Some Girls Do (49 page)

She was about to go outside, at least to make her presence known, when the girl nodded to Luca, turned and wandered off. He gathered the glasses up again and came back inside.

‘Who was that?’ Claire asked.

‘Her name’s Aideen,’ he said, as he dumped the glasses in the sink. ‘She’s staying in one of the caravans with a friend. She asked if we wanted to go to the pub with them.’

‘
We?
’

‘Yeah. I told her I was here with a friend too.’

Claire felt knocked back. But, of course, that was all she was to him now.

‘She probably thinks I’m another guy,’ she said, with a hollow laugh. ‘Her friend would get quite the surprise when you turned up with me.’

‘Oh, I never thought of that.’ Luca laughed. ‘But maybe her friend’s a lesbian. She might think it was her lucky night!’ He turned on the tap. ‘Anyway, I presumed you wouldn’t want to go. I said we were going to bed early.’

‘Just because I’m having an early night it doesn’t mean you have to,’ she said. ‘If you want to go to the pub …’

‘Not particularly.’

She knew she was being unfair, acting so possessively. There was nothing to stop him going to the pub with Aideen, letting her take him back to her caravan …

‘Or,’ she said, sliding a hand up under his T-shirt to the warm skin of his back, ‘you could stay here with me. We could go skinny-dipping.’

‘Claire …’

She stood on tiptoe and kissed him softly, coaxingly, and he almost responded, but then he was pushing her away gently. ‘I thought you were tired,’ he said.

‘I’m having an adrenalin rush.’ She tried to kiss him again, but he held her off.

‘Claire, stop.’

‘Why? I thought you wanted to go skinny-dipping.’ As soon as he released her, she reached for him again. ‘Or we could just stay here,’ she said, toying with the drawstring of his shorts.

‘Stop,’ he said firmly, stilling her hand with his. He put his hands on her shoulders and looked into her eyes. ‘I came here to be with you, okay? You don’t have to take your clothes off to make me stay. I’m not going anywhere.’

‘Sorry.’ Tears stung her eyes. She let out a long, heaving breath. ‘I’m going to bed. We can leave that till morning.’ She nodded to the plates piled in the sink.

‘I’ll do it,’ Luca said. ‘See you in the morning.’ He kissed her on the forehead – a brief, chaste kiss that made Claire want to scream in frustration – and turned back to the sink.

Maybe coming here hadn’t been such a great idea, Luca thought, as he washed up. And to a fucking caravan, of all things! He’d find it hard to keep his distance from Claire on the Serengeti Plain, but squashed together in a caravan …

He really wanted to kiss her. He was aching to take her to bed. Turning her down just now had been one of the hardest things he’d ever had to do, especially when he could see in her face how hurt and rejected she’d felt. But she was vulnerable right now. She was sad and maybe a bit lonely, and he couldn’t take advantage. Besides, she would probably regret it later. Then things would be awkward and they wouldn’t be friends any more. It wasn’t worth risking losing her. Sex was easy – he could
get his rocks off with anyone. But he didn’t have another friend like Claire.

He heard voices and laughter outside, and turned to see a group of teenagers walking past, dressed up for a night out in jeans and sparkly tops. Maybe he needed to get laid. He should go to the pub, hook up with that girl and get Claire out of his system once and for all.

In her bedroom Claire lay awake, listening to Luca moving around outside, anxiously waiting for the click of the door or the noise of the shower, any sound that would tell her he was going out. She couldn’t relax until she knew if he would go to the pub or not. She turned on her laptop to check her emails. There was one from Emma in her NiceGirl account:

Hi

Sorry to hear about your family crisis. Hope it wasn’t too serious, and that everything’s okay now.

Anyway – gossip. We were all at a friend’s birthday last week, including Mark’s ex, Sophie. (I don’t know if you follow her on Twitter – @Soph?) Anyway, she’s still carrying the most ginormous torch for Mark, but he’s with someone else now, and she came out all guns blazing, making it really obvious she wanted him back. And when Sophie wants something … well, let’s just say she’d give the Terminator a run for his money.

Anyway, long story short, things got a bit messy and she was all over Twitter the next day hinting that something had happened between them. Mark swears it didn’t. So it’s all very he said/ she said. Sophie can play dirty, and I’m more inclined to believe Mark.

Luckily I don’t think Mark’s new girlfriend is on Twitter, so she may have missed the whole thing. Mark asked us to delete all the tweets relating to it – I obviously missed one. Oops!

So, that’s all the gossip. It’s probably nothing, and I shouldn’t even be telling you. But I guess it’s okay since you don’t know any of the people involved – except Mark, of course.

He tells me you’re going to stop writing the blog …

The rest of the email was publishing talk.

When she had finished reading it, Claire shut down her laptop and sank back against the pillow. So something
had
happened between Mark and Sophie at Patrick’s party – or maybe not. And Claire found she didn’t care either way. The numbness was back. She heard Luca going into the other bedroom, the door closing behind him with a soft click. She turned off the light and settled down.

Chapter Thirty-three

Claire slept late the following day, and woke feeling refreshed. Luca still wasn’t up at noon when she sat outside with toast and coffee. She was pleased he was getting lots of sleep – he needed it. She was also glad of the quiet and solitude to mull things over in her head and sort out her feelings. She knew she should have been distraught or at least unnerved by Emma’s email but she wasn’t. She knew she wasn’t in love with Mark, and she also knew that sleeping with him wouldn’t change that. The utter indifference she felt at the idea that he might have got together with Sophie said it all. The feeling just wasn’t there, and she could no longer fool herself that it would come in time.

Luca, on the other hand, only had to
talk
to another girl to bring out the green-eyed monster. It was a real shame because Mark was the one who wanted to have a real relationship with her. But there was no point in denying it any more, at least not to herself – she loved Luca, and she’d rather be his fuck buddy, if that was all that was on offer, than have something more meaningful with anyone else.

It was almost one when Luca finally emerged, yawning and blinking in the sunlight, but bright-eyed and looking rested.

‘Good morning,’ he said, sliding onto the bench beside her. ‘Or should I say afternoon?’

‘I take it you slept well?’ She suddenly felt shy and awkward, hoping he wouldn’t say anything about her attempt to seduce him last night.

‘Yeah, brilliant. You?’

‘Yes, great.’ She was relieved that he was his usual friendly, easy-going self.

‘I could get used to this,’ he said, turning his face to the sun and closing his eyes.

‘Me too. I wish—’ She caught herself. She had been about to say that she wished they could stay here like this for ever, just the two of them. But she couldn’t say things like that to Luca – it would scare him off.

‘What?’ He opened his eyes and turned to her.

‘Oh, nothing. I wish I didn’t have to go back to work tomorrow. There’s coffee in the pot …’

They spent the afternoon on the beach, swimming, reading and lazing in the sun. Since her mother had died, Claire had found that some days were better than others, and today she was engulfed by one of those waves of sadness that left her feeling submerged and remote from the world, rendering her catatonic. Everything – the sound of the waves, the roughness of the sand against her skin, even the smell of the air – evoked other times, and she was swamped by memories of her mother, remembering all the times she had come here as a child with her brothers and, later, when it was just Espie and her, the wonderfully indulgent weekends they’d had there together. The long days playing on the beach; the nights when their caravan had become Party Central, Espie inviting all their neighbours over for barbecues that went on long into the night. They were happy memories, yet they hit her like punches, leaving her weak and aching, longing to have her mother back, just for an hour – or even five minutes …

Luca seemed to pick up on her subdued mood, and she was grateful for his sympathetic, undemanding presence beside her while she let the heat of the sun and the gentle crash of the waves soothe her.

She felt her spirits lift towards evening, and she was almost happy later as they sat side by side at the picnic table, eating pasta and garlic bread, and drinking red wine warmed by the sun. If she wasn’t quite blissful, she was at least content.

‘Feeling better?’ Luca asked her.

‘Yeah, thanks. Sorry I wasn’t great company today.’

‘Don’t be daft.’

‘So – home tomorrow.’ She sighed as she poured more wine.

‘Yeah, and just when the book’s getting exciting,’ Luca said. ‘I mean, there was practically a car chase. I can’t believe Lydia ran off with Wickham!’

Claire was enjoying watching him discover
Pride and Prejudice
. It was so familiar to her that it was hard to imagine anything in it coming as a surprise.

‘And now she’s ruined. It’s a bit harsh, isn’t it?’

‘Yeah, poor Lydia. But that’s the way it was in those days. Once a girl had sex, she was ruined for life.’
Like me
, she thought wryly.
Being with Luca has pretty much ruined me for anyone else
.

‘Are you going to keep this on now?’ Luca asked, waving to the caravan.

‘Yes, I am.’ She hadn’t been sure before, but over the past couple of days she had made up her mind to keep it. She loved the freedom of it, and the peace – and with her mother gone, she could make more use of it. She would be able to come here on the spur of the moment, whenever the mood took her – just throw some stuff into the car and go. The idea was very appealing. ‘It’s nice to have somewhere to escape to. And when the weather’s like this, it’s lovely to just hop in the car and really make the most of it.’

‘It’s perfect. Though I think it would be great in any weather.’

‘Yeah, it is. I love being at the beach at any time of year.’ There was a special kind of cosiness about being snuggled up in the caravan listening to rain pelting down outside. ‘I might come here to write sometimes,’ she said. ‘You can use it too, if you ever want to get away, to paint or whatever.’

‘Really?’

‘Sure – any time. It’s just sitting here. I’d like people to enjoy it. And Mum would have liked you to use it,’ she said. ‘She was very fond of you, you know.’

He reached out and stroked her hair. ‘I was fond of her. I wish I could have known her longer.’

They were just finishing off the last of the wine when Aideen appeared along the path. Claire willed her to pass by, but she strolled up to the table, smiling broadly at Luca. She was wearing cargo shorts and a crop top, revealing an expanse of tanned stomach and a sparkly belly-button ring.

‘Hi again,’ she said to Luca, her smile faltering a little as her gaze moved to Claire.

‘Hi.’ Luca smiled back. ‘Claire, this is Aideen. Aideen, Claire.’

‘Hello.’ Claire forced a friendly smile.

‘Hi, Claire. This is the friend you’re here with?’ she asked Luca.

‘Yep.’

‘Oh, I thought … Anyway, I just came to invite you over for a drink. Um … both of you. We’re down there, third on the right.’ She waved in the direction she had come.

‘Thanks,’ Luca said.

‘Just drop over whenever you like.’

‘Thanks,’ Claire smiled, ‘but I think we’re going to have an early night.’ She took Luca’s hand in both hers, turning it over and stroking the palm, playing with the soft pads of his fingers. ‘Aren’t we?’

‘Um … yeah,’ he said uncertainly, frowning down at their hands. ‘Thanks anyway,’ he looked up at Aideen and smiled.

‘Okay. Some other time maybe.’ She turned to go.

Luca went to withdraw his hand as Aideen walked away, but Claire held on to it, intertwining her fingers with his.

‘Claire …’

Still holding his hand, she leaned in and kissed the corner of his mouth, willing him to meet her halfway. She hardly knew what she was doing, acting purely on instinct. She just knew she didn’t want him to be with that girl – or any girl except her. She kissed the other side of his mouth coaxingly.

‘Claire … stop.’ He looked cross as he snatched his hand away. He stood abruptly, collecting the empty dishes from the table, and stomped into the caravan.

Claire gathered up the glasses and empty wine bottle and followed him. He was throwing the dishes into the sink with a clatter, his back rigid with tension as he leaned on the counter. She dumped the glasses on the table and went over to him.

‘Luca.’ She put a hand on his shoulder and when he turned to face her, she swooped in and kissed him again. His lips were firm, and tasted fresh and briny, like the sea. But they were unyielding, and then he was pushing her away.

‘Jesus, Claire, give me a break!’ he yelled, as he held her at arm’s length.

She flinched at the harshness of his tone.

‘Sorry.’ He released her and raked a hand through his hair. ‘But I’m trying to be a friend here, and you’re not making it easy. You said you don’t want us to be … together that way any more so I’ve kept my distance. You wanted me to keep my hands to myself, and I have. But you can’t keep doing this. I don’t know what you want from me.’

‘I want this,’ she said, putting her hand on the back of his neck and pulling his face down.

He leaned his forehead against hers, resisting the pressure of her hand urging him to go the last couple of centimetres. ‘No,’ he said, shaking his head. ‘You don’t.’

‘I’ve changed my mind.’ She kissed him again pleadingly, and she felt him start to respond, but he wrenched his lips away.

‘Don’t,’ he breathed against her mouth. ‘Look, if this is about that Aideen girl, I told you—’