Sleight of Hand (35 page)

I lie there, grinning stupidly and think about these forgotten sensations: his hairy chest against my back, his dick against my buttocks as it hardens and softens in sleep. I think about his smell, about the familiar weight of this arm around me and how safe that feels. I notice how brilliantly our bodies fit together, and think how, despite all my doubts, our lives continue to fit together too, for the simple reason that we have decided that they will.

I listen to Jenny and Sarah retiring next door, and a lump forms in my throat and tears well up at the thought that despite all the shit going on around me, and all the challenges and perhaps sadness to come, I really am the luckiest man alive.

On Saturday morning Sarah wakes me up by prodding my elbow. The second I open one eye, she starts to climb onto the bed, but I move my arm to block her path. “Go downstairs,” I say forcefully, “and I'll be down in a minute.”

She pushes her bottom lip out but does as I say anyway.

Ricardo, who is squashed against my back (I'm not sure if we have moved back into this configuration or maintained it all night) says,
“Qu'est-ce qu'il y a ?”

“She wanted to get into bed for a cuddle.”

“That's OK, isn't it?”

I snort and move his hand down to my dick. “Not with that going on,” I say.

“Ah, no,” he laughs, squeezing it gently. “That is mine.”

“Don't start,” I say, slipping from his grasp. “I have to get up and make breakfast.”

“But when babe?,” he asks.

“If Tom phones today,” I say, pulling my jeans on. “Maybe we can get some time away.”

Ricardo pushes the quilt away and stretches and yawns. I look at the line of hair down the middle of his chest and at his erect dick and lick my lips. “God you're sexy,” I say.

“You
sexy,” Ricardo says with a wink. “Do they go places?”

“I'm sorry?”

“Jenny and Sarah. They go out sometimes?”

“Oh. Not much when she's on chemo,” I reply quietly, aware that she is next door. “But next week, once she's been off it for a few days, yeah … she'll be almost like normal.”

“She is on chemo now?”

“Yesterday,” I say. “Not today.”

“I don't want to wait a few days babe,” Ricardo says.

I grin at him. “Don't worry. We'll find a way.”

Just as the three of us are finishing breakfast, Jenny joins us.

“You're up early today,” I comment.

“Yeah, well,” she says. “No horrible pills to take today. You two can go out if you want.”

Thinking,
“I'd rather stay in
,” I ask, “Any news of Tom?”

Jenny pulls a face. “Only an SMS I'm afraid. he can't come.”

“Oh.”

“Says he has his own shit to deal with.”

“Oh
. Did you tell him Ricardo's here, because …”

“Nope. So that's not it. But I'll be fine. I was thinking that if you took me to London on Monday, you two could head off somewhere and Sarah and I could come home on the train.”

I pull a doubtful expression. “Well, let's see how things go, eh?”

“I can't wait till Tuesday,” Ricardo whispers, once she has gone.

I laugh. “You won't have to babe. Your time will come. Your time
to come
will come.”

In fact, we don't have to wait too long. After her mid-day snooze, Jenny tactfully announces that she
is feeling “tons better,” and wants to take Sarah for a nice long walk.

“Ah, a walk would be good,” Ricardo agrees.

I nudge him and roll my eyes, and he looks at me and then suppresses a grin and yawns and feigns tiredness instead. “Or maybe a sleep. Time difference,” he says unconvincingly.

“Right, well … come on Miss. Let's get you wrapped up,” Jenny says flatly. “It's freezing out.”

Ricardo and I sit and stare at each other as Jenny and Sarah get ready, and mere seconds after they have closed the door we slip into stupid grins and race each other upstairs.

We dump our clothes on the bedroom floor and, still laughing, press our bodies tightly together.

“Mmm,” I say.
“That's
what I wanted.”

We kiss for a moment, and I say, “I had forgotten what a good kisser you are.”

“Shh,” Ricardo says, kissing me again.

His dick, pressed against mine, stiffens and twitches.

“How long she go?” he asks.

“Sorry?”

“You don't understand me now,” he says. “My English is so bad?”

“No,” I say. “I just need to get used to your accent again I think.”

“So how long do we have?”

“Oh,” I say. “Um, I don't know. Half an hour? An hour.”

Ricardo nods seriously. “OK, then we kiss after,” he says. “You have condoms?”

“Sure, in the top drawer.”

“OK, give me one.”

“But I wanted to fuck
you,”
I laugh, as he turns me around and pushes me down onto the bed.

“Me too Chupy,” he says, spreading my butt-cheeks. “That's why we need to be quick.”

When we get to the hospital on Monday morning, Sarah and I head off to the park leaving Ricardo and Jenny at the hospital. Leaving the two of them alone together seems unnatural and I can't help but feel paranoid that they will talk about me – though what evil plan they might possibly hatch, I have no idea.

Still, Ricardo wishes to talk to the professor. He seems to think that doctors are far more forthcoming amongst themselves.

The grass in St James' park is covered with such a thick layer of frost that Sarah thinks it has snowed.

“It's just frost,” I explain as she runs and jumps and looks back at her footprints.

“Mummy said it might snowed,” Sarah says.

“Snow
. Well, it might
snow
. But it hasn't yet. Careful you don't slip.”

“It's very slippy. Do you like snow?”

“Yes, I do.”

“I hope it snow.”

“I hope it
snows,”
I correct her.

“So do I.”

“But it hardly ever snows at the seaside because the sea is too warm. So don't get your hopes up.”

Sarah frowns at me as if she thinks that I'm telling a big fib.

“It's true,” I laugh. “You can ask Mummy.”

“But you said it was cold.”

“Ah - it's too cold to
swim
. But it's too warm for snow.”

Sarah twists her mouth sideways. Clearly she thinks I'm talking rubbish. We walk on across the
park for a moment, our feet crunching on the icy grass, and then she says, “Do you mind having Ricardo in your bed?”

I clear my throat. “I'm sorry?”

“Having Ricardo in your bed. Do you mind?”

I stifle an embarrassed grin. “Well, no, not really. Why?”

“Well, he's a bit big. I share Mummy's bed, but I'm only little.”

“Ah. Well, it
is
quite a big bed.”

“Two boys is too big for one bed though.”

“Well,” I laugh. “It's a good job you only have to share with Mummy, isn't it.”

“Can we have ice cream?”

“Don't you think it's a bit cold?”

“No.”

“Maybe then. If the shop's open. And if he
has
any ice cream in December.”

When we get back to the hospital, I find Jenny alone in the waiting room. She is clutching her bag of chemo pills indicating that she is all done and ready to leave.

“Where's Ricardo?” I ask her.

“Dunno,” she says. “He wandered off with Florence. They were blathering on in French. You wanna keep an eye on that one.”

“Ricardo or Florent?”

“Both. Especially together.”

I grimace and plonk Sarah down next to her mother.

“What's that around your chops?” Jenny asks her.

“Ice cream,” I say.

“In
this
weather? Aren't you cold sweetie?”

Sarah shakes her head.

“Your daughter would want ice cream at the North Pole,” I say. “Which way did they go?”

Jenny points towards the corridor, so I head off saying, “I'll be back. Don't move.”

I criss cross the entire floor before I finally glance out of a window and see Ricardo and Florent smoking below.

“I can't believe you guys,” I say, when I reach them. “You should be ashamed.” My blustering introduction is mainly intended to disguise my jealousy.

“Chupy!” Ricardo says, stepping back a little, I notice, from Florent.

“Honestly! A doctor and a cancer nurse
smoking.”

“It's his fault,” Florent says. “I only smoke other people's nowadays.”

“You
have cigarettes?”

Ricardo rolls his eyes and pulls a Colombian pack of Marlborough from his pocket and points it at me.

I pull a face. “I don't smoke anymore,” I say. “You know that.”

“You do sometimes,” he points out.

“Well, when I'm drunk. But …”

“Anyway, I don't give you one. I say look at the packet.”

I take the pack from him and peer inside. “So?”

“I bought a week ago,” Ricardo says.

“Right. And?”

“Sixteen. So I smoke one last week and one today because I want to give Florent one.”

“Oh, OK,” I say, ignoring that particular double-entendre. “Whatever. So what are you two plotting?”

“Plotting?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Ahh!” Ricardo says, wiggling his eyebrows. “Good thing. Clever thing.”

“Right …”

“Ricardo asked me to come to Eastbourne,” Florent says.

I frown.
“What?”

“He is a nurse Chupy.”

“I
know
he's a nurse,” I say, opening the palm of my hand towards him to point out that he
is
wearing a nurse's uniform.

“Ricardo asked if I would come down to look after Jenny,” Florent says.

“Why? What for?”

“So we can go to Nice for some days,” Ricardo says. “You need to get away you said. And I want to see my apartment … so … It could be nice. In Nice. Ha!”

“Oh!”
I say, my jealousy cloud lifting. “Oh,
right.”

“It's an amazing … you know … coincidence,” Florent says. “I'm on holiday all next week. But I'm too skint to go anywhere. This way I don't have to spend all week listening to my flatmate wanking off.”

I pull a face at that image. “Right.”

“What you think?” Ricardo asks. “Is clever,
non?”

“Jenny won't like it,” I say.

“Chupy can convince her. Chupy can convince anyone anything.”

“Nah,” I say. “She'll hate it. It'll make her feel like an invalid.”

“She did already invite me,” Florent says. “Ages ago.”

“She
did?”

“Yeah, she said you needed a drinking buddy and that you could show me the sights in Brighton or something.”

I shake my head. “God, that girl is out of control,” I say.

“Anyway,” Florent says. “I could make it look like, you know, a sort of social visit.”

“I said we will pay to cover expenses and things,” Ricardo says.

“So I get a holiday by the sea, and you two get to have your break …”

“And Jenny gets her favourite nurse,” Ricardo adds. “It's good! Tell me it's good babe.”

“I do really like her too,” Florent says. “We have a real laugh together. Well, as much as you can during chemo.”

I shrug. “Well … maybe. If she goes for it. Only she won't.”

“Leave it to me,” Florent says. “I'll call her later, as if I just thought of it …”

“I tell you, if she gets any hint of this …” I say. “She'll be furious.”

“I'll be careful,” Florent says. “Anyway, I better get back. This is my last shift.”

“Do you want her number?”

“Jenny's?” Florent asks. “I have it.”

“You do?”

“Yep. She gave it to me ages ago. Yours too.”

I shake my head. “Unbelievable.”

“OK, see you soon hopefully.”

Once he has slipped behind the doors, Ricardo touches my chin so that I look him in the eye. “You're not happy?” he asks, genuinely concerned.

I shrug. “I don't know,” I say. “It's just … well, we don't really know him, do we?”

Ricardo raises his shoulders. “Jenny does,” he says. “She tell me he is the favourite nurse. That's why I talk to him. I can't find professor Twat.”

“Batt
. It's
Batt
. Twat means … it's an insult.”

“Oh. I think I say
Twat
to the secretary,” Ricardo says.

“Oh my God! You didn't!”

He shrugs. “Not sure. Anyway, he's not in, so I talk to Florent.”

“What did he say?”

“About Jenny? It's not good. But you know that. He say that surprises happen. You know, miracles. But … well … pfff.”

“Pfff?”

“Yeah.”

“Anyway, I'm still not sure about inviting him into our home.”

“Jenny already did,” Ricardo says. “So …
Où est le problème ?”

“I suppose. I didn't know about that. That's very cheeky of her.”

“And he seems very nice.”

“Yeah, he does.”

“Sexy boy.”

“Ricardo!”

Ricardo raises one eyebrow and nudges me. “I think Ricardo arrives just in time, non?” he says with exaggerated gravity.

“Enough!” I say. “Come on. Jenny and Sarah are waiting.”

*

Back at the house the atmosphere becomes a little more tense with each hour that passes. It's not that any of us are truly failing to get on. It's simply that every act, no matter how simple, seems loaded with unspoken sub-texts.