Sleeping Beauty (8 page)

How do they get away with it? David inquired, obviously enjoying our discussion. Of course, David enjoys many things I wouldnt have expected. Hes very down to earth and approachable for someone with his position in life. Ill bet his patients never feel like lab rats.

They are also incredibly funny. I offered him the cookie plate again. So funny, in fact, that its difficult to keep from bursting into laughter even though you really didnt want your refrigerator cleaned and the contents fed to the dog.

Are you bragging or complaining? he asked bluntly.

A little of both. When were not crying, were laughing.

I was enjoying this a little too much, I realized. I was doing a terrible job of avoiding David. My resolve to put the episode we shared behind me was fading and I didnt want that to happen. Next thing I knew hed be trying to talk me back into the circus maze of tests and medications I was determined to avoid. That thought made me very nervous.

Hammie, detecting my anxietyI havent had a handsome man in my house for a very long time, after allbegan to whirr on his wheel with greater and greater speed. If his foot slipped and he were not in a cage, he could have propelled himself across the room with momentum alone.

Davids smile became more and more strained as the racket grew, until finally he stood up. I have some mechanical skills, maybe youd like me to look at that hamsters wheel. The expression on his face said, Or else.

I lifted Hammie out of his cage and held him close to my chest as David did minor surgery on the offending wheel. The hamsters heart was pounding so hard that it felt as if it might pump right through his rib cage and fur and land in my hand.

I know the feeling, buddy. I know the feeling.

There, let him try this. David dusted his hands together and shredded paper and hay bedding flew off his fingers.

I swear I saw an expression of surprise on Hammies face when he jumped on the wheel and there was no sound other than a soft, pleasant whirr. No clanking, no rattling, no sounding as if he were going to run his entire cage off its table. After a few moments, the whirr made Hammie relax since he dozed off mid-stride, tumbled off the wheel and went to sleep.

Bravo! I clapped politely. Hammie thanks you.

Believe me, the pleasure was all mine. How could you stand that racket, by the way?

I dropped down on the sofa beside him again. Ive learned to tolerate a lot in my life. I accept things as they are. I tried to fix the wheel dozens of times and then I quit and decided to learn to live with it.

He studied me intently with those deep dark eyes that seemed to melt my skin and see all the way into my soul. The same way you decided to learn to live with your sleep disorder rather than try to get more help?

When you are disappointed often enough, you just start to cope. One thing Im good at is coping.

Did you have anyone else try to fix the hamster wheel?

Several people, but none of them had your touch.

Just like the other doctors you saw who tried and failed you, Suze? What if Im the one with the touch youve been looking for?

Im not a hamster wheel, David.

What are you afraid of, Suze? Why did you give up?

Why had I?

After a moments consideration I said, Frankly? Odd as it may sound, I got sick and tired of being a guinea pig. If I slept poorly without electrodes attached to my head, imagine how badly I did with them. I and the pharmacist were on a first-name basis and I had to devote an entire shelf to drugs Id tried and that had failed. Every new drug on the market came my way first. The only other thing I could have done was work for the FDA. I spent years as a walking zombie. Granted, I slept at night, but I also slept during the day with my eyes wide open. I cant even remember my own sisters wedding because of whatever miracle drug theyd put me on. I refuse to live my life that way any longer.

He looked at me with compassion, something my friends and family had almost run out of. When youre ready, Suze, Ill be here. Although I now just consult with other doctors, I can provide you with recommendations.

Infuriatingly, tears sprang to my eyes. Where were you five years ago, Dr. Grant, when I still had that rare commodity of hope? And, more exasperating yet, why arent you saying youll wait for me and not for my disorder?

Dr. Grant and me. Wouldnt that be ironic? The sleep-disorder doctor and the patient he cant cure? No way. I refuse to get myself into a situation where the man I care about views me as his biggest failure.

I glanced at Hammies cage. Astoundingly, he was still asleep. If he were aware of the way I was feeling, he should have been running at warp speed on his wheel. Maybe he wasnt as attuned to my emotional weather as Id given him credit for being.

A fter Hammies clatter was silenced and Chipper let go of Davids pant leg and jumped onto his lap instead, things settled down. My fresh cookies were a hit. They were just like his grandmothers, David said with great relish.

Your home is very comfortable and inviting, he commented after polishing off a half-dozen cookies.

And

He grinned. Granted, its a little disconcerting at first, but that wears off rather quickly.

Honesty. I can accept that.

Tell me more about yourself, I encouraged. I know so little about you.

He shrugged as if he and his history were of little importance. Theres nothing much. I grew up on a farm in Michigan. I have a sister who is in medicine and a brother who is still managing the family farm.

If this is the kind of farm boy Michigan grows, its my new favorite state.

As I indicated, I have a Southern grandmother who still mistrusts the Yankees but has done her best to instill me with gracious manners despite my suspect northern upbringing.

He mentioned a pedigreed list of educational institutions and then, probably because of his grandmothers teaching, began to ask me questions about myself.

I kicked off my shoes, curled my legs beneath me and sank into the deep cushions of my couch. David stood to remove his suit jacket and toss it over the back of a chair. My knees brushed his thigh as we sat together on the couch. I hadnt felt so at home inside myself in days.

As a neurologist, how did you become interested in studying sleep disorders? Surely there are more glamorous issues with the brain than that.

Glamour? I suppose you could put it that way, but I wanted to research something that would make a difference in the lives of as many people as possible. Once I saw the numbers on how many people actually suffer from different parasomnias, I made up my mind. Parasomnias is the umbrella name for disorders that interrupt the sleep process and create troublesome sleep-related events. They include arousal disorders, sleep-wake transition disorders and poor REM sleep, most of which, by the way, you exhibit.

Thanks a bunch, I thought. I was worried for a minute that Id missed one.

Its fascinating, really. What really caught my attention was learning about fatal familial insomnia while I was in medical school.

Fatal? Isnt that a bit of an exaggeration?

Not at all. Its very rare, but it exists. Its caused by an inherited gene that sends the patient into complete sleeplessness. Its untreatable and therefore ultimately fatal. There are only a few families in the world that suffer from it but they literally die from insomnia.

And I thought I had it bad, I murmured.

He reached for another cookie. I realized that this was a way I could help to ease a lot of peoples stress. The general public doesnt necessarily see a sleep disorder as life-altering, but, as you know, it can be.

Boy, do I know. Id had no intention of talking about this, but the man had already seen me in an episode, so there wasnt much to hide. You saw firsthand why I worry about traveling. My new job will involve much more of it.

And, Im guessing, youve even considered not taking it for that very reason.

I punched my fist into a thick crewel-embroidered pillow on my couch. Yes, unfortunately I have. But I cant put my life on hold any longer. I heard my voice crack. I just cant.

What makes it worse is that I feel intuitively that there is no help for me. It isnt just my biological clock thats ticking rapidly these days. I can see my entire life slipping away while I cocoon myself in cotton batting and protect myself from the world. And, considering what I do in my sleep, the world from me.

Nor should you have to.

David, I know what youre thinking but forget it. Ive tried. And now Ive quit trying. Its been an exercise in frustration, humiliation and disappointment. Ive learned to manage.

As long as you are in the confines of your own home and can make sure that nothing happens to you or anyone else in the night.

Without warning, a feeling of stark terror washed over me. I could give up the job. I could lock myself in the house. But what I couldnt do was let my sister down. Mickey could have separated the boys so that her child-care people could play one-on-one rather than be double-teamed, but for two months or more? What kind of trauma would that cause not only for the boys but for their parents?

What just happened? David asked softly. Your expression looked like youd just seen a ghostor a monster.

I suppose I did, I admitted reluctantly. I saw myself trying to care for my nephews alone for two or three months. I straightened, metaphorically stiffening my spine. I guess it just means that I hire someone to stay with me at night and babysit for the three of us. My friend Darla will help me out, Im sure.

Or you could get help and do it alone.

I held up a hand in protest. Havent you heard me?

I have. All Im saying is that Im here if you need me.

I stared at his handsome, troubled face.

Oh, David, if you only knew how much Ive wished some man would say that to me! But it has to be about me, not the curious disorder that makes me feel like a side-show freak.

Our conversation dwindled and died after that and soon David stood up.

Thanks for everything. I had a great time.

Slumming, you mean?

Visiting a house of unique adventures and wondrous delights, he corrected, smiling. He peered at Hammie, who was comatose in his cage. Ive had more fun here than at a dozen boring parties where everyone wants to tell me their problems and have me diagnose them on the spot.

Ewww. I see your problem. No one ever asks me to evaluate their insurance claims over canapés. How do you handle that?

He grinned and I saw beneath his sophisticated exterior to his boyish charm. Mostly, I ask them to take their clothes off and lie down on the dining-room table so I can examine them. That usually cuts them off at the pass.

You dont!

No, but you dont know how many times Ive been tempted. He took my hand. It nestled nicely into his larger one. Ive had a good time tonight, Suze. I hope our paths cross again.

He didnt make sure of that, however, because he didnt ask me to go out again. He no doubt meant to see me in his office but hed have a very long wait for that.

Thank you. David leaned forward and kissed my cheek.

Thank you , I thought as I watched the taillights of his car disappear around the corner of my block.

My work phone rang at 10:00 a.m. the next morning.

Suze, its Mickey. Am I disturbing you?

Not at all. Ive been here since 5:00 a.m. Its time for a break.

Didnt you sleep last night? Or were you sleepwalking?

Neither. I just had a lot on my mind so I decided to come to work early.

Actually, I had Dr. David Grant on my mind. Some sleep doctor he is. Thinking about him kept me awake all night.

Are you sitting down?

Yes, I said suspiciously. Why?

Because were going to South America tomorrow! Weve just heard that they may be willing to speed up the process if we leave tomorrow. It is only a couple days earlier than wed planned. We changed our plane reservations to 6:00 a.m. tomorrow. We have to be at the airport three hours early for an international flight. That means well have to leave our house by 2:30 a.m. Do you want to sleep at our place tonight so we dont have to wake the boys or would you rather have them at your house?

Where there are locks on the doors to prevent the lunatic from escaping.

My place, I said automatically, still processing this horrific bit of information. Reality was setting in. By this time tomorrow the boys would be mine, all mine.

Oh, Suze, this is it! This is the first step toward getting our little girl! Mickey started to cry. I cant believe its finally happening.

Me either. I dont have a babysitter lined up for me yet.

What time will you be over with them?

Bedtime. Jeff and I want to tuck them in and explain why we wont be there when they wake up in the morning.

Oh, Lord, I prayed silently, just let me be there when they wake up and not wandering around the neighborhood.

Oh, darling, Im sorry Dad and I cant help you, Mom said apologetically when I called her. Did you forget, your father has a dental convention in Miami this week? Were taking Mickey and Jeff to the airport and then just waiting for our own plane. Isnt it nice that it worked out that way?

Maybe Darla can help. She called to say that she was going to spend tonight in a hotel because of the location of her morning meetings. Id just like someone here a day or two until we all get acclimated.

You worry too much, Suze. After all, youve practically outgrown your sleepwalking now, havent you?

De Nile is not just a river in Egypt.

My mother is so far into denial, in fact, that she actually almost believes what shes saying. I dont have the heart to burst her bubble again. As long as I dont talk about what happens at night, she thinks that nothing is going on. At least she sleeps better that way.

Tonight? Darla wailed into the phone. Oh, Suze, I cant. Im going out with one of the district managers to several small towns. Were leaving early and he lives on the northwest side of the Cities so thats where Im staying tonight. I dont want to ask him to drive all the way down to your place to pick me up.