Sleepless Nights (The Donovans of the Delta) (8 page)

She’d just about settled on the cheese and pickles when the doorbell rang.

“Good evening, madame. I’ve come to rescue you from starvation.”

The minute she saw him, she forgot about putting Tanner Donovan out of her system.

“Tanner! You look good enough to eat.”

“So do you.” He held up the picnic basket. “Will this do instead?”

“Do I smell Anna’s chicken and dumplings?”

“Yes, you do. May I come in, or do you plan to attack them on the front porch?”

“Come in, and don’t you dare drop that basket. That woman’s an angel. She must be telepathic. My stomach’s been sending out hunger signals all evening.”

Tanner stepped into the entry hall. “The food is Anna’s, the idea is mine. I plan to be handsomely rewarded.”

“Good Southern girls always say proper thank yous.”

“I was thinking of improper.”

“If I weren’t starving, I’d probably show you the door.”

Tanner took her arm. “You never could tell a lie. Your beautiful eyes give you away.” Leaning down, he kissed her lightly on the lips. “You want me as much as I want you.”

She stepped back, put her hands on her hips, and looked him straight in the eye. “That’s true. If I weren’t so hungry, I’d probably have my way with you right here in the hall. As it is, your virtue is safe with me—at least until after the chicken and dumplings.”

“I’d advise you to eat plenty. You’re going to need all your strength for what I have in mind.”

“Promises, promises.” She took his arm and led him into her kitchen. He looked so perfect leaning casually against her Aunt Emma’s oak butcher-block table, just the way he used to. She’d have to remember that he wasn’t perfect, that love always came second with him.

Turning her back to him, she opened a cabinet and took down a plate. “Have you eaten?”

“No. I brought enough for two.”

“Since you’re supplying the food, I suppose it would be rude of me not to invite you to stay. Why don’t you get the silver? It’s in the same place Aunt Emma used to keep it.”

She watched as he walked to the correct drawer without hesitation. Amazing that after eleven years he remembered such a small detail. She wondered what other small details he remembered.

“How is your Aunt Emma? Mom said that she’s in a nursing home now.”

“Yes. When my parents moved to Nashville, they took her with them.” She placed the plates on a small table underneath a stained-glass window. “Her memory comes and goes. Most days she thinks she’s Betsy Ross. So far she’s stitched about eighty-five stars on a flag she’s making.” Amanda chuckled. “Poor old soul. It’s sad to see a good mind go, but she seems happy.”

Tanner brought the silver to the table. “I’m glad you bought her house. I’ve always liked this house.”

“So have I.”

“Is that four-poster bed still upstairs?”

He was standing so close, she could see the throbbing of his pulse in his throat. Memories and desire washed over her. She clutched the side of the table, hoping it would keep her from grabbing him and never letting go.

“Yes,” she whispered.

When he reached out and put his hand on her shoulder, she thought she’d melt. Instead she stood perfectly motionless, hoping that starvation would keep her from doing something foolish.

“You were wearing green, just as you are now.” His wonderful fingers massaged her through the silk of her blouse. “Remember, Mandy?”

“I don’t want to remember.”

“I think you do.” He caught her other shoulder and turned her slowly toward him. With his forefingers he began tracing a slow line toward her breasts. The heat of his touch coursed through her. She saw the languid look of desire in his eyes as his fingertips found their mark.

“It was in January.”

“February.” She considered it a miracle that she could talk. His hands were working magic, and she was completely under their spell. She could tell by his smile that he knew.

“It was so cold, we had three quilts on the bed.”

“Four.”

“You were wearing my ring. Remember, Mandy?”

She couldn’t talk; she could barely breathe. But with Tanner’s hands on her, she remembered. Oh, how she remembered. They had been newly engaged, full of plans for the future, and very much in love. They’d been house-sitting for Aunt Emma.

“I’ll never forget the way you looked on that bed” —Tanner slowly popped open the top button of her blouse— “with your hair tumbled across the pillows.” He undid the second button and slowly folded the silk aside. “And your eyes, enormous and shining in the moonlight. . .” His hand moved inside to caress her soft skin. “Remember how good it was, Mandy?”

“Oh, yes.” She was so hungry, hungry for Tanner Donovan.

“I want you, Amanda.”

He lowered his face to her neck, and she tangled her hand in his dark hair, holding him there, wanting him so fiercely that she thought denial would kill her.

“Tanner.” The word was a shattered plea. She felt an aching sense of loss when he lifted his head and looked down at her.

“Amanda?”

“I’m . . .” She closed her eyes. There was no way she could regain her composure if she continued staring at him. She wet her dry lips with her tongue. “I’m hungry,” she finally whispered.

With her eyes still closed, she felt his hands on her face, exploring, caressing, remembering.

“So am I. For you.”

“Oh, please, Tanner. Don’t.”

She could feel the tension in his body as he held on to her, his hands moving down the side of her neck, over her shoulders, and down her arms. Opening her eyes, she saw that his struggle for control was as great as her own. She almost changed her mind. She almost yielded to him, fully aware that their loving would be no more to him than banishing old ghosts.

The silence stretched between them. It shouted to them, willing them to recall days gone by, times when they had spent love as freely and carelessly as rich Texans.

But there was no going back. Both of them knew it. The knowledge weighted down their hearts.

Tanner released her. “Food’s getting cold.”

“Yes.” Amanda clenched her fists to still her shaking hands.

Tanner pulled out her chair, and she sat down. “Thank you.”

“Just my natural good Southern manners.”

“Not for the chair, for letting me go.”

“Don’t assign any lofty motives to me. I fully intend to bed you. But first I’m going to build up your endurance. Eleven years of deprivation won’t be assuaged in a couple of hours.”

The tenderness in his face belied his callous words. She had to look away from him to keep from reading into his look things she knew weren’t there—love, and desire for a commitment. After buttoning her blouse, she lifted the container full of Anna’s chicken and dumplings from the picnic basket and filled their plates. She could feel Tanner’s gaze on her, watching every move.

She wished she could wave a wand over them and wipe out the past. She wished there were magic words that would make starting over possible, but there was too much between them—loss of faith, loss of confidence. Most of all there was Claude. Whatever she and Tanner felt in each other’s arms, she could never change the fact that she’d jilted him and married his best friend. She could hardly blame the man for wanting revenge. And yet she’d felt betrayed too. She never would have turned to another man if she hadn’t felt that Tanner had placed a career and a chance at fame ahead of their relationship.

It was best to get through the holidays with courage and all the savoir faire she could muster. After he was gone, then maybe she could put him out of her mind. Forever.

“These dumplings are delicious, Tanner.”

“Mom will be pleased.”

“You’re very kind to bring them over.”

“It was the least I could do after taking you on a picnic and feeding you only candy.”

She laughed. “I believe you and I are doing a pretty good job of carrying on an ordinary conversation.”

“I can be as ordinary as the next guy when I try. I can be as boring as hell.”

“I never remember you as boring, Tanner.”

“How do you remember me, Mandy?”

“Vital, aggressive, passionate—and totally committed to football.”

Tanner decided to let her last comment slide. It didn’t matter what she thought of him—then or now. Nothing mattered except putting her out of his life. Forever. Thirty-three was too damned old to be hurt all over again by Amanda Lassiter. Even if she did look like a saint and kiss like a sinner. Lord, that mouth. He’d give up his fortune for the right to taste her lips every day.

He realized too late that he should have stayed home with his dumplings. He was treading on dangerous ground, being in this house with her and all their memories. It was going to take every ounce of his willpower to get through the evening without falling in love with her again.

He decided his best defense would be a good offense. He hated what he had to do but believed he could never risk loving and losing her again.
Forgive me, Amanda. It’s the only way
.

“You’re a beautiful woman, Amanda.”

“Thank you.”

Her trusting smile didn’t make it any easier for him. “How is it that you never used your looks to lead another man to the altar after Claude?”

At the sudden intake of her breath and the flashing of anger in her eyes, he felt regret and guilt. Her smile was so much more pleasurable. He could bask in it for a hundred years and never tire of it. With effort he remembered her betrayal.

“That
is
the way you came between me and my best friend, isn’t it, Mandy?”

She stood slowly, using her body as a weapon. With languorous movements she laced her hands behind her neck and lifted her glorious hair upward. She arched her body so that her breasts were thrust forward.

“Yes.” Her voice was low, sultry, sexy. Only the high spots of color on her cheeks and her blazing eyes betrayed her anger.

She lowered her arms, letting her hair drift through her fingers. “Like this, Tanner.”

Her eyes never left his as she unbuttoned her blouse again. He could almost hear the silk against her skin as she caressed the material, dragging it inch by sensuous inch off her shoulders.

“I made him want me, Tanner.” Her hands were on the waistband of her slacks. “I used my body.”

The zipper was loud, like sandpaper grating on his frayed nerves. She hooked her thumbs into her waistband and lowered the slacks. The black lace she wore teased, provoked. His breathing became harsh. With maddening slowness her hips came into view, alluring, curving away from her tiny waist, just the way he remembered. She stepped out of the slacks, kicking them out of her way.

Her legs were gorgeous, their length and shape emphasized by the black lace teddy with French-cut sides. She put her hands on her hips. “Claude wanted my body, Tanner. Do you?”

He wanted it so badly, he thought he’d go mad.

“In my own time, Amanda.”

She wasn’t finished with her revenge. Leaning down, she stroked him, taking her time, letting him know the full electricity of her touch. Then she straightened, her expression cool and detached. Letting her left hand slide across her shoulder and down her arm, she lowered one strap of her black teddy. Her right breast, mere inches from his mouth, tantalized him.

“Feast your eyes, Tanner, for you’ll never be able to do more than look again. You had your time eleven years ago.”

With magnificent control she walked away from him. Turning in the doorway, she sank one last barb. “Just remember, I chose Claude.”

He could hear her progress through the house. Each door she slammed punctuated the restless silence. Her footsteps on the stairs clapped with the finality of doom. He sat at the table, wondering at the havoc he had wrought. Guilt slashed through him. In his zeal to protect himself he’d wounded Amanda. Revenge was bitter, and catharsis didn’t matter anymore. What mattered was that he had driven away the only woman he had ever loved, the only woman he could ever love. Too late, the realization swept over him. Heaven help him, he was in love with Amanda once more. Probably had been from the day he saw her walk Into Jimmy’s. What had happened eleven years ago was over and done with. Finished. He could forgive the past, but he could never forgive himself if he lost Amanda again.

He’d been fooling himself. All his notions about bedding and forgetting her had been a sham. It was ironic to him that he could be so clearheaded in business and so blind about love. His heart had been shouting the truth to him ever since he’d come home, but he had refused to listen. He’d plunged stubbornly ahead, widening the chasm that was already between them. Winning her again would have been difficult at best; now he had made it almost impossible.

A lesser man might have given up, but Tanner Donovan was a stranger to defeat. With the wonderful knowledge of love coursing through him like new wine, he never considered any possibility except winning. He would have her, and any man who tried to come between them had better be prepared to do battle with the devil.

First he smiled, then the smile became a chuckle, and the chuckle became a full-bodied roar of sheer joy. Amanda would lead him a merry chase, but he’d have her. This time for keeps.

He went to the kitchen door and listened. There was no sound from Amanda. Knowing her, he decided that she was probably hatching a plan that would make tonight’s skirmish seen tame.

He smiled. “Brava, Amanda. You’re a hell of a lady.”

Clearing the table, he stored the leftovers in the refrigerator, then searched the cabinets until he’d found a pencil and notepaper. His handwriting was as bold as he was. “This time, Amanda, you’ll choose me.”

He propped the note on the table, picked up his picnic basket, and headed through the house. The next day he would begin the romance of the century. Tonight he needed to make plans.

 o0o

Upstairs, Amanda heard the whistling. She stopped her restless pacing to listen. It didn’t surprise her that the man who’d received a crushing blow at her hands should be whistling. That was Tanner, through and through. Arrogant to a fault, self-confident to the core. In spite of her turmoil, she smiled. Any other man would be down there licking his wounds, and Tanner Donovan was whistling. It wasn’t a funeral dirge, either. The song was
Get Me to the Church on Time
. She knew the lyrics well, for she’d played the role of Eliza Doolittle her freshman year at the University of Southern Mississippi. Weekends, when she was visiting him in Alabama. Tanner had cued her. Quick study that he was, he’d learned all the songs also.