Sleeping Beauty (6 page)

Im in denial, of course. That is like saying I wont eat chocolate again until I fit into the dress I wore to my junior prom. It just isnt going to happen.

Hey, Suze, I hear you found a home for Chipper, Charley Cousins greeted me cheerfully. Good job.

I smile every time I see Charley. Hes got such passion for whatever he does that he throws himself into it a hundred and fifty percent. Hes idealistic, intense and impossible to say no to when he really wants something to happen. Thats why hes so good at what he does.

Charleys life follows two tracks. One involves animal rescue, the other, the theateredgy, improvisational stuff. Even though Charley explains it to me completely before I attend, Ive never been able to understand it. It does, however, explain why his hair is currently done in a bright green Mohawk and why lavish parrot-colored stripes are painted along both sides of his shaved head.

Are you playing a bird in a stage version of Doctor Dolittle or modeling jungle wear for that clothing designer friend of yours? I asked, helping myself to a handful of M&Ms the colors of Charleys head. Eating chocolate already. Could a new pet be far behind?

Jane has moved on. Shes no longer doing jungle wear. Shes into a retro stage, the sixties and seventies. Sort of Austin Powers meets the Waltons. Im doing a skit for elementary-school kids on the importance of saving the rainforests and all its residents. He made a squawking sound like a parrot. How do you like it?

Its perfectif you are a parrot. Hows it going to be when you try to grow it out?

Charley tossed his head disdainfully but his green Mohawk didnt budge. I plan to do this for several weeks. Then Ill just shave my head and let it grow out naturally.

Or you could paint it black and do a skit on the health benefits of bowling.

Har, har. What are you here for? You didnt come just to torment me, did you?

No, just checking in. Is it a go to give Chipper to the woman we discussed?

Shes a perfect match. Shes going to call you in a couple days about when to pick him up.

We thoroughly check out every adoptive pet owner. These animals do not need another rejection or to be put in homes where they might be frightened or harmed again.

Good. Hes turned into a great little dog. I thought of him in bed with the twins. Im going to miss him.

Not for long. As soon as Chipper goes to his new owner, you can pick up Chester.

Chester?

No, I cant. Im taking three months off. Im babysitting for my sisters twins while she and her husband are in South America.

The Demolition Derby Boys? No kidding?

Charleys met the twins. The memories have never left him.

You know Id never subject an animal to them. Even though they play gently with Chipper and treat him like gold, I dont want to risk it.

You may have to. Otherwise we dont know what to do with this guy. You are his last, best hope.

Dont do that to me, Charley. I just cant take another dog right now.

Oh, this isnt a dog. Its a cat.

Oh, no you dont! No cats. Ive done my time with them. Remember the time that one took up residence in my ceiling fan? I couldnt use the light in my living room for weeks. And the one that hauled my Thanksgiving turkeywhich was triple its weight, by the wayoff the table and onto the floor? Oh, yes, and the one that found its life passion was shredding my panty hose?

So youve had some feisty ones, thats all. You loved them all, havent you? And their new owners simply adore them. Cats are wonderful pets.

I dont disagree with you. I just cant take one right now. Im not even feeding and housing strays anymore. I had to lay down the law. Ive started chasing them away. No strays are allowed to enter my home until the boys are gone. Including thisChesteror whoever he is.

He raised one eyebrow and his bald head creased, moving the Mohawk slightly.

They cant even be in your yard?

I took another handful of chocolate. This conversation was making me nervous. Well, they can hang around outside if they like. Its a free country.

And you dont feed them?

No, I dontat least not anything good. Just some dry generic stuff I buy at the farm supply store.

Dry-as-dust food? No water. How do they swallow?

Theres water, of course. And, if I feel like it, I admitted reluctantly, I soften the food with a little warm milk.

And how often do you feel like it? All of the time? Some of the time? Most of the time? He sounded like a quiz from an Oprah magazine.

Certainly not all the time.

I see. How anyone whose head is painted to look like a parrot can make me feel guilty is beyond me, but Charley did.

I usually dont get time on Fridays.

So you do warm their food Saturday through Thursday?

I suppose so.

And no treats, I imagine.

Of course not! Except for allowing them to have the juicy bits left over in the tuna can after I make my lunch.

You sound like a real drill sergeant, Suze. I think you can handle this cat for a few days and manage the twins as well. After all, you dont have to get attached to it. You dont need to let it think that your house could possibly be its permanent home.

I wont have time to work with it, Charley. This isnt like the other times. I wont be able to sit around and pet it or pick it up when it meows.

I wouldnt even dream of expecting it. I want you to ignore it. No playing, no petting and certainly no cuddling. Its the best thing for all involved, except the cat, of course.

The twins

Are top priority. The cat will be no trouble at all, Im sure.

It will have to stay in the basement or my garage. No fooling, Charley. I wont have it lolling around on my furniture.

So I can drop it by one night soon?

Im not kidding this time, Charley. I will not make a fuss over this animal.

Done.

As I got into my car to drive away, the import of the conversation hit me. How had that happened? I told Charley no at every turn and he still thinks hes delivering a cat to my house.

Darla, looking like a contemporary Marilyn Monroe with her blond curls and I, exhausted and looking more like Ebenezer Scrooge, arrived at the doors outside baggage claim at the same time. She flung her overnight case into the back of my car and hopped in.

Isnt this exciting? Im going to ask the Realtor if theres anything near you. Id like a townhome or a condo, of course. I dont have a string of critters living with me all the time so I dont need a house.

I smiled at her benevolently. Dont hurry into that decision yet. A pet might be just the thing for you. By the way, I have a good friend Id like you to meet. His name is Charley.

W hat do you want for dinner? Takeout? Eat-in? Leftovers? I asked.

The question is, what do you want. I have strict instructions to take you out for dinner. Somewhere nice.

I laughed and blurted out the name of a steak house known for its blue-cheese shrimp, prime rib and garlic mashed potatoes. I knew it mostly for its prices.

Done. Lets go there.

Are you kidding? We can eat for a week on what youll pay for dinner there.

I have my orders, Darla said stubbornly. The main office is very fond of you, Suze, and Her voice trailed away.

And what?

Nothing. I told them there was nothing to worry about.

Now you have to tell me. I pulled onto I-94 and headed west but was too busy with traffic to glare at her.

They just have she searched for a word a feeling about you. They want me to make sure youre happy.

What do you mean feeling?

Huge trucks sped by me in the lanes on either side of my car.

Get us to the restaurant and Ill explain. You need to pay attention to your driving.

So this is what it is going to be like with you back in the Cities. Nag, boss, nag.

She giggled. Yes. Isnt it wonderful?

We pulled into the driveway of the rugged stone building and a valet appeared out of thin air.

No, Ill just

Well take valet parking, Suze, Darla said firmly. Like I said, the company has

I know, a feeling . I handed my keys to the young man, not without relief. The parking lot was filled with Mercedes, Porsches, BMWs and the occasional Acura, Saab or Volvo. Not cars I wanted to accidentally back into or leave with a dent.

Inside, we were greeted and spirited to a table near a window, given menus and a spiel of the many and varied special dishes the chef was concocting tonight. Before I could speak, Darla ordered appetizers, soup, salad, entrées and requested to see the dessert cart.

Well be here all night, I pointed out. And someone will have to roll us to our car on a furniture dolly. Did the company send you here because they thought I was too thin?

My immediate superior was on the interview team. They felt that although you were perfect for the job and seemed to want it, something was holding you back.

So they had picked up on my reservations at the interview.

Did you tell them what it was?

I wanted to talk to you first. Suze, you will have to explain to them your issue with traveling.

The gaping pit in my stomach grew a little wider. Its never going to go away, is it? These sleep issues are going to haunt me for the rest of my life. I took a sip of water and stared across the room filled with well-dressed people who all appeared relaxed and festive. Im not a jealous person but envy momentarily swamped me. None of them had to consider turning down jobs because of something so ridiculous as sleepwalking! Why me?

The answer is, of course, why not me? My grandmother always said that if everyone in the world threw their troubles into a pile and then picked new ones, many would likely take their own troubles back. Shes probably right. There are far more grievous issues than mine out there.

Suze? Darla was looking at me with a frown on her face. Are you okay?

Yes. Im just frustrated. I want the job, Darla. Ive been thinking of hiring someone to travel with me and be my night watchman. There, Id said it. My answer to my worst-case scenario. Then I told her about my experience with the twins.

She sat there, moving her appetizers around the plate with her fork. Why dont you try the medical route again?

Ive done it all, Darla. The only way I stay put at night is if Im so medicated that I cant function the next day. I cant begin to tell you how much I hated that. I felt groggy and listless all the time. My judgment was poor, I was dangerous behind the wheel of a car. I wasnt me .

Maybe theres new stuff on the market. Darlas voice trailed off.

I dont think anyone can help me.

She looked up and stared across the room with an odd expression on her features. No one? What about that doctor you met at the hotel in Chicago? He lives here, right?

I can see a million problems with that one, Darla. Besides, he doesnt personally take patients anymore. And I could never look him in the eye again. Hed witnessed one of my more bizarre sleepwalking episodes to date . Clouds and sheep, ice cubes, laments and pleas toward heaven. But I hadnt told Darla about that. No, hed already seen enough of me.

You said hes opening a clinic. Maybe he could have one of his people talk to you.

What do you want me to do? Call him? Appear on his doorstep? Get real, Darla, Ill never see him again.

I dont think you should be so sure about that. She smiled at me oddly.

I glanced up to see where shed been looking so intently. On the far side of the room, looking impossibly handsome in dark trousers, an immaculate white shirt and trim brown tweed suit coat was David Grant. He was part of a larger group, I could see, but he was laughing and talking with a leggy brunette who seemed to hang on his every word. Then a petite blonde touched his arm and he turned his considerable charisma on her. The other men in the group were equally good-looking, but Dr. Grant seemed to have a corner on the charm marketand the women.

So what? Do you think Im going to walk over there and say Excuse me, but could you help me quit sleepwalking?

Hes a sleep doctor, Suze, hes seen people lots crazier than you, Im sure.

I didnt know how to respond to that. Fortunately our entrées arrived and Darla turned her attention from the man across the room to the feast in front of her.

By the time we were done with the main course, I was so full that I had trouble rolling my eyeballs. Darla, on the other hand, was only getting started.

Coffee with cream, she ordered. A piece of bread pudding with caramel sauce, key lime pie and some of the flourless chocolate cake, please. And to-go boxes for the leftovers.

I eyed the pile of boxes wed already filled. Id be eating well for a week. Darla with an expense account is a extraordinary thing to experience. Even after wed sampled the desserts and received our coffee with cream, Darla seemed in no hurry to leave the restaurant.

It was I who was getting restless. I did not want to run into David Grant and had kept my face averted since Darla first pointed him out.

Even that I found depressing. Most people who are ashamed to look someone in the eye were at least awake for their transgression. I, on the other hand, make a much better fool of myself in my sleep.

I have something to admit to you, Darla murmured. Now it was her turn to avert her eyes. She stirred her coffee studiously. Its not much but I think I should tell you.

What did you do, Darla? I felt suddenly apprehensive.

I looked up Dr. Grant on the internet. I decided that even if you wouldnt pursue this, I would. She rummaged in her purse. I was going to give this to you later but since hes here and were talking about him, nows the time. She pulled out several folded sheets of paper and thrust them across the table to me.

I pushed them back toward her. I dont need to see it.

Oh, but you do. She unfolded the pages and shoved them at me. Read.

Reluctantly I picked up the papers. Renowned sleep disorders group to open a clinic under the leadership of famed neurologist and sleep researcher, Dr. David Grant, who has accepted the position of medical director. Grant brings years of experience in working with sleep disorders and doing clinical research to the position.