Singing Heart (4 page)

        “
His Lordship, Sir Paul Winslow.”

        “
Papa!”

       
Xzan ran in to her father's protective arms suddenly shamed and terrified. What she was being accused of was inconceivable. How was she going to prove she was innocent? Who had taken the broach and why? Why would anyone steal such a thing?

        “
Lady Constance. I received your note and I understand your position. I will take my daughter home. But I want you to know that when you do finally locate your broach that I expect a formal apology to my daughter. I don't even have to ask my daughter if she took it. That is not in her character. Come Xzan. Let's go.”

       
He wasn't cold, or angry. He knew his daughter wasn't guilty and without hesitation had taken control of the entire situation. Lady Constance turned red with emotion, but she didn't argue. Nor did she demand her maid be searched physically which had been her intent only a moment ago. Something in Paul Winslow's eyes told her that not only was she treading on dangerous ground but it was possible she had been mistaken he was so convinced of his daughter's innocence.

        “
If the broach is found, of course your job will be reinstated and I will apologize. However, if its not, I am holding you responsible for this loss and you will never work for me or my friends again, nor will you receive the wages you've already earned my dear. I will use them in payment instead. Is that understood?”

       
Xzan shivered, overcome by too many emotions to speak, nodding her acknowledgment as her father led her down the steps to his awaiting carriage. He was so furious he could barely drive. But ever a cautious man who cared for the lives of his family, he forced himself not to race towards home. His daughter sobbed uncontrollably, face buried in his topcoat. He patted her awkwardly.

        “
There, there Sweetheart. I know you didn't steal from her. The broach will show up. She probably misplaced it and forgot. She not getting any younger and often older people have memory lapses. You have nothing to be afraid of or ashamed for. You reap what you sow, ten fold and your goodness and kindness will be seen for what it is when the time is right. Don't you think anymore about it.”

Mama was livid when she heard the news. Like any protective mother hen she wanted to march right over to their neighbors house and give her a good piece of her mind. But her husband talked her out of it. Just as he consoled his daughter with his ideas on how God takes care of the wrongs in the world in his own time and way, he pointed out that making an enemy out of a neighbor they would always live by wasn't exactly to their best interest.

       
Xzan went to bed that night feeling tainted. Even though she knew she hadn't done anything wrong, she felt like a criminal because there was no way to prove it. How on earth was she ever going to face her neighbors in church. Gossip spread like wildfire. They would all think she was a horrible person. Somehow she had to prove her sinlessness and help find the broach to set things straight. But how, especially now that she wouldn't even be going there again? She cried herself to sleep nuzzling closer to her sisters. The twins shared a bed with her and for once she was grateful for their warmth, felt cocooned instead of suffocated between the two of them.

       
Xzan awoke late the next morning. She has been working 20 days straight. She was so used to rising before the sun that it felt strange to lay in bed watching the sun rise.  Lazy, forgetting for a moment the previous day, she basked in the feeling of well being, just being home. Then her memory flooded back leaving her depressed. Her siblings had already gone downstairs. She dressed hurriedly in several layers of clothing, fending off the winter chill and rushed down to join them for breakfast. But no one was in the kitchen. Or the parlor. In fact the house appeared to be empty. Feeling deserted and slightly worried she took her cloak and boots from the antlers in the hall and was tying on her bonnet when the front door blew open.

       
Papa was dragging in a huge tree he'd cut for Christmas. The littlest children were riding it and he pretended they weighed too much and were breaking his back. Everyone was laughing. Even Mama. Just for a moment Xzan felt left out. Until Papa spotted her and asked her to help him bring down the holiday ornaments from the attic.  The rest of the morning was spent decorating for Christmas. They popped corn and strung it. Set the tiny candles on holders in the tree to be lit on Christmas Eve as they sang carols and shared their holiday traditions. Even though it appeared there would be no presents or treats Mama insisted on having a tree.

“
The best present of all is that we are all healthy and together.” she lectured her disappointed children.

There were nine of them now. Xzan, Paul, Twilight, Starlight, Eddie, Todd, Kevin, Timmy and the baby Dawn who was nearly a year old. The younger children really didn’t understand what all the fuss was about. The older ones knew better than to express their disgruntlement. It was the middle ones that created havoc. Eddie, Kevin and Todd whined bitingly. Throwing temper tantrums to try to change their parents minds.

“
It isn’t fair!” Eddie stomped his foot, freckles standing out like red dots on his flushed angry face.

Todd who rarely said anything carped, “I’ve been a good boy all year! Christmas is the only time we get any toys or sweets. Why are you being so mean!”

Kevin only four burst out bawling like a spoiled brat throwing himself on the floor kicking and bellowing vociferously, 
“
I want presents!”

Papa feeling as low as a field mouse retreated to his study indulging in the last few drops of a bottle of port he’d been rationing for months. Rebecca who rarely lost her temper was livid now, marching her rebellious offspring up to their rooms boxing their ears soundly.

“
You are so selfish! Your father is doing the best he can and so am I. Your sister has to clean someone else’s house to help put food in your bellies…do you hear her complaining?”

“
She’s not working anymore!” Eddie mumbled subordination.

Mama clipped his ear.

“
Don’t get fresh with me young man!”

He yelped rubbing the smarting protrusion glaring at her in contempt.

“
Now all of you will stay in this room till I tell you otherwise. Think about how hideous your behavior is. I expect you to apologize to your father at dinner or you will go to bed without a solitary morsel in your mouth!”

Mama left the room still fuming hurrying to comfort her husband. When the couple emerged from the study a few hours later Mama’s eyes were puffy and pink. Papa wore a pasted on smile. His arm nestled his wife supportively sharing her devastation. Mammy and Grannie Winslow joined them. Paul cleared his throat his deep voice husky with emotion. Xzan had never noticed until that moment how old he looked. His hair had finally receded to the point he was nearly completely bald on top. There were wrinkles on his forehead where his brows knitted together and lines around his eyes that had nothing to do with mirth.

His eyes had once been the color of the leaves on the pines that surrounded the farm. Now they were a dull grayish green. He’d lost a lot of weight. The skin where he’d had a double chin a few years ago now sagged under his jawline. He appeared battered, stressed out beyond his limits. Xzan longed to interrupt this discussion to run to give him a hug and make him smile. But she knew that whatever it was he had gathered the entire family to announce must be consequential and he’d be furious if she interfered.

“
Mama and I have discussed the wisest course for all concerned. We’ve decided to sell the farm and move to a smaller home. We love this place. We will all miss it. There just isn’t any other way for us to survive financially. Christmas will be over within a week. After the New Year I’ll start looking for a buyer. I’m truly sorry children…Mother…Mammy.” his voice cracked defeatedly.

He lowered his eyes unable to bear the grief written on his family’s stricken faces. Humiliated he hung his head in shame. Mama clung to his arm too enervated to stand alone.  The children stood stunned speechless each lost in their own thoughts. Xzan felt as desolate as her parents did. She would cry her eyes out once she was alone. For now she sped to enfold her parents in a fierce hug advocating their decision voicing her mother’s words earlier that day.

“
As long as we’re together that’s all that matters.”

Then following her maternal instincts Xzan gathered up her siblings. Bundling them snugly in their coats and mittens she pushed them outside to throw snowballs giving the adults time alone to discuss the details.

“
Xzan?” a feminine voice yelled above the din of laughing children.  She ducked a snow ball and ran for the cover of the porch.

         “
Xzan!” she persisted. Realization that it wasn't a familiar voice and curiosity at who would be calling her name Xzan peeked from her hiding place. A snow ball whizzed by her head and she shrieked with delight.

        “
Paul Winslow Jr! You almost gave me a concussion!”

       
She spotted Carrie standing at a safe distance behind her brother who was oblivious to the fact they had a visitor. Throwing another well aimed perfectly rounded snow ball at his older sisters head he grinned when he heard her sharp intake of breath as it hit its mark.

        “
Paul, stop it!!! Can't you see we have a guest!”

       
Xzan made her way past her mischievous brother who would not desist in his attack but finally targeted the twins who were closer by. Carrie was dressed beautifully in a red velvet cloak with a white muff with a matching fur bonnet. She looked toasty warm and so colorful. Xzan smiled hesitantly, licking her lips a bit nervously.

        “What are you doing here?”

       
Carrie looked contrite.

        “
I'm sooo sorry Xzan. There was a terrible mistake over Aunt Connie's broach. As soon as I came in from the stables and found out she had accused you of stealing it I wanted to come right then and tell you the truth, but she wouldn't let me because it was so cold and dark by then. I had to wait until today.”

        “
So tell me what happened.” Xzan laced her arm in Carrie's relieved that the truth had been discovered sooner than later.

“
It was all my fault!” Carrie exclaimed. "I was in Aunt Connie's room looking for a hat pin when I saw the broach. I've heard so much about it and I knew Aunt Connie had mentioned taking it out of the vault to feel her mother close for the holidays. I pinned it on my bodice meaning to ask her the family history of it and then I forgot I had it and spent the whole day keeping busy while she visited with Mother and Father. When she told me that it had been stolen by the maid I felt so terrible! I showed it to her right away and when I explained that I had just wanted to ask her some questions about it, she felt so bad about the way she dismissed you. So do I! You seem like such a nice girl and I really want to be friends with you! Can you ever forgive us both and come back to the manor again? Aunt Connie said if you will come back she will give you the same holiday bonus the annual staff receives as well as your regular wages.”

Xzan was overwhelmed by the lady's generosity and decided right then and there to keep the bonus a secret so that she could present it to her parents when she got paid as a special gift. Whatever it was she was sure it would help out and was very grateful for the offer no matter how it came to be.

        “
Of course I'll come back! I'm grateful for her offer. Can you come in and tell my parents what you told me? But not the bonus part. I want that to be a surprise for them, okay?”

       
Carrie was greeted with warmth and kindness and as the last ten days passed before Christmas she soon became another one of the squealing children enjoying snowball fights and pop corn by the fire as Papa told stories from his childhood that his father had told him.  It was the harshest of Winters they ever had. But what Xzan would remember wasn't what anyone said or did, only how they made her feel. Her family was filled with so much love and laughter and a she was thrilled to have a real friend, the one thing she longed for the most throughout all her years as the eldest child. Mama had Papa. Mammy had her bosom friend Molly who came and visited about six times a year. Paul and the other kids seemed to be close to someone or each other. But Xzan had always felt more like their mother than their sister having to help out with the little ones. Bathing, feeding and keeping them in line, especially when Mama was too busy with a new infant to take care of all their needs. For the first time Xzan had someone she could talk to, her own age, who understood her and from the very beginning had seen her as herself, not just the hired help.

       
She would be sad when Carrie left to go home. But they weren't that far apart, they could visit each other perhaps in the summer months and again next winter during the holidays. There was always the post to keep in touch. Despite her job to help the family and her chores at home for the first time Xzan felt like a twelve year old and spent many hours after all her responsibilities were done whispering in her best friend's ear and listening to Carries secrets as well. They giggled for no apparent reason which drove her little brother crazy wondering what they were acting so silly over and never getting a real answer. They weren't too much different. Both dreaming of a day when they would meet their handsome prince and live happily ever after. Neither wanted the holidays to end.