Skin (8 page)

“I’m sorry,” she said before Jillian could speak. “I had no right to do that.”

“Of course you did,” Jillian sighed heavily. “I’m sorry for pushing you to the point you felt it was the only answer.”

“I didn’t want to hear what you were trying to say.”

“Yeah, I got the message.” Jillian’s voice lifted from sadness to humor, making Tania smile.

“I just feel so…” she shrugged. “I don’t know. I feel alive; different, confused but almost hot.”

Now Jillian broke into her beautiful, lilting laugh. “You sound so normal. I’m so happy you called me. I hadn’t expected this type of progress, but there’s no doubt that’s what I’m seeing.” She added a smirk in her voice. “I guess I hadn’t expected it to show this way.”

“I had no expectations,” Tania laughed. “Who could?”

“Just…be careful,” Jillian dropped her voice. “Please. You’re very special, and you’ve been hurt enough.”

“True. And I’m not going to do anything stupid. At least I’m not trying to. If I get a chance to take this one step further…well, I don’t know, but I honestly don’t think I could go through with it and to have me run from him at that stage could hurt him – badly, depending on his issues.” In fact, it was likely to devastate him. And he’d come here to heal, too. She didn’t need to screw his world up more just because she was a mess.

“That’s the thing about sexual attraction; what looks great at night time when the heat is coursing through your veins can look horrible in the morning. Worse because, in the cold light of day, we look in the mirror and hate ourselves, realizing we’d done something we wouldn’t normally do. In the morning, our actions are hard to live with. But that mirror is one we have to look at every day.”

There was such a serious tone in her voice, and Tania realized she didn’t know all of her friend’s dark secrets, either. Obviously, Jillian had some experience with the less-than-nice side of sexual attraction.

She didn’t know what to say. “I’m sorry. I don’t know because I’ve never been there, but I hate to think you have such memories.”

“Sweetie, most single women who’ve lived the singles life have a few of them. Some are easier to forget than others. In your case, I don’t think you’d be able to forget. It would just compound other memories you can’t walk away from, either.”

“Damn. That’s probably very true.” Tania walked to the window and looked out. “In which case, I can just enjoy the benefit of knowing the seminar is working, and I’ll come home a better, more complete person.”

“Yes, you are, and you will. And that’s awesome!” Jillian sighed happily. “I’m so happy to hear the seminar is working. Now I have to run. Go eat and enjoy the rest of the seminar. If anything else comes up, call me.” She rang off.

In a better frame of mind, Tania glanced at her watch and understood she was going to be late for dinner if she didn’t move it. She wasn’t even dressed yet. Ten minutes later, dressed in slacks and a light, cashmere sweater with a little makeup on to hide the crying session, and she was ready to go. She grabbed her purse, her hotel card, and walked out, damn near walking into Kane.

“Whoa. Easy there.” He reached out and grabbed her arms to steady her. “I know its dinner time, but you don’t have to rush. They will save you some.”

Her barely-leashed hormones took one look at that smorgasbord of delight in front of her, and a second appetite surged to life.

*

Kane held Tania
slightly apart from him and studied her features. She’d regained her balance physically, but something appeared to have set her off emotionally. He stared into her blue eyes, watching them darken. Why? She wasn’t struggling to get away from him, but her pupils were dilated and her body swayed closer.

His own body woke up. He dropped his hands and stepped back slightly, and he smiled down at her. “Hey, you okay?”

She visibly tried to pull herself together. “Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry.” She gave a headshake. “I have to watch where I’m going. I came out of my room and you surprised me.”

“I’m just hoping to get dinner before it’s too late.”

On cue, her stomach growled. She gasped, and then laughed. “I guess my stomach has the same concern.”

He grinned, happy to see her calming down and relaxing a bit. She was tense, had been most of the time he’d known her, except when she had the camera in her hand. Then she became someone else.

He motioned for her to precede him. She did, somewhat. She walked a half step in front of him, not quite comfortable that he was behind her. He walked, watching as she walked half-twisted as if to keep an eye on him.

Weird.

He took several larger steps to walk beside her, and she stopped trying to look behind her while she walked.

He wondered if she’d been attacked from behind at some point. He hadn’t noticed this behavior before, but then he wasn’t sure, and he cast his mind back to try and remember if he’d ever been behind her. He had, but he’d been a ways behind, like earlier this afternoon when she raced back to the hotel, not on her heels like this. And that appeared to be the problem.

He filed the tidbit away for later. He’d seen enough victims in his life to recognize some of the signs, but Tania was different. There were some things she couldn’t hide, like when they’d first met. He was used to his size raising eyebrows. He’d also experienced some uncomfortable shuffling away when he sat down, like on an airplane, where people expected him to take up more than his single seat.

But in her case, she’d had the same reaction to him whether he’d been standing or sitting. As she was tiny, he figured she just felt dwarfed.

He’d seen it before. Some women liked a big man because it made them feel small and protected, while other women felt overpowered.

She reached over and pushed the elevator button, and then stepped back to give him space.

It was starting to piss him off.

When the elevator arrived, he stepped in first and slouched against the back wall, crossing his arms across his chest. He wouldn’t want her to think he was going attack her in here.

The small elevator moved swiftly, but not fast enough for him to miss the worried glances she shot his way. He stared at the ceiling, feeling the same old burn inside build as old anger issues came to the forefront. His mood went downhill quickly as past grievances swamped him.

Damn females. Why couldn’t they just be honest? Instead, they did this dance back and forth, always sending a guy from one side to the other. Being liars and cheats naturally, he figured the chances of finding a straight-arrow female to be impossible. It wasn’t in their DNA. They were naturally wily and were born to manipulate. Most used their beauty to blind the poor male they were currently with.

Tania was a prime example, sending out all the right signals then immediately changing those signals so he had no clue what was going on. She was attracted to him, no way he could have missed those signals, but to look at her now…Christ.

The door opened at the restaurant lobby level. She walked out and headed to the restaurant, with another group stepping between them. They must have come from the stairwell. He was hungry, but at this point he wasn’t sure he could eat. He stepped out of the elevator, walked to the front door, and stepped outside. The sun was still high, but with the buildings around, there were long shadows deepening the sky.

“Kane?”

He stiffened. Jenna. Of course, she’d be the one to find him. He was in a perfect mood to give her hell, too. He turned and stared at her, his jaw clenching at the narrow assessing gaze she locked on him.

“Hey.” He tried for casual and curious.

And understood when her all seeing, all knowing gaze narrowed even more that he’d failed. He sighed then straightened. “What’s up?”

“How are you doing?” she asked calmly as she walked a few steps closer. “I don’t see you looking for dinner yet. Not hungry?”

He was hungry, but food wouldn’t satisfy this appetite. Damn Tania. With a sigh, knowing the therapist would see what she’d see, he said, “I was just getting a little fed up with Little Miss Rabbit always backing away, staring behind her as if afraid I was ready to attack at any moment.”

Jenna’s eyebrow shot up. “I hadn’t realized she felt so intimidated. She’s been doing so well.”

That made him feel like shit, and he was a fair guy. “She is.”

The therapist studied him for another moment, her expression lightening with understanding. “Ah. So maybe you’re the problem.”

He glared at her. “I’m fine.”

She smiled. “I’m glad to hear that.” She linked arms with him and tugged him back toward the restaurant. “I haven’t eaten. Come and join me.”

He didn’t bother resisting. He was here to get help and as she’d said, he was the problem.

And that just sucked.

Before he knew it, he was seated at a table and ordering dinner. And damn if Tania wasn’t seated next to him.

Had Jenna arranged that on purpose? He shot her a questioning look.

She smiled, reached over, and patted his arm. “Enjoy. The food here is a delight.”

Tania, from the other side, leaned forward and said, “It is indeed. I’m really enjoying the visit here. It’s a lovely location for healing.”

Jenna leaned in closer to talk to Tania as if he wasn’t there. He leaned back so they could see each other while they spoke across him.

Then when the faintest whiff of Tania’s perfume drifted across his face, that was when he recognized he really didn’t want to be anywhere else.

W
hat was Kane’s
problem? Tania had hoped he had not noticed her flustered state as they came down. He’d seemed normal enough, yet when she’d come walking into the restaurant worrying about where she should sit – beside him or a long ways away – she found out he hadn’t followed her in.

Talk about a letdown. She’d been staring at the damn entranceway watching for him since.

When he’d sat down beside her, she’d been delighted until she realized he’d sat at the last empty chair and then had seemed surprised to see her beside him.

So much for the hope that he might be attracted to her. He didn’t even know she existed.

Determined to be friendly regardless, she pasted a smile on her face and kept it there. Robin was on the other side. Halfway through dinner, Robin caught her eye and motioned toward the washroom. Taking her cue, Tania excused herself and followed Robin to the ladies’ room.

As soon as the door closed behind them, Robin exploded. “What is going on with you?”

Tania stared at her in shock. “Huh?”

“Your face has been a movie all through dinner. You sat down and looked happy, then looked around and your face fell. Jenna and Kane walk in and you light up. Then something odd happened and you looked like you’d taken a major hit. Now, it’s as if you’re trying to hide something or trying to avoid something…hell…I don’t know…but it’s like you’re trying too hard to not be affected by whatever is bothering you.”

With the outburst over, she leaned against the counter and dropped her head back. “Normally, I wouldn’t say anything, but whatever is going on has to do with Kane, and damn it, girl, you are a guppy in a sea of sharks. And Kane could turn out to be the king of the Great White Sharks.”

In a small voice, Tania said, “I was that obvious?”

“Yes, you were,” Robin said in a short voice. “I know we’re all here dealing with shit. And it’s private shit. Hell, I don’t want all my dirty laundry hanging out for everyone to see, but you’re glowing like a kid right now.”

Tania walked over so she could stare into the mirror. There was no glow now, only bruises. This day had been tough, and it looked like it wasn’t over. She didn’t know what to say; surely the red all over her face said enough. Robin turned to stare at her in the mirror.

She sighed, and in a much gentler voice, she said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. But your erratic behavior is like a neon sign. It never does any good to let a man know you are too interested. Interested, yes, but that you have no resistance to the attraction – no.”

“It’s all so difficult. I’ve never felt anything like this. Hadn’t ever expected to, and now… now, I have no idea how to handle it.” She ran her fingers through her hair, wanting to grab on and pull it out. “Apparently I’m not doing a good job of it.”