Sleeping Beauty (19 page)

And you dont live far from Charley while youre here.

Whats that supposed to mean?

I think Ive seen you doing a little compromising the past week or two. Dinners out. A movie now and then.

We dont go to either fast-food drive-throughs or five-star restaurants, if thats what you mean. And hes willing to give up movies about ax murders if Ill give up those with subtitles.

How is it?

Darla smiled and her face softened. Sunlight danced off her golden hair and she was radiant. Good, Suze. Its good.

And how is it for Charley?

The sunlight in her expression dimmed a bit. Im not sure. He seems happy. His hair has grown back and hes even more handsome than I thought hed be, but he doesnt say much about us. Its as though hes skating on thin ice and holding his breath, hoping he wont break through.

Can you blame him? Youre an intimidating package, Darlabright, beautiful, successful.

Insecure, afraid to hope

Almost simultaneously, we put our elbows on the table and our chins in our hands and sighed. I thought wed get over this after high school, I muttered.

I thought Id gotten over it permanently, Darla responded. Whats happened?

I think the old anxiety and lack of confidence is back because we care. Its easy to be self-assured in relationships when you arent really in love. You dont feel vested in it and if it ends, it ends. But if you really love someone and are terrified it might not work out

So youre saying youre in love with David?

I eyed her. Are you saying youre in love with Charley?

We both sighed and put our foreheads in our hands, and as one voice we pronounced, Oh, rats!

I m going to quit going to Davids house. Its too depressing for me. All that sterile, open space, all that cat furfree furniture, all that perfectness. Besides, it makes me feel like a hypocrite. I gave Darla the big lecture about compromise and accepting people as they are and shes actually doing it. And me? Hypocrisy is my middle name.

Why worry about a speck in your friends eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying, Friend, let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye, when you cant see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log from your own eye; then perhaps you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friends eye.

Ouch.

I can advise Darla for hours on how she and Charley can make their relationship work, about giving up something in order to gain something, about how true love acts.

Then, when I turn the floodlight onto myself, I flinch. What will I give up for David? I love my cozy, sentimental, comfy home just as much as his angular, sleek, sophisticated six-figure condo in the sky pleases him. I cant give up the animals. Theyre my passion. Chester is actually turning into a cat. Instead of looking like a moth-eaten pelt, hes fat and sleek and has a cocky tip to his head. Hes still got some species confusion and thinks hes a watchdog, but because I miss Chipper, Ive let him delude himself into thinking hes actually protecting me and my house.

And what would David do if I brought home to his elegant condo a half-dead ferret or a dog with mange? Could I even get it past the doorman who looks as though he was imported for duty from the marines? He looks at me suspiciously now and all Ive tried to sneak into Davids place is a batch of white-chocolate macadamia-nut cookies.

Or the mustache cups, backside-eating chairs and my grandmothers rocker? And I havent even mentioned the twins, who could make Davids place into one large coloring book in a matter of minutes.

Oil and water dont mix. If David is oil and Im water, weve got trouble.

As Darla grows more and more happy in her unlikely pairing with Charley, I grow inversely more miserable. Perhaps its for the best that David is often out of town presenting educational and training programs across the country. I need time to think.

The phone rang about 9:00 p.m. The boys were asleep and Darla wouldnt be home for at least an hour. Although I was tempted to ignore it and go to bed, I picked it up instead.

Suze? Hi, its Mickey.

Hi, sis. How are you?

So homesick that I can hardly stand it. How are the boys?

Asleep.

Those little darlings.

Darlings. Right. The boys dont so much fall asleep as drop in their tracks. It takes energy to create chaos and mayhem twelve hours a day.

Whats the latest on the baby?

Shes so beautiful, Suze. We spend time with her every day. As soon as the paperwork is complete, well be home. Have you been talking about the new baby with the boys?

As best I can. So far they would prefer a puppy or, if that doesnt work out, goldfish.

Youve got to prepare them, Suze! If their mommy and daddy are gone for weeks and then come home with another child, what will they think?

Although I didnt say it, I know the answer. They will assume Mommy and Daddy did them a huge favor by letting them stay with their weak-willed aunt and they will decide that they want to live here instead of at home. After all, theres no cat at home, no lemonade stand and no doting aunt. Not only that, they love Darla, who is their all-time favorite playmate. Im afraid that Mickey might be in for a rude awakening.

It appears that David may see me in my sheep-and-cloud pajamas again whether I like it or not. Dr. Fielding wants to do a sleep study, which, from experience, is an oxymoron. If I cant sleep well at home in a cozy bed with dark shades, a night mask and soothing rainforest sounds, how will I sleep in an unfamiliar twin bed in a cramped room with electrodes clamped all over my head? If patients dont have sleep disorders when they arrive, the tests will give them some. Whats more, I dont like people watching me while I sleep and I know perfectly well what that one-way mirror in the room is for. Tonight Ill be the prize monkey in the zoo. Lets hope they dont invite too many bystanders to view the entertainment.

Now just ignore these wires if you can, a cheerful but deluded technician told me as he hooked me up to machines. Cameras would film me in the night. Suddenly the nights on the floor by my bedroom door before Darla came to help me with the twins seemed like the good old days.

She pointed to a single rose that sat on the bedside stand in a slender crystal vase. Whats this? Briskly she moved toward it as if to pluck it up and banish it from the medically sterile room. Then she glanced at the card propped against it and her hands fell away as if shed been burned. Oh. She eyed me with new interest and respect. Isnt that sweet?

After shed gone, I picked up the card.

Suze, have a good nights sleep. See you in the morning. David.

Beneath it he had added a quote from Macbeth . Lo you, here she comes! This is her very guise; and, upon my life, fast asleep. Observe her; stand close.

Oh, great. Somewhere something was probably recording the way my heartbeat sped up at the sight of Dr. Grants handwriting.

I lie there willing my mind to stop whirling. Finally I began to tick off the things Id accomplished in the past sixteen hours. Breakfast with twins. Vacuumed oatmeal off floor and scrubbed walls. Bathed twins. Mopped up bathroom floor and put fans in hallway to dry the carpet outside the bathroom door. Took twins to day care. Assured woman that I would pick them up early so she could lie down for an hour before supper. Also assured her that their mother would be coming home soon. Although her fingernails were digging into my flesh as I left, I did not make up a false date just to soothe her jangling nerves. Finished several open projects at work. Employment is a piece of cake next to caring for twins. Picked up twins. Delivered them to their grandparents house for safekeeping. Met Darla at gym to run. Picked up twins from my parents house. Assured my parents that my sister would be home soon and they would no longer have to watch twins on the evenings I run.

Running

I was running but couldnt seem to get anywhere. Gradually I realized that Id made my way to the top of the world and was looking down from high over the Arctic. I could see the outline of the continents below, spinning on their earthly orb. Terror struck me as I realized that it was not the earth below me but a gigantic globe with all the earths land masses hammered in copper. The space where the seas and core of the earth should reside was void. I balanced on the brink over the vast emptiness below. My foot slipped and I fell, tumbling over and over into the cosmic emptiness below me, shrieking, clawing and waiting to be swallowed by the abyss.

I woke up screaming and pulling electrodes off my skull as a nurse and a technician burst into the room to calm me.

Well, that was pleasant.

I think weve got enough, the technician said. No more electrodes tonight. Just try to rest normally. When you awake in the morning, you can just get dressed.

Try to rest normally? I thought as I dozed again. What did she mean rest normally? What had just happened was normal for me.

In the morning I awoke gradually, wondering for a moment where exactly it was that I was. Slowly the night came back to me. I rolled off the bed, went to the sink to splash water on my face and then pulled on my clothing. Surprised that no one had come to check on me, I opened the door of the sleep lab and peeked into the hall.

I had no idea what time it was. Obviously it was before the clinic officially opened for the day, since no staff was about. I did hear two low male voices laughing and talking somewhere down the hall so I went in search of the technician Id seen last night, hoping she might be with him.

As the voices grew clearer, I paused. A familiar voice was speaking.

So then theres this amazing crash when the shelves fall over and land right on the car. Theyd been pushed of course, and the damage was enormous. Insurance didnt want to cover it and

I paused, my heart in my throat.

Its a great story for the book. Ive got to use it.

What else have you got? Is there anything I can do to help? another voice inquired. Im really looking forward to seeing your book come out. I think it will make the public aware of just how common these issues are. Its been needed for a long time.

Slowly, silently, I backed away. Shelves? Landing on my fathers car after I had tried to scale them? Id dreamed I was rescuing a kitten sitting on the top shelf. That was my story! One of the few Id shared with David. And hed told it to someone else who thought it would be a great story for the book.

I felt cold, betrayed and furious. Deceived and wounded. How dare he? How dare he?

How was your night at the sleep center? Darla greeted me when I opened the door and bolted into the house.

Though my fury had not subsided, I was determined not to show it. I pasted a faux-cheerful smile on my face. Same old, same old.

When do you talk to the doctor again to see what he has to say?

They said theyd call me.

If, that is, I go back at all. I would have to be very sure that David Grant was nowhere within a three-hundred-mile radius of that clinic before Id even consider darkening their doorstep again.

You look funny. Upset. Are you okay? Darla peered at me, her brow beetled.

Darlas glowing these days. According to her, she and Charley are communicating and compromising all over the place. Charleys auditioning for less edgy, trendy roles and may have a shot at a local production written and produced by a theater that our Restwell Insurers contributes to financially as a gesture of community goodwill. Darla has agreed not to work on Saturdays and theyve negotiated a date night during which she will turn off her cell phone and not check either her e-mail or her lipstick.

Its nauseatingly sweet compared to the mess Im in.

I told David I didnt want to turn up in his book in any way, shape or form yet, unbelievably, I heard him laughing and discussing my story while I was supposed to be sleeping just doors away.

Now what am I to do? Acting as if nothing has happened is impossible. Telling anyone what happened is unacceptable. Seeing David again is intolerable. The only thing left is to become so frenetically busy that no one can observe the turmoil Im experiencing.

It wouldnt be difficult, I decided. I had the twins to help me out.

We spent mornings at the park, swinging, jumping, picking up leaves and sticks, lying on the grass and listening for the buzz of insects. We spent afternoons at the zoo, the science museum, the childrens theater and at kiddy matinees. And we spent evenings at my parents house or at the rescue center so that I was not home to pick up Davids calls. Each night I would delete his messages unanswered. Darla, gaga over Charley, spent most of her free time with him at the center or rehearsals and seemed not to notice much of what I was doing.

One evening, nearly ten days after Id overheard Davids betrayal, as I listened to the messages on my answering machine, I accidentally let one of his messages play too long before deleting it.

Suze, I have to know whats going on with you. His voice was clipped and angry. I know youre avoiding me and I have no idea why. Ive tried to do what I thought you wanted. I havent pressed you about the results of your tests. Ive been your friend and this is what I get in return? No explanation? Nothing?

I winced at the fury and the hurt I heard in his voice. David wasnt a man accustomed to being crossed. Id really set a bridge on fire this time.

Im going out of town for a few days and when I get back were going to settle this. Im terribly disappointed. I thought maybeyou and Iwe mightBut I guess I got that wrong. I dont like to leave things open-ended. If you have something to say to me, I want you to say it. Then Ill leave you alone. Permanently. And the phone slammed back onto the receiver.

I should be happy, I thought, as I sank onto my couch. He is as done with me as I am with him. Instead I felt wretched. I lay down on the couch and wept.

Eventually small fingers pried open my eyelid and Tommy peered in. Auntie Suze crying?

I reached out and snared the little boy with my arm and tickled him. Auntie Suze is okay. Just feeling sorry for herself, thats all.