Social Skills (21 page)

He
stopped mid-sentence, his smile demolished by a crowd of passing students—because
Jared’s tall form was among them. Connor’s heart fluttered from sheer habit,
then plummeted into his stomach when he caught sight of an unkempt Veronica
trailing a few feet behind.

As
if he knew he was being watched, Jared suddenly looked up, and their eyes
locked.

His
gaze seemed almost…
vacant
. After a flicker of only the most basic
level of recognition, he looked away again.

Connor
had to stop walking, and he clutched at his chest to dull the gnawing emptiness
inside. How could there be
nothing
left in those familiar eyes that
spoke of what they’d shared?

Rebecca
grabbed him by both shoulders. “It’s his loss, Connor. His loss.”

He
swallowed and nodded, but couldn’t keep from watching Jared as he disappeared
from sight.

***

The
director clapped his hands for attention and addressed the room for the final
time that evening. “Call time for actors is six o’clock, pit and crew
six-thirty…and my final note is for everyone to get a good night’s sleep!”

Ray’s
hand dropped onto the small of Connor’s back as he stood. He managed not to
jerk away this time, since it was about the fifth time that day, and probably
the fifteenth time that week. He was slowly becoming accustomed to Ray’s
hands-on approach to life.

“Can’t
believe this is our last rehearsal,” Ray said, smiling broadly. Connor grinned
as well—the thrill of being this close to putting on the production was
contagious. “Just a few performances left and then we’ll probably never play
this music again.”

At
the reminder of the inevitable, Connor’s smile faltered. Having a lot more
spare time on his hands probably wasn’t for the best.

“Hey,
where do you always run off to after rehearsal?” Ray asked, removing his hand
so he could pack up his horn.

“Run
off? I don’t run off.”

“Sure
you do. It used to be worse—you used to pack up and split like a bat out
of hell. At least you hang around to talk to me a little now.”

Connor
turned away to place his violin in his case, hiding his blush. “I go to read or
study, mostly.”

“To
study?” Ray’s eyes brightened. “Perfect. Max and Kaden and I are meeting up at
the Treehouse tonight for a mini study session. You should come.”

“Uh…”
Connor loosened his bow. “I usually go to Alderman library to study.”

“Alderman?
Why go all the way over there?”

“Because
it’s closer to Brown. That’s where Rebecca and all the rest of my friends
study, so…”

“Huh.”
Ray came around to stand in front of him. “I bet you they’d give you a night
off, though.”

Connor
gathered his music. “Yeah…but I should let them know first, I guess.”

Ray’s
hand was back to its touching, this time along Connor’s forearm. “Okay, so call
’em and let ’em know. We’ll meet in like half an hour, okay? See ya then!” He
gave Connor’s arm a little squeeze before departing.

Not
sure whether to be flattered or wary of Ray’s insistence, Connor obediently
pulled out his cell phone to text Rebecca.

Ray
wants me to go study with him and his friends.

A
few seconds later he received her response:
Then you’d best get your butt
over there and have a good time.

Kaden’s
blue hair was easy to spot in a crowd. He and Max were seated next to each
other at a booth, with Ray directly across from them, craning his neck toward
the front door.

“Hey,
Connor! Here we are!” Ray called out unnecessarily, waving his hands. “Did you
bring your books?”

Connor
made his way over and took a seat. “Yeah, I have a few chapters of anthro to
read tonight.”

“Cool.
So, the rule is, we work for at least five minutes straight before we’re
allowed to talk.”

“Oh…okay.”
Connor nodded slowly. He’d never had rules for a study session before. “And how
long are we allowed to talk for?”

“No
limit on the talking.” Kaden chuckled. “The first rule just ensures that we get
at least five minutes of work done before we start fooling around.”

“Fooling
around,” Max repeated wistfully. “That’s what I’d rather be doing right now,
instead of reading this chemistry text.”

“That
can be arranged,” Kaden said, and a second later Max let out a yelp, jumping
around in his seat.

“Hands
to yourselves, boys. We’re in public,” Ray admonished.

Kaden
put up both arms innocently. “I am the very model of propriety.”

“Sure
you are.” Max snatched one of Kaden’s hands and held it in his lap. “I’ll get
you for that later, just you wait.”

Heat
rose in Connor’s cheeks. Something about seeing Max and Kaden act like…like
such a
couple
made him uncomfortable. Was it jealousy, or some buried
issue regarding self-acceptance? He wasn’t sure.

“Promise
me you won’t let the boys scare you off.” Ray gave his leg a gentle pat. “I’ll
keep ’em in line.”

Connor
shook his head as Ray’s warm smile dragged him from his thoughts. “I won’t.”

They
got in about fifteen minutes of studying before Max started nipping at Kaden’s
ear, and Ray ordered them to get a room. That led to a discussion about what
their rooms had looked like at various stages of childhood, and after
transitioning into embarrassing confessions of boy-band crushes, they decided
to call it a night.

They
grabbed smoothies on their way out and took their time walking to the Alderman
first-year dorms. Connor naturally fell into step beside Ray while Max and
Kaden locked hands a few paces in front of them.

“Hope
it works out for them this time,” Ray said with a gentle shake of his head.

“This
time?” Connor took a long drink of his smoothie to avoid the stares Max and
Kaden received from at least a few passersby.

“Yeah,
they’re sort of on again, off again. You know how it goes. But I think they’re
a good couple, as long as they quit being stubborn long enough to see it.”

“Oh,”
Connor mumbled. “I didn’t expect that. They seem so happy together.”

“Yup.
But all relationships require work.”

Longing
tugged at a loose thread of Connor’s heart.
If only Jared could have…

“So,
Friday, after the play…I was thinking we should go out to celebrate,” Ray continued.

“Oh.”
Connor latched onto the distraction. “With Max and Kaden?”

“Actually,
I could kinda use a break from them. I was thinking just you and me. Thought
maybe we could grab some frozen yogurt at Arch’s.”

“Uh…yeah.
Okay.”

Ray grinned
coyly and finished off his smoothie. “Just so we’re completely clear on this, I’m
asking you out on a date.”

“Oh.”
Connor stopped walking, rapidly swallowing a lump of icy fruit, and a bout of
brain-freeze stabbed him right between the eyes.

A
date. A real date.
His
first
real
date. He tried to access his possible feelings for Ray, but all he could really
get at was raw excitement. Someone
wanted
him, and it felt so very,
very nice to be wanted.

A
gust of wind blew past, creating goose bumps on his bare arms. “Yeah.” He
smiled at the remainder of his smoothie. “I get it.”

“Cool,”
Ray said.

Max
and Kaden turned to wave goodbye as they headed up the path to their dorm, but
Ray hung back. “Guess I’ll see you tomorrow evening, then.”

“Yeah,
okay.”

Ray
took a step closer. “I’m glad we got to spend some time together.”

“Um,
me too,” Connor agreed quietly, and before he knew what was happening, cold
lips met his for an abrupt kiss.

“Goodnight,
Connor.”

With
one last flirtatious glance, Ray took off, leaving a stunned Connor in his
wake.

Chapter Nineteen

Strange, dear, but true, dear,

When I’m close to you, dear,

The stars fill the sky,

So in love with you am I

The
lyrics still hit Connor, setting off an ache in his heart, but the feeling was
not quite as piercing as it had once been. The adrenaline rush from performing
for a sold-out crowd insulated him, and the notes absorbed the emotion as he
played.

Ray
leaned in during the applause, his thumb resting on the back of Connor’s neck. “Nailed
it,” he whispered.

Ray’s
voice made him nervous. Not in a bad way, entirely, but not in a familiar way,
either. It didn’t create the same feeling Jared’s voice had—that odd
mixture of safety and comfort, touched with just a hint of danger at the same
time.

But
was he even supposed to feel the same way? Maybe those kinds of emotions could
only be experienced once.

Another
faint wave of sadness lapped against his consciousness, and he gave Ray a smile
before returning his eyes to the stage.

As
usual, Lilli and Fred tormented each other, verbally sparring in denial of
their love while revealing their true feelings through soliloquy and song. After
a series of comical turns, they finally capitulated to their undying romance,
and the audience broke into wild applause.

“I’m
gonna say hello to my friends,” Connor yelled to Ray over the ruckus created by
the final bows. The audience’s appreciation was more enthusiastic than he was
used to, adorned with whoops and whistles one didn’t often find in a classical
music hall.

Ray
nodded and turned to high-five another brass player, and Connor took off. He
darted through the advancing crowd, feeling sleeker in the all-black ensemble
than he ever had in his orchestra tux. Rebecca and Tate were only three rows
out, and they waved cheerfully as he approached.

Before
he could reach them, a wrinkled hand dropped down on his arm, forcing him to
stop.

“That
was just lovely, young man,” an unfamiliar woman said. “Absolutely lovely. You’re
a truly gifted violinist.”

He
struggled to make the appropriate eye contact. How had she recognized him? He’d
thought he was supposed to be unnoticeable in the pit, dressed in black and
shrouded in darkness…but it seemed people were noticing him more now, whether
he liked it or not.

“Oh,
uh, thanks.” His voice was weak, but at least it was something. She patted his
hand one last time before departing.

“Oh,
wow, Connor,” Rebecca said as she and Tate reached him. “The play was awesome!
I wish I’d joined now…maybe next session. Unless of course you don’t want me
hanging around you all the time.”

Connor
rolled his eyes, bumping fists with Tate in greeting. “I sorta liked being the
only violinist. Maybe you could take up viola?”

Rebecca
made a gagging noise, strangling her own throat.

“All
right then, Connor, awesome show.” Tate interrupted her antics with a laugh. “We’re
gonna get going now.”

“Right,
right!” Rebecca nodded, clasping her hands together. “We are gonna get going,
because you’re
busy
this evening.” She made no move to leave, though,
even as Tate threw his arm around her shoulder to lead her away. She just kept
staring at him with a big, goofy grin.

“Ahem.”
Tate yanked a little harder. “Leave the man to his business.”

She
still didn’t move, and Tate finally resorted to curling a hand around her waist
and pulling her out, comedy-routine style.

“Call
me!” she shouted as she disappeared through the door.

Shaking
his head with a soft chuckle, Connor returned to the makeshift pit. Most of the
other musicians had gone backstage by then, probably making plans to head to
one of the many after-parties thrown by cast and crew. Luckily for him, he had
a perfectly acceptable excuse for skipping out.

He’d
just rested his violin on the crushed velvet inside his case when the hairs on
the back of his neck stood on end. Footsteps had approached but not departed.
Someone was watching him, hovering only inches away.

“You
were really good tonight,” Jared said.

Connor
whirled around to face him.
Jared? Here? Now?

“I
liked that I could hear just you, you know? When I was at that concert…well, I
could see you, but I heard like fifty violins at once.”

Nodding
out of reflex, Connor went to secure the neck of his violin with its Velcro
strap. His hands trembled and it took a few attempts before he got it right.

Jared
shuffled his feet. “Um…so, I wanted to…”

Arms
enveloped Connor from behind and a chin came to rest on his shoulder. “Okay,
lone violinist, ready for our date? I stashed my horn under the stage, so we
can just drop off your violin and go.”

Jared’s
eyes widened as they shifted over to Ray’s face, and then his expression went
completely blank.

“Uh…”
Connor twisted toward Ray, who seemed to have no idea he’d interrupted anything.
“Yeah, j-just give me a minute, okay?”

But
when he turned back around, Jared was nowhere in sight.

“Yeah,
sure. Whaddaya need to do?”

Connor
fumbled with the zipper on his case. “Um…nothing. Never mind. Let’s go.”

He
followed Ray out into the warm night air, his mind spinning into overdrive.

Why
now?
Why had Jared picked this
night, of all nights, to show up? And what could he possibly have wanted?

Connor
didn’t speak as they approached his dorm, even when Ray threw a couple of odd
looks his way. He couldn’t think of anything to say, still trapped in the shock
of seeing Jared again.

“So…everything
went really well tonight, didn’t it?” Ray broke the silence.

Connor
glanced up and realized they’d reached his building. “Hey, wait here, okay? I’m
just gonna drop off my case.” He didn’t give Ray a chance to object before
sprinting away.

Grateful
for the time alone, he bolted into his room and tried to get himself back on
track. Jared probably wanted to give him some sort of lame “no hard
feelings” apology, which, he told himself firmly, he did
not
want to
hear. Ray was a great guy, and he was waiting downstairs, offering him a chance
at an honest-to-goodness, above-board
relationship
. He couldn’t afford
to look back right now.

Get
it together.

He slammed
the door to his room when he left. Too bad he couldn’t slam the door to his
past as easily.

“Hey,
I’m back,” he announced as he came upon Ray, a little breathless from running.

“Yes,
you are.” Ray looked relieved. “Off to Arch’s then?”

“Off
to Arch’s.”

***

“I
thought Jenny was totally gonna blow it when she missed that cue,” Ray said, scooting
a couple inches forward in line. The frozen yogurt spot was packed, as always. “But
she did a really good job recovering, don’t you think?”

“Jenny?”
Connor cast a few sidelong glances at the white tiled floor and at the tables
and booths that sprung up from it. No one he knew was there—just as he’d
expected, since he didn’t exactly know many people. “Which one was she again?”

“Seriously?
You never learned their real names? She plays Lois.”

“Oh.”
He shoved his hands into the pockets of his slacks. “Well the director was
always calling them by their part names, so that’s all I’ve ever known.”

“Didn’cha
ever talk to them offstage? Jenny’s a real darling.”

Connor
bit his tongue. No, of course he never talked to them offstage, and he couldn’t
really think of a clever reason to explain away his antisocial behavior. Jared’s
voice still echoed in his head.
Um, so…I wanted to…

“Earth
to Connor.” Ray waved a hand in front of his face.

He
blinked his way back into the conversation. “Oh, sorry. Didn’t mean to zone out
there. I think maybe the play wiped me out.”

Ray
grinned knowingly, tapping his fingers against the metal rail that bordered the
line. “First date, huh.”

The
words doused Connor with a cold shot of reality. He was on a
date.
“Is…is
it that obvious?”

“Sorta,
but don’t worry about it.” Ray chuckled. “I promise, no crazy public displays
of affection.”

Connor’s
eyes widened. He hadn’t thought about having to face
that
. “But um, non-crazy ones?”

“Well,
sure. Like, I might want to put my arm around your shoulder.”

Ray
did, and standing close like that, Connor could see he was only an inch or so
shorter than him.

“That
okay?”

“Um,
yeah.” He mustered a smile. “That’s fine.”

Ray
paid for both their selections and found them a small booth in the back. He had
to drop his arm from Connor’s shoulder to sit across from him, and Connor found
himself sighing in relief.

“So…”
Ray searched his face as they dug into their treats, openly studying him. “You
gotta tell me some more about yourself. You’re a quiet sort.”

“Yeah,
I guess,” Connor admitted. He stared back at Ray, because it somehow seemed
like it would be ruder to look away.

And
Ray was fairly nice to look at, with small but proportional features. But no
matter how hard he fought it, comparisons to Jared streamed through his mind—especially
since Jared’s dark and rugged looks were currently fresh in his memory.
Jared’s
so much taller. His hair is a nicer color. Maybe Ray shouldn’t bleach his ends
like that…

“Well,
I’m all ears now, so you’ll have to tell me something.”

Connor
scooped some vanilla yogurt mixed with Heath bars into his mouth. “There’s not
that much to tell. I have a sister, I’m from Manassas, I’m a violinist, which
you know…and my parents want me to go to law school.”

“Oh
yeah? I’ve been thinking about law. I’m an only child, though. My parents’
pride and joy.”

The
opportunity to turn the spotlight onto Ray was a welcome one. “So, do they care
that you’re…gay?” Connor whispered the last word, darting his eyes around to
make sure no one was near enough to hear.

Ray
shrugged and licked his spoon clean of chocolate soft-serve. “They’re adjusting.
Told ’em back during my junior year, so they’ve had a while to get used to it. Weren’t
too thrilled at first, but there’s not much they can do about it. I’m just
gonna prove to them that being gay won’t hold me back, and they’ll be forced to
accept me or wind up childless.”

Connor
frowned. “You say that so casually. Wouldn’t it bother you if your parents
turned their backs on you?”

“Of
course it would. But I know who I am, and I can’t change that for them.” Ray
pursed his lips. “Hey, this is getting sorta heavy for first-date talk. Let’s
get back on track.” He leaned in so he could rest his hand on Connor’s. “Can I
try a bite of yours?”

“Sure.”
Connor pushed his cup forward, but Ray bent over the top of the table and
sucked the frozen yogurt right off his spoon.

“Mm,
I love Heath bars.” Ray completed his swallow with a slow-motion licking of his
lips, and Connor laughed.

“What,
the seductive moves not doing it for you?” Ray feigned a hurt look. “Nah, man”—he
stopped to giggle—“I’m not that cheesy. Unless you want me to be.”

The
only thing Connor could do was blush. Flirtation skills were not in his
extremely limited social repertoire.

Ray
seemed to take that as a good sign, though, because he straightened up with a
satisfied smile. “You like it, just admit it.”

“Huh,
sure.” Connor forced a chuckle. “You can finish it all off, if you want.” He
lifted his spoon to offer another scoop, praying he sounded cute or coy and not
just plain ridiculous, like he felt.

“Maybe
we should save some of that for when we get back.” Ray winked, sending Connor
into panicked silence once again. Ray just wasn’t going to let him gain
the upper hand.

A
group of thin, sharply-dressed guys walked past the table, capturing Ray’s
attention. It was a relief to be off the hook for a moment—until two of
the boys stopped abruptly to give him a once-over with their eyes.

“Hi,
Ray,” they both said, seconds apart.

“Uh,
hey, guys.” Ray gave them a stiff tip of the head in greeting. “This is Connor.”

The
two interlopers nodded, returning to a visual appraisal of Connor that had him
twisting in his seat.

“Oh,
he’s cute,” one said, smirking, and they both left to rejoin their group.

Sure
he was near fire-engine red, Connor tried to cool off with several spoonfuls of
yogurt. “Friends of yours?” he asked after recovering.

“Sorta.”
Ray shrugged.