Snowflakes & Fire Escapes (12 page)

I stare at the broken door after it closes. Joey walks over, leaning back against it, securing it with his body since they broke the locks coming in. He crosses his arms over his chest, regarding me.

“Get comfortable,” he says. “It’s going to be a long day.”

A long day it is.

Minutes feel like hours.

Joey tries to talk to me, to pass the time, but I have nothing to say. I slide right back onto the floor, watching the shadows from the sunlight move across the room as the day fades away. It’s cold and my stomach hurts. Adrenaline and fear nauseate me, bile burning the back of my throat.

Giving up eventually, I lie back down, huddling into a ball and wishing this all would go away. I close my eyes, squeezing them shut tightly, letting the blackness of sleep take me.

“Gracie.”

My name, whispered in that voice, feels like a dream. A long ago memory. Sudden warmth swaddles me. I wrap myself in it, getting lost in the sensation, until I hear it again. That voice. My name.

“Gracie.”

My eyes snap open. I’m greeted by darkness, a reality that’s ugly and bitter cold. Gasping, I sit straight up, my back pressing against the wall. Confusion rattles me. A thick blanket covers me. Crouching down right in front of me is
him
.

Cody.

It takes a moment for the world to come back into focus, for me to remember how the hell I got to this place. My eyes scan the room suspiciously, looking for Joey or Cormac or somebody else … anybody … but it’s only him. They must’ve traded off watch while I was sleeping.

“I brought you something to eat,” Cody says, holding out a bag of take-out. “Figured you must be hungry.”

Carefully, I take it from him, setting it down on the floor in front of me. I don’t look inside. I’m not going to eat it, whatever it is. Cody seems to realize that and frowns, standing back up and turning away from me.

I’m not sure why I expect him to leave when he reaches the door, but he doesn’t, instead sitting down on the floor beside it, back pressed against the wall. He pulls his knees up, resting his arms on them, while I pull the blanket up around me, shielding myself with it, blocking out some of the cold. I’m not sure where it came from, but I’m assuming from the same one who brought me food.

We’re alone.

That realization does something to me, twisting my insides in knots. My anger and fear tinges with something else:
betrayal
.

I don’t say anything to him.

I don’t know what to say to this boy.

After a while, Cody clears his throat. “It was the library, you know.”

I look over at him with confusion.

“You used the name at the library—Grace Kennedy. Joseph saw it written on the sign in sheet and put the pieces together. One of your neighbors said they heard noises up here in the apartment, and well … here we are.”

I’m kicking myself for not considering what name I used at the library, but in the grand scheme of things, that feels inconsequential at this point. Cormac already has me. Finding me isn’t really a concern anymore.

Silence surrounds us. It’s awkward. For the second time in my life, I find myself nervous in Cody’s presence. Pulling my legs up, I wrap my arms around them, laying my head on my knees. I face away from him, staring blankly at a wall.

“I’ve thought about you,” he says quietly. “Every day. I still come around here sometimes, just hanging out on the corner across the street. I knew you left, but being here, being where you used to be … it still made me feel close to you.”

I don’t know if those words are meant to comfort me, but they only make everything about this feel worse. Tears sting my eyes, and I try to fight them, try to contain them, but the hurt just runs too deep.

“I never wanted it to come to this,” he continues. “You have to believe me, Gracie.”

“Don’t call me that,” I say, tears streaming down my cheeks.
Gracie
. The word is like my Kryptonite. I don’t want a thing to do with it. “Please. Just … don’t.”

He sighs so loudly it seems to echo through the room. Brushing my tears away, I glance over at him, seeing his face is now covered with his hands. Defeat slumps his shoulders, and I know I shouldn’t care … I
shouldn’t
… but we’ve always been so connected that we shared pain.

Old habits are hard to break.

He pulls himself together after a moment, sitting up straighter, his expression going stone cold. Slowly, he reaches beneath his shirt, into the waistband of his pants, pulling out the last thing I ever expect to see in his hand.

A gun.

I’m so woozy I feel like I might pass out.

He holds it in his lap, tinkering with it in the darkness, the click-click-click of the cylinder as he spins it tightening my chest, confirming what I feared. My Cody—the boy who loved to use his fists when words just wouldn’t suffice—had never touched a gun in his life.

Hours pass.

Maybe it’s minutes.

Days. Weeks. Months. Years.

My life is a ticking clock that’s destined to stop eventually.

Eventually Cody gets to his feet, tucking the gun back away as he strolls across the room. My gaze trails his feet, refusing to meet his eyes, even when he pauses right beside me. He shoves the window open, and I shudder at the blast of cold air that sweeps inside. Pulling the blanket tighter around me, I shiver, watching as he climbs out on the fire escape.

He pauses there, right outside, so close I can still see him, so close he could hear me if I tried to run. My eyes drift to the door anyway, scanning it instinctively, wondering how easy it would be to escape. I could make it to the hallway before he even made it back inside.

I know this building better than Cody.

I navigated it nearly my entire life, while he was never allowed inside.

I could run, and he might never catch me.

All I’d need to do is make it outside.

“He’s here,” Cody says, just loud enough for his voice to filter in the open window, with it the subtle familiar scent of smoke. “Cormac’s sitting downstairs in his car, watching, waiting … fuck, I don’t know. I don’t know what he’s doing. But he’s here. So you can try to run if you want, but you won’t make it very far.”

After all the time, he’s still in my head.

I almost feel violated, but he just spared me from more pain.

I would’ve done it.

I would’ve tried.

Ten more seconds and I would’ve been out the door only to be caught the second I stepped outside.

“Wonderful,” I mutter. “Probably sitting down there planning my execution.”

Cody shifts around, one leg draping over the windowsill, dangling inside as he gazes down at me. I don’t look at him, but I can feel his eyes trained my way.

“You really think I’d let that happen?” he asks, smoke filtering inside the apartment as it rolls from his lips when he speaks. “You really think I’d let Cormac hurt you? That I’d let him kill you?”

“I don’t know,” I whisper, and it’s true. I don’t know. I don’t know what kind of person this Cody is. I don’t know if he still has a heart.

Cody laughs bitterly under his breath. “You should know. You should know
me
.”

“I thought I did.”

Cody tosses what’s left of his joint away, not bothering to put it out, and slips back inside. My breath hitches when he crouches down beside me, so close I can smell him again. Slowly, my head turns his way, and his face is so close my nose nearly brushes his. His eyes burn so bright, so green and alive, even if they’re now slightly bloodshot. This close, he still looks like my Cody. This close, I can still see his soul inside.

“I’m the same person, Gracie,” he says, matter-of-fact, putting stress on that name even after I told him not to call me it. “I just grew up.”

Before I can even process what he said, his hands are cradling my face, palms pressed against my cheeks. I feel my skin grow warm beneath his cold hands. I want to yank away, to put some distance between us, but my muscles are suddenly frozen. My lips part, and all I can do is gasp as he slowly, slowly leans toward me, inching closer to my mouth, so close I can feel his breath.

Inside of me is anarchy.

Butterflies take flight in my stomach, every inch of me tingling from his touch. One of the most terrifying days of my life, and somehow his presence wipes away the fear. He’s one of them, and I hear the warnings in my head, but my heart still doesn’t understand.

How can I still love him so much?

What’s wrong with me?

“You know me,” he whispers, the words barely a breath. “You always have.”

It’s smoke and mirrors, I tell myself, a trick of hand from a sneaky boy who’s playing a dangerous game. Words are just words, but somehow, I feel them. I feel them seep through my skin, settling inside of me like they’re actually true.

“What are you doing, Cody?” I ask quietly as he inches even closer, his lips so close to brushing against mine.

He stares into my eyes for a moment before whispering, “What I have to do.”

I don’t have time to question what that means. A shrill ring echoes through the apartment, shattering the moment. I exhale sharply as Cody’s hands instantly leave my skin. He stands up, putting that much needed space between us.

Stepping back, he reaches into his pocket, and I tense when he pulls out a phone. My phone. It’s ringing.
Holden
. Cody flips it open, and I start stammering, words catching in my throat when he reaches for the button to answer it.
Shit
.

Bringing the phone to his ear, he stands in silence, staring down at me as he does. I can faintly hear a voice streaming through the line, Holden speaking, but Cody doesn’t react. He merely listens for a moment, his expression blank, before he clears his throat.

“You want her,” he says, “come get her.”

That’s it.

That’s all he says.

He doesn’t even give Holden a chance to respond.

Cody snaps the phone back closed and drops it to the floor in front of me. I pick it up, surprised he lets me have it back, but he’s already preoccupied. His hand is in his shirt, and I realize he’s clutching that gun again. He pulls it out, and my heart races frantically when he holds it tightly in his hand. There’s noise in the hallway, voices I realize belong to Cormac and someone else.

Cody startles me then when he grabs my arm and yanks me to my feet. I barely have time to steady myself when he’s shoving me toward the open window.

“Go,” he hisses. “This time, it’s your turn to run.”

“But—” I try to dig my heels in, confused, but he’s stronger than I remember him being, or maybe I just grew weak. “I don’t understand. I thought you said … I mean …”

“There’s no time for this. Get the hell out of here while you can.”

He pushes me through the open window, but I stall there, refusing to go any further as I turn to him. “Come with me.”

“I can’t.”

“Please. Just … come along. Run away with me. We can leave together. We always said we would.”

“Now’s not the time for childish dreams, Gracie,” he says, a hard edge to his voice. “You need to run.”

“But—”

My argument is silenced abruptly when he pulls me down, yanking part of me back through the window, smashing his lips to mine. I freeze as he kisses me deeply, not the soft kisses from him I was always accustomed to. He kisses me like he needs it as much as the air he breathes, like he might die of thirst without a taste of my lips. It’s a kiss that says hello and a kiss that says goodbye, a kiss that covers every moment in between … a kiss that brings tears to my eyes.

It’s the kind of kiss you give someone when you need it to last a lifetime.

It’s over quick, just as the door to the apartment behind him opens. He shoves me hard, making me stumble across the fire escape. “Go!”

I don’t want to go.

I don’t.

But I know he’s giving me a chance to escape, and that’s not something I can waste. Turning, I bolt down the steps, only making it a few floors before chaos erupts. Looking down, I watch as cars swarm the neighborhood, vibrant lights filling the afternoon sky like they had done a year ago outside of my school. I’m frozen, my eyes trailing the turmoil, as SWAT teams descend upon the building.

It’s only a minute—maybe less, I don’t know—before a loud bang rocks the neighborhood, so violent it shakes the fire escape. I grip onto the railing, my stomach sinking, as my gaze darts up toward the fifth floor. Through the open window I hear the shouting, the succession of bangs that sound like gunshots. My heart is in my throat and my knees are weak, nearly giving out on me.

Anarchy lights up the apartment, rivaling what I feel deep down in my soul. I scream at the top of my lungs, scream for Cody. Frantic, I try to run back up the steps, everything falling into a haze, when the fire escape rattles around me, arms encircling my waist.

For a moment, I think they’re his.

I think somehow he made it down here.

Somehow he’s here.

But the arms aren’t right, they’re too heavy, and the smell is so different, like too-strong mint. A familiar voice tries to soothe me, the only voice who spoke to me for almost a year.

“Calm down, Gracie,” Holden says. “You’re okay.”

“Cody!” I scream, trying to fight my way out of his grip, but I can’t. He hauls me off the fire escape like I’m made of nothing, pushing me into the back of an unmarked van idling along the curb. It happens in a matter of seconds, faster than the first time I was whisked away, but this time there’s more fight in me.

Maybe I’m stronger than I thought.

“Stop the car,” I scream, tears streaking my cheeks as I lash out, trying to open the doors as the van speeds away from the apartment building. I’m trapped, but I’m not going to surrender … not after what just happened. I ball my hands into fists and strike out at Holden, screaming at him. “We have to go back! We have to go back for Cody!”

Holden blocks my punches, waving off the concerned looks from the driver of the van. I consider unleashing my rage on him, jumping into the front seat and making him turn the goddamn vehicle around, when Holden snatches me by the arms, restraining me. “Calm down.”