Skin (3 page)

T
ania watched silently
and a bit regretfully as Kane blew through his temper and back into calm. Her father used to do that: blow up, cool down, and then refuel for the next blow. Her mother had always loved to get him going. They’d fought like cats and dogs all the time, but it hadn’t weakened their relationship. They’d argued, debated, and made up with the same passion. Because they blew up often, bad feelings and irritations didn’t build up to the point where they caused damage. They shared what they felt all the time – good and bad. It hadn’t been the easiest childhood, but she’d always known where she stood on any issue. Bottom line – they loved each other and her.

Even after their divorce, she’d never doubted it. They were still friends today.

Kane looked to be of similar ilk.

It made him a little easier to understand. Except, in this instance, she wished he’d blow a little harder, a little louder. And get them out of this.

“It’s only a project,” Jenna was saying in her smooth, what-could-you-possibly-be-worried-about tone of voice.

That terrified Tania. She’d been through too much therapy to believe that tone of voice. And from the looks of him, Kane hadn’t been through enough. He appeared to be falling for Jenna’s line of bullshit.

Tania wasn’t so easily swayed. She leaned forward. “Jenna, you know our history. I’m not sure what Kane’s issue is, but you know mine.”

Jenna smiled warmly at her and waited for her to continue, expectancy on her face for a favorite student about to give the right answer. That should have been enough warning, but just in case Jenna really didn’t get it… “Surely,” Tania added, “I could work with Robin. I’d love that.” She beamed with relief at the smile on Jenna’s face. This would work. Tania had always managed to get things to work at university and at work. People were accommodating; no one wanted discord.

Then she saw the look in Jenna’s eyes and recognized there was to be no easy exit from this one.

“Fine. How hard can this be?” Tania glared at Kane, who just raised an eyebrow at her. He flicked something off his thigh, but it was the mocking look that made her ask. “What?”

“Oh, nothing; just flicking away an irritating mosquito.”

She shot him a narrow-eyed look before turning her back on him to glare at Jenna. “This is a really bad idea,” she said in a dark tone.

But Jenna was laughing. “Maybe and maybe not. So let’s go over what you are going to do.”

That was when Tania understood she was getting a camera.

A smile broke free, relieved laughter rippling throughout the room. “Oh my God! You should have said something in the beginning.” She laughed and laughed.

When she could stop the giggles, only the odd hiccupping laugh still escaping, she realized Jenna had a wry smile on her face. Kane wore a thundercloud.

“I’m glad this isn’t quite as impossible as you’d first been afraid it was,” Jenna said gently.

And that, of course, had been the crux of the issue. Settling down, Tania relaxed, realizing she’d let her fears completely override rational thought here.

She loved photography, and of course Jenna knew that. They’d discussed it several times. She wasn’t sure why or how, or if the sensation was real or just another mirage she put up in her world to make something doable, but being behind a camera put distance between her and a situation. It gave her a buffer from the uncomfortable, the too-intense insights, and the world at large.

It gave her a sense of security and of safety.

Jenna was seriously bright to have done this. Relief let Tania sit down and let herself settle inside. She was safe. This wasn’t going to be something super scary or super intimate. In fact, she had to wonder if it would do anything for her at all, but her mind immediately clutched at the straw offered and said she could deal with the other stuff later down the road, like in ten years’ time.

“Okay. I’m really going to love this project.” Her mind wandered to the camera gear she’d brought with her, wondering what to use first. It all depended on what they had to photograph. Then another tidbit fell into place. “That’s why you told me to be sure to bring my camera gear, isn’t it?”

“Yes, it is.” Jenna nodded, but she didn’t look at Tania. Instead, she kept her gaze on Kane.

Realizing she’d been awash in her own satisfaction and joy at what she would be doing, she’d put no thought to Kane’s role in all of this. It wasn’t as if she needed him to carry stuff. It was all lightweight, and she’d been packing her gear for a long time.

She frowned as she took in the hard gaze between Jenna and Kane, realizing she’d missed something.

“Uhm, what’s going on?” She studied the tick on Kane’s jaw and recognized that instead of a blow-up, he’d gone super quiet. In her dad’s case, it meant he was seriously pissed. She winced. Kane was going to have a monster of a headache after this. Clenching his jaw, his neck was corded, and as her gaze slipped down his chest, she realized his fists were almost white at the knuckles.

“Jenna?” No one could miss the signals in the room right now. She cleared her throat and tried again. “Maybe you could tell me what Kane and I are going to photograph?”

Kane, his voice like silken steel, answered instead. “Go ahead, Jenna.” His voice deepened dangerously. “Tell us.”

Shit. Tania’s gaze raced from the one so furious she couldn’t believe he was holding back to Jenna, who sat calmly, returning his stare in apparent unconcern. But Jenna was no fool; everyone knew you didn’t turn your back on a dangerous animal.

And right now Kane was one hell of a dangerous animal.

“Why don’t you tell her, if you think you know,” Jenna said smoothly.

“Kane?” Tania wanted this tension to break. Even tensile strength had a breaking point.

“It’s not what you’re going to photograph,” he snapped. “It’s who.”

Tania didn’t understand, but at the approving curl on Jenna’s lips, she figured Kane just got the favorite student award.

“Who am I supposed to photograph?” she asked, bewildered.

“Me.”

*

Kane closed the
door to his room with a very controlled click. He stood stock-still and let the anger ripple through him. He didn’t dare let loose or there’d be a hole in the door. He splayed his fingers wide with as much force as he could manage. When the tension finally drained, he relaxed slightly. Then he took several steps toward the bed, where he threw himself down on the cushy surface. He leaned his head back and groaned out loud.

“What the hell am I doing here?” He could blame his brother for this damn session, but that wasn’t fair. Sure, Jerry had pushed and prodded to get Kane to sign up, and it had been a good idea initially. Sounded like just what he needed. He’d been nursing his grudge for far too long.

It was time to move on before he screwed up other relationships.

He groaned again, lifting both hands and scrubbing his face. He only had an hour’s lunch break. Everyone had split immediately after their meetings with Jenna, taking off for their own silent spaces. He needed food, but he’d needed space and time to regroup more. He could do a stupid camera project with Tania.

So what if she took a picture of him? Big deal.

Then why was he damn near shaking? It’s as if he was stressed to the max and if that was the case, why? He’d been fine first thing this morning. Fine since he’d arrived. He’d been disdainful as the process started. It gave him a bit of buffer in case he started to feel too involved, or they got too dangerously close to his own hurts.

It was easier to come to something like this if he kept himself separate from the others. And of course, the therapist’s purpose was to stop him. He didn’t know when he’d started to feel a fine edge of anger or bitterness to put more distance between them, but it was somewhere around the time he noticed Tania flinching away from him. This morning, she’d damned near crawled into Robin’s lap.

It made for a tough few hours when every time he shifted, he felt her respond like a scared rabbit. He’d wanted to reassure her he wasn’t planning on hitting her or hitting on her, but he’d known that would have made it all worse.

It was too bad.

She was tiny, delicate-featured, and curvy. He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her. Then with every breath he took, he was intimately aware of her reaction – just as she was aware of his every action.

To have that level of awareness with someone, someone who was terrified of him, was just wrong. No, he hadn’t gotten the impression she was terrified of him…she didn’t know him. He was a stranger to her. It was more she was terrified of what he represented.

His mind played with that.

What did he represent? Maleness. Strength. Power. He’d caught her gaze on his biceps. His thighs. He studied his arms; he kept in shape, worked out, and had a stocky build. No one would ever call him a toothpick.

From any other woman, he’d take her glances as interest. There could be a touch of that here, but he knew it wasn’t the main part. Given they were in therapy, chances were good she’d been beaten up by someone bigger and stronger than her and most likely someone like himself – male.

It made it tough to sit beside her.

Because he didn’t have the same issues. At least not over sex. He
was
interested. Then again, he was male, so of course he was interested.

He grinned, his good humor restored. It would be a cold day in Hell before any healthy male wasn’t interested in Tinkerbelle.

But to put the two of them together for hours on end was just asking for trouble. He wasn’t sure he could stay calm and cool around her like she needed him to be, and he didn’t want to terrorize her by blowing up in front of her.

She didn’t need that.

He just didn’t know what she did need, and it was none of his business. Jenna would have to sort that out. He needed to tell her privately to forget about this project.

Feeling better, he hopped up to his feet, prepared to go down to the restaurant for a quick bite, when it hit him. He was making a big deal over nothing.

This was a class project, just a few hours when he had to be in control, calm, and detached. Even cop-like would work. He was a cop. He was just back in school finishing his degree so he could move up the ranks.

She could take a few pictures, he’d learn a little patience, and he could go home.

Feeling better, he ran down the stairs, hoping to get a bite to eat after all.

Surprisingly, his appetite had returned.

W
hile working her
way through her lunch, Tania realized it was stupid to feel so relieved. She was here to face the parts of her she’d been keeping locked away. Finding out she got to hide behind the lens of a camera made this an easier assignment than she expected.

That Kane was going to be her subject filled her with mixed feelings. She adored playing with light and dark. The camera would love him; his muscles, that build. So much about him excited her to be able to do this.

And with the camera, she didn’t feel in danger. He was no threat to her. She’d be able to keep a lens between them.

She knew photography. She understood images.

But she didn’t know him. But she
would
know him by the time this assignment was over. There was no way she couldn’t. Photography was a tool to study something. To learn about something she hadn’t been able to access before. The lens brought her closer, highlighted the focus, and forced everything to drop away yet lifted the subject for closer inspection. It was almost as if he was standing naked. Alone, Vulnerable. Reachable.

She laid the fork back down beside her plate and stared off in the distance. Was it coincidental? Or had Jenna understood this could help Tania in a big way?

“Something wrong?” Robin asked across from her.

Tania shook her head. “Not really, just thinking about the assignments.”

“Oh. Those.” Robin sighed heavily. “Yeah, so not sure about that.”

Part of the assignment instructions had been to keep the assignments private from the rest of the group so as not to be influenced by anyone else’s thinking.