Snowscape Trilogy (4 page)

I snapped myself out of my melancholy
pondering and decided to go to sleep. Perhaps the answers would be
waiting for me there. I laughed to myself. I had always thought I
could be a little unhinged because of my strange dreams and now I
was looking to them for answers. Perhaps this was the beginning of
the end towards the complete mental breakdown I always had imagined
myself hurdling? Well, I was never afraid of a challenge and I
could either check myself in to a psych ward or walk towards the
oncoming storm I felt brewing. Worry was an emotion I did not let
myself mull over. Things happened or they didn’t and educated
choices were usually better than fickle guesses.

I went inside and decided to make myself a
quick snack of leftover Chinese food. As I waited for the microwave
to finish its business, my thoughts meandered to my parents.
Growing up as an orphan I had experienced all of the emotions that
come with it. Anger, questioning, and denial permeated my existence
for years. I had even had the normal fantasy of them being alive
and off fighting a magical war in a faraway land. Of course I was a
princess and when they won their battles they would come back and
claim me and I would rule the kingdom with them. Every orphan has
these fantasies. Orphans think that their parents are special. That
parents will come back. Of course I could only assume not every
orphan had a stranger show up nightly in his or her dreams. My aunt
Evelyn seemed normal enough and although she wasn’t overly
affectionate she spoke kind things about her sister. Nothing out of
the ordinary though. Nothing to make me think I was insane or
peculiar.

But he had always been there. From the first
memory I had. After realizing as a child that not everyone dreamt
of the same person every night I figured out quickly that my dreams
were special.

The microwave ding brought me out of my
fruitless musings. After putting my empty dish in the sink I went
to bed thinking maybe I wasn’t as crazy as I had always thought I
was. Maybe my life really was something a little different than the
rest.

Chapter 5

I was in a forest. I absolutely loved the
woods. It was the kind of solitude I enjoyed and escaped to as much
as possibly growing up. I didn’t remember this path that I was on
from any in my childhood, but I often dreamt of places I had never
been.

It was a cool, crisp autumn afternoon and the
wind was rolling high off of the nearby mountains. I closed my eyes
and breathed it all in. I could smell every subtle scent the trees
were giving off and I relished in it. My dreams had always allowed
me a heightened sense of my surroundings and I never felt the
self-consciousness that the real world afforded me. My dreams were
always my realms to play with. Deciding to give myself a challenge
that I knew he would be called to, I kept my eyes close and
continued walking down the path.

As always I felt him arrive before seeing
him. My eyes were still closed and I could feel his warmth like a
contrast against the cool breeze hitting my temples. I suddenly had
goose bumps running up and down my arms, but I couldn’t tell which
had caused them. My guess would probably be the former. I opened my
eyes and turned around to find him standing very closely behind
me.

He kept his head down and his cowl low so I
couldn’t see his face, but I moved closer to him, trying to pick up
his heat, his smell, anything to make me feel closer to him. I
smelled a hint of lilac and spice and suddenly I realized that he
had finally won our game. He had moved me closer to him. He had
drawn me in to him. Abruptly I regained my composure and my
self-control and stepped back away from him. I could feel his
amusement again and my cheeks flushed in embarrassment. I didn’t
take lightly to defeat and damn him for playing on my melancholy
mood.

I turned to walk away, but I could still feel
him behind me. I stopped. “If you aren’t going to give me answers
than leave me alone. I’m not playing this game with you any
longer.”

He stopped following for a moment as I walked
away.

Suddenly the breath was pushed out of my
lungs as I was thrown face first against a tree. He had my arms
pinned over my head, holding both wrists in one of his hands as his
other arm reached around my waist and held me pressed close to him.
I briefly tried to struggle, my face gently scratching against the
bark. I knew it was of no use and I could feel his hand tightening
around my waist, keeping me still and at his whim. I relished in
the fact that he was all over me and I could feel my insides
tighten in desire as the feel of him breathing on the back of my
neck aroused vast amounts of inner desire. I could feel my hair
fall across his face as he pressed in closer, kissing me on the
neck with passionate little swirls of his tongue. His mouth moved
up the back of my shoulders, to the side and up my cheek so I could
hear his frustrated moans directly pouring into the edge of my ear
as my own desires pulsed through my veins.

The hand around my waist found itself slowly
moving down into the front of my body, making me moan and push
against him more. He held me still with his body weight and my
wrist and his other hand slowly circled and explored every inch of
me. I thought I might explode with need. I looked up and now saw
stars as he kissed behind my ear and inched his way with tender
kisses across my collarbone. Night had fallen.

He suddenly let go of my wrist and I fell
into his lap on the forest floor. He cradled me from behind careful
not to let me see his face. I sat like that for a while content in
the new experience we just shared until I heard a rustle from the
corner of my mind, far away. He was immediately at high alert and I
could feel his entire body tense up against me back. His hand went
to my chin and gently cupped it, tilting it towards me until I
thought he was going to kiss me. Instead he tilted it back,
bringing me close so his mouth touched my ear in a quick movement.
He gently kissed my ear and said, “You taste like clovers”.

I suddenly woke up.

Covered in sweat, I threw
off my comforter, but didn’t move from the sweat soaked sheets I
laid in. My face, I could tell, was flush and I wiped my hair back
from my face as I tried to catch my ragged breath. Looking up to
the battered white ceiling I let myself drift off in emotion and
simply ponder what had just occurred. Something had clearly
changed. He had always been there, watching, occasionally
struggling with me against my will, this contact, and these
touches. This was brand new territory and I was frightened of them.
Part of me had never wanted to deal with this part of my
subconscious mind and the reasoning behind these dreams, but last
night…. I knew what I had felt
had
been
real. I could still smell the lilac
and spice. I could still feel his hands on me. His soft robes
folding in around me. I was confused, nervous, but also excited. I
felt wanted and loved, needed even. But still without
answers.

I took a deep soulful breath and let the air
seep out of me slowly. I was in the real world again and here my
emotional upheaval was not going anywhere so I swung my legs out of
bed and headed for the coffee pot.

Two hours later I was standing behind my
register talking with my co-worker across the aisle. Friday
afternoons tended to be a slow day for those of us in the
supermarket industry. Stay at home moms, did all of their shopping
during the week, and family’s came on weekends. Asides from the
occasional bachelor who decided to call in sick, and those
unemployed Joe’s who had nothing better to do but buy single serve
beer, my line stayed pretty empty for most of the afternoon. My day
flew by pretty quickly with snippets of chatting to Jennifer and
occasional texts from Alistair all day. He ended up going to Ted’s
last night after the club and had texted me promptly at 11:45 am to
make sure I had made it home safely. Alistair didn’t believe in
using the phone before noon, mainly because he never woke up before
noon. The extra fifteen minutes really showed how much he cared
about me.

He and Ted were going to a movie that night
and had asked me to join. Not wanting to be the third wheel yet
again I declined and settled my resolve to spend another wonderful
evening with my good buddy and purveyor of liquor, Eric. I was just
finishing a text to Alistair letting him know I would be at Blake’s
tonight if he wanted to join after the movie when I heard a gruff,
clearing of someone’s throat in front of me. Pressing ‘send’ I
quickly looked up, “Sorry….” I trailed off because standing in
front of me was my angelic beauty from the day before.

He was still wearing the dark red button down
I had seen him in the club last night but today is was open all of
the way so I could see the soft contours of his chest peeking out
through a standard white all American T-shirt. He still had on his
grey tinted glasses perched on the crook of his nose and he used
the back of his knuckle to push them up against his face slightly
as he stood appraising our current situation. He was wearing black
slacks that hugged his perfect six-foot frame and I had no doubt
that he wore designer shoes to complete the perfect outfit. Self
consciously I thanked the lord that I had worn a more flattering
white button down and tight grey jeans before coming to work today
so that under my regulation Safeway smock, I at least appeared more
put together than most days. I had even spent 10 minutes brushing
my hair before settling on a headband instead of my usual lazy up
do.

I stood there for a solid
moment, completely taken aback by the situation and his beauty
before I realized that I
was
at work and I should probably do my job. I glanced
down the conveyor and didn’t see any groceries. I tilted my head
slightly and gave him a questioning look.

He took a pack of gum off of the register
display and put it down on the scanner. He gave me a small smirk
and said, “Are you having a good day….Amy?” My name he hesitated on
and looked carefully at my nametag with its bold label marker
affirmation of the name Amy.

“Yes,” I said shyly as I scanned him gum and
handed it back to him. He grabbed my wrist and frowned. I looked
down and for the first time, I noticed a slight bruising on my
wrist that vaguely resembled finger marks. I looked down to my
other wrist and sure enough there was one on that side as well. A
burst of emotions came crashing down on me; among the strongest was
incredulousness and embarrassment. I knew exactly where the marks
had come from and looking up into his black-rimmed eyes, the
realization came upon me that he did as well. I dropped the chewing
gum on the counter and hid my wrists in a useless attempt to make
the marks go away.

His eyes seethed behind his tinted glasses as
he threw down two dollars, grabbed the pack of gum and walked out
of the store without a second glance back. My heart beat
dramatically in my chest for the next few hours of my shift and I
tried to focus on my job in order to cram all of the fear and
confusion into the back of my head. It didn’t work very well, and
by 8:00 I practically threw off my uniform and ran outside to my
car.

I sped to Blake’s where Eric was waiting for
me with my usual two shots and a beer.

Chapter 6

I downed the shots in about five seconds and
took my beer to my usual corner table, ready to set up shop and
drown my sorrows in liquor and self-pity for the night. What the
fuck was going on? Friday nights were understandably busier at the
bar, but one of the best things about this old Irish pub was that
it never became over crowded. I couldn’t take too many people. Not
today. Today I needed, liquor, alone time and classic rock. When I
walked in, Eric saw the look on my face and knew to stay clear. We
had a pretty cordial relationship that we both respected. When and
if either one of us wanted to talk, we could, but for the most
part, he poured, I drank and we were content with that. We had gone
on one disastrous date out of desperation and we both agreed to
never speak of it again. We were absolutely not compatible, but I
did consider him a close acquaintance or even a friend.

From the vantage point of my side table I
looked over to him chatting with a demure red head that was here
when I had arrived. She was exactly the type of girl Eric needed.
The type of girl Eric dreamed about. She was smart, funny, pretty,
but not too beautiful and was vegan. An anthropology major who
enjoyed freestyle Jazz and who volunteered at the local ASPCA. All
of these thoughts flirted through my head and I realized that this
was never a conversation I had had with Eric. I didn’t know his
type besides someone not like me and I didn’t know who this girl
was. Why would I suddenly have a clear understanding of what he
would want in a relationship? One failed date to the movies and
eight months of steady bartending had probably given me these
ideas.

My brain began to hurt at this most recent
development and I had no choice but to chalk this up to yet another
thing about my life that made no sense. I was happy for Eric and
his newfound love, nonetheless. Deciding the best thing at this
crossroads was to keep drinking, I added a cigarette to the
equations and I immediately felt much better. 

Just as healthy drunken fuzz started covering
over my thoughts I realized I was not alone at my table. Violet had
walked up and pulled the chair out from the adjoining table,
quickly sitting down backward on it; straddling her legs around the
metal bars. She was wearing more down to earth clothing than she
had the previous night; a pair of faded jeans and a simple pink
sweater. Her makeup was not toned down and her hair was its usual
perfection, but my curiosity had eliminated any animosity I had for
her and her perfect life. I had questions and this girl clearly had
some answers.