Size Matters (5 page)

CHAPTER
Eight

B
RYN LET
her head roll back, enjoying the fabulous things Eli was doing to her breasts. That man sure knew how to work a nipple. She untied her bathing suit top and let it fall to the floor, giving him easier access. So nice. But she was ready for more. She reached for the bottom of his shirt and yanked it over his head. She could finally touch all that gorgeous skin she’d drooled over all day.

Funny how the day had started. She was determined to stay friends, but Eli had never looked sexier to her, playing with her kids. Hot bod, sweet as pie, great dad—the total package. So why was she holding back? Because of a stupid penis issue? He sure wasn’t acting like the insecure man from the other night.

She’d let him kiss her and it felt nice. When he’d touched her, the heat radiated through the thin fabric of her bathing suit and a jolt of electricity shot straight to her clit. This ma’am was gonna get laid!

So what if he was small. There were ways around it, right? Right? She hoped so.

Bryn pushed her shorts and bikini bottoms to the floor. She was completely naked, something she hadn’t achieved either of the previous times they’d been together.

He stepped back, examining her head to toe. “God, you’re fucking beautiful.”

Warmth flushed across her cheeks. He stepped to her again, his arms winding around her tightly, his soft kisses replaced with hard urgency. And oh, something else hard pressed into her stomach. Bryn nudged him toward the bed, the two of them falling onto it. She pulled herself from his lips to kiss his neck, a path to his earlobe. As she sucked it into her mouth, Eli groaned and tightened his grip on her.

But before she could tease him any longer, he’d flipped her onto her back, his lips traveling south. She wanted to protest, but the words evaporated the second his tongue touched her clit. Holy heaven!

But it was the only time he hit that magical spot. All she felt was a big sloppy tongue lapping at her like a dog. It was wet and slimy and the furthest thing from erotic. Did he seriously think this was how it was done?

What was she supposed to do? She couldn’t ask him to stop, could she? That felt wrong, especially knowing how insecure he’d been last time they’d tried to have sex. She could fake it. That would end it. But then he lifted his head. It was over.

“Your pussy tastes so good,” he said, and dove back in.

Oh crap. Normally she loved dirty talk, but right then, not so much. He kept at it, like a kid with a cupcake, licking off every last bit of frosting.

She’d had enough. At this rate he was going to lick her raw, and she was no closer to orgasm than when they’d started.

How did one fake an orgasm? She’d never had to do it. Letting a little moan escape her lips, she paused, then released a few more, hoping they sounded real. Time for the big performance. She gripped his shoulders for authenticity and squeezed, letting out one last cry, and pretended to breathe heavy. That should do it.

“Was it good?” he asked, looking up at her again, begging for approval.

“So good.” That was convincing, right?

He climbed back up, stopping to wipe his face on her sheet, then his lips sought out hers. By that point, Bryn just wanted to curl up in her comforter and go to sleep. But he was a mighty fine kisser. At least he had that.

A few nibbles of her nipple and a playful pinch, and he had her wet again. She’d forgotten what had happened moments earlier and was ready to move on with some great, take-her-breath-away, bite-your-lip-to-keep-from-screaming sex.

Bryn’s heart pounded against her rib cage, her lady parts aching. She needed him. Now. The size didn’t matter. He just had to know how to use it. And she couldn’t wait any longer.

Knock! Knock!
“Mom?”

Nooo!

Eli stopped nibbling and rested his forehead on Bryn’s chest, sighing. Maybe the sex thing was just not meant to happen for them.

A jiggle of the knob and more knocks on the door. “Mom? Are you awake?”

Eli pushed himself off of her and she sat up.

“I’ll be right back.” Bryn slipped into her fluffy pink robe and went to the door, opening it just a little so she could slip out. She didn’t want any of the kids seeing Eli in her bed.

“Hey, honey. Is everything okay?” she asked Zach, and pulled him in for a hug.

“Yeah. I’m gonna go sleep in my bed. Can you tuck me in?”

“Sure.” She led him down the hall to his room and pulled back the covers on his dinosaur-clad bed. After making sure all the blankets were just so, she kissed his forehead. “Good night. Sweet dreams. See you in the morning.”

A half-asleep Zach mumbled, “See you in the morning.”

Bryn smiled as she crept from the room, closing the door behind her. The kids had had such a fun day. And so had she. Aside from the weird oral sex. But that could be fixed. She could teach him how to do it the way she liked. Bryn was ready to go back into her bedroom and end the day in a fun way. There should be a real orgasm in her not-so-distant future.

Opening her bedroom door, she expected to find a fully naked man, ready and waiting. Instead, Eli sat on the bed, T-shirt back on.

“Hey. What’s with the clothes?” she asked, going for playful annoyance.

“I think it’s best if I take off.”

“Why?”

“What if one of the kids knocks on the door again? I don’t want to scare them or anything.”

“You won’t. This stuff happens when you’re a parent, remember? You’re the one who said all parents find ways to have sex with kids in the house.”

“I know I did. But maybe not tonight. Okay?”

What the hell? Here she was, completely ready to have sex with him, even after that horrendous foreplay. She’d finally gotten her head to realize it was okay to have sex with another man after over two years of being a widow, and now he’s got the nerve to pull away? What the fuck?

“Fine. Whatever.” She untied her bathrobe and let it fall to the floor. Give him one last view of what he’d be missing. She sat on the bed and reached into her nightstand drawer for her vibrating Logan toy. She didn’t give one fuck if he saw it. She wanted him to know what she was going to be doing. Without him. “You don’t have to leave. You can sleep on the couch. I’d hate for you to wake the kids.” She slipped under the covers and turned the vibrator on. “Can you close the door on your way out?”

WELL, THAT
sucked. The buzz of Bryn’s vibrator echoed in Eli’s ears as he closed her bedroom door behind him. He headed toward the living room, ready for a night of restlessness on her couch. Fucking idiot. He could be in bed with her instead of that piece of rubber. Why had he left again? Oh yeah. His insecurity about his dick.

The interruption had shaken him. He hadn’t expected it and his dick had shrunk like he’d spent an hour in an ice-filled bathtub. He didn’t want Bryn to see him like that. Not for their first time together. The anxiety had completely taken over his body and decimated every last ounce of sexual energy he’d had.

And seeing that four-by-four of a vibrator she’d pulled out, he knew there was no way he could compete with that. Damn. It had to be double the length of him.

Eli closed his eyes and tried to think about anything other than Bryn. Which was nearly impossible. Somehow he must have fallen asleep, because the next time he opened his eyes, the room was bright with morning sun. He reached for his cell phone on the table. Almost eight thirty.

He sat up and stretched. The house was quiet. He checked the den and all the kids were still sound asleep, but he knew that was only temporary. Soon they’d be up and hungry. Might as well get some breakfast going.

He felt weird looking through Bryn’s cupboards, but he managed to find some pancake mix. He stirred up a big batch and poured the batter onto a heated skillet. The first hungry child wandered into the kitchen. The sweet smell of pancakes must have woken Amelia.

“There’s my girl. Good morning.”

“Morning, Daddy.” She sat at the breakfast bar on the other side of the kitchen island. “I had fun yesterday. We need to do this, like, every weekend.”

He’d love to spend more time with Bryn and all the kids. Maybe if he got his insecurities in check, it could happen. Bryn had been so ready for him, too. He enjoyed pleasuring her, tasting every inch of her. And from the reaction he received, she sure liked it, too.

“That sounds like a good plan.” He smiled at his daughter, handing her a plate, and went back to his skillet, scooping up the finished ones and flipping them onto a platter.

The boys stumbled into the kitchen wiping sleep out of their eyes. Each grabbed a pancake and bit in, no plate, no butter or syrup.

New footsteps echoed in the kitchen, feet wearing high heels.

“Good morning, Bryn!” Amelia said. Eli didn’t need to turn around to see the excitement on his daughter’s face.

“Good morning.”

Eli kept his gaze on the pan in front of him.

“Bryn, you gotta have some pancakes. They’re so good.”

“Okay. Thanks.”

Eli glanced quickly in Bryn’s direction. She made herself a plate and headed to the table. He added the rest of the pancakes to the platter, ready to grab some for himself and sit down. And maybe he could smooth things over with Bryn.

But by the time he’d made his own plate and got to the table, she was almost finished.

“Sleep okay?” he asked.

“Yes.” She barely even looked at him. “Thank you for making breakfast, but I have to get the kids ready and leave for work soon.” She stood and took her plate to the sink.

“You’re welcome. I guess we’ll finish eating and get out of your hair.”

“Thanks.” Still didn’t look at him. “Guys, finish up so we can get dressed and get over to Grandma and Grandpa’s house.”

She left the room without another word.

CHAPTER
Nine

B
RYN LOVED
her shop, but never had she been so happy to step inside as she was today. Because it meant getting away from Eli. She knew there was way more to him cooling things down than just the kids being there, but it was the easy lame excuse. If there was one way to piss her off, it was to get her all hot and bothered and then put on the brakes.

She was sick of his insecurities or whatever the hell he had going on. Either he wanted her or he didn’t. If this was all really about the size of his dick, that was a pretty damn stupid reason. Get over it. And it pissed her off that he thought she was shallow enough to even care.

Deep breath. Forget about him. They needed a clean break. It would be tough on the kids, but it was best for everyone. She needed a man who was secure with himself. Someone who could be a rock for her.

Back to work. Sunday was a short day. The shop was only open from ten until two. She, Mia, and Penny took turns working. Sometimes it went by fast. Other times, not so much. And today was one of those not-so-fast times. But it gave Bryn a good opportunity to organize and straighten up the shelves.

The door chime sounded and two guys walked in, beelining for the men’s section of the shop.

“This is so freaking adorable,” the first said, holding up a pair of white briefs with red metallic hearts on them.

“Oh yes. But the thong will look better on you.”

“So true. I do have a nice ass.” He traded the briefs for the thong.

They wandered around, ending up in the toy section. Bryn tried to mind her own business, but she couldn’t help it. She liked hearing what customers thought of the shop’s items.

“Look at this,” the first said, holding up an Oliver dildo. “Yum-my.”

“You can say that again.”

“We should totally get one.”

“Really? It’s so much bigger than me. I might get self-conscious if you want to use it too much.”

“Oh, don’t be silly. You know how much I love your cock.”

Bryn used every ounce of restraint she had to hold in her laughter. Apparently even gay men worried about penis size.

“And you know how to use it,” the one continued, and leaned in to kiss his partner.

After a few more minutes of browsing, the men made their way to the front counter. “All set?” Bryn asked.

“Yes. But can I ask a question?”

“Sure.”

“Are these vibrating rubber ones any good?”

“They are. I’ve tested every product in the shop and it’s actually my favorite. I like that it’s got a little bendiness to it.”

“Oh. I didn’t think of that! Perfect. We’ll take it.”

Bryn rang up the purchases and wrapped each item in tissue paper before slipping them into a bag. Maybe she could ask them for advice on her Eli situation. Who better to ask than men who had sex with men?

“Can I ask you a question now?”

“Sure, honey. Shoot.”

“Okay, so I was seeing this guy, and the first time we were going to have sex, he warned me about his small penis. That’s weird, right?”

They turned to each other, scrunched facial expressions, and answered in unison, “Yeah.”

“That’s what I thought.”

“So, how small is he?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t seen it. We tried again and he pulled away before I could get him naked. But size doesn’t matter to me. I don’t think, anyway. I’ve only been with one guy my whole life, so it’s all I know.”

“Oh, you poor thing. Only one dick your entire life?”

“Well, my husband passed away a couple years ago and we were high school sweethearts. I’m just now finally trying to get back out there.”

“Oh, how sad. But this is an exciting time for you. Every cock is different and does different things.”

“You should know,” the other guy said, and they both laughed.

“True. I have been around the block a few times. Small cocks can be just as nice as the big ones. If they know how to use them right.”

“Yeah, I figured. But the insecurity is what bothers me.”

“Right. You can’t change the dick you’re born with. You just need to accept it, find out how to use it to its best advantage, and be proud.”

“Exactly.”

“And if he can’t do that, then you need to move on.”

“Thank you! That’s what I think, too. I can’t handle an insecure man.”

“Oh, hell no. Be proud of your dick and ravish your lover with it, no matter how small it is. I can handle a small dick, I can’t handle a small man.”

Bryn wanted to leap over the counter and hug them. She’d been feeling kind of horrible about her feelings about Eli and his insecurities. But these two lovely men had put it all in perspective for her.

“You guys are a lifesaver,” she said, and opened the drawer next to the register. She reached in, grabbing a handful of various lube and condom samples. “Here’s a bunch of stuff for you. I so appreciate your help.”

“No problem, sweetie. Hope you find some great sex soon.”

“I hope so, too.”

Bryn waved to her new friends as they waltzed out of the store. She felt good, ready to get out there and find good sex regardless of the size of the penis. It wasn’t about that. It was the man attached to the penis.

FIFTEEN MINUTES
until closing and Bryn was restocking the lube shelf. Raspberries and Cream was a definite favorite, with Strawberry Banana as a close second. The phone rang and she trotted over to it. “Classy ’n’ Sassy, this is Bryn. How may I help you?”

“Did you guys do it last night?”

It could only be Mia. “No. Almost though. He chickened out.”

“I thought this beach day was a friends-only thing.”

“Then why’d you ask if we did it or not?”

“ ’Cause I know you. So what happened?”

“It was supposed to be a platonic thing, but then he kissed me and rubbed my leg. It doesn’t take much these days to get me horny. It doesn’t matter, though. He freaked out again, and I’m done.”

“Good. Oliver talked to Troy and it’s all set.”

“Who’s Troy?”

“The guy we’re hooking you up with.”

“Nice. What’s he look like?”

“I don’t know, but Oliver says the ladies in the office drool over him.”

“Works for me. When are we going out?”

“Saturday. Dinner at Café Noir.”

“Sounds good. I’ll wear that low-cut dress.”

Mia sighed and Bryn could picture the rolling of her eyes. “I know how horny you are, but no sex on the first date.”

“Okay, Mom.”

“Don’t
Mom
me. I’m just a friend watching out for her friend.”

“Okay, okay. I’ll keep it in my pants. But I make no promises for date number two.”

Mia laughed. “Fine. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Bryn closed up the shop and headed for her parents’ house.

“Mommy!” Cammie said, and ran up the second she walked into the house and hugged her tight.

“Did you have fun today with Grandma and Grandpa?”

“Yes! They took us for ice cream.”

“Cool. Did you bring me any?”

“No!” she answered, like it was the most ridiculous question ever. “It woulda melted.”

The boys came into the foyer, arms around their mom for more hugs.

“Okay, get your shoes on so we can go.”

Bryn’s mom was there, too, and hugged her grandkids, kissing the tops of all their heads. “Love you,” she said, then turned to Bryn. “What days do we have the kids this week?”

“Monday and Wednesday during the day, Tuesday, Friday the late shift. And I was hoping you’d take them Saturday night. Maybe even keep them overnight?”

“Oh? Why’s that?”

Ugh. Bryn hated having to answer to her mother. She was a grown woman, for God’s sake. “I have a date. It’s a double date with Mia and Oliver.” Maybe throwing Mia in there would help her cause.

“Oh.”

How could a one-syllable word hold so much judgment? “Mom, I have every right to go out.”

“We’ll just have to agree to disagree on this topic.”

Bryn turned to the kids. “Guys, go outside and get in the car. I’ll be there in a minute.” She waited until the screen door slammed shut before continuing. “I’m lonely. I want to find someone to spend my life with. Would you really rather me be alone and miserable for the rest of my life?”

“You’re not alone. You have the kids. That should be enough for you.”

“I love my kids, but it’s not the same and you know it.”

“You made a commitment to your husband and you need to honor that.”

“Yeah, Mom, I did. But he’s gone. ‘Till death do us part.’ Remember that from our vows?” Bryn tried to hold back her tears. “He died. But I didn’t. I miss him every damn day, but I deserve to find happiness again. So will you watch my kids for me so I can try to do that, or not?”

Her mother shook her head. “It’s just not right.”

“Forget it,” Bryn said, and turned toward the door. “I’ll pay some neighborhood kid to babysit.”

“Bryn . . .”

She ignored her and just kept walking, wiping her eyes with her hands.

“It’s what’s best for you and the kids.”

Her mother had no fucking clue what was best for them. She would never understand what Bryn was going through. What the kids were going through. They missed having a man in their lives just as much as she did. Regardless of what her mother said, only Bryn knew what was best for her and the kids.

FINALLY, KIDS
asleep, Bryn had some silence to enjoy. It had been a long, stressful day and she was so ready to curl up with her book and a glass of wine. Just as she got into the sex scene between Roberto and Carmelita, her cell phone buzzed. A text from Eli.

Hey. Can we talk? Want to explain about last night.

She didn’t want to talk to him. Or anyone. She wanted to get lost in her book and maybe get a little drunk.

It’s fine. No need to explain. Good night.

But apparently he didn’t get the hint that she wanted to be left alone.

I’m really sorry. I just wasn’t into it. Can I still take you out to dinner? Make up for it with tiramisu?

A clean break was a must. She had to end it. Texting it was such a faux pas, but she just wanted it over with.

I don’t think so. It’s best if we just end this and move on.

He replied within seconds.

Why? I thought we were good together.

What was she supposed to say? She couldn’t tell him his penis insecurities were freaking her out.

We were. But I have a lot going on and I just can’t be with you. I’m sorry.

There. It wasn’t a lie. But of course it wasn’t good enough for Eli.

I just don’t get it. We had fun yesterday. Why all of a sudden did things change?

Why wouldn’t he just leave her alone?

It wasn’t all of a sudden. Please respect my decision.

She hated to sound nasty, but she needed to move on. And he needed to move on, too. Bryn set the phone down on the bed next to her, hoping she could finally get some peace. She guzzled her wine and went back to her book.

Things were getting pretty steamy between Roberto and Carmelita. He caressed her body, kissing every inch of her naked flesh. Bryn’s body buzzed with desire. It sucked to not have a man during times like these. But at least she had her toys to keep her company. She selected one from her collection and got comfy. But it sure as hell wasn’t the same as having a man in bed with her. Someone to hold, someone to kiss. All of a sudden, her favorite vibrator didn’t seem so fabulous anymore. An orgasm with someone else would be far better than experiencing one alone. If anything, Eli had shown her she was more than ready to get on with her life and find someone to share her bed with.

She was determined to find a man who was perfect for her, or at least as close to perfection as possible, since Johnny was gone. He had to be out there somewhere.

FUCK. ELI
wanted to throw his phone across the room. Bryn had asked him to respect her decision. Replying would just make him seem like an even bigger asshole. What the hell had happened to make her pull away?

He knew what happened. Everything had been perfect until he freaked out when Zach knocked on the door. Why was he so damn insecure? Why couldn’t he just get over it? So stupid. Maybe he should forget about Bryn—and every other woman for that matter—and accept his permanent bachelorhood.

He didn’t know what to do, but obviously he needed to give Bryn some space. Easier said than done.