Sleeping Beauty (20 page)

I sat up and Tommy wormed his way onto the couch beside me. Why?

Somebody lied to me and hurt my feelings.

Tommys mouth pursed into a round red oh.

I dont lie, he assured me.

Thats good. Wheres your brother?

A worried expression creased his smooth features as he processed his next statement. I dont lie.

Then tell me where Terry is.

And with the saintliness of George Washington announcing to his father that he could not tell a lie, even about that hacked off cherry tree in the backyard, he said, Helping you.

I sat up a little straighter. Helping me what?

Tommy edged away a bit, just in case I didnt take the news as well as he hoped I might. Paint the garage.

I couldnt get the idea of the sleepwalking Lady Macbeth out of my head, so I turned to the works of the bard to read exactly what Shakespeare had said.

Doctor: I have two nights watched with you, but can perceive no truth in your report. When was it she last walked?

Gentlewoman: Since his majesty went into the field, I have seen her rise from her bed, throw her night-gown upon her, unlock her closet, take forth paper, fold it, write upont, read it, afterwards seal it, and again return to bed; yet all this while in a most fast asleep.

Doctor: A great perturbation in nature, to receive at once the benefit of sleep, and do the effects of watching! In this slumbery agitation, besides her walking and other actual performances, what, at any time, have you heard her say?

It wasnt exactly comforting.

Neither is thinking about David.

The door slammed and I heard Darla come into the house. I could hear a second pair of footsteps behind her. Charleys.

By the time I got to the living room, Chester had attached his teeth to the leg of Charleys pants. Hes become very halfhearted about being a watchdog and now sleeps through most visitors. As his health returns and he feels more secure, he has a real desire to become a lap cat, something fat and cozy that doesnt even open its eyes when a stranger comes in. I give him another month, at which time he will become a portly, lazy lout like the rest of his kind. I can hardly wait.

What are you guys doing here?

Darla tossed her purse on a chair. Were here for an intervention.

Whats that supposed to mean?

Why have you been avoiding David?

Who says I have?

Give me a break, Darla said. Im busy, not blind. Besides, Ive picked up a few of the calls youve ignored. Hes a great guy. Whats wrong with you?

So its me that something is wrong with? Have you ever thought for a moment that it might be something with him?

No, Darla said bluntly. I havent. Hes not the one with the hang-up about your sleep issues. You are.

Whats that supposed to mean?

Youre so self-conscious about what happens at night when youre asleep that you dont enjoy your days, thats what. So what if you sleepwalk? So what if you do crazy things that make others laugh? Is that so bad? Youve never said a mean word about another human being. You are the kindest, most gentle, compassionate person Ive ever met. Youd do anything for me or any of your friends. Your amazing faith is a model for the rest of us. Youre creative, inventive, imaginative, artistic, compassionate and beautiful.

The only problem you have is that youre a legend in your own mind.

What? I dont get it.

Of course you dont. Now it was Charleys turn.

Youve always let it bother you that you do crazy things in you sleep. You act like it makes you less than everyone else. Well, heres the big news, Suze, youre the only one who thinks its a problem.

A legend in my own mind? Pretty harsh, dont you think?

Youre walking away from a great guy, Suze. If its because of this sleep business, youre going to regret it for the rest of your life.

You dont know anything about it, either of you. David betrayed me.

Him? No way, Charley protested. The Boy Scouts arent as reliable as he is.

I gave him a dirty look.

Whats this awful thing hes supposed to have done? His voice was heavy with doubt. For the first time ever I felt as if he wasnt on my side.

So I told him the same thing Id told Darla, how David had said in no uncertain terms that he was going to use my story in his book after hed promised to be my friend.

Charley heard me out but didnt looked convinced.

And? Darla said.

And what? Isnt that enough? He betrayed me!

How do you even know it was you he was talking about? Did he say your name?

He didnt have to, Charley. I know what happened to me.

Have you talked to him about it?

Of course not!

Why not?

Im too angry to face him.

Thats not quite fair to him, is it? Darla picked up my Bible from the coffee table and flipped through it until she found whatever it was she wanted. She put her finger on a spot and began to read.

Dear friends, if a Christian is overcome by some sin, you who are Godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself. Share each others troubles and problems, and in this way obey the law of Christ. If you think you are too important to help someone in need, you are only fooling yourself.

The least you can do is ask him why he did it, Suze.

Frankly, I dont think he did anything. Charley sounded so certain as he said it that I had to take notice. Suze, youre accusing him of something he wouldnt do, professionally, couldnt do. Ive never known you to be unfair.

Interventions are very uncomfortable things. Darla and Charleys meddling forced me to sit back and reevaluate my entire life.

A legend in my own mind. Thats pretty egotistical sounding and it has troubled me all day.

I picked up the telephone to call my parents. I had something important to ask them.

Dad answered.

Hi, Pops. What are you doing today?

Cleaning the garage. Your mother thinks its untidy.

Is it?

Of course not, its a garage. Theyre supposed to look like this but its easier than convincing your mother otherwise.

Dad, do you remember the time I pulled some shelves over on your car while I was sleepwalking?

He hesitated. Vaguely. You were trying to rescue something you thought was on top of it, if I remember correctly. A rabbit, maybe?

No. It was a kitten.

Hmmm. He didnt seem very interested.

Did it upset you a lot that your car was damaged or that insurance didnt want to pay for it?

What are you talking about? He sounded genuinely bewildered. The car was barely scratched and the guy at the body shop is a friend of mine. I didnt turn in an insurance claim. It didnt cost me a dime.

Then how I recalled the words Id heard at the clinic. The damage was enormous. Insurance didnt want to cover it.

Then why did I think that Id dented it so badly?

You were always like that as a little girl. Ive never known a child who tried to be as good as you did. Any time anything went wrong you blamed yourself. It was a particular problem because every time you did something unusual in your sleep, you were twice as upset about it as anyone else and would blow things out of proportion. Of course, you did have some doozies.

I let my father regale me with a few incidents before I asked to speak to my mother.

She came on the phone quickly and sounded out of breath. Ive got your father cleaning the garage and I dont dare leave him alone out here, she told me cheerfully. So Im weeding flower beds. That way I can check on him occasionally and make sure hes on task.

I dont question how their marriage works. Whatever theyre doing, it seems to be right although far be it from me to want to babysit my husband while he cleans the garage. If I ever get a husband, that is. The opportunity is dimming rapidly.

Do you recall when I messed up your flowers in my sleep?

Of course, but Mickey did a much better job of it when she was awake. She and her little friends picked every one of my blooming flowers for a wedding they were going to put on in the backyard. My gardens looked dreadful that year. Im surprised you dont recall. We talked about it all summer long.

Oh, I recall it, all right. I thought it was me whod spoiled my mothers beautiful flowers.

Did I do a lot of damage in my sleep? I asked, my heart thumping wildly in my chest.

Some, but you were such an angel when you were awake that it made up for all that and more. We were just frightened youd hurt yourself, thats all. Mom paused to consider. I wonder if we didnt make too big a deal of it at the time. Then, over the years, it became such a topic of conversation that I suppose some of the stories were embellished. Im sure if youd complained or seemed to mind, that would have quit, but you never said anything.

So, by my silence, I had given express permission to let the stories continue?

Your brother was the worst, you know. That child spent more time in the corner for telling tall tales. Sometimes we wondered if you actually did some of the things he told you youd done. Oh! Your dad is calling. I have to go, sweetie, Ill call you later.

I was left with a dead phone line and a readjustment of everything Id believed about my childhood.

D arla, how bad was it to live with me in college?

She stared at me uncomprehendingly. Not bad at all.

What about the sleepwalking?

It could get interesting, if thats what you mean. Sometimes, though, you talk as if you did it every night. You didnt, of course. It always got worse around exams and when you were under stress. Thinking back on it, if Id known then what I know now, I believe I could have predicted when it would happen. Midterms, finals, after you broke up with a boyfriend. She snapped her fingers. Oh, and whenever you signed up for a half marathon or even something as small as a 5K. You were terrible then. We could hardly keep you in bed.

She eyed me suspiciously. Why do you ask?

I have an appointment with Dr. Fielding tomorrow. I just wanted to tell him everything I can think of about my behavior.

Id made sure that David was out of town before Id set the appointment. Fortunately the receptionist is quite a chatterbox and didnt seem to question why I was asking when hed be in again. Maybe I feel guilty about ignoring his calls. My resolve is crumbling. Im beginning to think that I may have made a big mistake not giving David a chance to explain himself.

Not only that, I miss him.

The twins, miraculously, are shaping up. They dont cause nearly the trouble they did when they first arrived. Having two quasi-mothers aroundDarla and meinstead of just one, has taught them that they cant get away with everything they want to do. They are good little boys and dont intend to be mean, so by channeling their energy in new directions, they are becoming practically, and I use the term loosely, well-behaved.

Right now were practicing for the day their parents arrive with the new baby. Its not going well yet but I still have hope. I thought back to this mornings rehearsal. Tommy was on the couch holding the life-size baby doll meant to represent his new sister.

Tommy, you cant hold the baby upside down.

Why?

Because babies dont like it and its not good for them.

Hed studied the doll in puzzlement. I like being upside down.

Its fun. Terry toppled off the couch doing a monkey imitation, scratching himself in the armpit.

Take my word for it on this. Turn the baby around.

In doing so, he dropped the doll on its head on the edge of my coffee table, knocked my cup to the floor and no doubt gave the baby a serious concussion.

Maybe Mickey and Jeff shouldnt come home yet. We have a long way to go in the big-brother department.

Everything about another visit to the clinic reminded me of David as I sat in the waiting room to be called into the doctors office. With each moment that passed, I grew more miserable. It was David whod been concerned enough to get me here and Id mistrusted even that.

I needed my head examined, all right, but when I was awake, not asleep.

You can come back to Dr. Fieldings office now.

I followed the woman whod called me through the building. We walked by Davids office on the way. His door was not closed and taped to the front of his desk was a picture Terry and Tommy had colored for him. Theyd told him it was a picture of mein my blue-haired, bandy-legged, punk-rocker days, apparently.

What startled me even more than his having saved the picture was the fact that hed taped it to his desk, his immaculate cherrywood desk. Sweet .

Id told Darla not to judge a book by its cover but I obviously hadnt taken my own advice. Maybe Davids perfectionism hid more from me than it revealed.

Then I was swept up in greeting by Dr. Fielding.

What did you discover? I got straight to the point. Tell me the bad news first.

The doctor looked at me oddly. There is no bad news.

I almost laughed before I realized he was serious.

Ive been looking over your chart again and I have a couple questions Id like to ask. He frowned a bit as he studied the report. I see you have occasional migraine headaches.

Not often. More when the boys are with me.

Dr. Grant told me that youd run a 10K with him. Do you do much running?

Odd questions, I thought. What did these have to do with sleepwalking? Not as much as Id like. I try to fit it into my day the best I can.

Do you run in the morning?

No, I never have. Im a night owl and I prefer to sleep as late as I can. Normally I do it after work or whenever I can get to the gym. My friend and I have been running in the evening lately.

I see.

What, exactly, was it that he saw? It was clear as mud to me.

Theres no doubt youre very active in your sleep, he went on in sublime understatement, so its important to look at what might be triggering the episodes. Well have to do some detective work. If we can connect your sleepwalking with something that is happening to you during the day, it will help us determine what your triggers are. Were you particularly stressed? Was it something you ate, etcetera? Were you under undue pressure? There may be several things going on with you that are creating a confusing picture but Im confident that we can straighten it out. Now heres what I would suggest.