Social Skills (31 page)

Connor
wriggled into the center of the bed, hips lifting off the mattress in
anticipation.

But
Jared didn’t climb back on top of him. He stood beside the headboard, rolling
the lube and condom over in his hand. Then he stretched out his arm to offer
them to Connor.

“What?”
Connor sat up. “What…what’s this?”

Jared
huffed. “You know what it is.”

“Well,
yeah, but…but…you said…you said you’d never…you never wanted…”

Jared
sank onto the edge of the bed. “I know what I said. But I’ve had a lot of time
to think about things.”

“You…changed
your mind?”

“I
don’t know if you remember, but you told me once that if I loved something, I
should give it all I’ve got. That makes a lot of sense, you know? I guess…I
guess that’s what I’m trying to do. I don’t want to hold back from you anymore.”

Confusion
rapidly became giddiness, tinged with fear. “You, um…you love sex that much?”

“Shut
up.” Jared scooped him into his arms. “This…this is for some
one
I
love.” He bit his lip and looked away shyly. “You know, my whole life I’ve
tried to be in control…but maybe it might be nice to let someone else hold the
reins for a little while. Someone I trust.” He gently placed the contents of
his hand in Connor’s. “So how ’bout it? You wanna be in control tonight?”

Control
. Connor closed his eyes and ran his fingers over the
small, cold bottle of lube. His turn to be in control…and not just with the
sex. His life, his happiness—it was all in his hands now. Jared believed
in him…and maybe he even believed in himself.

Without
warning, a tear slid down his cheek.

Jared
wiped it away. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“I
don’t know.” Connor blinked out another tear as he laughed. “I don’t know. I’m
happy.”

“This
is you happy?”

“Yeah.”
He bent down to kiss Jared. “I’m happy. Very happy.”

“Now
who loves sex that much?”

“That’s
not why I….” Connor began, but then changed his mind. He could talk when he
needed to. Now was a better time for kissing.

Their
lips met again and the last traces of the emotional outburst vanished, soaked
up by Jared’s skin. “It just means a lot to me that you trust me like this.”

“Baby,”
Jared said, cupping his face, “there’s no one I trust more.”

Connor
scraped his fingertips along Jared’s jaw. His hand trembled a little, setting
it off in a zigzag pattern through the stubble and the softer skin of Jared’s
cheeks. But he ignored the nerves and focused on the texture—on the
little pricks of rough amid the smooth. “Yeah. Okay.” He scooted back so he
could kneel between Jared’s legs and opened the lube. “Then I’m ready, too.”

He
used only one finger at first, stopping when Jared’s face twitched. “Does it
hurt?”

“Quit
worrying. It’s okay.”

“I’m
not worried.” He slid in deeper to prove his point.

“Jesus!”
Jared exhaled sharply. “God you have long fingers.”

Connor
pressed again at the firm bit of flesh at his fingertip, and Jared shivered. A
responsive tremor ran through his body and he added a second finger. He gripped
Jared with his free hand and the gasp that left Jared’s lips sent an
extra-strong pulse through his own throbbing erection.

Jared
bucked against him, trying to force his touch. “Connor, I want you.”

It
was the first time Connor had ever had reason to wear a condom, and he tore
into it with a sudden rush of pride—even though he knew it wasn’t
really
that thin piece of plastic that
was making him feel like more of a man. He slipped it on and used the lube
to coat it, then spread Jared’s legs wider and angled himself for entry.

A
flash of discomfort crossed Jared’s face and Connor forced himself to stop with
only his tip buried inside. “You don’t like it. I mean, it’s okay—you can
tell me if you don’t like it.”

Jared
whimpered a little, but then licked his lips and smirked. “I wish you’d stop
talking so much.” He barked a short laugh. “Who knew I’d ever be saying that to
you?”

Connor
pushed in again to shut him up. “Fine. I won’t talk.”

Nervousness
settled into its rightful place—the background of his thoughts. It was
okay to be a little nervous, wasn’t it? And maybe things wouldn’t be fairy-tale
perfect the first time, but that was only natural. Of course, being in control
meant he shouldered more responsibility for handling the situation…but he was
okay with that.

He
pressed in slowly. As Jared had once done for him, he gripped him and stroked,
so that by the time he found himself fully surrounded, Jared was hot and hard and
slick in his hands.

Inside
Jared was
tight…
so tight Connor felt he barely had room to expand with
the swells of pleasure. He sank in a little deeper and Jared cried out. But the
cry was one of pleasure, and when Connor drew back and thrust once again, a low
moan joined the chorus of Jared’s gasping breaths.

Beautiful
sounds, all of them. And this time Connor got to be the conductor, driving in
and out, rocking their bodies to this newly discovered music. He moved his
hands up to Jared’s chest and clapped them against his tan skin, adding to the
percussion as they were swept into a furious crescendo. Cymbals crashing,
bodies shivering in
tremolo
, they
surrendered to a moment of mutual climax.

After
all the spasms had passed, Connor pulled out, using his last bit of energy to
tie off the condom before his body went limp. He draped himself across Jared
and met his lips, sighing into their kiss.

“I
think I could get used to that,” Jared whispered against him, the soft
accompanying chuckle tickling Connor’s mouth.

“Yeah…me
too.”

Exhausted,
Connor closed his eyes. He dozed off until a snore and a little jerk from Jared
awoke him.

Jared
yawned and blinked at him sheepishly. “I’m sticky. We should take a shower
together.”

Connor
peeled himself off Jared’s skin and grabbed a handful of tissues. “I’m not sure
how the resident advisor would take to us jumping into the dorm showers
together.”

“Hm.”
Jared propped his head up in his hand, watching as Connor cleaned him off. “I
know. But Ben and I are talking about moving off campus next year. Hopefully we’ll
get a two bedroom, two bath. Then we can shower together all we want.”

Planning for the future.
Another happy rush of emotion nearly burst free.
Connor tossed the tissues aside and lay on Jared’s chest to squeeze him into a
hug. “Sounds good.”

Jared
took a deep breath, making Connor’s head rise and fall a few inches. “You know”—he
ran his hand through Connor’s hair—“earlier…it was sorta the second time
I’ve said something…and you haven’t said anything back. Not that I’m counting
or anything.”

Connor
turned to stare up at him.
Second time he’d
said
…Oh. That.

“Nope.”
He kissed Jared’s chest. “Didn’t count. Doesn’t count when you’re drunk, and it
doesn’t count before, during or after sex.”

Jared
thrust out his lower lip in a mock pout. “I see. Well, fine. But I am gonna get
you, you know. Sometime when you least expect it…and you’ll have to say
something then.”

Connor
lay back down against Jared’s heart and placed a hand on his own chest to feel
the beat. Their hearts played together nicely—maybe not with the same
exact rhythm, but still to the same song.

“Yeah.”
He snuggled in close. “I’m okay with that.”

EPILOGUE

End of the Year Concert

The
crowd of chatting patrons pressed in around Connor, making it hard to maneuver
with his violin slung across his back and the bundle of roses in his hand.

Jared
reached him first and pulled him into a hug. “You were great!”

Connor
held on longer than he normally did in public, reluctant for the strength of
Jared’s arms to leave him.

“Hey.”
Jared’s grin dissolved as he drew back, his voice dropping to a whisper. “Are
you sure you don’t want me to come with you?”

Of
course I want you with me. I always want you with me.

But he
brushed aside the momentary weakness and shook his head. “I’m sure. I don’t
want to spring too much on them at once.”

“All
right, but you gotta promise to call me as soon as they leave. Or if you need
me at all, for any reason.”

“I
will.”

Jared
reached out and placed a hand on his chest, giving it a quick rub. “Okay. I’ll
see you later tonight, then.”

The
contact immediately soothed Connor’s fears, as it always did. And now there was
even the added pleasure at how much more confident Jared had grown with these
small public displays of affection—and how much more comfortable
he
was
when receiving them.

“Yeah,
see you later.”

Their
fingers brushed as Connor walked away, and he kept his eyes on Jared’s smile
for as long as he could.

Once
he’d lost sight of it, he squirmed in his tux jacket and loosened his bowtie, scanning
the crowd for Rebecca’s tall figure. She was easy enough to spot as she climbed
the stairs from the stage entrance with her violin in hand. Her normally
straight hair was done in loose, flowing curls—a rare styling for
her—but as usual she wore no makeup. Connor lifted his case to get her
attention, and she waved back with big, dramatic sweeps of her arm, as though
she were eager to reconnect with a lost friend instead of the stand partner she’d
been next to on stage for nearly an hour.

He
held up the flowers as she approached.

“For
me?” She laughed. “What for?”

“No
reason. I just thought you deserved them.”

“Oh,
you’re such a sweetheart. And where are your roses? None from Jared today?” She
gave his shoulder a little shake when he blushed.

Tate
appeared by her side, squinting at the bouquet. “Way to upstage me, dude.” He
swung a meager bunch of carnations in front of Connor’s face. “You’re lucky you’re
gay.”

Rebecca
took the carnations and added them to the roses with a gentle cluck. “Now, boys,”
she said, kissing each of them—Connor on the cheek and Tate on the lips, “there’s
enough of me to go around.”

The crowd
nearest to them abruptly parted to a boisterous, “Excuse me!” and Connor’s
mother made her way through, followed by his father and sister.

“Hey,
Mom!” He gave her a brief hug. Her jaw slackened and Melissa did a near
double-take—it wasn’t everyday Connor greeted her like that. “These are
my friends, Rebecca and Tate.”

His
mother recovered from her surprise and beamed. “Very nice to meet you. I’m Mrs.
Owens, and this is my husband and my daughter, Melissa.”

“Pleasure
meeting you, Mrs. Owens.” Rebecca shook her hand. “Connor’s a really good
friend, and a great musician.”

“Isn’t
he?” She settled her hand on Connor’s shoulder. “I’m practically tone deaf, but
I wanted to make sure my children didn’t suffer the same fate. I made sure to
enroll them in music classes as soon as they were walking.”

“Well,
it paid off,” Rebecca responded cheerily as Connor rolled his eyes, careful to
make sure his mother wouldn’t see.

“Mom,
I know you guys have a long drive, so if you wanted to stop by my dorm before
you leave we should probably get going.”

“Yes,
I need to drop off the casserole I baked you. Maybe you could invite your
friends over to have some when you eat it?”

“Sure,
Mom,” he answered quickly, anticipation and dread making him itch to get out of
the crowded hall. “Well, I’ll see ya tomorrow, guys.”

“It
was nice meeting you,” his mother added. “I’m so glad my Connor has finally
found some fr—”

“Mom!”
Melissa interrupted, blissfully in the nick of time. “Let’s go. I have piano
class early tomorrow and I have to get some sleep.”

“Oh,
all right.” She gave Melissa a reproachful glare. Those bad manners had surely
earned her a future reprimand.

Connor
waved goodbye and got one last half-encouraging, half-worried glance from
Rebecca as he escorted his family outside.

***

“It’s
a little dusty in here.” His mother ran her finger along his bookshelf and shook
off the gathered dirt in dismay. “You really should keep it more tidy.”

“Sorry,
Mom,” Connor said reflexively. His stomach was tying itself in knots and he was
sweating, but at least he hadn’t lost his ability to speak as of yet.

His
mother bent over to place her casserole dish in the mini-fridge,
tsking
at the expired carton of milk
inside. Melissa seated herself on his bed and began picking at the split ends
in her hair.

“Hm,
Connor.” The familiar rumble of his father’s throat-clearing filled the room. “I’ve
been talking to a colleague of mine, and I’ve arranged for you to have an
internship at his brother’s law firm for the month of July.”

“Oh.”
Connor let out a shaky breath. He hadn’t wanted to overwhelm his parents, but
there’d be no avoiding it now. “Actually…I’ve decided to stay here for the
summer…and I already have a job.”

“What?”
his mother interrupted. “You never told us that!”

“I
know…I’m sorry, I should have.”

“The
school year is practically over! Just when were you planning on sharing this?”

“I…I
was…um…”

She
cut in. “Well, what kind of job is it?”

“It’s…It’s
a boarding school in Keswick for students with dyslexia. They needed a teacher’s
assistant and someone to help with general music for the summer session, so I
applied and got the job.”

Jowls
formed on the sides of his mother’s face when she frowned. “Connor, I admire
your initiative, but I really think the work your father has gotten you would
be a much more beneficial experience for law school.”

“I
kind of like teaching, Mom. I think I might be good at it. I think I might want
to consider it for a…for a career.”

His
father cleared his throat again after receiving a scowl from his mother. “Connor,
you’re too young to be deciding these things just yet. It’s not a good idea to
cut off any avenues before you’ve matured enough to make the decision.”

“I’m
not cutting off any avenues, Dad. I’m pursuing the ones I’m interested in.” He
paused just long enough to swallow so he wouldn’t lose momentum. “I’m sorry…but
I’m just not going to go to law school.”

Both
his parents gaped while Melissa gave a muted snort.

Connor
fell silent, using the respite to gather his confidence. Amazingly, it wasn’t
that difficult a task—probably because this part of what he had to say was
not so tremendous in comparison to the rest. “I’m grateful for all the guidance
you’ve given me, I really am…but I’ve never wanted to be a lawyer. I’m sorry. I
know I should have talked to you about this before.”

Disappointment
shone in his parents’ eyes, but they remained speechless.

“And…well,
there’s something else.”

His
mother put a hand to her heart, and he cringed. If she got too dramatic, he
might not have the courage to continue.

“Now
what, Connor?”

Melissa
perked up from her reclined position on the bed, suddenly all eyes and ears for
whatever he had to say.

“Um,
I…I n-need to t-tell you—” His voice cracked and then failed him.

Why
on earth had he declined Jared’s offer? If Jared were there, holding his hand,
or just smiling at him, he would have felt that much stronger…

But he
had to learn to stand on his own two feet.

“I
need to tell you…th-that I’m…I’m gay.”

“What?”
his mother thundered, and his father’s mouth dropped open.

“He
said he’s gay,” Melissa repeated helpfully.

“Melissa,
go to the car.”

“But
Mom—”

“Richard!”
She clutched her husband’s arm. “Make her go.”

“Your
mother said to go to the car.” Connor’s father spoke on command. He held out
his hand to give her the keys.

Melissa
took them reluctantly, pouting on her way out.

As
soon as she’d closed the door, all eyes were back on Connor, his mother’s pupils
lit with annoyance—laced with fear. “And just when did you decide
this?”

Connor
sank down onto his desk chair, weak with a combination of relief at the
accomplishment and fear of the repercussions. “I didn’t decide it, Mom. I just
am.”

He
peeked at his father to see if he’d get any better of a reception from him, but
he just sat there with a glazed-over look—probably too stunned to add anything
more to their conversation.

“Connor,
you’re too young to know that for sure. It’s natural to be…curious, I suppose,
but how can you really know that…that you’re…”

“I
know, Mom. I’ve always known.”

That
shut her up for a moment, and by the look of dismay on her face she was
beginning to understand. “And you’re just telling us this
now
?” she
whimpered.

Connor
shrugged and fought the rising lump in his throat. Why did he feel like crying?
It wasn’t like he was losing some sense of trust he’d shared with his
parents—they’d never had that kind of relationship. But he was still terribly
lonely all of a sudden…maybe because he couldn’t help remembering how Jared’s
mother had held him after
her
discovery.

But
he wasn’t going to wallow in jealousy. He just had to accept it—no member
of his family would ever hold him like that.

“I…I’m
sorry I didn’t tell you. I’m trying to be more open now. I just…I just felt it
was important for you to know because…well, because I’m okay with it, and I
hope you will be, too.”

“Connor.”
His mother shook her head sadly.

Now
that all his secrets were tumbling out, he couldn’t stop, even if it was clear his
mother was reaching her breaking point. “And, well, I also thought you should
know because…I’m in love with someone.”

Funny
how easily the words came to him in the moment, and how true they felt. Despite
the current situation, Jared’s self-assured grin popped into his mind, and he
smiled.

His
mother let out a strangled noise, but he still didn’t stop.

“You
actually met him once, when he was over for breakfast. Jared, remember?”

“Connor,
that’s enough!”

She
stood abruptly and Connor shrank back against his chair. “M-mom.” His voice
quavered. The sound was as embarrassing as always, but he wasn’t going to let
her scare him into silence. “You say you’re tolerant and accepting—”

“That’s
not fair,” she snapped. “You’ve…you’ve just sprung this on me and it isn’t fair.
You’re going to have to give me some time…and I think we’ve discussed this
quite enough for tonight.”

“Oh.
O-okay,” Connor mumbled. Was the
time
his mother needed just another way to say she didn’t want to be around him?
He’d have appreciated that once…but not now. “I guess I’ll…walk you down to
your car.”

He
followed his parents in an icy silence, out of the building and into the humid
night air. A mosquito dove near him and he swatted it away just as his mother
turned to face him.

“Will
you still be coming up for Melissa’s piano competition in August? She’s been
doing an excellent job practicing—all on her own, without me even having
to remind her. I think she’s going to do really well this year.”

Her mundane
chatter had never sounded so beautiful. “Of course. Hey, maybe I can even see
if Jared would like to c—”

“I
said we’ve discussed that enough for tonight.”

Connor
dropped his head. “Yeah, Mom. Okay, I’ll be there.”

But
we are going to talk about this, someday.

She
nodded and gave him an awkward pat on the shoulder. He received a stiff nod
from his father, and together they took off into the darkness.

Other
footsteps were rapidly approaching, though. A few seconds later, Connor found
himself with an armful of little sister.

Melissa
wrapped herself around him and pressed her face into his chest. “Five years,”
she said.

“Uh,
what?” Connor blinked down at her, but he instinctively stretched out his arms
to hug her back.

“Five
years. That’s how long I’m giving them to pull their heads out of their butts
about you being gay.”