Slope of Love (Love in Bloom: The Remingtons) (13 page)

“Then why did you wake me?” They climbed onto the chairlift and settled in as it rumbled to life.

“Because I’ve missed you, too, and it was a great excuse to watch the sunrise with my best friend.” He nodded at the sliver of pink bordering the crest of the mountain.

“That’s beautiful.”

“By the time we reach the top, it’ll be up a little higher. That’s worth getting up early for, don’t you think?”

Resting her head on his shoulder came naturally, and when his arm slipped around her, she soaked in the comfort of him. “I think it’s definitely worth getting up early for.”

He took out his phone and clicked a picture of the two of them, then turned the phone around and took a shot of the mountains before tucking it back into his pocket. He kissed the top of her head. “Hey, Jay?”

She heard the strain in his voice and readied herself for what she knew was coming. “Don’t say it, okay?”

He didn’t respond.

“I know
we
can’t happen, Rush. Just let me watch the sunrise with my friend without worrying about it.” She wondered if he heard the pitch of her voice change with the fib.

Two hours later, they were making their way over to the lodge for coffee and Jayla was trying to ignore the burn in her shoulder. “That was fun.” She inhaled deeply.

“You shaved three seconds off of yesterday’s time. Keep this up and you’re gonna nail the competition.”

“I appreciate you dragging me out, Rush.” She smiled at him, but it was wasted. His eyes had been trained on the lodge since they’d started walking back.

Rush stopped before they reached the lodge. “You know what? Go ahead in. I just remembered something that I need to take care of. I’ll see you at eight for the class, okay?”

She watched him walking back toward the cabins, and somewhere deep in her belly, she knew he was purposely putting distance between them. How could she blame him? It was what she said she wanted, even if it hurt like hell.

Three seconds. Focus on the gains.

Maybe I made a mistake.

RUSH CURSED UNDER his breath as he unlocked the door to the cabin and threw it open. He tossed the keys on the counter and stared at the empty room. He had no idea what he was doing, or how to read Jayla’s conflicting messages. He thought he could handle practicing together without being distracted by thoughts of how he wanted to be doing so much more, but as they walked toward the lodge, he’d been one second from draping his arm over her shoulder. That would have been normal, easy, except that when he’d done that on the chairlift, it had brought his mind right back to their kiss. The truth was, he didn’t know how to be just friends with Jayla now that he’d opened his heart to her.

He paced the cabin floor. She’d been upset with him for risking their friendship, and maybe she was right. He ran his hand through his hair and stared out the window, trying to push away anger brewing in his gut. Anger at putting them in this position in the first place. Anger at her for not reciprocating—even though he knew that wasn’t fair at all. Hell, he was goddamn angry at the world, and he needed to get it out before it screwed up their friendship and this weekend’s race. He picked up his cell phone and called his brother Jack. Someone had to pay for this shit, and it all started with him.

“Hey, little brother,” Jack said all too happily for Rush’s mood.

He hated to crush Jack’s spirit, but he was unable to stop the shit storm of emotions from spewing forth. “You fucked me up, man, and I’m pissed.”

“Whoa, bro. I haven’t even seen you in weeks. What’s going on?”

Rush paced again. His mind told him to calm down, but he was unable to quiet the rage. “You told me I was a womanizer. You made me open my goddamn eyes when I was perfectly happy with them closed, and now…Now…”

“Now you’ve fallen for some chick and you’re pissed at me for whatever reason, right? Well, guess what? We both said shit we probably shouldn’t have, and I’m sorry, but I wasn’t exactly in my right mind when I lost Linda. Remember that, little brother? So before you rip me a new asshole, think. I had just lost my wife.”

Jack was a model of controlled anger, speaking in a serious, authoritative tone. A tone Rush had heard a million times when he was growing up and Jack had made it his business to set him straight. Even during the years when Jack was away at college, if he’d heard that Rush had done anything remotely out of line, he’d call him up and speak in that same tone, and it made Rush swallow his words and think. It still had the same effect.

He sank to the couch, elbows on his knees. “Goddamn it.”

Jack didn’t say a word. He was good at waiting out Rush’s internal battles.

Rush pushed to his feet again. “Damn it, Jack. I changed my whole life because…of what you said.”
And because of Jayla
. “And now I wish I hadn’t.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Feeling shit for a woman sucks.”

“Now you’re just talking crazy. Are you drunk?”

“No. I’m not drunk, you ass.” He needed air. He flung open the front door and stood on the front porch. He caught sight of Kia and Teri walking out of Kia’s cabin, and he went back inside and closed the door.

“You want to tell me what this is really about, or do you just want to vent? I’m cool with either. I just need to know if I should brew another pot of coffee.”

“Goddamn it, Jack.”

“You said that already.”

He flopped on the couch again. “Right.” He pressed his palm to the tightening muscles in his chest. “Jesus, Jack.”

“Some people call me Jesus, but you can just call me Jack.”

Rush laughed despite his anger. “Okay, here’s your chance to use your big brother skills and talk me off the ledge.”

“Where are you?”

“Colorado. Teaching a ski workshop for Danica Carter’s company.”

“Now I get it. I thought your season was over.”

“One last competition. Now you
get
what?”

“This isn’t about some random woman, is it?”

“No. It’s about Jayla. Jack, listen. I fought what you said I was for a long time, and then one day I woke up next to this woman and couldn’t even remember her name. And I might be thickheaded, but it finally set in. I realized you were totally right, and then…I realized all those women were space fillers. It was Jayla I wanted all that time.” His gut twisted, and before Jack could say anything, he continued. “Anyway, I’ve spent months cleaning up my act. Christ, the thought of all that time I spent sleeping around makes me sick.”

“And Jayla?”

He blew out a loud breath. “She’s everything. I think I love her. I do love her.”

“You’re just realizing this after fifteen years? No wonder you’re messed up.” Jack laughed. “Hey, remember when Mom made me have a talk with you about respecting women?”

“Mom? I remember the snore of a talk, but she put you up to that?”

“Yeah. She called me at some point, worried about how often you and Jayla talked. You were getting ready to go to camp. She thought you and Jayla were headed for the bedroom. It was way past the point of you needing to hear it, but she said Dad wasn’t the right person to do it.”

Rush laughed. “Well, she was right about Dad but not Jayla. We were never like that. We’ve always just been friends. You know, as we got older, I was hooking up with every woman under the sun, and she was in the friend zone.”

“And now?”

Rush rolled his shoulders, stretching out his muscles. “Right now…Now I can’t look at her without wanting more.”

“Okay, so? What’s the issue? Why are you so pissed at me?”

“Maybe if you’d never said that shit to me in the first place, I wouldn’t have changed, and then I wouldn’t feel all these crazy emotions every time I see her. It’s like I just want to protect her, and touch her, and—”

“Whoa, okay. You could have led with that and saved us an assload of time.”

“No, I couldn’t have, because you needed to know that I’m not the dick you think I am.” Rush let out a breath.

“Man, I have no idea how your mind works. Look, none of us judge you by what you do with women. But let’s cut to the chase.”

Rush sighed. “I finally realized what she means to me, and she’s worried that being together will screw with our focus. She might be right. I don’t know that I can be in a real relationship and compete. It might screw with my mind and I can’t chance that. She can’t chance that.”

“Then you need to fix that. Does she think you’re still screwing every woman in your path?”

“No, I don’t think so, but…I think she’s still trying to see it with her own eyes. She’s about the only one who can see right through me.”

“Then what’s the issue? Can’t you compartmentalize? Put away thoughts of her while you compete, or train, or whatever. Tons of athletes have relationships.”

“I don’t know. What if I can’t? What if she can’t?”

“Can’t? You wiped that word from your vocabulary years ago, Rush.”

Jack had him there. “I’m not sure we can ever go back to just being friends. I think about her day and night. I want to be with her every second. Jack, I can’t lose Jayla altogether.”

“Then fix it. There’s nothing you can’t do, Rush. You’re one of the most focused people I know. She’s probably scared, and you sound scared, too.”

“Of losing her, maybe.”

“Makes sense,” Jack said. “If you need to separate your relationship from your training, then do it. Look, you’re the king of concentrating on what matters. This is no different from training. When you train, you push the rest of the world away. Just make sure that if you decide to really have a relationship with Jayla, you put her away with the rest of the world when you train. It might take some getting used to, but you can do it. There’s nothing you
can’t
do.” Before Rush could respond, Jack continued. “Talk to her, Rush. Ask her what she needs and what she really wants. I’d imagine she’s just as scared as you, but if she doesn’t want this, then you can’t force it.”

“I never would.”

“I always thought she liked you. Look, this is simple even if it feels like the hardest thing you’ve ever done. And I’m sure it does, because when I fell in love with Savannah, I had all sorts of scary shit going on in my head. You know how to overcome obstacles. Face it head-on like you do everything else in life. And all that bullshit about not being able to focus? I got news for you. That’s all smoke and mirrors, buddy. You’ve built a wall around yourself for whatever reason, and it’s made of bullshit excuses. Tear it down.”

“Just what I needed, a therapy session. I could have gone to Danica for that.”

“Hey, you called me.”

Rush glanced at the clock. “Oh shit. I’m late. I gotta run. Sorry to dump on you like this.” Rush headed out the door and jogged up the hill while he spoke to Jack.

“That’s what family’s for. Call and bitch me out anytime.”

“Thanks, bro. Love you.” He raced up the hill to join the workshop, which was already in progress, and as Jayla came into view, he knew Jack was right.

Head-on was the only way.

“JAYLA, CAN WE just go up already?” Taylor Harper was fifteen. He wore no hat, a black hoodie beneath a ski vest, and a pair of stonewashed jeans. He was the focus of every teenage girl within viewing distance, and despite the heated gazes cast upon him, he’d be damn cold when he got to the top of the mountain. But Jayla’s job was to help him learn to ski, not parent him.

Jayla glanced at Jeffrey in his nondescript black parka, standing beside two of the other teenage students, Chris and Meg. Jeffrey fidgeted with his gloves, his eyes bouncing between Meg, a cute, dark-haired girl, and Taylor. Meg’s eyes were locked on Taylor, and Taylor beamed at Jeffrey with in-your-face pride.
Ugh!
Teenage love triangles weren’t fun when Jayla was a teenager. She wasn’t looking forward to dealing with them on the slopes.

She caught sight of Rush heading toward them and stifled the urge to give him hell for leaving her hanging. He’d given her such conflicting signals all morning, and she couldn’t decide if she was to blame for them. Was he just respecting what she’d asked for, or was it something more? He acted like her best friend, but he looked at her with eyes that said so much more. Maybe she
was
losing her mind.

Focus on the class
.

“Sure. Taylor, you and Chris take the lift up together. Jeffrey and Billy. Suzie, you’re with Meg. Remember, no messing around on the chairlift.” She stepped into line behind the kids and watched Rush put on his skis. A pretty woman about Jayla’s age got in line behind her, and when Rush joined them, he was paired with the woman for the ride up the mountain.

He leaned closer to Jayla. “Sorry I’m late. Got stuck on the phone and forgot about the time.”

She wondered who he was so lost in a conversation with.
It’s none of my business. I’m the one who said I didn’t want more right now.

“It’s fine.” Jayla settled onto the lift and tried not to think about Rush and the pretty woman behind her. Rush was right; she needed to remain focused.

At the top of the mountain, she counted heads and gathered the kids in a group as Rush skied off the lift. He reached out to steady the pretty woman he’d ridden with. The woman flipped her long dark hair over her shoulder and fluttered her lashes. Jealousy prickled Jayla’s nerves again.

She had to distract herself before she literally turned green with envy. “Does anyone have any questions before we start?”

Meg had her eyes locked on Taylor, and Taylor was soaking up the attention, playing the disinterested attitudinal teen, checking out the woman who was still talking to Rush. The others were perched at the edge of the slope and ready to ski. Jeffrey stood off to the side, and Suzie was busy eyeing Rush. Jayla remembered what it was like to look at Rush that way at that very same age.
I still do it.
She only wished that Suzie was more focused on skiing, or even boys her own age. She wondered if her mother’s infatuation with Rush had anything to do with Suzie’s obsession with him.

It’s none of my business.

She went over to try to distract Suzie. “You’re going to do great. You know that, right?”