Slowly We Trust (13 page)

“No, this is good. This is more than good.” I bit my lip and arched into his hands as he made slow circles with his thumbs before he closed his mouth over one nipple and rubbed the other with his thumb.

I moaned and he tipped us to the side and then climbed on top of me, pressing his body into me. That was more like it.

“I don’t know how long I can hold out, Aud. I’ve thought and imagined this so many times and I can barely believe that it’s happening.”

Me, neither.

I ran my hands up and down his chest before undoing the button on his jeans.

“Shit, Aud,” he said, his eyes closing for a moment. “Do you have something? I didn’t exactly plan on this, so I’m not prepared.”

Well, I didn’t plan on having sex ever again, so I didn’t have anything either. And I wasn’t on the pill.

“Can you hold on for two minutes?” I asked, motioning for him to let me up.

“I’ll do my best. No promises.” He slid off me and started muttering to himself as I grabbed a sweatshirt and threw it on before grabbing my key card and dashing through the door.

The RA had a little basket of condoms taped to her door for just such emergencies. A group of girls walked by me and I pretended to read something posted on the bulletin board before I snatched a handful of condoms and raced back to my room.

“Problem solved,” I said, holding up the stash.

“Did you get those from the RA?” I tossed them on the bed and whipped off the sweatshirt.

“Yeah. I hope they’re not from the dollar store.” I was dubious about trusting strange condoms.

“They’re name brand. We’re good.” For a moment, I remembered the scene in
Pretty Woman
where Julia Roberts asks Richard Gere to choose which condom he wants.

I sat down next to Will and reached for him.

“We’re doing this,” he said, brushing the rest of the condoms to the floor.

“We’re doing this,” I agreed and he kissed me again, moving so he was straddling me again. His hands went back to my nipples, pinching them until they stood up. Our movements were more frantic this time, and soon his hands were moving down to my pants and pulling them over my hips, along with my underwear.

We didn’t have time for slow seduction. There would be time for that later. I lay bare before him as his eyes raced up and down my body, taking me in. He’d said he wanted to devour me, and his eyes were. I flushed and hoped he didn’t linger too long on the scar that marred my stomach. But he seemed too distracted by other parts of my body to notice.

“You have the most gorgeous skin, Aud. I want to taste all of it.” I wouldn’t mind that.

He dragged his hands from my chest downward, before getting up and pulling me to the edge of the bed so my legs hung down.

“Kandy didn’t like me going down on her. She was really self-conscious about it, so I stopped trying.” He kneeled and pulled my legs apart. “It was kind of a relief, because, honestly, it made things go quicker. That probably should have been a red flag.” He leaned forward and licked my opening with his tongue, causing my hips to thrust toward his mouth. I tried not to think about the fact that he was talking about his ex while he was going down on me. She didn’t matter.

“But you, Aud. You’re different.” He licked again and a moan escaped my mouth.

“I could do this,” lick, “forever,” lick. A sweet burning sensation spread through my body as Will kissed and licked me, paying special attention to where I needed him most. Then he added one finger, slowly pushing inside me, before pulling out and thrusting in again.

For a guy who said he didn’t do this very much, he knew what he was doing. He added a second finger to the first, stretching me.

I moved my hands into his hair for something to hold onto. I tried not to rip his hair out as I felt myself rising, rising, rising.

“I’m almost there,” I moaned.

“Come on, baby. Come for me. Let go.” I couldn’t remember saying anything during my previous sexual encounters. Talking seemed strange and awkward somehow. But everything was different with Will.

“Come on baby,” he said again and thrust one more time with his fingers and that was it.

“Oh fuck, Will!” I came hard. Harder than I had in a while. I’d been in a masturbation rut lately, and more often than not, I gave up and fell asleep before I could finish. Being with another person was so different than being by yourself. Seeing him as he kissed me, worshipped my body, was a better turn-on than anything else.

“Shitfuck, you face is so beautiful when you come. I want to see you like that every day. Every fucking day, Aud.”

He kissed me at the intersection of my legs and then started kissing his way back up my body.

“Ready?”

I only nodded and brought his mouth back to mine, before breaking away to roll on the condom. He adjusted himself and brushed my hair away from my face with his thumbs.

I was ready for him. I’d been ready since the first day I’d met him.

“Please, Will.” That was all it took for him to push inside me.

“Oh, God,” I moaned as he kept pushing. As if he was afraid of hurting me.

“Am I hurting you?” he said, his voice tight with concentration.

“No. Will, I’m not a virgin.” Shock flashed across his face. This was probably a conversation we should have had before this moment, but we hadn’t.

“I’m not a virgin Will.” To further prove my point, I crossed my legs behind his back and thrust my hips upward, taking all of him inside me.

“You’re not going to hurt me. Please, Will.” I dug my nails into his back, hoping it would spur him into action.

It worked.

He leaned down and kissed me once before pulling out and thrusting into me. This time he wasn’t as gentle.

“Harder, Will. More.” I urged him and coaxed him and that was all it took for him to move the way I wanted him to.

“You feel so good, Aud. So good.” So did he. His body fit perfectly inside mine, hitting all the right spots with each thrust and I knew I was going to come again. Under my fingers, Will’s muscles tensed as he pounded into me.

“Shit, Will.” I almost never swore, but I couldn’t help the curse word from coming from my lips as I reached orgasm again.

Will thrust into me a few more times and then groaned above me. He’d said my face was beautiful when I came, and his was too.

He smiled down at me and leaned down to kiss my nose before he rolled to the side, still inside me. I kept my arms wrapped around him. I never wanted to let him go. Now that we’d been together, I knew that trying to just be friends with him was ludicrous. Will and I would never just be friends.

“I love you,” he said.

“I love you, too.”

I still couldn’t believe that she was naked in front of me, let alone the fact that we’d just had sex. No, that wasn’t sex. Being with Audrey was something else entirely.

We lay side by side and I couldn’t stop staring at her glorious skin. It glowed under the harsh fluorescent lights of the dorm.

She stared at me and I wondered what she saw. If she was as happy as I was in this moment. And then she smiled.

“What?” I asked.

“Nothing. I’m just really, really happy. I don’t know if I’ve ever been this happy. I feel like I’m going to die from it.”

“Well, we can’t have that. No dying.” I ran my hand up and down her side, grateful that she didn’t seem to be one of those girls who wanted to cover up her body the second the sex was over. There was one thing I wanted to ask her about and that was the scar that cut horizontally right around the area of her bikini line. I’d never seen something like that.

“Did you have your appendix out?” I said, running my finger over the scar. It had to be relatively new, because it was still red and not white and faded.

“Uh, no,” she said, taking my hand and removing it before trying to cover herself with the sheet under us.

“Hey, hey, it’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

“I’m not ashamed of it,” she said, trying to pull the sheet out from under herself without much success.

“You’re so beautiful, Aud.” Why couldn’t she see what I saw when I looked at her?

My compliment made her smile a little and stop her attempts to cover up.

“You’re not so bad yourself, William.” I liked her calling me by my full name. I hated it when my sister, my mother or anyone else did. But Audrey was the exception.

“I know I'm good-looking,” I said, swooping my hair back dramatically. There was much less to swoop now, but my intention had been to make her laugh and I succeeded.

“You pretend to be cocky, but you’re really not,” she said, running her hands through my hair, fingering the blunt ends from where she’d cut it.

“Oh, so you think you have me all figured out, huh?” I moved until I was propped above her.

“Maybe,” she said, grinning.

“Now who’s cocky?” She stuck her tongue out at me, in a very un-Audrey way.

“That’s it,” I said and leaned down to blow on her stomach.

“Stop it!” She squealed, trying to fold herself up and get away from me.

“Never.” I rolled sideways and started tickling her ribs until she laughed so hard she couldn’t breathe and tears streamed down her face.

“Now who’s the cocky one?” I said, kissing her bellybutton.

“Not me,” she said, gasping and wiping her eyes. “Never again.”

“Say cocky.” I propped my head on my elbow and she turned toward me and mirrored my position.

“Why?”

“Because I like the way your mouth looks when you say ‘cock’.”

She wrinkled her nose.

“I’m not a huge fan of that word.”

“Of what word?” I pretended I didn’t know what she was talking about.

“Cock,” she said slowly, drawing it out. Shitfuck. That was one of the hottest things she’d ever said.

“Oh, you like that? What if I say it again?”

“I want you to say it again.”

“Cock.”

“Fuck, Aud. Say that a few more times and I’m going to be hard again.”

“Cock. Cock, cock,” she said, emphasizing different parts of the word each time. Yup, I was officially hard.

“Are you ready to go again?” I said, glancing around for the condoms she’d gotten.

“Ready when you are. Only this time . . . do you think I could be on top?” I stared at her for a second. She’d asked so sweetly, like she wanted an extra scoop of ice cream.

“Fuck yeah, you can be on top.” If I hadn’t been hard from her saying cock, the idea of her on top of me did the trick.

“You don't have to go down on me this time,” she said, running her hands down my chest. “Let me take care of you.” If she did that, then I probably wasn’t going to last much longer. But I’d never had much of a problem getting hard again after sex. What can I say? It’s a gift.

Audrey climbed on top of me, her breasts and hair brushing my chest as she slinked down my body and took me in her mouth.

Things came from my mouth, unintelligible things, as she moved her head up and down me, her hair draped in front of her face. I moved it away so I could watch her, with her lips wrapped around me. She smiled up at me and I almost came right then and there.

“I want to come inside you, so you’re going to have to stop now, Aud,” I groaned. I was lucky that I could even speak in words. She reached around and grabbed the condom, tearing it open with her teeth before sliding it on me, her face knit in concentration. I had to stifle a laugh, because that was the same look she wore when she was reading one of her textbooks.

She positioned herself above me and slowly slid down on me. When I was completely inside her, she threw her head back and moaned. I grabbed onto her hips as she started moving, but this time she took things slow. Achingly slow.

Her dark eyes looked down on me and I was hit with just how much I loved this girl. So much that I was afraid of it, afraid of her. She possessed me like a goddess from another time. Immortal. So beautiful that she was almost painful to look at.

She moved her hand down to rub the spot right above where our bodies were joined. I was adding watching her masturbate to the list of things I wanted to do with her. The more she moved, the more things I added to the list.

“Oh, God, Will,” she moaned and then she arched above me, her face lighting up with pleasure. My mission in life was to see that look on her face at least five times a day. To give her that feeling.

I came again, just behind her and she leaned on me, both of our chests heaving. Her hair was damp from sweat and it beaded on her forehead.

“I’ve always wanted to do that,” she said, lifting herself off me, and then cuddling against my chest.

“You’ve never been on top?”

“No. I’m not a virgin, but my sexual experiences are limited.” I was burning to know how much experience she had, but at the same time, it killed me to think of her being with anyone else.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that I wasn’t a virgin,” she said, one finger making a circle around my nipple.

“To be fair, I never asked. I just assumed, from what Lottie told me. Or didn’t tell me. Sometimes she doesn’t tell me things, but I just know. You know?”

Aud giggled, the motion making her body vibrate against mine.

“No, I don’t know. I’m not a twin. But I’ve seen the connection you have and I think I understand it a little. I never told her much about my past and I guess I just let her assume that I hadn’t been with anyone because it was easier.”

“Easier than what?” I shifted so I could see her face.

“Easier than the truth.”

“And what is the truth?” Was this what it took for her to be honest with me? Sex?

She pressed her lips together and shook her head.

“I'm sorry, I can’t.”

I guess sex didn’t do the trick either. Her hand moved over her stomach, absentmindedly tracing her scar. I wondered what it was from, and what it could be that she’d be so scared to tell me. What injury that would leave a scar like that would make her shut down?

“Hey, come back,” I said, twisting some of her hair around my fingers.

“I'm here,” she said, but her eyes took a second to focus back on me. Then she smiled and leaned forward to press her lips to mine.

“I’m here with you.”

“You know I was supposed to do homework tonight, but this is so much better,” Will said much later as we lay in bed. I wanted desperately to take a shower and wash my sheets, but my body was still so boneless from the sex that I was worried if I tried to stand up, I might fall down again.

“I’m a huge fan of homework, but I can say that this is definitely better.” He had his boxers on and I’d donned my bra and panties, but I was still conscious of him looking at where my scar was. If he hadn’t figured it out after staring at it for a few hours, then he probably wouldn’t. At least that was what I told myself. And trying to hide it anymore would only draw more attention to it and make him more curious.

We lay opposite each other, my head resting on his hip and his head resting on mine.

“I sure hope I’m better than homework.” I started playing with his now-shorter hair. “If I wasn’t, you’d let me know, right?”

“When have I ever spared your feelings?”

“Ouch. But true.”

We were silent for a few more moments and then I had to say the thing that I knew we were both thinking.

“What is this, Will? What are we?” He inhaled for a minute and ran his thumb across my lips.

“We’re . . . us. I’m fine with this being defined, but if you want to live in the grey area, I’m happy there too. I just want to be with you, wherever that is.” My heart felt like it was expanding, almost bursting through my chest.

“We can try it. I guess.”

“Try what, Aud?”

“Try being together-together. You could be my boyfriend and I’ll be your girlfriend and we get each other gifts on holidays and go on dates and sleep with each other. Exclusively.”

His grin was so wide I was afraid he’d break his face.

“So I get to call you my girlfriend?”

“Yes, you get to call me your girlfriend. Most guys are scared of commitment, but you seem ready to jump in with both feet.” He put his hand under my chin.

“Most aren’t with
you.
And I’d like to think having a twin sister has given me an inside look on how women think.” He waggled his eyebrows and I laughed.

“You’re so cocky,” I said. I enjoyed seeing his reaction when I said any variation of the word “cock”. I’d never been a fan of the word before, but I definitely was now. I’d have to integrate it in my everyday speech. Especially when Will was around.

“Are you trying to make me hard again? Because it’s working.” I didn’t think I could go again. My downstairs might not make it.

“No. I’m fine with just this. You wore me out.”

“Me? What about you?”

We were both tired, but suddenly I felt refreshed. I lifted my head off his hip and swung myself around so we were face-to-face.

“What about me?”

“You’re wearing me out, woman. And that is something I never thought I would ever say.”

My only response was to kiss him and then the conversation derailed into removing our underwear and all the things that follow after underwear is removed.