Softly and Tenderly (35 page)

“I’m fine, Max.” She peered beyond him at Dustin. “I’m fine.”

“What can I get everyone? Sandwiches? We have plenty of leftovers. Barbecue, chips, beans and slaw, beer and sodas? Coffee? There’s cake, my stars, enough to feed an army. For a small community, Prairie City can bring out the food.”

June faced the crew in the living room, hands clasped, smiling. At least she felt like she was smiling, but she just couldn’t stay somber any longer. It was driving her crazy. She had to do something with herself.

Max stared up the steps, hands on his belt, his back stiff. His signature posture of impatience. “What’s going on up there?”

“Why don’t you let Daphne and Reverend Teeter speak to Jade, Max? Have you fed Asa since lunch?”

Daphne, Margot, Max and Rebel, Aiden and Willow remained at the farm, changing their departure plans. Jade’s daddy Harlan had already gone to the airport by the time Jade went running down the road.

Willow chewed the end of her thumbnail, and Aiden flipped through a magazine that June guessed to be a year old. He got to the end and started over again.

“What’s going on with her?” Willow glanced from her brother to her brother-in-law to June. Rebel sat somber in the easy chair, hand over his lips. “We can’t just let her sit up there and go crazy.”

“The reverend is with her, Willow.” June used her well-honed comfort tone. “And Daphne.”

“She’s been under a lot of pressure,” Margot said. “Let’s give her room, say a prayer.”

“I haven’t stopped praying.” The whole room stilled at the tenor of Rebel’s confession. June stared.
Oh, Reb, you are such a complicated mystery
.

After a second, Margot moved across the room and perched on the sofa next to Willow. “Daph is pretty sure she suffered from depersonalization or something stress related where she disassociated with herself.” Margot peered toward the stairs. “Jade’s strong, y’all, remember. She’ll get through this.”

June liked Margot. A good, commonsense girl. “Last call for food.”

Margot slapped her thighs. “I guess I could eat something.”

“Me too.” Willow stepped over the coffee table. “Leftover barbecue is always good.”

“I’m going to check on Asa.” Max headed for the basement.

June brushed his back as he passed. Her boy looked so lost and sad. But the air of the room stirred. Hope filtered in. All with Rebel’s single confession.

Aiden and Rebel started talking about Alaska, moving toward the kitchen. June paused at the base of the staircase.
Lord Jesus. Oh, Lord Jesus
.

The faint cry woke her. Jade sat up, holding on to Mama’s bed with her free hand until the room stopped spinning. Silence rang in her ears. The clock by the bed flashed 3:00 a.m.

Shaking, she reached for the light, still gripping Granny’s Bible. Her legs and back ached from running down the road in heels. June had bandaged the gash on her knee, but the torn skin throbbed.

While she felt one with herself again, the memory of what happened this afternoon caused her heart to double-beat and a sick sensation to sting in her belly.

There . . . the cry again. Jade stepped out of bed, listening. When the cry didn’t repeat, she reclined against the pillows—still fragrant with Mama’s scent—Oil of Olay and White Rain. She wanted to sleep again, escape death and fear, hear the clarion voice, but her senses were awake, disturbing her soul.

What was it Daphne called it? Depersonalization? Sounded too clinical for Jade.

“It can happen anytime, to anyone, but it can be triggered by stress.
”

“How long does it last?
”

“Seconds to minutes.
”

“Can it happen again?” Jade caught a whiff of coffee, like Granny used to
make. And bacon. She never wanted it to happen again
.

“Can it? Yes. Will it, I don’t know. We can take steps to help you.
”

Tears slid down her temples into her hair.
Mama, I need you
.

Dark . . . it all seemed so dark. And vivid. Daphne said the event had only lasted a few minutes, but in her mind it lasted for eternity. The aftershock rippled through her mind.

The wail hit Mama’s room again. Jade bolted off the bed. Thin walls don’t lie. Did a cat get in the house? Clutching Granny’s Bible like a life preserver, Jade cracked open Mama’s door. Darkness filled the hall along with an aching, thick stillness.

A whimper, followed by a cry, startled Jade’s heart. Asa? Where was Max? She smacked on the hall light and angled over the railing to see down the stairs.

On the edge of her high-atop view, Jade saw a tiny leg curled under a crumpled body. What in the world? She started down. Max’s son lay crumpled in the middle of living room carpet, sobbing, his tiny shoulders shivering.

“Hey, now, it’s okay.” Jade knelt beside him, patting his back, slowly pressing her palm down. Her hand nearly covered him. “How’d you get up here?”

He sat up at the sound of her voice. His face was worn with tears. “Want Mama.”

Jade smoothed aside his dark, soft bangs, her eyes welling up. “Yeah, me too.” So he’d gone looking for Rice. Escaped the basement. Maneuvered the stairs.

And she’d escaped the kitchen. Ran down a country road.

“Come here, baby.” Jade lifted him and he curled into her, shuddering, his small fingers reaching into her hair.

She molded around him, breathing in his baby skin, rocking back and forth. “You and me, we’re the same, Asa. Two lost souls without our mamas.”

As she kissed his cheeks, his warm breath brushed the nape of her neck. His eyelids hung heavy as he gathered more and more of her hair into his hand.

“Your mama had dark hair like mine, didn’t she? She was pretty. And so lively and adventurous. Did you know she was learning to fly a plane? My mama was amazing too. Hitchhiked across the country, went to Woodstock. Well, I guess that doesn’t mean anything to you now, but one day I’ll tell you about Granny Hill. Yes, I said Hill. Beryl Walker Fitzgerald Ayers Parsons Hill. I know, a law firm should be so prestigious. The woman had a string of last names, and she was full of . . . life.”

Jade rose from the floor and eased into Granny’s old rocker. Max stood in the doorway.

“Little bugger must have climbed over the basement gate.” He eased into the room, bare chested, with the hem of his flannel pants dragging the floor.

“I heard him crying. When I came down, he was heaped in the middle of the floor sobbing for his mama.”

“Guess it takes time, even for the little ones, to deal with death.” Max dropped down next to the rocker and cupped his hand on Asa’s head. “But he’s getting better. Not waking as often, disoriented, looking for her.”

“Today was about missing mamas.”

Max shifted his gaze to Jade’s face. “You two are kindred spirits right now.”

Funny how right and perfect Asa fit into her arms. “What happened today was frightening, Max.”

“Jade, say the word and I’ll cancel Texas.”

She rested her head against the top of the rocker. Despite all the pain and confusion of the past weeks, Max’s raw emotion and honesty moved her. She wanted to tip forward and kiss him. “Go, Max. Get help. Asa needs his daddy clearheaded and strong.”

“What about my wife? Doesn’t she need me?” Max slipped his hand under her hair.

“Max, stop. You need to come to grips with the reality of broken trust. I don’t hate you, but right now my heart is not safe with you either.” A late tremor from her earlier emotional quake ran through her. “But I am willing, I think, to watch Asa for you, with June’s help. If it’s not too late.” Jade gently kissed Asa, who was now sleeping peacefully in her arms.

Max rose up on his knees and covered her lips with his, then brushed his hand down her arm.

Along the first of summer, when spring began to lose its grip on Prairie City mornings and summer breezes circled the afternoons, the word
joyful
began trumpeting over the shadowy recesses of Jade’s mind.

Sitting on the Iowa burial mound, Jade watched Asa pedal his Big Wheel through the thick grass. He’d begun to laugh a lot in the last week, and his vocabulary seemed to double every day.

What was it he said to June last night? Oh, she couldn’t remember and she promised Max she’d record everything.
Everything
.

The golden sun hanging over her reminded Jade she’d wanted to plant some marigolds this evening. Just because.

Deciding to stay in Prairie City for a while shook her sense of order. She had two businesses to run back in Tennessee. A house. Friends. But here on the plain, Jade was learning to be at home with Jesus. No matter what her circumstances.

Lillabeth’s semester ended, so she took over running the shops. She had Kip on a tight remodeling schedule. He’d called the other night asking Jade to call off her “dog.”

Instead, she’d called Lillabeth and told her to growl and bark a little louder. She missed the shops. She missed her home. And for the past few days, she’d had a taste for Mae’s cherry pie. But she wasn’t ready to leave yet.

Asa growled as he aimed his Big Wheel right at her. She curled her body in tight. “Oh no, I’m going to get run over.” He laughed and reverse-pedaled just before running over her foot.

When they buried Beryl, spring had just begun on the prairie. Now summer’s green painted the horizon.

Jade spent April and May in counseling twice a week in Des Moines with Dr. Joe. Mostly reconciling her life. Talking out loud helped make sense of it all. But in recent days her inner changes came from her talks and prayers with Reverend Teeter.

At night, she holed up in her room with her Bible open and other books the reverend recommended. And she’d joined up with the women’s prayer group. Only they called it a prayer furnace—stoking the fires for God. Carla Colter was the leader, and those women were intense about the Lord’s business and praying the Word.

Asa hopped off his ride and crawled into her lap. This was a new development with him, started about a day ago.

“Guess what? Uncle Linc is coming by tonight with a doggy. You want a doggy?”

“Doggy!” Asa punched the air with his fist. “Woof, woof.”

“That’s right, woof, woof.”

Mrs. Lanker couldn’t care for her chocolate lab any more, so Linc brought him out to the farm last night after Asa went to bed. Jade fell in love, snapped a picture with her cell, and e-mailed it to Max. He’d get it on Saturday when he went into town.

“Lunchtime?” June approached, casual and pretty in her khaki capris and white top.

“I suppose it is.”

June stayed to help Jade, but now she was going home. After Mama’s funeral, Reb changed. He’d finally agreed to counsel with Reverend Girden. There was a different light behind the lawyer’s eyes. The fear of the Lord.

“Dustin called.” June handed Asa the juice cup in her hand.

“Yeah, when?”

“Ten minutes ago.”

“I’ll call him after lunch.” Light, airy tone, letting June know there was nothing to worry about.

“Have you heard from Max this week?”

“He called a few days ago.” The wind blew stiff with a warm current. “He sounded tired. They work pretty hard. His latest e-mail said he was learning a lot.” Jade peered up at June. “Asa said hi to him, called him Daddy.”