Slim for Life (20 page)

Tell your mom to come up with skinny treat recipes instead of fattening ones. Tell your boyfriend you want him to work out with
you and go out for sushi afterward. Tell the coworkers that you’re not boozing right now, but you’d love to catch a movie or hit the gym with them. You
can
bring them around to a place of support instead of sabotage. Once you empower the people closest to you with strategies and knowledge of your needs, you’ll be amazed at what a huge difference it makes in your ability to stick with it and go after your goals in a huge way.

This is a big one. One of the main reasons people cite for abandoning their slimming efforts is that their significant other wasn’t on the same page about lifestyle, goals, and values. I’ve found that this dilemma often extends beyond romantic
relationships, crossing over into relationships with parents and close friends. This problem is almost identical to the one we covered in “Communicate your needs,” but it’s about what you do when that advice doesn’t work. When it doesn’t, there’s usually a big reason why—perhaps the other party feels threatened on some level that if you get healthy, you’ll outgrow them, not need them, or perhaps they fear that your newfound healthiness will incite questions about their own lack of healthy habits. While such fears may not be rational, they’re still real.

The best thing you can do is open up a dialogue with the person(s) again, reiterating what you want and why you want it. Then be sure to tell them how much you love them and how important they are to you. Over time, as they begin to feel safe and secure with “the new you,” I predict they’ll eventually come around, and maybe even jump on your healthy bandwagon.

The number-one tenet when building a support system is this: everyone you invite into your life should make you better. When handpicking your entourage, the people with whom you spend the bulk of your time, you must follow this rule. Hang out only with people for
whom your success is their success. The people around you should support your quest to be great—or they should be gone! It’s time to reevaluate your life and take inventory of who is on your team and who isn’t. Clear all nonsupportive, toxic people out of your life. All the jealous friends who sabotage you must go. Ultimately, we are the company we keep. That means haters and enablers—you’re out of here.

Consider this the fourth step in a series of self-support must-do’s. The series starts with (1) communicating your needs, (2) validating and supporting your loved ones, and (3) cleaning house if the first two steps fail.

But if the toxic person is one who can’t be removed (like a family member), we must resort to setting firm, ironclad boundaries. If you and your mother fight because she thinks your healthy diet is “silly,” then don’t eat with her. If your sister makes fun of you hitting the gym while you’re home for the holidays, don’t tell her where you’re going. Look for the “hot spots” in the relationship, and avoid them. Some subjects will instigate fighting and sabotage and leave you feeling crappy. Sidestep them at all costs. Instead, steer the relationship and your communications toward positive and neutral topics, ones that don’t incite quarrels and insecurities, yours or theirs.

You can and should be direct with your family members, by the way, about your needs and limits. Let them know that you don’t want to discuss the topic with them. If they don’t hear you or respect your boundaries and start in on you anyway, tell them you love them, but you’re going to leave or hang up until they choose to have respectful regard for your position. You’re not abandoning them; you’re simply maximizing the positive in the relationship and minimizing the negative. I guarantee that after you continue this healthy pattern of interacting several times, they’ll get the message, and you’ll have bought yourself some breathing room.

Be your own best friend.
How do I become a better friend to myself?
you ask. You do it by learning to put yourself in the best position to succeed. Great leaders work to create an environment that is conducive to their employees’
success. Similarly, being your own best friend means setting yourself up for success as you accept the challenge for greatness (and slimness). It’s all about self-acceptance. If you feel worthy of what you’re aspiring to and pay yourself the same respect and love you would to others, you’ll get where you need to go.

Here’s what I mean. Years ago I was in therapy bitching about how I did everything for everyone else and no one did anything for me. While I was mid–pity party, my shrink interrupted me. He told me that it wasn’t everyone else who was letting me down; I was doing it. I protested and called him crazy, but he went on to prove his point. He listed all the loving things I did for others and showed how I never did those same things for myself. The implication clearly was that when I started giving myself all the things I gave to others, my life would be immeasurably richer. The attention and help I got from the outside world would be a bonus.

I took his advice. I bought flowers for my bedroom. I got myself a massage. I rented the movie that I wanted to watch. I took care of myself. I made time for myself. I referred to myself in respectful, loving ways. And you know what? My life changed in amazing ways—forever. After I began to do that, not by coincidence, I started attracting more supportive, loving people into my life. I was happier. I felt stronger. I had more confidence and subsequently more strength to take risks and “shoot for the stars.” While I know this may sound somewhat silly and reminiscent of a bad
Saturday Night Live
skit, it works.

Look at all the things you do for your parents, kids, significant other, or best friend. I bet you even help out your neighbors and
coworkers more often than you help yourself. Now I want you to make a conscious effort to treat yourself in the exact same loving and giving ways. Then watch how your attitude, motivation, and slim status all change for the better.

My sage advice is to ignore the haters.
Suze Orman once said to me, “The elephants keep walking, while the dogs keep barking.” She meant, don’t let small-minded, jealous people stop you from achieving your goals.

Maybe you’ve heard another saying: “Success is the greatest revenge”? Some people get motivated by naysayers—they get jazzed to prove that those who say “No, you can’t!” are dead wrong. Have you ever heard Lady Gaga or Katy Perry talk about how so many told each of them they wouldn’t make it? These two superstars are now on top of the world in their careers and fame, with more money than they probably know what to do with each day. They can turn up their noses at those who didn’t believe in them.

My business partner is a person who doesn’t accept the negative or ever feel defeated. He loves it when people say no to him or to our company because he relishes the opportunity to prove them wrong. If you can’t let go of someone’s negativity or nastiness toward you, then channel it. Instead of letting it get you down, let it drive you forward and propel you to success.

One of the best tools to employ when you’re attempting to learn, grow, or improve in any area of your life is to have a coach or mentor as part of your go- to team. This is someone who not only supports you but has the information you need in order to succeed; someone who can show you where you’re going wrong and how to turn it
around so you can ultimately get it right. I’ve been this person for many people, and I can right years of wrongdoing in a matter of seconds because of my expertise in health and wellness.

Don’t suffer unnecessarily. If you can’t lock a friend in to help you on a permanent basis, hire a trainer or a registered dietitian for a session or two. Let a professional analyze and assess what you’ve been doing; they can help you make a few tweaks that will give you a jump-start if you need one. While I’m hoping this book will give you all you need, a little one-on-one personalized advice for a specific or unique issue can sometimes go a long way.

Write a blog about your experiences. Read blogs that inspire you. As I said earlier, reading others’ success stories is motivating. Sharing your story with others can be a giveback—as well as a way to garner support from others who are experiencing similar hardships or challenges.

It’s amazing how much help message boards and online communities can provide when you’re living slim. Some people I’ve worked with who long ago hit their weight-loss goals still subscribe to my website
www.jillianmichaels.com
—they remain members simply to be active and connected with others on my message boards. A Web environment provides you with anonymity. You can speak freely without worrying about who will know or judge you, and it offers support from people who
are going through similar things. It’s a buddy system that also helps to hold you
accountable. There are many different options out there. My suggestion is surf the Web. Look for the environment where you feel the most comfortable, and start making friends!

Nothing scares me straight like a conversation with my doctor. When I learned from my doc that I was an estrogen-dominant female who was at high risk for breast cancer and that alcohol significantly increased that risk, I practically went cold turkey.

When it comes to slim, it’s actually not just about skinny jeans, bikinis, and sex with the lights on. Slim goes way deeper and is directly associated with the quality of your health and subsequently the quality of your life. Go see your doctor, and get your numbers checked: cholesterol, blood sugar, blood pressure, resting heart rate. Then allow your physician to give you the lecture about how dangerous the bad numbers are and how much better every aspect of your wellness will be when you drop, or keep off, the excess pounds for good.

You’d probably be a lot more
motivated to eat healthy and slimming foods if they tasted good, right? Well, there’s no rule in the universe that says they can’t. There are plenty of tasty and healthy treats that help to build a healthy body and mind. (Refer back to the “
Get Cooking
” tips in Chapter 3.) I want you to be creative with your recipes. I’ve had roasted brussels sprouts that were just as tasty as mashed potatoes. It’s all in the prep. So do your homework and experiment with healthy foods until you establish some tasty slimming dishes
that you enjoy and look forward to eating. Here’s a sample treat done slim to get you started:

In a small bowl, stir together ricotta, mashed fruit, and sugar. When fully blended, fold in the chocolate chips. Place 8 crackers on a rimmed baking sheet. Divide the mixture evenly onto the crackers. Top with the remaining crackers and freeze for at least an hour. Once frozen, wrap each Slimwich separately in protective wrap; they’ll keep for up to a week in the freezer.

Surround yourself with images that inspire you to get slim. Post them on your fridge, desktop, and car dashboard. Place them on any surface you might see before you make a food choice. When I was a kid trying to get in shape, I put up a picture of Linda Hamilton from
Terminator 2
. (Remember what sick shape she was in? Her arms are legendary to this day!) Every time I wanted to reach for a piece of pizza or a doughnut, I looked at that picture, and it inspired me to change my mind. I look at pictures of Madonna now, hot in her fifties with a body to die for, and I put down the extra cookie or glass of wine instantly. While I don’t want you to get in the habit of looking outside yourself for motivation, there’s something to be said for stories and images that can catalyze us to take action. Pick out individuals or imagery that helps you achieve your slim agenda and surround yourself with them.

Buy a goal outfit that flatters your physique. We used to do this on
Biggest Loser
back in the early seasons, and I can’t for the life of me figure out or remember why we stopped. We would have the contestants pick an outfit they wanted to fit into, and we’d display it for them in a case. I’m not saying you need to build a shrine to the outfit in your bedroom, but maybe hang it in on the back of your door so you can see it. When you’re contemplating whether to get your sweat on, take a look at that outfit and picture yourself in it. I’m willing to bet it gives you the little push you need to move your butt!

Whenever the thought of doing a structured workout seems like torture to me, I find ways of being active that are fun. One of my tricks is to act like a kid again. I take a snowboarding lesson, or a surfing lesson, or I go paddleboarding. Try it. Skateboard to your office, or bike to run your errands. Go bowling with friends. You get the idea. Ultimately, having fun like this will be great for your spirit and your body.