Since He Really Feels (He Feels) (34 page)

“Excuse me?” he asked, grabbing my arm just as I arrived at the doorway. His voice was venomous.

“You heard me,” I hissed, not turning around.

He pulled my arm so I was forced to face him. He moved in closer, and I backed up until my backside hit the door.

His hips pressed to mine, and despite the worst hangover I’d ever seen him with, I could feel how hot he was for me. Maybe the arguing did it for him.

“You’re not going anywhere, Julianne.”

“Oh?”

“We came here together for the weekend. We’re going to hammer this shit out, I’m going to drink some coffee, and then we’re going to go do whatever the fuck else you have planned unless it involves anyone related to me by blood.”

I couldn’t help it. A giggle escaped my lips at his words.

He was so angry, but the deep circles under his eyes and his green flesh on his face and his horrid morning hair made it difficult for me to take him seriously. And his declaration about our day just seemed funny while he had his erection pressed against me. He was trying so hard to be serious because he was angry, but he was failing miserably.

“Why the fuck are you laughing?” he asked. I felt horrible because he was so clearly mad at me, but once I started, I couldn’t stop.

I took a deep breath, managing to contain myself. He backed up and eyed me wearily.

“I can’t take this tension between us. I’m sorry for what I did. I was trying to surprise you. I was hoping it would be a good thing. Clearly it was a bad idea, and I know that now. I won’t keep secrets like that from you ever again. I promise. I don’t know what else you want me to say. I'm sorry you went out and got raging drunk, but I can’t change the fact that you’re hung over today. Sleep it off. I’ll get you coffee and I’ll take care of you, but I will not let you abuse me with hurtful words just because you feel like shit.”

He nodded. “That’s fair. I’m sorry I was mean to you.”

“Apology accepted. Are we done fighting?”

He thought for a moment, and then he nodded. “Just don’t laugh at me when I’m pissed at you.”

“I’ll work on it. Now are you going to man up and go shopping with me, or are you going to sleep off whatever you drank last night?”

“Sleep off. But I couldn’t let you leave mad. Every time you leave me mad, bad things happen. I don’t want bad things to happen to us again, Julianne. Despite the stunt you pulled last night, I love you more than I ever thought I could love someone. I acted out last night and drank too much. I’m sorry for acting like a child. I’m sorry I ruined our trip after you ruined our trip.”

I raised my eyebrow and narrowed my eyes at him.

He held up both hands in surrender. “Sorry. Cheap shot.”

“Damn right it was.”

“I apologize.”

“Accepted again.”

“So we’re even. We each did something stupid, and we each apologized for it. Moving on?”

I nodded.

“I’ll be going back to bed. Bring me a present.”

“You’re such a child sometimes.”

“You love me.”

I smiled. “I do.
So much.”

I left and headed out for some souvenir shopping. I found that shopping on my own was pretty lonely, and as I was flipping through a stack of white t-shirts that proclaimed SEDONA on the front, I felt someone tap my shoulder. I turned around and found myself face to face with
Lex.

I smiled as I greeted her.

“Where’s Nick?” she asked.

“Sleeping it off.”

“Is he okay?”

I nodded. “He will be. He’s a little rough
today.”

“He was a little rough last night.”

I giggled. “We fought it out and I decided that shopping sounded like more fun than watching him sleep off his hangover.”

“I don’t blame you. Have you been out long?”

“An hour or so.”

“You could have called me,” she said almost shyly.

I smiled. “That’s really sweet of you.”

“Have you eaten lunch?”

“I haven’t.”

“Neither have I.”

“Where’s your mom and dad?”

“Stepdad,” she corrected. I mumbled an apology. “They’re just outside. We were headed to lunch when I spotted you in here. Want to come to lunch with us? Or would you prefer just going with me?”

“I don’t want to impose.”

“I insist.”

I nodded, put the t-shirt back in the stack, and exited the souvenir shop with my soon to be half-sister-in-law.

CHAPTER 36

NICK MATTHEWS

I couldn’t remember the last time I had gotten that drunk. There were parts of my night that I just don’t remember, and I am pretty sure the last time I blacked out was back when I was in college.

Fucking Julianne thinking she could fix everything. I loved her, but she didn’t know what it was like growing up with Eleanor as my mother. She didn’t know what it was like feeling abandoned when I was a child and finding out later that I had an illegitimate sister.

My family wasn’t like hers. We didn’t celebrate Christmas with cookie baking and tree decorating.  Not when those things could be done by hired help.

Okay, maybe those traditions were part of my life before my father died, but after that, Josh and I were just two kids left alone.

It was my reality, but it was my past.

My future would be different, and someday I would hold my own children with my arms extended toward the Christmas tree so they could place the angel. Someday I’d sit on the couch watching football while my wife baked cookies with our daughter.

These were the small things I envisioned for my future starting the moment I had first spotted Julianne across the conference room from me at McMillan Marketing. She had immediately become the woman who played the role of my wife when I thought about the future.

I rolled over and pried open my eyes. The hotel room clock read 3:47. I wondered where Julianne was, and then I realized that I shouldn’t have rolled over. I still felt like shit. But, then, a half gallon of whiskey will do that to a guy.

It was stupid, but for some reason, that was where I’d turned the night before. Josh didn’t try to stop me, mostly because he knew he couldn’t. But it wasn’t me. Drinking like that was a thing of my past, and I regretted it. Especially as I lay in bed feeling like the room was spinning around me.

I should’ve sucked up my anger and my nausea and just gone with her. She planned this trip for me, and it would do me a world of good to remember that.

But the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Her good intentions set us on a collision course that I, fo
r one, didn’t want to be on. I couldn’t live with secrets, and while her intent had been to surprise me, using my family as part of that surprise was unacceptable. She should have known better based on the few details I’d divulged about my mother. I thought she knew me well enough to understand that I didn’t want them in my life.

And now Josh had somehow convinced me to give
Alexa a chance. What the fuck was that about? Why was he suddenly on
their
side? It had always been the two of us against the world, and now that was falling apart.

I once felt like I could count on my brother and on Julianne, but one single event was making me question both of them and their allegiance.

It had to be the hangover that was making me so dramatic.

I wasn’t sure where all of this anger was coming from, but the more my head cleared, the more I realized how misplaced my anger was.

I forced myself out of bed and took a long, hot shower. There were definite pieces of the night before that were just… missing. I remembered being pissed off at Julianne, knowing my anger was misguided at the woman I loved when the woman I was really mad at was my mother. I remembered getting into my car and driving until I found a bar and then texting my brother the name of the place to meet me. And then I remember a lot of whiskey. I ordered two shots of Jack to start, and then Josh showed up and I kept taking shots. When the bartender told me he wouldn’t serve me any more shots, I ordered a glass of whiskey and drank it back like a shot.

“Why are you so angry?” my brother had asked me.

And the rest is a blur of small moments. Riding in Josh’s car. Getting sick in some bushes somewhere.

Missing Julianne.

It always fucking came back to that for me. Even when I was a drunken idiot, I still knew where my heart belonged. And as I stood under the steaming stream of water in a hotel shower, I knew that I needed to get past my anger at her because ultimately she was more important to me than the grudge I held against my mother. And if she wanted to form a relationship with my family? Well, they’d be her family, too, soon enough. I needed to get past my shit and allow her to feel comfortable as a part of my family.

I heard a knock on the
bathroom door. It was either housekeeping or my fiancée, and I was hoping that if it was housekeeping, at least it would be a sexy woman.

Just kidding.

My heart only belonged to Julianne, and I knew that even through my hung over haze that was slowly evaporating in the shower’s steam.

“Yeah?”
I called out.

“It’s me,” I heard her yell. “Just wanted to let you know I’m back.”

“Come join me,” I yelled back.

I felt the rush of cold air as she opened the door. The shower was encased in glass, and her eyes met mine. Even through the steam, I could see how beautiful she looked. She was glowing, a youthful energy surrounding her that I was always drawn to.

“You feeling better?” she asked, worry written in her eyes.

I nodded. “I’d feel even better if you were in here with me.”

She laughed her musical laugh, and I felt all of the blood in my body rushing to my groin.

“Nice line. I’ll let you finish and then we can decide what we want to do for the night, okay?”

I was done, so I shut off the water. “How was shopping?”

“Good,” she
said. I could tell she was dodging the issue, but I wasn’t really in the mood to press. “You seem like you’re in a better mood.”

“I am,” I said, feeling a lot better after my shower. I shook out a towel and scrubbed it through my hair and then dried off.

“Did you sleep?”

I nodded.

“Did you eat?”

I shook my head. “I felt like shit until this shower.”

“Are you hungry?”

“A little.”

“Want me to go grab you something while you get dressed?”

“Can we talk for a minute?”

Her lighthearted demeanor turned serious in an instant. “Sure,” she said cautiously. “What’s up?”

I wrapped the towel around my waist.

I took a deep breath. “I’m sorry I was a dick. I’m sorry I got so drunk.” The words rushed out.

She took a few steps closer to me, and then she gingerly cupped my cheek. “Don’t apologize. I’m the one who is sorry, Nick.”

“I love you,” I whispered, leaning into her hand.

She pressed her lips to mine, and I pulled her close against me. “I love you, too,” she said as I buried my face in her hair that always smelled like peaches.

She leaned back and inspected my face. “You okay?” she asked, wrinkling her brow.

I nodded.
“Yeah. I just realized how stupid I’ve been. It’s not easy for me to admit that, but I fucked up. I know you had good intentions, baby. And I reacted poorly.”

“You had every right to be mad.”

I nodded. “Let’s just get past it.”

“Please.”

“What did you do today?” I asked, and she grabbed her brush out of her overnight bag and started brushing her hair as we talked.

“I went shopping,” she said, skirting my question.

“And?”

She sighed. “I ran into
Lex.”

“
Alexa?”

She nodded. “She invited me to lunch. I went. It was her and me and your mom and stepdad.”

Anger boiled inside of me at that confession, but I held it inside.

We had just made up. I just fixed things. I realized that Julianne was more important to me than holding grudges was.

But that was before I knew she betrayed me by going to lunch with my family.

CHAPTER 37

JULIANNE BECKER

His eyes took on an icy glare at my confession. 

“Nick, before you get angry with me, can you just listen to me for a minute?” I set my brush down on the counter, and he leaned against the wall.