Some Girls Do (47 page)

She had questioned the wisdom of bringing the children, worried that they would be spooked by seeing their grandmother’s body laid out. But Michelle insisted that it would help them come to terms with Espie’s death. More likely, Claire suspected, she thought it would be good material for her column.

‘Is she going to be a vampire now?’ Ben asked solemnly, as he gazed into the coffin.

‘Some people don’t become vampires,’ Adam said. ‘They have the true death.’

‘I hope she is one,’ Ben said. Then he gasped. ‘She wouldn’t bite us, though, would she?’

‘No,’ Adam said firmly. ‘She’d only bite bad people, like murderers or … the government.’

Cian was sobbing uncontrollably in Michelle’s arms. ‘I think it’s hit him that he’s never going to see his nana again,’ she said to Claire, over the top of his head.

‘Maybe he will,’ Adam said.

‘That’s right, Adam.’ Michelle smiled down at him. ‘We’ll see her again in Heaven, won’t we?’

‘We might see her before that,’ Adam said, ‘if she turns into a vampire.’

Claire was touched by the number of people who came to the mortuary. She thought she would be shaking hands for the rest of
her life as friends and neighbours streamed past for what felt like hours, offering their condolences. There were some unexpected faces, some Claire hadn’t seen in so long it took her a moment to place them, and a few she didn’t recognise at all.

Afterwards the house was thronged, and Claire was kept busy with the caterers, seeing that everyone got food and topping up glasses. She was too preoccupied with looking after the guests and chatting to people to think about getting anything for herself, until Luca thrust a plate into her hand.

‘You should eat,’ he said, leading her to an empty chair and handing her a glass of wine. Claire thanked him, and began mechanically forking food into her mouth, barely even tasting it.

‘You’re looking after Claire, are you, Luca?’ Mary said, joining them. ‘Good lad,’ she continued, without waiting for an answer.

Jim soon joined them, followed by Lily, Nancy and Michael, forming a little huddle around Claire and Luca. It was strange to see them so subdued, but Claire was touched by their gentle concern for her, and admired the way they looked after each other in their mutual grief. And she couldn’t help feeling a little childish glee that their obvious fondness for Luca and their assimilation of him into their little gang was pissing off Michelle, if the suspicious looks she was throwing in their direction were anything to go by.

Claire looked around the room, filled with chatter and laughter. There were so many friends, some of whom her mother hadn’t seen in a long time. It was sad that they were here now, when it was too late.

‘Mum would have loved this,’ she said quietly, her eyes filling. It seemed horribly unfair that Espie was missing her own party.

Luca took her hand silently, and she interlinked her fingers with his. She was so grateful that he was there. She didn’t know how she’d have coped without him over the past couple of days. It struck her how much more alone and lost she’d have felt if it hadn’t been for his constant reassuring presence. Everyone was
being so kind, but they all left in the end and she was so glad that she wasn’t alone when they were gone.

‘Can you stay again tonight?’ she asked him.

‘Of course,’ he said, squeezing her hand. ‘Whatever you want.’

‘Thank you.’

‘Besides,’ he smiled, ‘there’s going to be a ball at Netherfield. I don’t want to miss that.’

The following day was warm and bright, and Claire was glad that the glare of the sun gave her an excuse to wear dark glasses and hide her ravaged eyes as the family left the house and got into the funeral cars. She was dimly aware of the blur of faces as they pulled up outside the church and got out, surprised and touched to see Luca’s parents among the throng with Ali. He seemed as surprised to see them as she was.

The service was sad, the music unbearably moving. When her mother’s friends started playing, Claire hoped Mary’s tuneless scraping wouldn’t reduce her to giggles. But the violin was so heartbreakingly sweet and melodious, she had to check that another musician hadn’t taken over at the last minute. She broke down again at the sight of the old lady, her teeth gritted and her face set in a grimace of concentration while tears rolled down her cheeks.

‘What’s
he
crying for?’ she heard Michelle hiss further along the pew, as Luca discreetly wiped tears from his eyes. ‘And why is he in the front with Claire? Who does he think he is – chief mourner or something? He’s not even family.’

None of them had had the energy to dissuade Michelle from speaking, but they had insisted that Jim should be allowed to do the main eulogy so she was cut mercifully short. Jim’s speech was fittingly funny at times, evoking the spirit of the friend he had lost.

Claire broke down completely as the service ended, sobbing uncontrollably and clinging to Luca, who was practically holding
her up as they followed the coffin out of the church. Outside, everyone stood chatting, and when she had recovered, Claire moved around, thanking them for coming and inviting them back to the house after the crematorium.

‘Mary, your playing was beautiful,’ she said, as soon as she saw her.

‘Ah, I couldn’t let Espie down, today of all days. She was always very forgiving, but I wouldn’t have been able to forgive myself if I hadn’t done right by her.’

‘I hope you’re not in too much pain?’

‘Can’t feel a thing. I took an extra dose of morphine and some other stuff, just to be on the safe side. What you might call a cocktail of drugs,’ she said cheerfully. ‘Though I am a bit woozy now. I could do with a sit-down.’

‘Why don’t you get into one of the cars? We’ll be going shortly.’

‘I’ll look after her,’ Jim said, appearing and leading her away.

Tom had closed the shop for the morning so he and Yvonne could both be at the funeral. He hugged Claire and told her to take as much time off work as she needed. Yvonne’s eyes kept darting to Luca. She was obviously dying to ask questions, but was aware that now was not the time.

Catherine was delighted to have finally encountered the infamous Michelle first-hand. ‘I wouldn’t have missed your sister-in-law’s eulogy for the world,’ she told Claire. ‘Comedy gold.’

‘I know. I wish Mum could have heard it – it would have given her such a laugh.’

‘I don’t think I’ve ever heard a eulogy before that eulogised the person giving it. Pure genius!’

Ali hugged her fiercely, while Luca’s parents greeted her with more restraint.

‘It was good of you to come,’ she said as she shook their hands.

‘I hope we’ll see you at the house again soon,’ Jonathan said.

‘Yes, get Luca to bring you some Sunday for lunch,’ Jacqueline
said, her eyes drifting to Luca, who was chatting with Jim and Michael. ‘We’d love to see you.’

Claire was glad that only a smaller core group of family and friends came back to the house after the crematorium. Her energy was dwindling after the strain of the past couple of days and she just wanted to be with people who didn’t require her to make any effort. Some people had come a long way, and she was glad to see her mother’s old friends reunited, chatting about old times and remembering Espie, as long as she didn’t have to do anything. She made sure there was plenty of food and drink, and let them get on with it. The party went on late into the evening and, much as she appreciated their support and friendship, Claire was relieved when people started to leave. She felt completely drained and tired to her bones. She wanted to get into bed and sleep for a week.

‘I’d love to stay and help you with the clearing up,’ Michelle said, ‘but we need to get the kids to bed. It’s been a very long couple of days for them.’

‘That’s fine.’

‘But you have all the time in the world now anyway. There’s no rush. You should leave it all until tomorrow.’

Claire nodded, wishing her sister-in-law would go. That was what she really needed right now –
advice
about tidying up. So helpful.

When the last guest had left, she surveyed the mess in the living room. While she was glad to be alone again, it also brought home to her how alone she was now. When the house had been full of people, she had had something else to focus on, and the business of the funeral had carried her through for the past few days. There had been so much to plan and so many people around all the time. But now it was over and there was nothing left to do, nothing else to think about. She felt overwhelmed by the emptiness of the room and hugged herself as tears sprang into her eyes.

Suddenly she felt arms wrap around her from behind and she jumped.

‘Hey,’ Luca said softly in her ear, pulling her closer. ‘Sorry, did I give you a fright?’

‘I thought everyone had gone.’

‘Everyone else has. The caterers are packing up in the kitchen. They, um … they need to be paid.’

‘Oh! Of course.’ She wriggled out of his arms and picked up her bag from the floor, pulling out the envelope with the caterers’ money. They wanted to be paid in cash and she had the exact amount ready. She went into the kitchen and found them packing up the last of the glasses.

‘Thanks.’ She smiled at Mike, handing him the envelope. ‘You did a great job.’

‘Thank you,’ he said, pocketing the envelope. ‘Okay, we’re all done here.’ He swung up the box of glasses and nodded to his partner. Luca came into the kitchen as they left.

‘Thanks for sticking around,’ she said to him. ‘You’re a good friend.’ Her voice broke.

Luca rushed to her, pulling her into his arms. ‘You’re exhausted,’ he said, brushing her hair off her face as he looked down at her. ‘Why don’t you go to bed and I’ll start clearing up this lot?’

‘You don’t have to …’

He put a finger on her lips, silencing her. ‘I know I don’t have to. Now go on.’ He bent and kissed her forehead, and she turned to go. She was too tired and the thought of her bed was too tempting to resist. ‘I’ll be up shortly,’ he said, as he turned to the sink, rolling up his sleeves.

‘You’re staying?’ She turned in the doorway.

‘Oh.’ He frowned. ‘Do you want to be alone?’

‘No, I really don’t. I’d like you to stay.’

She left him in the kitchen, slinging things into the sink, and dragged herself up the stairs to bed. She was half asleep already as she undressed and crawled into bed. But she was still just awake later when Luca got in and wrapped his arms around her. She turned into his body and drifted off to sleep.

Chapter Thirty-two

Claire felt lost in the days following the funeral. She was beginning to regret taking the week off work, but changing her mind would require a decision that she couldn’t summon the energy to make. She didn’t know what to do with herself, and couldn’t seem to rouse herself to do anything more energetic than lie in the garden, soaking up the sun or slump on the sofa watching boxsets of
Friends
. She had seen them a million times before, but she found the familiarity comforting. She missed her mother dreadfully, longing to be able to talk to her again, or even watch TV together in companionable silence.

She felt adrift, the focus of her life snatched away. For so long, everything had revolved around looking after her mother – worrying about her, organising her, spending time with her. Now she constantly felt as if she had forgotten to do something important, and her stomach would lurch with sickening dread of the consequences. Then she would realise once again that there was nothing to be done and no one to worry about – but there was no comfort in that. It left her on edge, unable to concentrate or settle to anything.

On top of that she was exhausted, feeling the crash that often follows a long period of tension. It wasn’t just the stress of her mother’s death and its aftermath. It was the accumulation of years spent in a perpetual state of suspense. Her mother’s health had been so volatile that Claire had been constantly on tenterhooks for the next crisis – the breathless race to hospital, the hours spent in corridors and waiting rooms, anxiously awaiting test results or the outcome of an operation. She was physically and emotionally drained.

Everyone was telling her she should take a holiday, now that she had the chance. She hadn’t had a proper one in ages,
since her mother had become too incapacitated to travel. Mark would be back from New York on Friday, and he had invited her to stay with him for the weekend, but she couldn’t face the upheaval of flights or the idea of having to be social and, besides, she wasn’t in the mood for somewhere as busy as London. But the idea of getting away was appealing, and as the week wore on, she increasingly felt the need for a change of scene. The good weather was making her long for the seaside. The heatwave was forecast to continue for the rest of July, and she knew the perfect place where she could go to relax, and spend a restorative couple of days just eating, sleeping and lazing in the sun.

‘How’d you like to come to the beach with me for the weekend?’ she asked Luca, on Thursday evening. ‘Unless you have other plans, of course,’ she added, suddenly remembering that he might rather stay in Dublin.

‘No, I don’t have any plans. I’m a bit broke, though …’

‘It won’t cost anything. I have a place we can stay. Just don’t expect anything fancy.’

‘Where are we going?’

‘Brittas Bay. Mum has a mobile home there – had,’ she amended. ‘It’s mine now, I guess.’

‘Cool. I’ll dig out my bucket and spade.’

A weekend away with Claire – Luca wasn’t sure what he’d let himself in for. He hadn’t even had time to assimilate his feelings yet. He’d only discovered he was in love with her when her mother had died, and then he had wanted to step up and be a friend to her. Now he felt completely at sea, clueless about how to be with her, terrified of screwing up and losing her, and just as scared of keeping her in his life but only as a friend.

He thought how arrogant he’d been when she’d first come to him, warning her not to get attached. Jesus, he should be so lucky! He’d been so sure of himself, so certain that she was the only one in danger of getting emotionally involved. What he
hadn’t considered was that he would also be experiencing a kind of intimacy he wasn’t used to.