Some Kind of Normal (19 page)

His eyes were on me, those electric blue eyes that I'd loved since I could remember, vibrant and alive. He smiled, a reassuring warm smile, and I noticed the sunbeams coming in, bathing him in the light that I'd missed for so long.

He was everything that was good. Everything that was kind and compassionate. Things would be okay, wouldn't they?

I mean how could these people not see the beauty and kindness in front of them? Why should they even care about who he loved in his private time, when it was so obvious that he loved them all?

My heart swelled, looking up at him, but when he started speaking, I didn't hear his words. I was too caught up in the sunbeams, too hypnotized by their magic as the light moved around him like it was alive.

I thought of my mother and my heart constricted, because I knew hers was broken. I just hoped that one day she'd find someone who could love her the way that she deserved to be loved. All in and full of bravery.

It's what all of us deserve. Pretty simple, really.

Even someone who thinks that they don't deserve it. Someone like Trevor Lewis.

I'd sent Everly at least twenty text messages in the last twelve hours, and she hadn't returned one. Seriously, I was that pathetic, and even Link told me to cut it out. Said that I was turning into a pussy and that girls don't like guys who try too hard.

“She hates me,” I muttered.

“Who hates you?” Taylor asked with a yawn. It was ten o'clock Monday morning, and the parents were gone to work. Taylor had just been hired at the local Dairy Queen and was up early (for her at least—she was never up before noon most days).

“Oh, never mind,” she said, reaching for a box of pasta, the breakfast of champions, according to her. “Everybody hates you because you've been an A-hole for the last few weeks.”

Guess I had that one coming.

“So have you talked to Everly?” Taylor asked as she filled a pot with water.

“No.”

“Really? She still hates you too?”

“Yep,” I replied darkly.

“Can't say that I blame her. I mean, you did blow her off like she didn't matter.”

“Is there a point to this?”

Taylor made a face. “So did you know? I mean, that her dad was gay?”

“No.”

Word had spread fast in our small town of Twin Oaks. There was gossip and then there was
gossip
. A pastor confessing he was gay? That was the feeding frenzy kind of gossip.

“Well, I think he's the bravest person I know. I mean, who does that? Like, he just put himself out there, and he had to know that not everyone in this town would like what he had to say.”

“Yeah,” I mumbled.

“You should call her.”

I glanced up sharply. It wasn't like Taylor to be all cheerleader for anyone. But she was right. The only problem? I was pretty sure Everly would blow me off, because that's pretty much what I'd done to her.

“I think that I'm the last person Everly wants to hear from.”

“I heard their house got egged.”

“Who told you that?”

“Megan Chambers. She lives beside then and posted a bunch of crap on Facebook. Said he deserved it. Said Mr. Jenkins was a creep and that he was going to hell. But then, she's such a bitch. I mean, who deserves to get egged? Freaking Megan Chambers, that's who.”

I'd barely managed to process that when there was a hard knock on the back door and Link walked into the house. He worked part-time for a landscaper, and by the looks of him, he'd been mowing a lot of grass. My mom was gonna have a fit when she saw the amount of clippings he'd just tracked onto the floor.

“Dude, watch where you're walking,” Taylor said.

“Sorry.” Link's eyes were on me. “Have you talked to Everly today?”

“No,” I said sharply and maybe a little defensively.

“So you don't know.”

My head whipped up so fast I was surprised I didn't get whiplash.

“Don't know what?” That was Taylor.

Link rolled back on his feet, and I could tell it was not good. “Man, the church was vandalized, like bad, and uh, Hales is over there with her.”

He paused for one second, but I was already on my feet. I had to do something. Anything to make up for my epic fail as a boyfriend. Or whatever we'd been to each other.

“Hey, wait up,” Taylor said as she ran to the stove and turned the burner off. “I'm coming too.”

We hopped into Link's truck, and about ten minutes later, we pulled over in front of the church.

“Shit,” I muttered, because really, there wasn't anything else to say.

The three of us stared up at the white clapboard building. The church had been there for as long as I could remember, but it had never looked like this. Words had been spray-painted across the front doors. On either side of the main windows. I could see stuff written down the one side.

They were words meant to hurt.

Faggot

Kill
the
gay

Sinner

Gays
burn
in
hell

“Who would do something like that?” Taylor asked.

I didn't even care. Not really. I mean, the guys that did this? Bunch of lowlife dickheads with nothing better to do than spread their own small-minded kind of hate. All I cared about was Everly.

I hopped out of the truck and jogged up the steps, Taylor and Link following behind me. I pushed open the front doors, and for a moment I couldn't see shit. It was dark, and my eyes were still blinking out the sunlight.

When my eyes adjusted, I almost wished they hadn't, because it was more of the same in here. Awful stuff spray-painted everywhere, and a couple of the pews looked like someone took a sledgehammer to them.

I saw Hailey and a group of girls up near the pulpit. She looked up when we walked in. Even from here, I could tell she'd been crying. I spied the sheriff talking with Pastor Jenkins to the right. I saw Mrs. Henney and a few other ladies I recognized gathered in a small group, speaking quietly.

But I didn't see Everly.

“Thanks for coming, guys,” Hailey said when she reached us.

“Where is she?” I asked. “It's just so…so… I don't even have a word for it.”

“I know. It's awful.” She exhaled and glanced behind me. “Did you get the stuff?”

I didn't care about stuff or anything else. All I cared about was Everly.

“Where is she?” I asked again, stepping forward and nearly tripping over the paint cans that Link brought.

“Out back. She needed some air, and I told her not to go out front because, well…”

But I was already moving past Hailey. I ran to the back of the church and took the side door out. There was a small parking area here, and I followed a worn footpath that led around back. And that's where I found her.

She was staring up at the building but turned when I rounded the corner. The girl literally took my breath away. I couldn't speak, and even though all I wanted to do was walk up to her and fold her into my arms, my legs were suddenly made of cement and I couldn't move.

She sniffled and pushed back that piece of hair that I loved and tucked it behind her ear. For a few seconds there was only silence filling the space between us, a heavy, sad silence.

I shoved my hands into the front pockets of my jeans, because I didn't know what else to do with them, and for those few seconds, I felt like the biggest loser on the planet. Why hadn't I been there for her? Had I screwed things up so badly that she didn't want to talk to me?

“Hey,” she said, her voice hoarse and barely above a whisper.

My chest tightened, and I had to force myself to swallow this big-ass lump that was all of a sudden blocking my throat.

“Everly, I'm…I'm so sorry for your dad and the church and…everything else.” I cleared my throat. “Shit, I don't know what to say.”

Wow. Pretty much the most pathetic apology ever.

“Yeah,” she said. “So am I.”

“Is there anything…I mean, I…” What the hell? Just say it.

I found my legs and strode toward her, eyes focused, my heart open and my head finally clear. When I reached her, I didn't hesitate. I just folded her into my arms and held her. She started to cry right away, and damn, my heart felt like it was going to break into a million little pieces.

She went real quiet, and for a moment I was scared that I'd totally screwed this up yet again. She wriggled a bit, and even though I didn't want to, I let her go.

We stared at each other for a long time. How long? I have no clue. But it was long enough for me to know that things weren't going to be easy. And long enough for me to know that I didn't care.

I'd do whatever it took to make it up to this girl.

“I'm glad that you're here,” she said softly. “My dad will appreciate it. But Trevor, shutting me out because you felt sorry for yourself was selfish and wrong.”

My heart felt as if it was twisting. “I know. I didn't mean to. You gotta believe me. I couldn't see past my own pain.”

“We all have pain.”

“I know. I just…I was embarrassed about the seizures. It's totally uncool, you know? For a guy to just lose it in front of his girlfriend? I hated that you saw me like that. Hated that it will probably happen again. You deserve someone who's…”

“Who's what?”

Uncomfortable, I shifted my feet. “You deserve someone who's not screwed up. Someone who's normal. Not some freak on the floor.”

“I get it,” she said softly. “But you hurt me, Trevor, and I can't just forget how that felt. It's up to me who I want to be with. If we're going to be anything. If we're going to be an ‘us,' then you can't run when things get tough, and you can't push me away. If we're going to work, then you need to be all in. I'm not settling for anything less. I deserve at least that. We all do. Even my dad.”

“I'm all in.” And I was. God, was I ever.

Her eyes were huge, her skin pale. But she looked fierce as she gazed up at me.

“Maybe you are. Maybe you're not. Maybe you like the idea of being all in, but the idea is a lot less complicated than the reality. The reality is hard. The reality can suck sometimes. But the reality can also be amazing.”

My heart was pounding. Couldn't she hear it?

“You have to believe me, Everly. You believe me, right?”

She glanced up at the building, and I followed her gaze, wincing when I saw the ugliness there. Guess the bastards had decided to spread their hate all over the place.

“What I do know, right now, in this moment, is that this wall needs to be painted. What I do know is that the hate that's up there? That hate needs to be obliterated. That's about all I have right now. That's all I know.”

I stared at her for a long time. I saw her pain, and I knew that it was going to take time to get her trust back. The old Trevor might have said, “screw it,” because he would have been afraid of rejection. But this new me, the one who wasn't perfect or normal or anything of the sort? Well, this new me was willing to put this girl ahead of himself.

She was the one, after all. The one my dad had warned me about. The girl who'd knocked me on my ass. And it was up to me to make her realize that even though I'd been a douche bag, she needed me as much as I needed her.

“We should get started,” I said.

“Started?”

“Link brought some paint.” I nodded to the wall. “We should get started.”

“You don't need to do this,” she replied.

“I know I don't need to. I want to. If you'll let me.”

She chewed her bottom lip for a few moments and then spoke so softly, I barely heard her. “Okay.”

We went back inside, and after I shook her father's hand and offered whatever support I could give, we grabbed a can of paint and a couple of brushes and headed out back. Taylor, Link, and Hailey were already busy out front.

We painted in silence for a while, and then she nudged me with her elbow. “You've been studying?”

“Been trying. It's just not as much fun on my own.”

“When's your test again?”

I scowled. “Next week.”

“I could be persuaded to help you do a last-minute cram.”

“Really?”

“Yep.” She slapped her brush against the wall and finished off her section. “If you play your guitar and sing me that song that you told me about, I will give you one hundred percent of my tutoring capabilities, and you're guaranteed to pass.”

“Song?”

“The Lynyrd Skynyrd one. ‘Simple Kind of Man.' Your favorite.”

God, this girl. She remembered.

Could I do it? Could I pick up that guitar and finally sing? Could I try?

“It's a date.”

“It's not a date.”

“No?” I slapped on some more paint.

“It's a beginning, Trevor.”

“I'm good with that.”

We worked in silence for the rest of the afternoon. Sure, we made small talk and stuff, and even though things weren't all tied up in a pretty bow, I needed to believe we'd be all right.

So even though the thought of playing guitar and singing a song in front of a crowd scared the ever-lovin' crap out of me, I would do it.

I was either going to rock it or I was going to crash and burn, but at least I'd have Everly with me. And failure didn't look so bad when the prize was the girl I loved.

“You ready yet, girlie?”

I pulled my boots on and glanced up as Hailey walked into my room. She gave a low whistle and I blushed, because I was already considering changing. She caught my look and shook her head.

“Uh-huh. No way. You look way too hot, and Trevor is going to be drooling like a sick dog.”

I stood and glanced at myself in the mirror. “I don't know. Are you sure?”

She gave me the look, the high eyebrow, are-you-even-kidding-me look, and I grabbed my gloss and shoved it into my purse.

I'd dug through my closet and found a denim skirt that may or may not have been on the short side. I'd pulled on a pair of spandex shorts because, well, you know, the bending-over thing could be dicey. Paired with an indigo-colored halter top and my boots, I was kind of rocking some weird sort of country/rock thing.

“The guys are waiting. Let's go.”

I followed her out of my room. “Do you know where we're going?”

“Yes, I do,” she said with a giggle. “But I'm on strict orders not to say a word.”

It was Friday night, and my week had been full of highs, mostly because of Trevor, and a few lows. The highs kind of balanced out the crap that my family was dealing with, and I was grateful for that.

I spied Trevor before he saw me, and just like every single time I saw him, he took my breath away. He was chatting with my father, arms crossed over his chest as he nodded to whatever Dad was saying. He wore a plain black T-shirt, faded jeans, and a pair of Docs. The ends of his hair were damp, as if he'd just showered, that blue streak fading a bit, and he was sporting the unshaved look (which I totally adored).

I stepped off the last stair, and whoop, there went my stomach again. His eyes were intense, and the smile that lit up his face when he saw me made me feel like I was the only person in the room. Stupid and kind of cliché, but there you have it.

It was hard not to let him know how twisted up inside I was. And as much as he'd apologized and told me that he'd never push me away again, there was still a part of me that was afraid. That kind of pain wasn't something I ever wanted to feel again.

“Hey,” I said.

He smiled and shook my father's hand. “We won't be too late, sir.”

“It's Eric, and I'm going to hold you to that.”

“Okay,” Link said, reaching for Hailey. “We better go or we're going to be late.”

I slid in beside Trevor but made it a point to keep some distance between us.

“You look beautiful,” he said, voice a little rough.

I didn't answer, because I wasn't really sure what to say. Did I tell him that he looked so gorgeous it made my heart ache? Did I tell him that when his eyes met mine, some little piece of me melted?

Hailey cranked the tunes, and that filled the silence between us until Link pulled over to the curb several minutes later.

“We're here,” Link said.

I peered out the window and saw that we were downtown. I spied the Coffee House across the street, and even though it was hot as sin, the patio was full. Groups of kids milled around, and there was a steady stream of teens moving inside.

“What's going on?” I asked.

“Word got out, I guess.” Link was grinning like an idiot as he and Hailey started forward. I didn't have a chance to say anything else, because Trevor grabbed my hand and we followed them across the street.

A few kids yelled out to Trevor and he nodded, a smile on his face and a lightness in him that I'd never noticed before. It was packed inside the Coffee House, and as soon as I saw the two guitars up on the small stage at the back, I knew.

Heart pounding, I let him put his arm across my shoulder and guide me through the crowd. We had to stop a few times, guys wanting to high-five him and slap his shoulder. He was polite and introduced me to every single person he talked to. Several of them mentioned what had gone down with my dad, and the cool thing was that every single one of them was supportive.

We finally made it to the front where Hales was already seated, and Link winked at us. “So we gonna do this or what?”

Trevor was nodding, his eyes on me, his hands on either side of my face.

“I wouldn't be doing this if it wasn't for you,” he said, voice a little rough. “And I don't even know if I'm going to be all that good, but for you, I'll try.” He cleared his throat. “I'm all in, Everly. You have to know that.”

I took a moment. I ignored the scared voice inside me—the one that said he might hurt me again—and I nodded.

I reached for his hands, my fingers caressing the tattoos on his knuckles. Courage. Strength. I stared at them until the symbols blurred. Until my heart was pounding so hard and loud, I was sure he could hear it.

I was either all in or I wasn't. There was no more figuring this out.

I leaned into him. “I know.” And then I stood on my toes and kissed him. And I mean, kissed him. There were catcalls and whistles, and when I finally broke away, we were both breathing heavy.

“I love you,” I whispered.

Trevor rested his forehead on mine. “You know that I love you too, right?”

“Show me,” I said with a smile. He took a step back and nodded. He knew. That was enough.

He turned and hopped onto the stage, striding across it like he owned it. He grabbed a guitar, and Link grabbed the other one, and then they were sitting right in front of us.

Trevor flexed his fingers and then started strumming, but his eyes were on me and they never left. He cleared his throat a couple of times and then started to speak.

There's this extra cadence that you can hear when someone is on a mic, like, it picks up all the warm parts and makes them larger than life. Trevor's voice was like that—I had the whole goose bumps thing going on. I had it huge. And man, it felt great.

“It feels good to be back,” he said to a chorus of cheers and
we
love
you
. “Yeah,” he said with a grin that melted my heart. “I love you too.”

He kept strumming his guitar, and Link joined in, the two of them filling up the place with something that was perfect.

“I've had a shit year, you know? But ah, this girl right here.” He pointed to me, and the place erupted into more catcalls and whistles. “I know, right?” He laughed. “Well, this girl taught me a few things over the summer.”

Someone shouted something that I didn't quite get, but Trevor laughed and shook his head. “No way, man. Some stuff is just for me, got it?”

More catcalls and whistles.

And then his playing got softer, more intimate, and I thought that if I wasn't careful, I'd drown in his eyes.

“I haven't played this particular guitar in over a year and, uh, I'm glad that my dad's here to see it put to good use again.”

I cranked my head around and spied Trevor's parents near the coffee bar, along with his sister Taylor. His dad raised his chin, and his smile was so huge I could see it from where I sat.

“I'd try to play my old Epiphone, but my chops, well, they weren't up to snuff. I almost gave up, and the only reason I'm here tonight is because of this girl right here. Everly Jenkins.” His eyes were on, intense, and beautiful. “I love you.”

Okay, I was blushing and blushing hard.

“This song is for you.”

And then something magical happened. Trevor closed his eyes and started to sing a song about a man who loved his mother and loved his God. It was a beautiful song. A simple song. It was a song about love, acceptance, and listening to your heart.

I don't know if he screwed up, got the words wrong, or played the wrong notes. If he did? It didn't matter, not to me anyway. He was up there for himself, and he was up there for me. Singing to me. Singing a song that made my throat tight and my heart ache. A song that I would never forget.

It was Trevor's song.

And for that one perfect moment, it was my song too.