SOMEONE DIFFERENT (16 page)

Finally, when Mum calmed herself, she said, ‘Oh, and, Annabel, I’ve been telling Rory and Gillian about Tia being somewhat of a handful at the moment. They’ve promised to pop over when Rory’s next home from school; you know, to see if they can offer any advice?’

I didn’t care by then. If they’d have been making arrangements for me to go swimming with hungry bull sharks I wouldn’t have reacted. All that consumed me was dread. I dreaded the holiday. I dreaded spending a week with Rory, and even the thought of spending a whole week away from Jay made me feel like I was being strangled.
A whole week?
I wondered again where he was; what if a week away was the least of my worries, what if I never saw him again, ever?

Vaguely, I heard Mum say something about ‘new curtains’ and ‘conservatory’, and she and Gillian stood up and walked towards the door. I looked at them, realising with a start that I was about to be left alone with Rory. But before I could say or do anything, they’d disappeared, and Rory was striding across the lounge towards me. I knocked a cushion off the sofa as I jumped to my feet. But Rory caught my arm.

‘Annabel, please, don’t go.’ He looked at me and smiled. ‘Please, just listen to me for a second.’

I hesitated. He held my arm incredibly gently, and his face showed nothing but concern. When he nodded down at where I’d been sitting, I found myself sinking back into the sofa.

He picked the cushion up off the silk rug, then sat next to me; carefully and obviously leaving a generous gap. ‘Look, about the other night, I really am sorry. I’ve thought of nothing else since, but I wanted to see you in person to explain.’

His voice sounded totally sincere, and I allowed myself to relax slightly; relieved it was all just a huge mistake and we could leave it behind us.

‘I’ve bought you this,’ he said, reaching into his shirt pocket. ‘To show you how much I really do care.’

The small white box had ‘PANDORA
Club
’ written across the top.

I gawped at it as he lifted the lid gradually, and revealed a solid silver bracelet covered with glittering charms.

‘Wow; it’s stunning,’ I said. ‘But, really, it’s too much, I can’t –’

‘Shush. I knew you’d like it – try it on,’

He fastened the bracelet around my wrist and beamed at it. Actually it was way too big, but he didn’t seem to notice, and I didn’t want to seem ungrateful.

‘Thank you,’ I said. ‘There was no need to, honestly, but it is beautiful.’

‘Just like you.’ He took hold of my hand. ‘Which is why I did what I did when we were in your room. I’ve just never seen you look like that before. I couldn’t help myself.’ He gazed at me with his head slightly on one side. ‘And it’s why I’ve been hoping you feel the same way?’

‘Oh!’ I pulled my hand out of his and the expression on his face switched to one of disbelief. ‘I, err ...’ Where were the words?
I twisted my wrist; the new bracelet suddenly feeling much heavier. ‘Rory, I ... I’ve just never thought of you like that; you know, because ... well, because we’ve been friends for so long?’

‘That should make it easier, shouldn’t it; that we know each other ... intimately?’

‘But –’

‘Come on, Annabel.’ He nudged closer and placed his warm hand lightly on my knee. ‘We’d be perfect together, I’m sure of it; please, just give me the chance to prove it to you.’

His hopeful face made me soften. Somehow, having him close seemed OK then. At that moment, I so desperately needed someone close; someone who cared, someone who was there.

I closed my eyes and almost smiled, but suddenly it wasn’t Rory’s hand I could feel touching me anymore, it was Jay’s. Because that’s who I wanted really, wasn’t it? Not Rory. Jay. And only Jay – even if he didn’t want me anymore.

I shook my head. ‘Rory, I’m sorry... I can’t’

‘Why?’

‘Because ...’ My eyes flitted over his shoulder and I stared through the window at the frost-covered cherry tree outside. Because when I think of you in that way it feels like an ant trail is crawling up my spine, because you can be such a smug, arrogant, idiot sometimes, and most importantly, because I can’t get Jay out of my mind. But how could I say any of it?

Rory’s fingers tightened around my knee. ‘Are you already seeing someone?’ he asked.

I wanted to say yes more than anything. Surely that would’ve put him off once and for all. But was I still seeing someone? Did Jay still want me? I forced the tears back. Either way, I knew I didn’t want Rory.

‘No, it’s not that.’ I dug around in my head, found nothing, and fell back on the old excuses. ‘It’s just school, and Tia – I really don’t have the time for anyone right now, and you know how parents can be; they don’t like anything to interfere.’

‘I’m sure they wouldn’t mind
me
interfering.’

My shoulders stiffened.

‘Look how keen your mum was for you to join us on holiday.’

What could I say?

‘Oh, go on, I want us to be together so much.’ He bowed his head forward until his face hovered centimetres away from mine. ‘And I know you want it too; you’ve just got to relax and let it happen.’

His fingers inched further up my thigh, but as I drew away, they stopped. Quickly, he swapped the frown that flashed across his face for a broad smile. ‘OK, OK,’ he said sweetly. ‘They say the best things are worth waiting for, don’t they? You take your time, give it some thought ... I’ll still be here when you change your mind.’

My eyes found the cherry tree again as he kissed my cheek, then he left, and a few seconds later I heard him speaking to Mum in the kitchen.

I curled my legs up and leaned back. My thumbnail slipped between my front teeth. What was I going to do? With Jay, everything was so easy. I could cope with Rory and Sophie and school. I could cope with anything. But without him, I felt pathetic. How much longer would I be able to hold Rory off?

He might leave it, eventually, I supposed? If I managed to avoid him for long enough, he might get bored; move on ...

That would’ve been a good plan, wouldn’t it? If it hadn’t have been for that bloody skiing holiday.

Why? I knew Mum and Dad had been friends with Gillian and David for years, I knew my dad and his worked together on business deals all the time, but why, all of a sudden, had everyone decided Rory and I were made for each other?

The door opened and I sat up straight as the three of them stared in at me.

‘Annabel; Rory and Gillian are leaving now,’ Mum said.

The nail slipped from my lips. ‘Oh, right, bye.’

Gillian’s face glowed with a smile; Rory’s darkened into a smirk. ‘I’ll see you really soon,’ he said.

***

Never, has an afternoon passed so slowly. Mum went shopping, and I only narrowly managed to avoid it by going back to the stables and promising to ride Tia again. But every time a figure emerged on to the yard I held my breath, and every time I realised it wasn’t him, the ache in my stomach got heavier.

And then, at four o’clock, Becky came out of the office. She hung up the phone, stared at me, and her normally pink cheeks lost all their colour.

‘What’s wrong?’ I asked.

She put her hand on the top of my arm. ‘I’ve just got through to Jay’s father,’ she said slowly.

My stomach felt like it was trying to squeeze its way out of my throat. ‘And ... what did he say?’

‘Jay’s been hurt, Anna ... badly. He’s in hospital ...’

Oh my God. The concrete seemed to shudder and crack under my feet. Hurt? Badly? How badly ...?

I snapped my head up and Becky’s hand dropped to her side as Dad came out of the tack-room. ‘Some of those saddles could do with a good clean,’ he said. Then he noticed Becky’s face. ‘Is something wrong?’

‘It’s Jay.’

He frowned.

‘The lad who should have been working here today?’

‘Oh, right – yes?’

‘I’ve just spoken to his dad; Jay’s in intensive care. I don’t know all the details – his dad was a little vague – but apparently he had to have emergency surgery during the night; he’s critically ill, with severe head injuries.’

‘Oh, well that explains why he’s not here then. I hope he makes a speedy recovery; you’ll have to keep me informed, Becky. Now, about these saddles, where’s Cathy?’

I stared at him as he wandered off to find someone to clean his precious bloody saddles, and I almost screamed. What was wrong with him? How could he be like that?

Becky shook her head slightly as I turned back to her. ‘Is he going to be alright?’ I asked.

‘I can’t say, love. He was attacked; he got beaten quite badly – him and his friend.’

‘Billy?’

‘Oh, I don’t know; I never asked.’

‘Do you know anything else?’

‘Only that he’s in the City Hospital. His dad was there earlier, but he said Jay was “out of it” so there was no point staying any longer.’

I closed my eyes for a second, then took a long breath.

Becky smiled, put her arm around me and gave me a hug. ‘He’ll be receiving the best possible care, I’m sure. And if I find anything else out, I’ll let you know straightaway, yes?’

I nodded and stepped away. Then in some kind of a daze, I tried to walk back to the house.

How could I have been so quick and heartless? How could I have doubted him; thought he’d dumped me, thought he’d forgotten about me and gone off with someone else? What an idiot. Was that what I’d do whenever something went wrong? Blame it on his background? Put it down to the fact his house was a mess? Wonder what else I should’ve expected from someone like that?

I hated myself for it, and I was so, so sorry. Because all that time, he’d been lying ill in hospital and having surgery.

I wrapped my coat around myself as Becky’s words rang in my head again; not just ill, c
ritically ill.
Oh, God. Did that mean he could die? Is that what critical meant? Or did it just mean serious? It sounded worse than serious, didn’t it? But I wasn’t sure. What if he did; what if he died?

I stared up at the dusky sky through the trees. No, please don’t let that happen.

Because then everything would go back to how it used to be; dark and lonely, and hard and pointless. And I couldn’t live like that anymore. I needed him. I needed to feel him against me, have him touch me, see him looking at me. I couldn’t go back to being on my own.

I gripped my coat tighter. And what I needed at that minute, what I had to do more than anything, was to get to him. One way or another, I had to get to that hospital.

I wondered about turning back and asking Becky to take me. We could make up some excuse – I don’t know, that she was taking me with her to pick up some horse feed or something. But would she do it? And even if she did, was it fair? It’d be a bit awkward for her, wouldn’t it; lying to her employers, secretly taking their daughter to see the boyfriend they didn’t even know she had?

No, I’d have to think of something else. I dragged my heels along for another few minutes until my message alert sounded. For one desperate second, I hoped it might be Jay. It wasn’t of course, but it was the next best thing.

Go on, come to the party? Id luv it if u did, Lizzie x x

That was it! I hurried on home, texting Lizzie back as I walked. Her house couldn’t be more than twenty minutes from the hospital, once I’d persuaded Mum or Dad to drop me off there, the rest of it would be easy.

***

City Hospital had fifteen floors. The woman at reception told me Jay was on ‘K’, and as the lift chugged up past A, B, C and D, my heart chugged along with it. I buttoned my jacket to the top; the glitzy dress I had on underneath made me feel so conspicuous, but finding something that convinced Mum and Dad I’d be dancing the night away at Lizzie’s party, but that was also suitable for visiting someone critically ill in hospital, was, to say the least, tricky.

When I found the ward, a nurse pointed me in the direction of Jay’s room. Although I hadn’t been able to wait to get there, as I actually stood outside the door, I hesitated. What should I expect – tubes, bleeping machines, drips ...?

I took another second to steady myself, then slowly pushed open the door.

Oh, Jay ...

He looked so pale. Not even white, but a kind of translucent grey. His eyes were closed, and a bluish shadow clung to the edge of his lips. One side of his head was covered by a white dressing, and two needles attached to plastic tubes had been taped into place on the back of his hands.

I pulled a chair up to the bed and sat down. You could tell he wasn’t just sleeping normally, it was different to that somehow; deeper, stiller, scarier. I wanted to touch him so badly, but it took a while for me to build up the courage; I’d never seen anyone look so ill or so fragile before.

When I did hold his hand though, the warmth reassured me, and as I moved my fingers slightly I detected the pulse in his wrist. My fingers stayed in that exact spot for a long time. That pulse suddenly became the most important thing in my life.

I’m not sure how long I’d been sitting there when the door swung open. A slim woman dressed in black leggings and a short-sleeved denim jacket walked in, she paused for a second when she saw me, then moved forward to stand at the other side of the bed. As she looked down at Jay, her dull, limp hair fell across her face. She shook her head and sniffed, before she pushed her hair back and turned to me.

‘So, who are you?’ she said.

‘I’m ... a friend, a friend of Jay’s.’

‘Are you his bird?’

I couldn’t help smiling a little. ‘Well, yes; I suppose I am.’

‘He’s done alright there then, an’t he?’

She grinned, and I held my smile in place whilst trying not to stare at the gap where one of her front teeth was missing. She sniffed again and said, ‘I’m his mum.’

‘Oh!’ I looked at her for a second time
, and then saw them; Jay’s huge, chocolate brown eyes. But hers were harder, colder, jumpier. And although she couldn’t have been more than about thirty-two or three, the shadows underneath them and the wrinkles around them, were engrained.

She dragged a chair closer to the bed and perched on the edge. Her fingers found one of her huge, gold-coloured, dangly earrings and she wound them around it then let it go repeatedly.

‘D’ya know what’s actually up with him?’ she asked.

I shook my head. ‘No, not really.’

‘Me neither. They said they’d come in an’ talk to me about it in a bit. I hope they’re not long.’ The hand that didn’t play with the earring fidgeted constantly on her knee. ‘Has his dad been?’

‘Earlier, I think, but I haven’t seen him.’

‘Thank God for that; last thing I need, innit, meetin’ up with that old bastard. I knew if I left it ’til now he’d be gone though; there in’t a chance in hell of him meckin’ it to this time without bein’ pissed.’ She uncrossed her legs and held the seat of the chair with both hands. ‘Has his dad ... ya know ... been keepin’ his hands to himself lately?’

‘I’m not sure what you mean?’

‘I mean ... you know, does he still go on one when he’s plastered?’

My face showed my confusion. ‘I’m sorry, really I
–’

She sighed. ‘It dun’t matter. You’ve not been with him long, have ya?’

‘Just a few weeks, but –’

Again, the door swung open. This time a doctor appeared; she smiled, then picked up the clipboard from the end of Jay’s bed and examined it. After a minute she looked at his mum. ‘Has anyone explained Jayden’s condition to you yet?’ she said.

His mum shook her head.

‘You know he was brought in following an attack?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Well unfortunately, as a result of that, Jayden suffered something called extradural haematoma. It means bleeding occurred around his brain. Potentially that’s very serious, and without surgery it would certainly have been fatal. But we diagnosed it in time, and Jayden underwent an operation during the night. The pressure from the bleeding was relieved, and the prognosis is now much more positive.’

Jay’s mum sniffed and rubbed her nose with the back of her hand. ‘So, are you sayin’ he’s gonna be alright then?’

‘When we brought him round from the anaesthetic, all the signs were good. This treatment has a significant success rate; there’s a very good chance he’ll make a full recovery.’

I grasped Jay’s wrist a little more tightly and looked at the doctor. ‘When you say a very good chance, what does that mean – what are the percentages?’

She smiled. ‘Jayden was unconscious when we operated, which does affect his chances slightly, but we would still expect eighty percent of patients who’ve been in his condition to achieve a full recovery, and usually within a very short space of time.’

I stared down at the needle in the back of his hand. Eighty percent. It sounded good, didn’t it? It was good. But what about the other twenty? What if Jay was one of them?

The doctor placed the clipboard back and I sensed her looking at me.

‘He’s doing fantastically well,’ she said softly. ‘Every hour that goes by means he’s more likely to get well again.’

I nodded but couldn’t look up.

‘Is there anything else you’d like to know?’

His mum shrugged. ‘Nah, I don’t think so.’

‘OK, well just ask someone if you do need anything.’

The doctor left and it stayed quiet for a few minutes. Jay’s mum took her phone out and scrolled up and down the screen. Then she put it away, fiddled with her earring again, and eventually stood up.

‘Oh well, I’d better get back; I’ve left the little uns with a neighbour.’

My eyes finally drifted up from Jay’s hand. ‘He’s got younger brothers and sisters?’ I asked.

‘Yeah, three of ’em. An eight year gap I had after him, then three of the little bleeders in four years.’ She moved closer to Jay’s head. She reached out and almost touched him, but then her hand fell on to the bed instead. ‘I’ll see ya later,’ she said. ‘An’ don’t worry, he’ll be OK; he’s a tough un ... he’s always had to be.’

She took a packet of cigarettes from her jacket pocket as she walked to the door, then Jay and I were alone again.

I stood up and smoothed some creases out of the sheet covering his chest. The new bruise on the left-hand-side of his face was only a little way back from the old one. Leaning forwards slowly, I kissed his right cheek, then I stayed there for a minute, just gently snuggling my cheek against his. ‘I love you,’ I whispered.

I jumped back up then; where had those words come from? And as I stared down at his ashen face, another surprise followed quickly; Jay’s beautiful eyes, flickered open.

27 – Jay

I was scared to look at first in case it wasn’t her. It smelt like her and it felt like her, but what if I’d got it wrong?

Before I’d even focussed properly though, she talked to me, and my face relaxed into a smile.