Sleepless Nights (The Donovans of the Delta) (11 page)

He wanted to smash his fist against the wall. He wanted to run until he fell in his tracks. He wanted to shout his fury until the very rafters of the house fell down. Instead, he continued holding her beautiful face, his thumbs massaging her jaw as he gazed down at her.

“I’ll make you believe it.”

Letting her go, knowing she didn’t believe in his love, was one of the hardest things he’d ever done. He released her, realizing that winning her again would take time. At that moment he wished for some of the superpowers the press had credited him with when he was quarterbacking for the Texas Titans. Since he had none, he’d have to rely on instinct to get him through the game, the most important game of all. He’d call the plays as he saw them. Serious, playful, passionate—he’d be whatever it took to win Amanda again.

Her laugh was shaky. The sound of it made him sad and happy at the same time; he felt sad because he was the cause, and happy because her unease gave him hope.

He watched as she sat down in the chair, smoothed her skirt over her knees, tossed her head in defiance.

“Never. Your expectations are exceeded only by your arrogance.”

Thank God, he thought, she had gotten her spunk back.

“I take that as a challenge, Mandy. And you know how I love a challenge.”

“Almost as much as you love being outrageous.” She dug into her purse and held up the jewelry box. “I believe this belongs to you.”

“No. It belongs to you.”

“I can’t accept diamonds and emeralds from you. Give them to somebody else.”

He took the box and unsnapped the lid. “These are yours, and you will have them.” He undid the clasp. “Don’t pull away, Amanda. I’ve waited all day to see them against your skin.” He leaned down to fasten them at her throat.

She pushed his hands aside. “Then you bought them for your own amusement?”

“For amusement, for love. Take your choice.”

“Amusement, then. But be forewarned, Tanner. I don’t plan to be your plaything. You’ll have to amuse yourself with someone else.”

His laugh was one of pure delight. “You amuse me, Mandy, whether you want to or not. You delight me; you enchant me. And I’m going to enjoy romancing you every bit as much as I enjoyed trying to maneuver you into my bed.”

“Aren’t they one and the same, Tanner?”

“You know damned well they’re not. You can’t pretend brittleness with me and get by with it. I know you too well.”

“And I know you too well to fall under your spell a second time. The surrey didn’t work; the flowers didn’t work. And neither will the necklace. Tanner, you’re a gorgeous man, a mouth-wateringly handsome man.”

“That’s a nice start.”

“I don’t deny that I feel desire in your arms.”

“I’ll accept that too.”

“But I can never trust your love again.”

“You can and you will.” He scooped her from the chair and held her fiercely to him. The necklace, still dangling from his hand, bit into her flesh. Tanner had her so mesmerized, she hardly noticed.

“Stubborn woman. I could kiss you into submission.”

“Is this your notion of romance? Caveman tactics went out years ago.”

Tanner hoped the flush on her cheeks and the brightness in her eyes meant that he was disturbing her. He knew the passions that raged beneath her cool exterior. With effort he held himself in check. Romance, not mere sex, was the object here. He was looking for a lifetime commitment, not quick relief.

“Texas Titans have a lot to learn. Teach me, Amanda.”

She chuckled. “Do you know how hard you are to resist when you get that little-boy-waiting-for-Christmas look on your face? You must practice that look in the mirror.”

“I learned it from Paul. He always used it to wheedle the biggest piece of gingerbread out of Mom. It took me three years to catch on.”

“Speaking of gingerbread, I’m hungry. Didn’t Anna mention that she had a fresh batch in the oven?”

“Have you had dinner, Mandy?”

“No. I came straight from the shop.”

“I’ll bet you never even had breakfast.”

“I was too busy doing other things.”

He laughed. “Ordering roses?”

“Yes. Maxine saved my life this morning by bringing in a couple of doughnuts.”

“Good lord, woman! You’re going to die of malnutrition before I can get you to the altar.” Keeping her firmly against him, he set her on her feet. “Madame, I am taking you to Doe’s for dinner.” In one swift movement he had the necklace fastened around her neck.

“What are you doing?”

“I like my woman to wear diamonds and emeralds.”

“I’m not your woman, and I’m not keeping them.”

“Humor me.”

“Only for tonight, until just after I’ve had the steak as big as a suitcase and the potatoes with sour cream and a salad as big as Lake Ferguson. Then I’ll have six Hershey bars with almonds.”

His hearty roar of laughter nearly toppled the crooked Christmas tree. “I thought food was the way to a
man’s
heart.”

“Somebody got their sexes mixed, obviously.”

Taking her by the hand, he led her through the house and out to his car. They laughed all the way.

 CHAPTER SIX

They still were laughing when Tanner parked beside an insignificant-looking old storefront, tucked out of sight on Nelson Street. If he hadn’t known the restaurant so well, he might have missed it. The sign, Doe’s Eat Place, was illuminated by one dim bulb. There was no glitz, no ostentation, only good food that drew local customers like sinners to a tent revival, and even brought in the hungry hordes from Tupelo and Memphis and Birmingham.

“There’s a big crowd tonight, Mandy. I do love a large audience.”

“One of the things I’ve always liked about you is that you never pretend to be someone you’re not. It gladdens my heart to see that you’re the same egotistical man I jilted.”

He pretended to be crestfallen. “Mandy, how you wound me.”

“I can tell by the twinkle in your eye that you’re crushed to the bone. It’ll take you at least two seconds to recover.”

“The only thing that will make me recover is for you to wear these.” He reached into his pockets and pulled out a pair of emerald and diamond earrings, mates to the necklace she was wearing.

“Do you always carry a fortune in jewels in your pocket?”

“Only since I came back to Greenville and saw you again. You’ve enchanted me.”

The look in his eyes belied his lighthearted words. A great confusion rose in Amanda. Rebuffing a Tanner who vowed to bed her and leave her had been difficult; refusing a Tanner who vowed he loved her was almost impossible. She didn’t know what was true anymore. Once she and Tanner had loved so fiercely, they’d believed it could never end. But it had. Dare she take that chance again? Even if she risked loving and losing again, there was Claude. He stood between them, a reminder that she’d broken more than an engagement; she’d broken a friendship.

Amanda willed herself to ignore Tanner’s mesmerizing charm.

“You’ll get over it.”

“I don’t plan to.”

With one arm he drew her across the seat toward him. He was so compellingly sensuous, so delicious he could substitute for that steak dinner.

Tanner’s hand on her felt hot as he stroked her hair, outlined her jaw, traced the pattern of jewels against her throat. It took all her willpower to pretend aloofness.

“I love you in silk. You remind me of an angel.”

“I’m not.”

He chuckled. “How well I know. A fallen one, perhaps, but certainly no angel.” Placing his forefinger on her lips, he traced them lightly. “Your lips bewitch me, Mandy. I can barely endure not kissing them.”

“A latent attack of scruples?”

“No. If I start now, I won’t be satisfied with merely taking your mouth. I’ll have to have it all.” He brushed his hands down her cheek, lingering on the soft curve of her jaw. “And I intend to, but not in Doe’s parking lot.”

She closed her eyes in relief. If he had made one more move toward her, she wouldn’t have been able to say no.

“Dreaming?” Tanner teased.

“No. Counting my blessings.”

“I hope you have one hundred, Mandy, and that I’m ninety-nine of them.”

She laughed in genuine appreciation of his lovable arrogance. “You
are
the same outrageous man who could walk into a room and create a riot among the women just by the way you stood.”

“Are you ready to create a stir?”

“Haven’t we always?”

“Yes. It wouldn’t do to disappoint our friends and neighbors.” He fastened the diamonds and emeralds on her ears, then leaned back to appraise her. “Gorgeous, but it lacks something.” Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a matching bracelet.

“Tanner, you’re insane.”

“No. I’m wealthy. Hold out your arm, Mandy.”

“A bit flashy for Doe’s, don’t you think?”

“You’re a woman who should be noticed.”

“I think you’ve guaranteed that.”

He brushed his lips lovingly against her cheek. “No. God did that when he made you.” The chill wind whipped her hair as he opened the car door and helped her out. Her jewelry caught the light of the evening star and shot a thousand bright prisms into the darkness.

Heads turned when they walked into Doe’s, and it wasn’t caused by the jewelry. Tanner and Amanda had been Greenville’s golden couple, gorgeous, successful, two hometown favorites who had seemed fated for one another. Whispers and stares followed them as they were escorted to a table. Speculation ran high among the locals who remembered their courtship, and the wedding where Tanner had tried to snatch her out of the arms of another man.

Most of the women sighed and declared to their spouses that romance was ablossom again, and the men countered by saying that Tanner Donovan was merely amusing himself until he could go back to that robust Texas town where money flowed liked confessions at a river baptizing, and women were as plentiful as honeybees in a clover field—and twice as sweet.

“Every man in this room wants you.” Tanner leaned across the table and took Amanda’s hand. “I’m intensely jealous.”

“You know how to play a role to the hilt. I remember how you used to ham it up when you helped me with all those college theatrical productions.”

“You were very good, Amanda. Do you do any theater now?”

“Not since I left Fulton.”

“Why did you leave Fulton—and Claude?”

“Tanner, don’t. Not that again.”

“I have to know, Amanda. Did you love him?”

“Why didn’t you ask that question years ago, when I returned your ring?”

“Pride. Fear. Who knows? I’m asking now.”

She took a deep breath. It was time to get this out in the open. In many ways Tanner deserved to know.

“A lot of things happened in our marriage, little irritations that multiplied and got out of hand. Underlying all the small problems was the big one; we couldn’t have children. Claude was sterile.” She’d saved the hardest part for last. Taking another deep breath, she continued. “I loved him, Tanner, but in the end it wasn’t enough.”

She was sorry for the quick flash of pain she saw in his eyes. A great urge to spare him welled up in her, but she instinctively knew that there had to be nothing but truth between them that night. She squeezed his hand.

“I did, Tanner,” she said quietly. “Claude was a good man, a steady, reliable, warmhearted man. And I loved him—but never the way I loved you.”

He closed his eyes briefly, then captured her gaze with a look of such stunning intensity that she had to clench her teeth to keep from taking him into her arms and never letting go.

“Thank you for telling me that. As much as it hurts to know you loved another man, I don’t think I could have forgiven your marrying my best friend for any reason except love.”

“And have you forgiven me, Tanner?”

“Yes.”

“I’m glad. Guilt is a heavy burden.”

“Too heavy for your beautiful shoulders. Part of the guilt was mine. I got my priorities mixed up. I had something precious, and I lost it by neglect.”

“That’s an admission I thought you’d never make.”

Tanner’s somber manner matched her own, and Amanda wondered if he felt the same things she did, relief at having finally confessed the truth and astonishment at his easy forgiveness. But forgiveness was one thing, and starting over was yet another. They’d cleared away a handful of baggage; there was still an attic full of steamer trunks between them.

 Suddenly Tanner grinned, and she felt rescued.

“Do you retract all those remarks about my being the same will-o’-the-wisp you always knew?”

She held up both hands in surrender. “Completely. Lead me to the whipping post. Put me in the stocks.”

In spite of her teasing tone she was impressed by his honesty and sincerity. He had changed in eleven years, but so had she. She was not foolish enough to believe that one evening of quick forgiveness translated into a future.

“The only place I desire to put you is in bed. Mine.”

“Back to that, are we?”

“We never left it.”

“I suppose not. You never could control your appetites.”

“Neither could you. The memory of it has given me many sleepless nights.”

“According to the papers, it was football injuries that plagued you, not lust.”

“What do they know?”

The waitress brought their steaks, which were steaming and juicy and almost as big as that suitcase Amanda had mentioned. For the rest of the meal she was relieved to concentrate on food and small talk. Between them, however, even small talk was not insignificant. Every phrase had a double meaning, and every word was a reminder of the past.

When he noted that there would be no white Christmas for Greenville again that year, she remembered one long ago. They’d kept each other warm by cuddling in front of the fire in Tanner’s library. With all the Donovans gone, they’d made love, watching the fascinating play of firelight across their bare skin.

When they talked of music, she recalled the first time they’d ever sung together. It had been at the wedding of the high school drama teacher and the minister of music at Riverside. From that day they’d said they were fated to be together. They’d promised each other that the harmony they created in song would carry over into lovemaking and marriage.