Something Like Rain (Something Like... Book 8) (63 page)

Jason snorted. “They’re crazy.”

“I know. I also found a vineyard with a similar setup, and they want just as much.”

“Do they provide the wine too?”

“I don’t think either place gives you anything. You still have to worry about food, decorations, and everything else.”

They exchanged worried glances.

“There’s got to be somewhere cheaper,” Jason said. “I’ll help you look when we’re back at the apartment.”

Those results weren’t much better. They found a bar and grill that wanted three thousand, but at least they would cater. That was fine for the reception, but where would the ceremony take place? Outside in the parking lot? They made call after call and kept writing down estimates, none of which were in their comfort zone. While technically they could afford some of them, the drain on their bank accounts would be devastating.

“We need to find somewhere free,” William said. “What about St. Edwards Park? Nobody is out there. We’ll set it up, have the ceremony, and remove the decorations before anyone notices.”

Jason grinned. “I don’t want to play lookout while Ben and Tim are taking their vows. What about your mom’s house? We’ll have the ceremony in the backyard, then—”

William tapped a rough guest list they had drawn up. “Fifty people or more crammed inside the living room if it starts to rain? I love my mom, but our house is already cluttered.”

“Ugh.” Jason rubbed his forehead wearily. “I think we’ve discovered the real reason Ben and Tim haven’t done this yet.”

“No kidding. I had no idea it was so expensive. You could ask Marcello.”

“I don’t like hitting him up for money.”

“No, I mean his house. You know, the one with the ballroom?”

“True,” Jason said, “but that’s where Tim works. Not all the time, but he helps with most of the fundraisers. I want it to be somewhere romantic for them both.”

“Their house,” William said instantly. Every time he visited, the vibe was really positive. “They both seem happy there.”

“They’ve got this thing about being alone,” Jason said, eyeing him curiously. “I used to not get it. These days I think I do.”

William smiled. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. That’s why they live outside of town. They like the solitude.” He nibbled a thumbnail, lost in thought. Then looked up. “It really would be the perfect place. I want this to be a surprise though.”

“So we wait until a time they’re usually not home, or make up some errand they both have to go on. Dentist appointments?”

“Not much of a wedding day memory. Besides, we’ll need a lot of time to set up everything. More than a few hours. If only they had plans to go out of town.”

William dragged the laptop toward him. “We can make that happen.” He looked up a bed and breakfast. A couple of nights there was a lot cheaper than the cost of renting a wedding venue. He showed Jason, feeling excited. “We’ll give them a trip as an anniversary present. I’m sure I made them suspicious by asking the things I did. They’ll think this is the reason why, but when they come home…”

Jason peered at the website. “That could work.”

“It really could! It’ll be a lot of effort, but I’m willing.”

Jason still seemed uncertain. “Think they’ll be happy we did this?”

William shrugged. “You know them best. Do you think they should get married?”

Jason laughed. “If not them, then I don’t know who!”

* * * * *

Sharon smoked one cigarette after another, standing outside the ambulance as a courtesy, not that it did much good. She was on the passenger side where William sat and monitored the radio in case they were dispatched. He was hoping for any assignment, no matter how trivial, just to air out the ambulance because smoke was drifting through his window like a ghost on the night air. He would roll up his window, but Sharon was talking about her reality TV shows, rambling on about who didn’t sing well enough and had to be booted off the island, losing the chance to marry the bachelor. Or something like that. He could never keep up.

“I think he’s sleeping with one of the judges.” Sharon was saying, exhaling a plume of smoke in his direction. “He’s got no talent. How else could he make it this far?”

William tried holding his breath until the smoke dissipated. When that didn’t work, he decided to retreat. “Did we restock the saline we used yesterday?”

“I thought you did?”

“I don’t remember. I better do an inventory. Monitor the radio?”

Sharon shrugged, tossed her cigarette butt to the ground, grinded it beneath her foot, and reached for her pack again. William moved to the back of the ambulance and opened a cabinet so he could hide his face behind the door. He sighed. Half an hour and this shift was done. Then he could go home, which meant Jason’s place even though he still wasn’t paying rent. Any lofty ideas William had about not staying there until he could contribute financially had given way to his emotional needs. Few shifts ended without him feeling like he needed a bottle of vodka. The alternative was a sympathetic ear and a pair of arms cuddling him in bed. That’s what he always opted for, but tonight he was seriously considering that vodka.

“We’ve got a call!” Sharon said. He had to give her credit; despite the nasty habit, she was fast. She was already in the driver’s seat, the ambulance’s engine revving, when he made his way to the front. “Babysitter is in a tizzy. It’s probably her first night and she’s surprised by the amount of poop and puke. I bet her dollies never did that!”

“Infant?” William asked.

“Yup. Hold tight!”

Sharon always said that, and for good reason. Jason had once claimed, in a rare instance when William was driving, that he saw a tortoise overtake them. His coworker didn’t share this problem. Sharon drove like the back of the ambulance was on fire and she wanted to outrace it. William tightened his grip on the handle above the window, eyes locked on the road.

“What else do we know?”

Sharon was uncharacteristically quiet. Even a few seconds of silence was rare. “She said the baby looked blue.”

His stomach sank. “Is it breathing?”

“That wasn’t clear.” Sharon turned on the siren as they neared a busy intersection, maybe hoping the noise would drown out any further conversation. What else was there to say? Blue meant that baby wasn’t getting enough oxygen. Every second was critical. William clamped down on his frustration and nerves, mentally going over potential scenarios and the best reactions to each. He went to the back of the van again and fetched a pediatric resuscitation system. When they arrived at a quiet neighborhood, he leapt out of the ambulance the second it started to slow.

William let himself in the house, the babysitter meeting him in the entryway. He was expecting a teenage girl, not an adult woman who was more likely to have experience and less likely to panic without need. She latched on to him, face streaked with tears as she tried yanking him toward the right direction.

“Show me where the baby is,” he said, trying to make his voice sound both reassuring and authoritative. “You go ahead, I’ll follow.”

She finally stopped pulling on him and turned. They hustled to a nursery, the babysitter stopping next to the crib and howling. William looked into it and saw the baby on its back. If the lights hadn’t illuminated the blue lips, the baby would have appeared to be sleeping peacefully. Sharon jostled him, arriving at his side. Then she sighed and shook her head, like they were too late.

That wasn’t good enough for him! William had already collapsed one side of the crib. He fell to his knees to start resuscitation. He did so the old-fashioned way, trusting the seal of his lips more than the manual resuscitator. William was gentle with his breath, straining to see the chest rise, which it did. Good. He moved his mouth away, letting the lungs push the air out naturally before he bent over and tried again. Behind him the babysitter was shouting “I tried that, I tried that, I tried!” Her voice moved farther away, Sharon no doubt making sure he had the space needed to work. Another breath. And another. Nothing. William tried chest compressions, then returned to giving the child air. He wouldn’t quit. Ever. If this was Daisy—

The thought hurt too much to complete. He just knew he couldn’t stop. More oxygen, more compressions, a desperate scrabble at the pediatric kit he had brought, just in case there was something he had forgotten or hadn’t yet tried. They could get the child to the ambulance. The oxygen tube maybe. Or the heart monitor.

“William,” Sharon said, pulling at his shoulder.

He resisted, bending over the baby again, noticing a cartoon elephant on the mattress sheet, a football held in its trunk. A boy. He wouldn’t let these parents lose their son. Not today.

“William,” Sharon tried again.

Another breath. Then five more. As long as the brain was getting oxygen, everything else had time to kick in again.

“It’s SIDS,” Sharon said. “I’ve seen it before.”

Another breath. Just one more would do the trick! He was wrong.
This
one though … If he just kept trying… He leaned back, the tiny face unresponsive and moist from his saliva, a white froth leaking from the nose. He could hear the babysitter’s tormented cries. Sharon had a comforting hand on his shoulder or maybe it was to restrain him from trying again. William looked at the knitted blanket crumpled in one corner of the crib, then at the cheerful mobile hanging above, stars and moons and suns, all with faces and permanent plastic smiles. His eyes moved to the rest of the room, which was full of dreams and hopes. Never had the parents thought when decorating this space that it would be where their child would take his final breath. A sob broke from William’s lips.

“It just happens,” Sharon said. “It’s nobody’s fault. Even if we got here the second the call came in, it wouldn’t have helped.”

William looked up at her, understanding why she smoked so much, because he didn’t see how he could face something like this again. Not without a crutch. He had always known a day would come when he wouldn’t be on time, that the ship would have already sunk, the crew already drowned. He had just never expected that loss to involve a baby.

“I’ll call it in,” Sharon said, patting his shoulder. “Cover him up. Okay?”

William nodded numbly. He waited until she had left the room before he started crying. Then he forced himself to think of the parents. William stood. He wiped the baby’s nose and cheeks clean. Once satisfied, he took the blanket and tucked the baby in, hoping the parents would get the same impression that he had—that their child had passed away peacefully while sleeping, an eternal slumber never to be disturbed.

* * * * *

Hollow. William opened the door to Jason’s apartment, feeling like his insides had been scraped out and thrown away. His body was tired, his head ached, and emotionally… At times he felt nothing. Then a jolt of panic would hit him. He had already called Lily, who snapped at him due to the late hour. William didn’t care. He had to make sure Daisy was okay, tempted to drive to Houston despite her reassurances, because SIDS could happen to anyone’s baby, no matter how vigilant the parents. Daisy was still so young and at high risk until she got past her first six months.

“You’re late,” Jason said, appearing from the bedroom, but his voice was concerned, not accusatory.

Seeing him made William feel vulnerable, the floodgates opening again. Jason held him as he cried. The story poured out of him in small messy bursts as they sat on the couch, remaining in physical contact. Jason clutched his hand or held him while William wept. Eventually his head was lying in a warm lap, Jason stroking his hair, William’s heart just as exhausted as the rest of him.

“You should go see Daisy tomorrow,” Jason said. “That will make you feel better.”

William rolled over to look up at him. “I promised Saturday would be just for you.”

Jason set his jaw. “I don’t care. This is important.”

“I have to work on Sunday. We won’t have a weekend together.”

Jason’s expression remained determined. He had made up his mind.

“Come with me,” William said, touching his neck. “Please.”

“Whenever you want me, I’ll be there.”

“I always want you.” William rolled over again, closing his eyes. “I’d be lost without you.”

“You’d be fine without me,” Jason said, but his caresses resumed. “Tomorrow will be a better day. I promise.”

William nestled in his lap, soft comfort easing him toward sleep. Before he could nod off entirely, Jason made him rise, led him to the bedroom, and as so often before, held him close, trying to keep the world’s hardships at bay.

Chapter Twenty-seven

The next day was indeed better. They listened to music on the drive to Houston, Jason turning down the commercials to do parodies of them in a faux announcer voice. He invented all sorts of ridiculous products, the best being a special soap to help combat greasy goat balls. William laughed so hard at that one that Jason had the product make a few returns, even developing a jingle. He was clearly trying to keep William’s spirits up.

The events of the previous day weighed heavily on William regardless. He kept seeking an impossible solution. He knew he couldn’t bring the baby back, but he wanted to do something for the parents. What good would flowers or well-meaning words be against that sort of pain? He only hoped they had the sort of relationship he and Jason did, where they could depend on each other for support.

By lunchtime they had arrived at the two-bedroom apartment Lily shared with her roommate. Holding Daisy in his arms, seeing firsthand that she was healthy and thriving, worked wonders at chasing away his sorrow, but an edge of anxiety remained.

“I don’t think it will ever go away,” Lily confided when Jason left to pick up burgers. William had just finished changing Daisy’s diaper, telling Lily a condensed version of what had happened the night before. They sat on her bed, the baby between them, as she continued. “A night hasn’t gone by that I don’t worry about SIDS or pneumonia or some health problem the doctors didn’t detect. When she gets older and goes to school, I’ll worry about other kids being mean, or someone trying to snatch her when I’m not looking. Don’t even get me started on everything that can go wrong during the teen years. We’ll never stop worrying. That’s the price of loving her. All we can do is try our best to keep her safe.”

William sighed. “You could have said all this
before
you seduced me.”

Lily laughed. “Do you regret it?”

“The baby or the sex?” Then he answered seriously. “She’s worth every ounce of anxiety and fear. I’d do anything for her.”

“So would I. That gives her better odds. Right?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s nice to see Jason here.”

William nodded. “He wants to be involved too.”

“That’s sweet.” Lily looked mischievous. “I’ve noticed though, that he never holds Daisy.”

“No?” William thought about it. “You’re right! He always refuses.”

“I think he’s scared.”

“Of babies?”

“Only one way to find out.”

They both agreed on the same goal. William tried first. After they had eaten, he asked Jason if he would mind holding Daisy. The response was a mumbled excuse. Lily was cleverer in her approach, waiting until William was washing bottles. “I need to run out and check the mail,” she said, holding out the baby. “Could you take her?”

“I’ll get your mail,” Jason said.

“Not with the neighbors on alert,” she replied. “Someone has been stealing mail. If the neighbors see someone they don’t recognize out there, they’ll call the police. Assuming they don’t start shooting first.”

Jason turned to William, who held up two sudsy hands and shrugged helplessly.

“Just real quick,” Lily pressed. “Five minutes.”

Left without a choice, Jason complied. He insisted first on sitting. Lily sat next to him, showing him how to arrange himself and support the baby’s head. Soon Daisy was cradled in his arms. Lily didn’t go outside for the mail. William stopped the washing-up, drying his hands hurriedly so he could get out his phone and take a photo. Jason looked up from the squirming bundle in his arms and noticed them both.

“You guys suck,” he said, catching on at last, but he smiled and looked down at Daisy with the same wonder that William often felt. “Young lady, you have the same eyes as your father. The same smile too! Just not as many teeth.” Then he started talking in a silly voice. “Where’d all your teethies go? Huh? Who stole your little teethies?”

He was hooked. From the way Daisy gurgled in response, she was too. When Lily offered to take her from him, Jason shook his head. He rocked Daisy, cooed at her when she started crying, and fed her the milk that Lily had pumped earlier. Only when Daisy spit up a little on his shoulder did Jason hand her back to her mother. Lucky for him, Lily had placed a towel over his shoulder before he had started burping the baby.

That evening they went to Michelle and Greg’s place for dinner. When they had learned Jason was in town, they suggested that he and William stay with them. The dinner invitation was extended to Lily and the baby too. With the couple’s two teenage boys joining them, it was a full and lively table. Lily and Daisy returned home afterwards, and the boys wandered off to play video games, leaving the rest of them in the rumpus room. Greg and Jason were drinking beer. William joined Michelle in a bottle of wine, conversation coming easier with each glass.

“Can I tell them?” Jason asked at one point.

“About what?” William asked.

“The wedding.”

Michelle nearly leapt to her feet. “You’re getting married?”

“No,” Jason said, laughing as he toyed with the electric guitar in his lap. “Someone else is.”

“Ben and Tim?” Greg asked, voice a little terse.

“That’s the idea,” William said. “We’re tired of waiting, so we’re going to surprise them. We have a date picked out. The place too! The ceremony will be at their house.”

Michelle seemed confused. “Without them knowing?”

They explained their scheme, feeling proud until Michelle started poking holes in it. “When were you planning on sending out invitations? You need to let people know in advance, especially if they’ll need to travel. You also need to make accommodations. What about the suits? And the cake?”

William and Jason exchanged glances.

Michelle wasn’t finished. “Who’s going to preside over the wedding?”

“I want to be best man,” Greg said. “To both of them. Unless you picked someone already.”

“I hadn’t even thought of that,” Jason admitted. “Um… Could I get another beer?”

Greg laughed, and by the time he returned with two more bottles, Michelle was dictating a list to them. They still had a lot of work, and only about six weeks to do it, but at least they now had help. Michelle and Greg both insisted.

Once their hosts had gone to bed, William and Jason exchanged glances, then started laughing.

“We would have ruined their wedding,” Jason said.

“Yeah. It would have been a disaster.”

“Maybe we should get more people involved. Um. You know.”

William was pretty sure who he meant. They had started thinking of him as the easy way out. “Marcello?”

“Yup.” Jason considered the list again. “All the catering stuff, he’ll make it go away.”

“Except the cake!” William said. “I have an idea about that.” His mother had been taking culinary classes and was considering a new career. “I think my mom would do a good job. I know she would welcome the challenge.”

Jason yawned. “Okay. Wanna call it a night?”

“Sure.” His shift didn’t begin until the next afternoon, so they wouldn’t have to wake up too early. They could have a nice breakfast, see Daisy again, and then drive home. William took longer in the bathroom, wanting to make sure he was clean. The wine had awakened his libido, and the hour wasn’t so late. He had planned for this, bringing a travel-sized bottle of lube with him. He took enough time that, when he returned to the bedroom, he worried Jason had dozed off already. Instead his boyfriend was sitting upright and staring at his phone, thumb swiping occasionally.

“Reading anything good?”

Jason looked up, eyes watery, expression awed. That answered his question!

“Another Coast Guard book?” William asked with a chuckle.

Jason nodded. “Every time I read stories like these, I picture you out there. It’s incredible what you did.”

William’s heart fluttered with pride, but barely managed to take flight since all of that was in the past. “Are you rereading, or is this a new one?”

“A new one,” Jason said, tapping a few times and then turning the phone to show him the cover. “You should read it.”

And be reminded of what he was missing? This was the third such book Jason had read, and if it was anything like the previous two, the resulting conversations would be bittersweet. Wanting to avoid this, William stripped off his shirt, casually flexing a muscle or two.

Jason didn’t even notice. “I have an idea.”

“I’m tired of talking about the wedding.”

“Not that. An idea for us.”

“A kinky idea?” William set the small bottle of lube on the dresser.

Jason peered at it and laughed. “Looks like you already thought of one, but first…” He put down the phone and patted the mattress. “Come here.” He scooted over so William could sit on the bed, then took his hand. “What if we moved to Houston?”

“What?”

“You would be closer to Daisy, and also—” He started to reach for his phone, then thought otherwise. “How many Coast Guard air stations are there in Texas?”

William didn’t have to think long. “Two. One in Galveston, and one—”

“Here,” Jason said. “In Houston. Is that perfect or what? You’d be close to your daughter, and you can go back to doing what you really want. I know you’re not happy being a paramedic.”

“It’s a good job,” William said. “I’m helping people.”

“Right, but are you happy?”

“No,” he admitted. “It’s hard work. So is being an AST, but that’s what I trained for.”

“It was your dream,” Jason said, still smiling. “Moving to Houston is the perfect solution.”

“For me. What about you?”

The smile faltered. “I’ve been thinking about that too. You would work two or three day shifts, right? You wouldn’t be home at all on those days?”

“Most likely.”

“Okay, well during those, I would drive back to Austin. I’d get my time with Ben and Tim, and I could put in my hours at the shelter. I’d have to find a day job here—”

“And during hurricane season, when I’m on call and gone even more than usual? Or what if I get dispatched? It happens. That could mean weeks of you being alone.”

Jason gestured to their surroundings. “I’ve got friends here. I won’t be alone.”

True. He had support networks in both Houston and Austin. William would be a lot less worried knowing that Michelle wasn’t far away, or even Lily, because they got along great. This could work!

Jason wasn’t done. “I can ask work about transferring out here. There are a few locations in the same chain. I don’t know if I’d still be a manager, but that’s okay. The only problem is Emma.”

William winced. “That’s right. Didn’t she move to Austin just to be with you?”

“Mostly because she likes the scene, but yeah, also because we’re besties. I’m pretty sure she’d forgive me eventually. I would keep paying rent until she finds a new roommate. Maybe she would even transfer back here before the next semester. So what do you think?”

William scooted closer. “You’d really be willing to do all that for me? I know how much you love Austin.”

“And now you know how much I love you.”

That deserved a kiss. Before it became too heated, he pulled away. “You don’t get to choose what base you’re assigned to. Even if I was still active duty, all I could do is put in a transfer request and hope that something opens up.”

“But it’s worth a shot,” Jason persisted. “You could ask about Galveston too. That wouldn’t be as good, but it’s only an hour away.”

“From Houston. Four hours from Austin.”

“I could drive it.”

“You wouldn’t be as close to Michelle and her family.”

“I’ll make new friends. It’s worth looking into. Right?”

William thought about it. Christie had a lot of connections through her family, and she still pestered him all the time to return to active duty. “I’ll see what I can do.”

Jason grinned. “Thanks.”

“Don’t thank me!” William spluttered. “You’re the one willing to uproot your entire life just to make me a little happier.”

“Didn’t think I had it in me, did you?”

“No,” William conceded. “I’m not trying to make you feel bad, but I always wondered why you didn’t come visit me in Cape Cod. I understand why you wouldn’t want to live there, but a short trip would have been nice.”

Jason grew somber. “I didn’t want to distract you. That’s why we broke up, remember? You needed to focus. And later, when you came home for visits and it felt like we were still together, I guess I was intimidated. I didn’t understand half the things you were talking about. I thought about it though. Not visiting, but moving there.”

“Seriously?”

Jason nodded. “I loved you.” He laughed at the past tense. “I still do, but back then, I knew a weekend wouldn’t be enough, that when the trip came to an end, I would go back to missing you and feeling lonely. So I started looking at job listings and pricing apartments.”

“What stopped you?”

Jason exhaled. “I’ve moved around my entire life. I was always in Houston, but never in the same house or with the same people. Austin was the first time I felt like I was settling down. Don’t take this the wrong way… I’m not saying I love them more than you because it’s a different sort of love but—”