Singing Heart (7 page)

Xzan sighed defeatedly. She should have known it would be futile to ask but she’d had to try. Turning to hug her mother premature tears of homesickness sprang to her eyes.

“
I’ll miss you so much!”

Mama cradled her close in a way she hadn’t in a long time knowing they would rarely see each other and the next time they did, her daughter would no longer be this pure child. Xzan would be her equal without any further illusions. Despite the other children who would remain the house would seem empty indeed without her oldest who had been there from the beginning. Rebecca’s own tears threatened to surface. She forced a cheery smile.

“
I love you! This is one of the happiest days of your life. Let’s don’t spoil it by going downstairs with red noses and puffy eyes. It’s time to throw the bouquet. I hope poor Hattie catches it. She needs all the luck she can get to snag a decent husband.”

Mother and daughter burst out laughing, wound their arms tight around each other’s waists, both glowing as they descended the spiral staircase. The Bride’s gaze locked on the Groom as they alighted. She was indeed fortunate that Brett had ever noticed her. He could have his pick of any number of eligible ladies with titles of their own. The fact that he was so good looking, seasoned, intimidated her. She wanted desperately to impress him. She had never even held hands with a boy little less been kissed by one and her husband was all man.

Until today when this tall dark stranger had lifted her veil she had no idea of what to expect. The contact of his lips, soft, firm on her mouth, made her heart flutter. Tremors had shot through her body arousing sensations in places that she never knew existed before. His kiss had left her confused longing for more with a thousand unanswered questions reeling in her mind. Mysteries that would remain unsolved until a time when her husband deemed fit to enlighten her.

Turning around with her back to the single ladies, as was tradition, Xzan tossed the bouquet of roses and baby’s breath over her shoulder. Feminine voices squealed with delight as there was a shuffle to catch the flowers. Hattie didn’t snag them this time either. The overweight spinster plopped indelicately flat on her bottom while attempting to shove another girl out of her way. The look on Grannie’s face when they landed in her weathered old hands was priceless. Two black dots, stark against cloudy orbs, peered out above silver spectacles sparkling for a brief moment in clarity and pure amusement.

“
Now who would want this old carcass?” she croaked dryly.

Uproarious laughter faded into the background as Xzan’s husband came bounding up the stairs romantically sweeping her up in his arms declaring it was time for them to get on the road to be home before nightfall. Faint with excitement Xzan waved goodbye to her family and friends. She promised to write and visit as often as possible. They were showered with rice amid the gaiety and tears. Breathless as the coach moved away she turned to face the man that she would spend the rest of her life with.

Abruptly the boyish charm vanished. His smile disappeared as well as his gentle demeanor. Loosening his cravat, pulling off his top hat and breech coat Brett moved to the other side of the carriage to face her. His voice deepened menacingly.

“
Let’s get this straight from the beginning. I only married you to satisfy the conditions of my father’s will. To conceive an heir. You will not speak to me unless spoken to. You will not run back and forth to visit your relatives. You will act politely as my hostess without getting too friendly with the neighbors. I abhor gossip and as my wife you will never discuss our personal affairs with anyone else!”

He shifted more comfortably in the leather bound seat.

“
You will be given an allowance for the household… if you need anything for yourself you must consult me. I will decide whether or not you shall have it. I expect you to be very frugal with my money. As my wife you will obey me. If you don’t comply with all my wishes… you will be… punished. Is that understood?”

Xzan giggled certain he was jesting. Trying to play act the worst scenario imaginable to set her mind at ease that he truly wasn’t an ogre. That misconception was instantly banished. He leapt across the short distance between them pulling her by her coiffured roots on to the floor, pushing her down on her knees in humility, he slapped her sharply.

“
It’s no joke you stupid cow! You are my property to do with as I please. I’ve married you. We will be together whether either of us likes it or not till death do we part.”

Totally dumbfounded small hands cradling her smarting cheek Xzan stared horrified. Shakily she pulled herself back up on the seat when he released her unable to even comprehend the monster she had married. The six hours they traveled were spent silently. She was too terrified to look at him. Brett in turn was bored and unconcerned about anything save his own discomfort. The road was dusty. Inside the coach became stifling hot and humid. The fetid smells of the countryside and jostling of the carriage made her nauseated.

Her body cramped too long without moving a muscle felt as battered as her spirit when they arrived at their destination. She desperately needed the water closet. Turning to ask where she could relieve herself as she followed her husband into the hall of the huge house she opened her mouth then clamped it shut tightly remembering just in time his orders not to speak without being spoken to. She swayed feeling tipsy praying Brett would have the decency to think of it on his own. To her chagrin the man swept past her as if she didn’t exist ordering the footman to deposit her trunks upstairs. Then taking himself into the library he slammed the door rudely in her face.

Confused, lonely and miserably uncomfortable she began looking for the necessary room herself. It was under the stairwell. Relieving herself was an immediate solace. Feeling more in control she decided to try to be optimistic. With a good attitude doing as he bid she might win his approval. Maybe even his affection. Perhaps charm him out of his temper as time passed.

No maids or butler seemed to be around. There had to be staff. At least one to cook for him. The house was immaculate had obviously been deep cleaned recently. However after wandering through every room and familiarizing herself with her new surroundings Xzan discovered that not only were they alone but if they were going to eat dinner she would have to prepare it. Not such a daunting task even for a new bride when one came from an extensive family. As Mammy had aged and her bones protested Xzan had prepared meals frequently for the starving clan.

Her only real concern was preparing something Brett might not like. The thought of displeasing his palate was less daunting than facing his wrath for disturbing him to ask what he would like prepared for dinner. She approached the library door timidly. Knocked lightly. He didn’t answer. Xzan tried again, louder this time. Still no response. She assumed he must be asleep, as worn out as she was. After all they had been married today, celebrated and then traveled for several long hours. She resolved to try later. Unpack a few of her things in the interim. She had already found her room in her explorations of the huge house. After sharing a room most of her life with her sisters it seems immense.

The furniture was heavy but not bulky. A quilted coverlet in delicate shades of pink and blue adorned the richly burnished four poster bed. A white marble topped fireplace boasting an elaborate gold gilded mirror set above its mantel burned brightly with a recently stoked fire. A mammoth wardrobe along with a blue satin covered chair and furry white throw rug graced the right hand side of the room. Matching two drawer night stands on either side of the bed were decorated with lovely tall oriental vases dense with long stemmed white roses. On the left were a dressing table and a door connecting to a smaller room bare except for a window seat and heavy maroon velvet draperies. Here a maid would sleep or perhaps a newborn infant.

The thought of having a baby fascinated her. Xzan could imagine a dark headed boy. A small replica of Brett. Or a little girl with her own curls. Playing in the corridors of this big house. Chasing each other, squealing with delight. Their footsteps echoing in the vast hallways. She would scold them gently the way Mama had scolded her so they wouldn’t disturb their father. Xzan visualized how she could turn this little cubbyhole into a nursery. Fluffy throw pillows on the window seat. A chestnut cradle with a rocker beside it for those nights when she’d sit up holding her baby to her breast. Wistfully she closed the door softly. That was the future. In the present she had a lot to do to get settled in as a Bride. The best place to begin was unpacking her things. She began the chore wearily.

The gowns her parents had provided for her trousseau were gorgeous. Silks, velvets and satins. Bedecked with laces, frills, ribbons and buttons, all special ordered from France. She and her mother had sewn for nearly two months. Other than trying them on for fittings Xzan had never worn any of them. Waiting for the day when she could see the look of admiration in her husband’s eyes dressing for him in each outfit. There were ribbons to match with petticoats, camisoles and pantaloons as well. The nightgown she had brought to wear tonight was also new. A floating creation of white satin with a lacy overcoat. It was exquisite. The first woman’s night apparel she’d ever owned. A far cry from the chaste granny gowns she’d grown up with. Even though she didn’t expect Brett to see her in it for awhile the thought of wearing it made her feel more grown up. Femininely powerful.

Since she still hadn’t heard her husband stirring downstairs she decided to lay down for a few moments to rest. Perhaps after they both had a nap they would feel better. She’d prepare them a wonderful dinner to celebrate the first day of their nuptials. Replete they might overcome the tension between them and make a fresh start. Xzan was convinced Brett had reacted to the strain of the day. He had been excessively sharp and probably felt like a heel. He wouldn’t know how to apologize. Forgiving by nature she was ready to alleviate the situation at the first opportunity so there could be peace between them.

*****

Time had changed them but not the meadow where they first met. The sun streamed down her back warmly caressing her with it’s loving rays.

She heard their laughter in the distance. Turned to see him playfully chasing his lover. Reaching out bellowing impotently as she eluded his grasp. Darting lithely to and fro until she let him catch her.

Joyously tumbling beneath his bronzed body in the grass the tawny maiden twined her slender arms around his neck rapturously lifting her lips for his kiss. Their expressions grew serious as they gazed into each other’s faces. Her dark eyes closed sensually breast heaving passionately as his lips slid slowly across her cheeks to nibble lazily on her earlobe.

Xzan stood watching mesmerized by the forbidden scene. He felt her presence. Turning his head in her direction he scowled fiercely. “Leave us alone! Have you no shame!”

Chapter Three

A foreign odor assailed her nostrils. The revolting smell of urine and alcohol. Something she couldn’t identify poked her lips. Sleepily she swatted at it trying to knock it away but her hand was caught in mid-air. Shock waves of pain shooting through her slender wrist made her come to full consciousness instantly. Her eyes grew wide with horror when she saw the hideous object dangling only a few inches from her face. Brett leered drunkenly down at her. Totally nude with a cigar hanging from his mouth and brandy snifter full of amber liquid in his right hand he mocked;

“
Why so shocked honey? You came from a big family, lived on a farm. Don’t pretend your innocent with me! It’s time to perform your wifely duties.”

She turned deathly pale shrinking almost visibly against the pillows. He saw her revulsion. The terror in her face. It seemed to amuse him.

“
Ah…so you don’t know. Good! That’s even better. I don’t have to break you of any misconceptions.”

He pulled her roughly forward, forcing an involuntary scream as he yanked her hair. Brett cursed furiously as she struggled against him. He threw the glass in his hand shattering it against the wall and slapped her stingingly. As his hand prints stained her cheek his fingernail raked her lips drawing blood.

*****

The next few weeks were a nightmare Xzan couldn’t comprehend. Versed non-gently in the art of coupling she discovered her husband had a voracious appetite. He enjoyed the activity several times a day. So intent was he to have a son it was all he talked about blaming her as time passed and she remained barren. Xzan also discovered her husband expected her to cook and clean the prodigious house by herself. He was a perfectionist. One speck of dirt could lead to a brutal beating. She spent every waking hour scrubbing floors, doing laundry, cooking or running to accommodate his demands.

He never touched her affectionately. She knew her parents touched each other frequently. That it was normal to caress each other. But because her husband never reached out Xzan became convinced that she must be truly ugly. She felt dirty. Befouled. Repulsive. It didn’t matter how much she bathed or how beautiful her wardrobe was she didn’t feel attractive anymore. She stopped blaming Brett for finding her undesirable. She was unlovable even to herself.