Sociopath's Revenge (12 page)

Sapphire

You're a good parent. You're a good parent. You're a good parent.

However, the words sounding like a mantra in my head didn't really help to diminish the guilt inside me for leaving my baby girl alone at Annie's place while I needed time to think.

Funny how, for the second time in my life, it felt like life as I knew it crashed in front of me.

I thought I had friends, a career, and a good existence for myself where I didn't really want more. The idea of loving someone else never even crossed my mind, because what feeling could be stronger than a once-in-a-lifetime kind of love, right?

I was okay to be Katrina and not Sapphire because somehow I could be myself. But what if all this was a lie? A figment of my imagination as a way for me to cope with Damian's death?

All those thoughts rushed through my mind, and since sitting in the house was out of the question, I grabbed my car keys from the cupboard near the door and drove toward Atlantic Beach, which was thirty minutes away.

On the way, I bought a bottle of cold water, a sandwich, and a blanket. Once I reached my destination, I parked in the parking lot and removed my shoes. I wanted to enjoy the tingling, and slightly painful, massage from the hot sand on my feet. Choosing the right spot several feet away from the water, I spread the blanket and sat down, inhaling the fresh salty air.

I watched in amazement, admiring the beauty of the wide-open beach, blue-green waves pushing into the sand, huge rocks. The sounds of birds and a breeze. Digging the heels of my feet into the sand, I tried to understand myself. Since Damian had showed up, I displayed nothing but confusing emotions to him. God, was it just yesterday? But if my heart desperately protected itself, why couldn't my body do the same? Even now, remembering everything he did made me tremble and anticipate it more.

"I knew I'd find you here." A soft voice from behind surprised me, and my eyes widened as I turned my head to see Annie standing next to me with her own blanket. Her red locks flew all over her freckled face as the wind hit and she sat down, her green eyes focused on me. Annie always looked like a pixie, with her pointed nose and petite height.

"What are you doing here?" I asked. Didn't she have guests to attend to? In addition, I wasn't sure I needed company while deciding what to do with my complicated life.

"My best friend needs me. Moreover, I heard your conversation in the kitchen. Greg should really learn to stop keeping stuff from me, as I always find out the truth," she replied simply. I looked away, not wanting her to see doubt in my eyes. After hearing the earlier conversation between Greg and Damian, I didn't know what to think about their friendship. Although Greg said everything was genuine, after all those new discoveries, I was doubtful.

Annie must have felt my hesitation, because she placed her hand gently over mine and said softly, "I just wanted to help you back then. You were pregnant and alone. I couldn't imagine leaving your whole life behind and moving on from the loss of the man you loved. You seemed like you needed a friend." I slid my hand from under hers, pulled my knees up, wrapped my arms around them, and placed my cheek on top, facing Annie as our eyes held each other's.

Like paintings in a gallery, snippets of my years with her family flashed through my mind. Little gatherings, shopping trips, how they picked me up from the hospital when Kristina was born, and girls' nights out when Greg watched Kristina, which allowed me some time to forget the burden I carried. I couldn't remember my life in North Carolina without them; they became a part of my family. "Why then did you never ask me about Kristina's father? You just accepted my explanation and never pushed it."

She assumed the same position as me and sighed heavily. "Based on the little bit of information Greg gave me, I knew you were grieving. I wasn't sure I should bring it up, not when I saw the sorrow in your eyes." She paused and then said, "He is here now, though." And just like that, we came to the current problem.

"Yeah, he is." My voice was quiet and thoughtful. "Is he still there?"

Annie's mouth widened in a smile. "Yep, his eyes were glued to Kristina the whole time. Occasionally, he would glare at Jason to send daggers his way. Clearly, he doesn't appreciate the fact that she tries to win his attention so hard." A laugh escaped me, despite my heavy heart.

"He wouldn't." Licking my lips, I blurted, "We had sex. Twice." My mind needed someone to share the burden with, and who better than the woman who was by my side through all the milestones here? She wouldn't judge, nor would she leave me alone, as she'd proved by coming here. Plus, I wasn't sure being alone with my thoughts was a wise idea to begin with, as they flew chaotically around inside my head.

"Once in my bathroom, probably," she teased. "FYI, hot."

My cheeks heated up at her words, but I pushed past it. "Yes. Apparently, we're both jealous jerks."

She chuckled. "Rosa and Peter, huh? Just so you know, he introduced her as his sister. So I don't think you have to be worried on her account, considering she flirted shamelessly with Peter right before I left."

My brows rose in shock, but I didn't comment on it.

Then all traces of humor left Annie's face, and she asked, "Tell me."

Taking a deep breath, words started to spill from me without restraint. "He showed up last night. I couldn't resist him; I never could. My body recognizes only him. He can light it up just like that." I snapped my fingers. "But once it was over, I just couldn't help but fear all this and told him to leave. Then he showed up again today. There was all this jealousy on both sides and as a result, hot bathroom sex." I groaned, covering my face in my hands. "It's like I have no brakes when it comes to him. Then Rosa-Anita gave me a speech about using him for sex even though it happened only twice, and he told me before I left to make a choice. So here I am." Silence dropped over us; only the sounds of waves crashing on rocks could be heard in the distance. Finally, she spoke, her voice tentative and supportive at the same time, if such a thing were possible.

"Do you still love him? Or just react to him physically?"

"I—I don't think there will ever be a day when part of me won't love him. Of course, I love him, which probably isn't healthy either."

She furrowed her brows. "He doesn't want more?"

I shook my head. "That's the problem. He wants
everything
as it used to be, as though all those years didn't happen, and I can't do it. He still has his mission to accomplish, and I don't want our daughter and me to be collateral damage again."

"In other words, you gave him an ultimatum? Either his family or the thing he wants to do, whatever the hell that is?"

"No, I told him we can't be together until he fixes it. Which might never happen."

She stood up, stretched, and then plunged her toes into the sand, gazing at the beach. "To be honest, babe, I'm a bit confused here. So you
do
want to be with him, but not until he sorts it out?" No wonder she couldn't understand me; half of the time I was confused myself.

"Everything inside me screams to run into his arms and face whatever we have to together, but I can't. I'm not that twenty-two-year-old girl who fell in love with a villain. There are other priorities now."

Understanding dawned in her expression
.
"Kristina?"

I nodded. "Exactly. If I let him in now, what will happen once he disappears? She doesn't even know him yet. But once she does, and he dies—" My breath hitched at the last words, because I so didn't want my mind to wander there. "She'll have to go through all the pain I could have avoided. I don't want her to live in grief with a memory that can never be replaced." I finished, even though the guilt was eating me from the inside. I never supported mothers who tried to keep their children away from their fathers, unless those fathers were abusive assholes. But here I was, doing the exact same thing to Damian and Kristina. Was I wrong, even though it was for the greater good?

Annie extended her hand to me, and I grabbed it, yelping as she yanked me upright. She dragged me closer to the shore as the waves tickled our feet.

"Are you insane?"

She shrugged and then pushed me knee-deep in the warm water. "Probably."

Before I could say anything else, she jumped on me, and we both fell into the water. We went under, and since I wasn't prepared, I gulped tons of water, but then she pulled me up so I could breathe. I coughed fiercely, and as I removed wet hair from my face, she laughed. She enjoyed playing in the water and occasionally splashed some my way.

"Seriously, babe?"

"I think a little bit of the ocean will do you good."

I stood up but immediately sank down as my body shivered in the cold breeze. "In your great plan, did you miss the fact that we have no spare clothes?"

"We have blankets." She captured my hands and then said, "If you had the chance to turn back time and not meet Damian, would you do it?"

Narrowing my eyes at her, I tried to swim back, but she wouldn't let me. "Let's not give me the whole 'It's better to love and lose' and all that jazz, okay? Plus, I don't really see the point of doing all this here."

"That's not what I'm trying to do. I'm just trying to explain that if he dies, both of them deserve to have known each other. Be honest with yourself. I'm not saying you don't care about Kristina and her feelings, but you're the one who's afraid to let him in and have to face his death again." She wrapped her arms around me, and whispered in my ear, "I'll leave you to it. You have to be fair, even if you are afraid for your heart." With those words, she swam back to the shore, wrapped herself with a blanket, and left the beach.

Several people glanced my way as I sat in the water dumbstruck, but I seriously didn't care.

She was right.

At the end of the day, this was, again, all about me.

Selfish.

Turning my face to the sun, I enjoyed the beautiful sunset and came to the decision that would forever change my life.

I just hoped it was the right one.

Damian

"If you glare at the kid any more, you'll kill him," Rosa joked, popping another grape in her mouth as we sat on the white plastic chairs in the yard, watching the kids play in the sandbox. "Seriously, you've been doing it for the last two hours. Don't you get bored?"

Jason put some plastic Superman figures there as the girl I learned was named Ruby squealed and took out hers as well. Kristina bit her lip but held her Barbie doll close. I had no fucking clue why my kid even bothered with all those toys, considering the bored expression on her face only brightened when the stupid kid paid attention to her.

What was there about him for her to become obsessed to begin with? Now my Sapphire… she was someone worth the obsession.

"I'm not in the mood, Rosa."

She rolled her eyes. "Come on, he isn't harming her. So your little girl has a crush? Good for her. Speaking of crushes…" Her eyes focused on Peter, who emerged from the kitchen with a big glass of lemonade and searched for something.

Or someone.

His gaze stopped on Rosa, and she stood up quickly, winked at me, and sauntered toward him. Had I not been there to keep an eye on my child, I would have stopped all her nonsense at once. But Peter was harmless, and even if I still wanted to smash his face over a brick for touching my woman, I preferred Rosa to be occupied rather than talking my ear off.

"Daddy," Adelaide screamed and ran toward Jeb, who picked her up, spun around, and hugged her close as she burst out laughing. "Again," she asked, and he repeated the action.

"Hey, Jason, want to come here and help your old man out?" Cormack called, as he flipped yet another batch of burgers. I'd fucking go nuts if I had to stand the whole day and grill. Jason sighed, but packed his toys into his case and ran to his dad as Cormack gave him the water to pour on the meat.

That left Ruby and Kristina watching Jeb, who was still having the time of his life with his girl. Then Ruby searched for her mom, jumped on her lap as Mary sat on the porch swing, and demanded, "I want to see Daddy."

Mary gently patted her hair and replied, "Next weekend, baby." Satisfied, the little girl joined Jason and Cormack. It took me a second to realize my possessive daughter was nowhere near them, and I glanced back to the sandbox where she sat holding her doll close to her chest, watching the other kids with interest, confusion, and pain on her face. She grabbed a small bucket and shovel, and played alone as Lucky barked and then nuzzled her neck as she rested her head on his shoulder.

I'd endured a lot of fucked-up shit in my life.

Cells, raping, kidnapping, death even.

But never, ever was the pain in my heart as much as in the moment I understood my daughter hurt from the lack of a father figure in her life. Mostly, when I thought about the years I'd lost with my family, it was all about me:
me
missing the first years of my child,
me
missing Sapphire,
me
not being able to be with them. Fucking
me
all the time, and in that moment, it made me feel ashamed. Parenthood was about selflessness, not selfishness. Why did I never wonder what my little girl thought or felt? Especially around all those couples with full families.