Slope of Love (Love in Bloom: The Remingtons) (9 page)

Suddenly, the things that had always felt natural felt like she was taking advantage of him. The guys she dated didn’t think of her in the intimate—though clearly not sexual—way that Rush did. He acknowledged her love of dancing and he brought her marshmallows? Her favorite movies? Her most hated movie?
No wonder I love you so much
. And there was keeping her shoulder injury a secret and crushing on him in a way she had no business doing. Guilt propelled her hand, and the marshmallows, toward him.

“Here.”

He wrinkled his forehead. “They’re for you.”

“I know, but…”

He shoved the bag in his pocket and she saw the muscles in his jaw jump.

“Marcus must have really messed with your head.”

Or you are
. “Marcus was nothing more than a mistake.” She fiddled with the edge of her coat sleeve.

“Then what gives? Did I do something?” He drew his brows together.

I can’t help it. You make me hot all over
. She looked into his eyes and wanted to crawl into his arms again. She’d have done exactly that if she didn’t think she’d then try to scale him to his peak.
Oh God.
No peaks. Not with you
. She looked away. “It’s not you, and I’m good. Really.”

“You’ve said that a lot lately. You’re
good
. And you know what, Jayla?” He took a step closer.

She couldn’t breathe.

He lowered his face to hers. “I’m not buying it.”

He stood back up to his full height, and without thinking, she touched his stomach, a nervous habit that she’d done a zillion times before. A playful touch that usually translated to,
Get out of my space.
Only this time it sent a shock of lust right through her.
Oh God. Oh God. Oh God
. She took a step back and let her hand fall away.

“I’m really good, Rush. I’m…I’m fine.”
Why is my damn voice shaking?
“Besides, it was my own fault I stayed with Marcus so long, not yours.”

He closed the gap between them and reached for her hand again. She was going to screw up everything. Their friendship, her career. Maybe Marcus had done more than put a kink in her armor.
Maybe he saw what I’ve been hiding.
She wanted Rush, and she wanted him bad
.
She needed to pull away. She tried to get her hand away from his, but he held tight as he led her over by the trees.

She stumbled along beside him. “Rush?”

He placed his hands gently on her arms, and it sent another thrill through her. It took her a second to realize that he was only skimming her right arm, barely touching it at all. When he lowered his face to hers, she thought he was coming in for a kiss, and she braced herself for what she’d been waiting for since she was a teenager. Damn her for not being strong enough to turn away, but it was Rush, and he smelled so good, and…He pressed his cheek to hers and pulled her close, holding her there as he spoke.

“What was that?” he whispered.

“Wh-what?”

“When you touched my stomach. You felt it. I know you did. And I sure as hell did. What’s going on with us, Jay?”

Her body went numb, but her mind had a hundred answers, which all translated to the same answer—
You’re finally waking up after all these years
. She opened her mouth to answer, and he brushed hair from her cheek, distracting her before she could get any words out.

“I want to kiss you,” he whispered.

Kiss me?
She couldn’t believe her ears. Jayla tried to pull back so she could see his eyes, check if he was teasing, but he kept her close, and she had no choice but to feel his hot breath on her neck and listen to every word.

“There’s something I want to tell you.”

He let go of her, but she was rooted to the ground by his admission, by his touch, by the feel of his body against hers.

“Before I tell you, is this messed up? Wait, before you answer…” His eyes were full of sincerity, dark, focused on her. “Jayla, I don’t even know how to tell you this, so I’m just going to say it.” He brought her hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to it.

Jayla held her breath.

“I’ve changed, Jayla. I’ve changed, and so have my feelings for you.”

“What? But…” She shook her head, breathing hard, elated, confused—and a little angry. How could he put them in this position? At least she was smart enough to ignore her feelings. “What do you mean you’ve changed?”

“Jayla.” He reached for her again.

She backed away from him. Marcus’s words vibrated through her.
It was Rush you were after, not me.
Was that why she’d accepted the date? To make him jealous? Would that make her a woman who sought out men who hurt her? No. She was anything but that. Her other boyfriends had been good to her. She’d made a mistake with Marcus, but she wasn’t going back down that road, not even for Rush.

“No.” Her lower lip trembled. “What are you even doing? Are you crazy?” Now her limbs were trembling, too. “It’s me, Rush. I know you.” She laughed then, a nervous, tear-provoking laugh. “I know you all too well. You’ll only break my heart. I can take a lot, but not that. Not with you.”

“But I’ve—”

“No.”

He moved toward her, and she stepped out of reach. He was saying the things she’d always hoped he would, and she was too scared to think straight—or to hear more.

“Jayla, you’re the person whose friendship I value the most. This, whatever it is, scares the shit out of me, too.” He paced, then turned back to her. “So you don’t feel it? Nothing?”

Of course I do!
She crossed her arms over her chest, took a step back, and shook her head.

He eyed her curiously. “I’m not going to force myself on you.”

“I…I know.”

“I’ve spent this last year changing, Jay. I’m not the guy who sleeps around anymore. I hate that I ever was. The last thing I expected was to find out that I had feelings like
this
for you. I tried to push them away and forget them, but there’s no forgetting you, Jay.” The left side of his mouth twitched. “And to be honest, I don’t ever want to.” He turned away from her and tugged his hat down low.

“I don’t know what you want me to say. I can’t even believe you’re saying this to me. How can I believe you?” She took a few hitched, deep breaths. “Do you really think I want to be one of the women you sleep with and then throw away?” She crossed her arms in an effort to remain erect.

He stared at her for a beat longer, and she almost softened to the sincerity in his eyes. Then he closed the distance between them again.

“No. I don’t want you to be one of them either. I’m not like that anymore.”

She rolled her eyes.

“You know what? This whole thing is messed up and I know that. You’re my best friend, and I have no business thinking of you in any other way, but I do. I am.” His voice rose, but it wasn’t an angry escalation. She saw his frustration in the way he leaned in close with his muscles tense, as if he were fighting against himself not to come even closer. “And you know what else?” he asked. “It’s messed up that you’re keeping secrets from me. With the exception of that stuff with Marcus, I’ve always been there for you. How can you shut me out like that?”

“You
were
there for me when Marcus and I broke up.”

“I shouldn’t have let you date him in the first place.” He stood back again, with his legs planted firmly in the snow and a serious look in his eyes that pierced her heart.

“Let me? You’re my friend, not my dating adviser.”

“I know that. But I should have been watching out for you. I messed up.”

“I’m not your responsibility, and I’m not shutting you out.”
Too much
.

He took off his hat and ran his hand down his face, then slid the hat back on. “Let me show you who I am now, so you can see for yourself that I’ve changed. Jesus, Jayla, the thought of looking at any woman other than you makes me sick. It’s you I want.”

She could barely find her voice, but self-preservation nudged desire over just enough for it to peek through. “So you’re going to, what? Pretend to be something you’re not to lure me into your bed, then go your own way after next week and pretend it never happened?” Tears welled in her eyes. “It’ll ruin our friendship.” He was saying all the things she wished he’d said years ago, and as much as she wanted to wrap her arms around his neck, press her lips to his, and hold on for dear life, she wasn’t sure if she believed him. Could he change that much? Was it worth risking their friendship to find out? It was all too much. She had no idea how her jelly legs were holding her up.

“No.” It was nearly a whisper. “I’m going to be me. And hopefully you’ll see that I’ve changed and that I’m a better man for it. Because of you. For you.” He touched her cheek with his warm, rough palm.

Pull away. Just back up
. She couldn’t.

His jaw clenched, and his eyes darkened. “I can’t help it, Jayla. I still want to kiss you.”

Despite the fierce warnings that had been going off in her head, his voice, the love in his eyes, and the way he moved slowly and carefully toward her, pulled the trust she had in him from her heart and that trust wrapped around her like an embrace. All the fear that had been welling inside her slid away. “You want—”

“To kiss you. But I won’t if you don’t feel the same. I just…” He paused and furrowed his brow. “I…Do you think you’re scared, or do you really not feel anything more for me?” His voice was barely a whisper. “You tell me, Jay. What do you want?”

She opened her mouth, but no words came out. She’d fought against her feelings for too long. She wanted him, she trusted him, and she was so goddamn sick of stifling the love that had swelled within her for too many years to count. She nodded, or at least she thought she did. She couldn’t think beyond the rush of blood in her ears, the slamming of her heart against her chest. Oh God, how she hoped she nodded.

He was still searching her eyes.

“Kiss…Kiss me. Kiss me, Rush,” she whispered.

He lowered his lips to hers and Jayla closed her eyes, feeling as if her body were floating away as she melted against him. His lips were soft and warm, full, delicious, just as she’d dreamed they would be.
I should stop this.
Apparently, the connections between her brain and every other part of her body had shorted out, because her lips parted and her hips rocked into his, and damn did he feel good.
Hard
. He felt good and hard, which made her whole body hot. He dragged his tongue across her lower lip to the corner of her mouth, then along the swell of her upper lip, until she was practically panting for more. Finally, his lips met hers again in a deep, sensuous kiss. One strong hand slid to her lower back; the other found its way beneath her hair, and she realized he wasn’t just kissing her. He was searing the feel of his kiss—and his body—into her brain. And he was oh so good at it. Not only would she never forget the toe-curling, mind-numbing feel of the kiss, but she memorized the feel of his chest pressed against hers and the urgency of their tongues as they tasted each other, pulling moans of need from their lungs and catching them in their mouths. She’d been thinking, hoping, fantasizing about this—about him—for so long. Oh no. She would never forget the feel of his hair as she ran her fingers over his ears and touched the back of his head, drawing him closer and hoping to extend their kiss. Or the way his whiskers scraped against her cheeks. And as they drew apart for the desperate need for oxygen, the pain of knowing just how much practice he’d had perfecting that kiss had almost—
almost
—faded away.

“Holy Christ.” He was breathing hard. “I think I’ve wondered what it would be like to kiss you forever.”

She could barely think past wanting to kiss him again, and she couldn’t have spoken if her life depended on it.

When he asked, “Can I walk you back to your cabin?” she still couldn’t find her voice. She simply followed him.

THE DIN OF the few people still mingling around the bonfire faded behind them as they followed the path back to the cabins. Rush could not ignore the hum of electricity between them. Kissing Jayla was like no kiss he’d ever experienced before. He knew exactly why it felt so different, so magnified.
So perfect
. He’d never felt anything for those other women. Months of introspection had opened doors to his emotions, and behind every one was Jayla. It had always been Jayla.

As they neared her cabin, his heart sank at the idea of leaving her for the night, and he realized that she hadn’t been just his best friend for all those years. She’d been the strong girl he admired and the most trustworthy person he’d ever known. She’d known about the pressure from his father, how much he missed his older brother when he was away at school. Hell, she’d known about the first girl he’d slept with. Now he wished that girl had been her. She knew the man he’d been and it had never changed how she treated him. Rush realized that was also the one thing that might keep Jayla from allowing herself to take a chance on taking their friendship to a different level. The thought was like a punch to his gut. She was the one person outside of his family whom he respected and loved—
I do love you
—and he knew he’d do everything he could to prove that he was worthy of her love.

Jayla’s porch was dark. Her hands shook as she unlocked the door and pushed it open. He fought the urge to swoop her off her feet, carry her to the bedroom, and love her until they could no longer move. She looked up at him with her lips parted, eyes full of want, need, and…
worry
.

He ran his finger down her cheek, desperately wanting to waylay her concerns and knowing that only time would prove to her who he had become.

“I don’t think kissing you was a mistake, Jay, if that’s what you’re thinking. I really have changed.”

“I liked who you were.”

Her voice was just above a whisper, and he saw the truth of her words in her eyes. “You liked who I was when I was with you, but we both know that wasn’t who I was all the time.”

She dropped her eyes, and he lifted her chin, drawing them back to his.

“I like who you are when we’re together.” She hooked her finger in the pocket of his jeans. “I know that other side of you exists. You’ve told me all about your…escapades, and each one pinched my heart a little more than the last. But…I’ve always liked you.”