Social Skills (25 page)

“Morning.”
Jared rolled over, yawning. “You smell nice.”

“That’s
’cause I showered. You could take one, if you want.”

Jared
turned away again. “Subtle. Real subtle.”

“Well
aren’t you going to get ready?”

“No.”
Jared muffled his reply in the pillow.

Connor
kept stroking his hair. “Jared, listen. As much as I like having you in my bed…you
can’t live here forever. You need to get up and go to class.”

“I
don’t know,” Jared mumbled into the sheets. “I don’t know if I can.”

“Of
course you can.” The encouragement sounded false to Connor’s ears. Did
he
even believe it?

“I’m
serious.” Jared flipped back around. “I don’t know how to do this. My friends
aren’t like yours. You saw how Ben reacted…they’re not going to accept me. And
I don’t know how to be a friendless loser.”

“I
can give you lessons, if it comes to that,” Connor suggested, which earned him
a dour roll of the eyes. “But I don’t really think it will.”

“Sure,
and you know that how?”

“I
know that because I know you.”

Jared
puffed out an angry breath, then shifted to latch on to Connor’s shorts, a mischievous
quirk of his lips suggesting he might be changing tactics. “Let’s stay in today.
We could watch a bunch of movies, order delivery—”

“Jared…”

“What?
We have a lot of missed time to make up for.” He cringed. “That is, I mean, if
you and I…I didn’t mean to assume…but…are we?”

Connor
rubbed his forehead and gave a one-shouldered shrug. “I don’t know. We probably
need to talk about it some more.”

Jared’s
eyes drifted closed, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down a few times.

Oh, God.
Connor stared at the quivering skin of Jared’s neck, and his very poorly constructed
walls of resistance crumbled. Who was he trying to fool? He didn’t want to lose
Jared now.

He leaned
forward to peck Jared’s lips. “Maybe…maybe we could call it a trial period or
something? See how things go from here?”

“Yeah?”
Jared’s eyes flew back open. “Then why don’t we curl up here—”

“I
meant what I said before.” Connor put up a hand to stop him. “You’re not
staying locked up in my room today. Trust me, it won’t help anything. Get up
and shower, and then we’re going to class. You have astronomy first, right? I
can walk with you—it’s on my way.”

“But…”
Jared glanced around the room as if he hoped to find an excuse somewhere on the
barren walls. “But I don’t have any clothes to wear.”

“You
can borrow some of mine.”

Now Jared
shot him a look of utter disdain.

“What’s
wrong with that?”

“Borrow
some of yours? I mean, I know people have heard I’m gay, but that doesn’t mean
I’m ready to parade around in teeny tiny clothes.”

Connor
scowled and grabbed his bathroom caddy. “I’ll have something that’ll fit you,”
he grumbled, thrusting the caddy in Jared’s face. “Now go shower.”

Jared
ended up wearing his own jeans and one of Connor’s t-shirts, which was a much
tighter fit on his broader and taller frame. He tugged at the hem as they
walked down McCormick Road, muttering about how he wasn’t gay enough to want to
show his midriff to people.

Their
pace slowed as they reached the astronomy building.

“Do
you have friends in this class?” Connor prodded gently, trying to distract
Jared from his paranoid glances at the crowds around them.

“I
have friends in all my classes,” Jared retorted. “Or, had.”

Connor
ignored the revision. “Well just sit with them and act like everything is fine.
Weren’t you the one who told me you should be assertive even if you’re not
really sure of yourself?”

“That
was different, Connor. That was…before.”

Connor
held his hands at his side to keep from actually giving Jared a push. “Just go
sit with your friends. Maybe they haven’t heard, or maybe they have and they
don’t care. You won’t know until you try.”

Jared
took a few steps forward and then stalled out. “When are your classes over
again?”

“I’ll
be done at two-thirty in New Cabell.”

“Okay.”
He sighed. “I’ll meet you there.”

Connor
watched him take off for the lecture hall, guilt moving in now that the
immediate issue had been resolved. Was he doing the right thing, asking this of
Jared? After all, if the roles had been reversed—if he’d been the one
outed against his will—he wouldn’t have been able to face the world so
readily. But Jared…Jared should be able to handle it. He could handle anything.
He was
Jared
.

Right?

Connor
followed him inside, trailing a few feet behind where he wouldn’t be spotted. Jared
walked all the way down from the back of the hall and took a seat in the first
row, dead center.

Somehow
it didn’t seem likely that was where Jared—and his friends—usually
sat. But there was nothing else Connor could do for him now, and he was forced
to make his retreat.

Chapter Twenty-three

A chorus
of
maybes
overwhelmed Connor’s mind,
leaving no space for the lilting voice of his politics professor. Maybe he’d
pushed Jared too much. Maybe Jared had a legitimate reason for avoiding his
friends. They probably weren’t like Rebecca and the rest of her accepting
crowd. Maybe everyone else would react like Ben. Maybe they’d scowl and sneer and
point and laugh.

How
much disdain could Jared take before his nervousness turned into resentment?

To
make things more confusing, little grace notes of glee kept worming their way
in between the darker thoughts. They carried with them fantasies of being a
real couple—holdings hands, going on dates, perhaps one day kissing in
public, without fear. But all that was probably a long way off—if it was
even possible—and it wasn’t right to be making plans when Jared was
clearly so…
lost
.

None
of Connor’s fears were alleviated when he left class and found Jared sitting
against the wall, his head in his hands.

“Jared?”

“Hey.”
He jumped up. “Ready?”

“How…how
did it go?”

“Don’t
want to talk about it.”

“But…did
you see any of your friends? Did they say anything?”

“Yeah,
I saw them. I saw them fucking whispering and giggling. Now can we please go?”

Jared
took off, and Connor hurried to catch up. He squinted as a thought struck him. “You
don’t think maybe you’re giving them more to whisper about by not talking to
them?”

“You
really gonna lecture me right now?” Jared shot back.

“No,
I didn’t mean…I just…never mind.” This obviously wasn’t the right time—though
there was a chance he’d just given
himself
a marvelous piece of advice.

“Good.
Then let’s go back to your dorm.”

Back
to the dorm?
Connor stopped walking.
“Wait, Jared…this…this is when I eat lunch.”

“Fine.
Let’s grab some food and go.”

“In
the dining hall,” Connor specified. “With my friends.”

“What?”
Jared frowned. “Can’t we just grab something quick at the Pavilion?”

Connor
hesitated as Jared blinked on hopefully. Eating alone would mean they could
talk more openly—that is, if he could get Jared to talk—and it
would be the only way they could be
close
.
Hands holding, skin touching, lips grazing…

But
there was much bigger picture at stake than a few moments of cuddling.

“I
never see Ben or Veronica or any of your friends at this hour, so I don’t think
you have to worry about a confrontation. But I’m going to eat lunch with my
friends…and I’d really like it if you’d come with me.”

Jared
tried to stare him down, but he stubbornly held his ground. He could use a
little normalcy back in his life.

“Fine.
Let’s get this over with.”

Jared
was all slumped shoulders and downcast eyes as they grabbed burgers and headed
to the table. It wasn’t like him. Jared didn’t mouse around from one place to
the next—he
strode
. Even
knowing the cause, the change unnerved Connor.

“So
who exactly is coming?” Jared asked, sticking several fries in his mouth as he
spoke. That wasn’t like him, either. Right now he seemed to be in a race to
finish his food.

“Same
people I ate with last semester. They’re really cool, I promise. They’re all
fine with me.”

Jared
grunted in response and took a large bite of hamburger.

Tate,
A.J., and Rebecca joined them a little while later—the boys with their
usual pile of junk food, and Rebecca with her greens and soy products.

“Hey,
Connor brought a newcomer,” A.J. announced.

Rebecca
blinked rapidly, as if to clear her vision, then began trying to make eye
contact with Connor.

He
avoided it. It wasn’t like he’d be able to answer her mounting questions with a
look.

Jared
gave a brief nod but barely glanced up from the burger he was steadily
consuming.

“Oh,”
Tate said, eyes alighting with recognition. “You’re the football player Connor
was tutoring, right?”

“Jared,”
Connor supplied.

Jared
swung around abruptly to face him. “They don’t know?”

“Um,”
Connor mumbled, and as he spoke all the other faces at the table also turned to
stare at him in confusion. “No.”

Jared
set down his burger. “People I’ve never seen before in my life probably know
about me by now, and your friends don’t?”

Connor’s
cheeks heated as the conversation continued in full view of his bewildered
friends. “It’s okay, Jared.”

“Is
it?” Jared locked him in a steady gaze. “Really?” Then he looked over at
Tate, a more characteristic glint of confidence peeking out from under the
layers of nervousness. “I’m…I’m with Connor.”

As
vague as the statement was, Connor was pretty sure everyone understood. Only his
shock kept him from letting out a joyful cry.

“Cool,
man,” Tate replied without batting an eyelash, and Connor had to rein in
another spurt of emotion. He’d never been so fond of Tate as he was just then.

Rebecca
was less smooth. Her eyes flew open and her jaw dropped, but luckily Jared had
returned to sullenly eating his food by then.

“I’m
going to get some more water.” She downed the remainder of her cup and shot
Connor a piercing look that obviously said,
come with me right this instant.
“Anyone else need a refill?”

Glancing
at his emptied coke, Connor relented. “Yeah, sure. I’ll come with.”

Jared
raised an eyebrow at him. He didn’t have to speak to make it clear he didn’t
want to be left there alone for long.

Connor
gave him a quick smile. “Be right back.”

Rebecca
pulled him away from the path to the soda machine before they even got near
it. “All right, what on earth is going on? Yesterday you said ‘nothing,’
but
this
is definitely not nothing.”

He took
a deep breath so he could get it all out at once. “Jared broke things off for
good with his ex, and I was there afterwards…and she must have seen us. She
outed him to everyone.”

“Oh
my God.” Rebecca whistled softly. “What a bitch. How is he taking it?”

“I’m
not sure. I always thought he would hate me if this happened, but he doesn’t
seem to. At least, not yet.”

“You
think he’ll change his mind?”

“I
don’t know. He’s not really acting like himself. He’s usually so confident
about everything he does…he makes it look effortless. But right now it seems
like…like he’s…
afraid
.”

Rebecca
twisted her hair around her wrist as she nodded. “Give him some time. That
little announcement was probably a good sign, though…and I take it that means
you guys are back together.”

“Yeah.
I guess.”

“Well,
is that what you want?”

“I…I
want to be with him, but I’m just scared about how he’s gonna handle all this. Do
you think I’m doing the right thing?”

She
sighed and unraveled her hair, leaving it in a loose swirl. “I wish I knew what
to tell you. You should always look out for yourself first…but he probably does
need you right now. I bet he’s freaked out that his control has been taken
away—and he has a right to be. No one should have made that decision for
him.”

“It’s
my fault she saw us together.”

“It
is
not
your fault she’s a bitch. And blaming yourself won’t help
anything, anyways. You’re the one with experience being out—maybe you
should just help walk him through it as much as you can.” She gave his shoulder
an encouraging squeeze.

Connor
rolled his eyes. “Yeah. Like I’m so experienced.”

“I bet
you have more to offer him than you realize. He needs your support.”

“So
you’re on his side now?” Connor let out a low chuckle. “Don’t hate him anymore?”

“I
never hated him, Connor. I was just trying to look out for you. If you love the
guy, then I will too.”

“No
one said anything about love,” he responded quickly. But his chest tightened
and a stomach flip turned into full-on somersaults the second he saw Jared
approaching.

“Hey,
if you’re done, you wanna get going?” Jared murmured, close to his ear.

“Oh,
uh…” Connor turned back to Rebecca. She tipped her head and smiled. “Yeah,
sure.”

Jared
gave Rebecca a polite nod and started to walk out.

Connor
scrambled after him. “You okay?”

“Sure,”
Jared grunted. “Why wouldn’t I be.”

“I
just wanted to make sure you were okay with…with what you said. With telling
all of them. And I wanted to—” He cut himself off as a group of laughing
girls passed by. “I wanted to thank you.”

Jared
shrugged. “They woulda found out anyway. What’s the point of keeping it secret
anymore?”

Connor’s
stomach completed another acrobatic feat, but this time it wasn’t with that
warm
possibly love
feeling from
before. Maybe Jared was only with him now because of
what-was-the-point
. Because he’d been outed and he couldn’t have
the life he’d really wanted.

“Oh.
Right. Well…uh, where’re you headed now?”

“I
dunno.” Jared stopped walking to kick at a black scuff on his shoes. “I don’t
think…I don’t think I can go back to my dorm right now. Ben’s…Ben’s…he’s…”

“All
right,” Connor interrupted, for his sake as well as Jared’s.
Insecure Jared
was like a chord with an
out of tune note—grating on his already-frayed nerves. “You can stay with
me tonight. But maybe we could stop by and get some of your things.”

Jared
released a sigh. “We should go now. Ben’ll still be in class.”

***

The
redhead was sitting out in the suite when they entered. He looked over at them,
one nostril creeping up as if he’d smelled something bad. Then he gathered his
belongings and stalked back to his room.

“Stupid
fucking ginger,” Jared muttered under his breath. He stomped down the hallway
and jammed his keys into his door. Two steps inside, another stream of curses
left his lips when he tripped over a pair of shoes that had been left lying in
the middle of the room.

“God
damn slob.” He grabbed a duffle bag from the closet and began angrily stuffing
clothes into it, the veins on his neck bulging.

Connor
inhaled deeply, working to suppress the queasiness caused by the open contempt.
It didn’t really take too long to conquer, mostly because it seemed like Jared
needed comfort more than he did. “Don’t let that guy get to you. He’s like half
your size.”

Jared
huffed and ripped a shirt off its hanger. The poor piece of metal bent nearly
in half and clattered to the floor.

“You
know you could take him in a second if you wanted to,” Connor added, then tried
for a smile.

Jared
paused with a pair of boxers in his hand. “So then what do
you
do when
people look at you like that?”

Though
that was probably a dig at his size, Connor let it slide. “I…I guess I was
already sorta used to people looking at me like I’m strange.”

“So
you’re telling me it doesn’t bother you at all?”

“I
didn’t say that. Of course it makes me uncomfortable…but I’m pretty used to
that feeling, too.”

Jared
returned to his careless packing. “Well I’m not.”

There
didn’t seem to be much hope of calming him down, so Connor sat in the desk
chair to watch. He crossed his fingers and hid them under his thigh.
Please, let’s just get this done
. Simple
pack-and-go—no more confrontations. Maybe he wasn’t as attached to the
safety of his dorm as he’d once been, but right now they could probably both
use a little peace and quiet.

The door
swung open anyway, and Connor’s teeth snapped shut on his tongue. Blood seeped
into his saliva as he remained frozen at Jared’s desk, one hand clutching his kneecap
and the other smashed under his leg.

Jared
turned on Veronica with a steely glare. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

“I’m
here to visit my boyfriend,” she responded, squinting around like she wasn’t
quite sure where she was. Dark circles nearly swallowed her haggard eyes,
and greasy unwashed hair hung limply to her shoulders. She lifted one stick-thin
arm to push a few strands off her forehead.

“Jesus
Christ, Ronnie, are you insane?” Jared threw his duffel bag on the floor, where
the clothes spilled out in a tangled mess. “We’re not together! Even if you
weren’t a fucking lunatic, I’d never want to be with you. I can’t believe you’d
even show your face in here after what you did!”

“What
I did?” Veronica stepped closer to him. “What do you mean? I just want us to be
happy.”