hurt. What was that supposed to mean? I didn’t want a baby but why was he so appalled by the idea? Appalled by the idea of being with me maybe? My eyes prickled, and I desperately fought to stop myself crying. I couldn’t blame him for not wanting to be with me.

“You’d better not,” Jasper grumbled. “Look if you two wanna start with the kissing and naked time, I get it, just don’t hurt her.”

I pushed past my idiot brother and speed-walked to Cole’s car. Going to a party was the last thing I wanted to do now. Between Jasper and Cole, I now felt horrible. They didn’t know anything though, so I couldn’t blame them for how I felt.

“Good. Now don’t have her out too late, and for god’s sake wear a condom!” I heard Jasper yell after Cole. I couldn’t stay around while they joked about that stuff.

Cole hopped in the car and started the engine.

“Are you okay? Ignore your brother, he’s an idiot.”

I knew he was, but I just wished he wouldn’t joke about things like that. I nodded and smiled, deciding that I wanted to enjoy the night. I wasn’t going to let anything get in the way of me having some fun.

Cole drove forward and stopped at my house. Smirking at how lazy he was for driving one house over, I opened my door.

As soon as I was in my room, I stripped out of my dress and grabbed a pair of jeans and a nice top. I wondered if now Dad was accepting that I was growing up if he would let me wear make-up. I wanted to wear it, to look older. I didn’t ever want to be seen as a child again.

“Oakley,” Cole shouted up the stairs, making me jump. How long had I been getting ready? It couldn’t have been more than five minutes. Grabbing my black jumper, I ran out of the door.

We arrived at Ben’s house and from the loud music and abandoned cars outside; the party was already in full swing. Excitement bubbled up inside me. I was determined to have fun and be a normal teenager for the night.

“Let’s go, beautiful,” he said, smiling widely. How could he say one thing to make me feel like I was the last person he would ever want to be with, then something else that seemingly contradicted it? I hated that liking someone was so confusing.

Walking side-by-side towards the door, Cole slung his arm over my shoulder. There were so many people crammed into the house; most of them were drinking in the lounge. Empty plastic cups and crumbled pieces of food were already scattered all over the floor.

Cole pulled me through the crowd, saying hello as we walked past some of his friends, and into the kitchen.

“Cole,” Ben shouted, dragging Cole’s name out for a few seconds. “Hey, Oakley, you came too.” Ben almost stumbled on the spot but managed to grab onto the worktop to stop
himself falling.  “Get yourselves some punch, or there’s beer, or punch, and I think some JD. I think I drank it though. I dunno,” he rambled, shrugging his shoulders.

“Okay, man.” Cole chuckled, tightening his arm around me and guiding me to the fridge. He grabbed us two cokes and handed me one. He wasn’t going to have a beer? Before the fridge door closed, I pointed to the bottles of Becks at the bottom. He shook his head.

“I have something very special to chauffeur home later.” I rolled my eyes at him. That was just plain cheesy. Cole chuckled and winked at me.

I sipped my coke and watched Cole joking and messing around with his friends. It was nice seeing him play wrestling with Ben and teasing Kerry about her awful luck with men. However, as I watched him wrap his arm around Ben’s neck, I couldn’t help feeling a little envious.

“Wanna dance?” he asked casually, once he had gotten back to his feet after wrestling Ben to the beer-stained floor. I nodded and threw my empty can in the bin.

I held onto Cole’s hand tightly and pressed myself into his back as we pushed our way through the crowd. How did Ben even know that many people? He must have just put an open invitation on Facebook or something. There were way too many people here for the size of the house. I didn’t envy Ben for having to clean up in the morning. I didn’t really think parties were like the teen ones in movies, but this one certainly conformed to the stereotype. 

No one seemed to even notice I was with Cole, or they just didn’t care. I felt light, like I was floating almost. Acceptance meant more to me than it probably should. I’d heard people at school say they didn’t care about being accepted, but that was just because they already were.

Cole finally stopped in a tiny bit of space near one of the speakers. I don’t think he could have found a worse spot to dance; there was barely room for one person! It meant we were close. My chest was pressed against his, but I still felt comfortable. With growing confidence, I wrapped my arms around his neck. When he didn’t push me away, I smiled.

The song changed to Beyoncé’s ‘Halo’. It was one of my favourite songs and reminded me so much of my relationship with Cole. If it wasn’t for him, I honestly didn’t know what I would be like or how I would have coped. Without Cole even knowing it, he kept me from falling apart.

Slowly, he bent his head and pressed his forehead to mine. Like every clichéd romance movie, everyone but us seemed to disappear. I wanted him to kiss me so much. All my insecurities of not being good enough for him vanished as his lips parted, just inches from mine.

After what felt like years, his soft lips brushed lightly against mine. I felt like my body was on fire, as if every nerve ending was alight. It was the most incredible feeling, almost overwhelming. His lips moved in time with mine, his hand behind my head, wrapping into my hair.

Suddenly, Cole pulled away. Had I done something wrong? I followed where he was looking. A crowd had gathered around the stereo, which was now silent. I had been so caught up in the kiss that I hadn’t even noticed the music had stopped.

Biting my lip, I forced myself to be brave and look up at Cole. He was glaring at the stereo as if he wanted to murder it. I smiled at the thought of him not wanting to end the kiss either.

“Wanna go outside for a bit?” he asked, nodding his head towards the door. I started walking, and he followed.
Okay, act normal: this is Cole.

Ben’s front garden was trashed too. The grass was littered with crisp packets, bottles,
cans of alcohol and plastic cups. Spotting a clean space on the floor, I sat down cross-legged and waited for whatever was coming next. Cole laid on his side in front of me, with his head perched on his hand. He didn’t say anything, and usually that would be just fine, but this was a different kind of silence.

I picked at the blades of grass just to have something else to focus on. The awkwardness that fell over us was unbearable. The kiss meant so much to me, but it wasn’t as important as having him in my life. Recently it seemed like every now and then he wanted more, and other times like he was happy to be friends. I didn’t understand why so many girls gushed about liking someone; it was just plain hard work. Lying down beside him, I bit my lip.

“Oakley?” he whispered softly, stroking my hair. His fingertips brushing over my cheek and down my jaw gave me goose bumps. “I can’t wait to go on holiday with you.” Neither could I, but I thought he was going to talk about what just happened, or were you not supposed to? Internally, I screamed in frustration… Why was all of this so confusing?

“You’re sitting with me on the plane, by the way, and I’m stealing you every day.” That sounded fine by me. Spending the whole two weeks with him was perfect.

“You want to go back inside and get another drink?” he asked, after being outside for a while. Things were completely back to normal. The kiss hadn’t ruined anything, but I wasn’t sure if it had changed anything either. I nodded and stood up.

“Cole!” Ben shrieked, stumbling towards us. We had literally just walked through the front door. He must have sobered up slightly; he was steadier on his feet but still had a lopsided smile and glazed over eyes. “Wanna do shots?”

“I told you I wasn’t drinking,” Cole responded, punching Ben’s arm. Was I responsible for Ben losing a drinking partner?

We followed Ben back to the kitchen, and Cole got all three of us a coke, saying Ben needed to sober up more to be ready to clean before his parents arrived home. A red can flew towards me. I only just managed to catch it before it hit my stomach.

Rolling my eyes at Cole, I held the can upright and very still before I dared to open it. I didn’t need the embarrassment of having coke explode in my face. Cole laughed and shook his head. Suddenly he grabbed me around my waist and turned me so he could rest his chin on my shoulder. I did a little happy dance in my head.

After only a few seconds, one of his friends pulled me away and scowled at him.

“I’m Kerry,” she announced. “I’ve been waiting for Cole to introduce us, but he’s clearly trying to keep you all to himself.”

I smiled at her, and she launched into telling me stories of Cole and Ben doing stupid dares at school, making me smile. Kerry’s fun, happy personality was infectious. It was impossible not to like her. She spoke to me as if we had been friends for years. There were never any awkward questions, and she didn’t try finding out what was wrong. She just accepted who I was and got on with it. She spoke
a lot
, but that was actually perfect. We balanced each other out. I hoped that she wasn’t just being polite.

Occasionally her eyes would flick to Ben, and when she saw Mary on his lap, she frowned so slightly that I almost missed it. Over the years, I had gotten used to reading people’s expressions more than most. There would always be hushed whispers when I was around, especially from my mum as she tried to figure out what was wrong with me.

Once Kerry’s attention was back on me, I raised my eyebrow. She blushed, knowing that I had caught her staring. She definitely liked Ben, and he clearly liked her too.

“I’ll get us another drink,” she muttered, turning and rushing towards the fridge. I didn’t expect her to be shy about something like that; she was so outgoing.

I caught Cole’s attention, looked between Kerry and Ben and smiled.

“You want to play cupid?” He pulled me back into his arms. “Good luck with that. You’ve got to get Mary off him first, and she’s like a fucking praying mantis!”

“Wanna go for a walk, Oakley?” Kerry asked, already grabbing my hand and pulling me away from Cole. Whoa, why so keen to get me away?

I followed her out to the back garden and sat down on a bench. No one else was out the back. It was quite big but full of children’s ride-on bikes, games and toys. It looked like a toy store had been dumped in the garden.

At first I sat a little stiffly, playing with my fingers because I felt awkward being completely alone with her for the first time. “Okay, so I really,
really
like Ben. He’s just so…” she trailed off, sighing. “So sweet, funny, amazing, caring, generous and so gorgeous!”