Somewhere Along the Way (11 page)

“Gio, I’m at a fundraiser tonight. If you want, I’ll call Dr. Garnert for you. That’s as far as I’m getting involved.”

“Luke—”

Luke hung up his phone and stuffed it into the breast pocket of his suit jacket. He inhaled deeply and ran his hands through his hair. A month ago, he would have run to his mother’s side. He would have poured over her test results and joined his brothers on what was sure to be an emotional rollercoaster full of drama and deceit.

The rush of concern and guilt he normally felt whenever dealing with his mother didn’t come. Instead he asked himself what possible good could come from getting involved. His mother had denied his help vehemently, viciously. She’d called him a dog that came back no matter how many times she kicked him away.

Well, this time he wasn’t rushing to her side. Her last kick still echoed too clearly in his head. And his brothers? They didn’t need him. They had each other and their supposed soul mates in their lives. More recently, they also had more than enough support from their uncles and cousins.

Cassie was his priority now, and she was waiting for him. Luke turned and started to open the restaurant door when his phone rang again. Max? His youngest brother never called him.

“Luke, I just got off the phone with Gio. You need to come home.”

Luke’s eyes met Cassie’s through the glass window of the restaurant. “I am home.”

“Okay,” Max said slowly. “He says he is home.”

“Put him on speakerphone,” Nick, Luke’s other younger brother, ordered. “Luke, it’s Nick.”

“I know.”

“You’ve got us all a little concerned.”

“There’s no need to be. I merely suggested Gio contact a colleague of mine who is a specialist in cardiology. He can determine how serious her condition is and recommend whatever treatment is necessary.”

“See,” Max said. “He doesn’t want to come back. Luke, this isn’t how our family works. I’m the one who takes off when shit like this happens. You’re the one who rallies us together.”

Nick asked, “Should I threaten to go out there and get him? It brought you home.”

“I don’t know,” Max answered slowly. “I’m not that complicated. This is Luke. You know how intense he gets.”

“I don’t have time for this right now,” Luke said impatiently. “I’ve made my decision clear. There are three of you there. You can handle this without me.”

Nick joked, “Have you met us? Luke, this is serious. We need you.”

Luke remembered a conversation Cassie and he had shared on the night of Emma’s funeral. “It’s time for you to figure out who you are without me.”

Max swore. “I told you Luke took that woman’s death hard. He’s going to kill himself.”

It sounded like there was a scuffle with the phone. Nick spoke next. “He’s not going to kill himself. Luke, tell Max you’re not considering anything like that.”

“No matter what he says, I say we fly out there.”

Luke clenched his phone in frustration. “I am not suicidal. I’m in love.”

“Oh,” his brothers said in shocked unison.

Max said, “Well, bring her with you.”

“There is no way I’m exposing her to my toxic family, not like this.”

In his usual mocking tone, Nick said, “I’d take offense to that label, but there’s no denying we’re an acquired taste. I would also promise we’d all be on our best behavior, but honestly Gio’s already losing his mind. Max is only here because his fiancée won’t let him leave. Maybe you’re right. Maybe you should sit this one out.”

“Oh, hell no,” Max retorted. “If Luke gets to call out of this one, Tara and I are on the first plane out of here.”

“Shut up, Max,” Nick snapped.

“Just because you work with Gio doesn’t mean you need to start sounding like him, Nick.”

Luke closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. “If I thought I could actually do any good by returning—”

Max said, “Gio is buzzing in. I’m adding him.”

Gio’s voice boomed through phone. “Did you get in touch with Luke?”

“He’s on the phone with us now,” Max answered.

“Is he coming back?”

“No,” Luke answered for himself.

“He’s in love,” Nick added dryly.

“Fuck,” Gio said.

Nick joked, “That’s congratulations in Gio lingo.”

“What are we going to do?” Max asked.

Gio sighed. “Luke, whatever you have going on out there in . . . where the hell are you?”

“Ohio,” Luke supplied, rolling his eyes skyward.

“It’ll still be there a few days from now. Right now, you belong here with us.”

Max interjected, “Don’t make him say it. Please don’t make him say it.”

Gio continued, “We love you, Luke. And whoever you met and however she makes you feel, that hasn’t changed. At times like this, family duty comes first.”

Max groaned. “I have to talk Julia into easing up on pushing Gio to express himself. Am I the only one who still cringes every time he gets mushy?” A second later, Max said, “What was that for, Nick? Smack me again and see how that works out.”

In an ironic tone, Gio added, “If you like having three brothers, don’t make me sit in a waiting room alone with them. I’m only human.”

Luke met Cassie’s eyes again through the window and caved. “Okay. I’ll fly back tomorrow morning. But only for a couple days.”

His brothers all had something to say about it, but Luke had stopped listening. There was no amount of guilt or sense of duty that could convince him to risk what he had with Cassie by exposing her to the darker side of his family.

He was heading back to New York.

Now all he had to figure out was how to tell Cassie he was leaving and not taking her with him.

Cassie intended to talk to Luke after they left the fundraiser, but as soon as they entered her home, he swung her up into his arms and carried her up the stairs to her bedroom. The kiss he gave her was full of emotion as well as passion. It was an irresistible combination.

Slowly, tenderly, he unzipped her dress and let it fall to the floor at her feet. His hands cupped and worshipped her bare breasts. Cassie shivered with pleasure and started to impatiently remove his clothing.

They were soon both bare-chested, and Cassie reveled in the feel of his muscular chest beneath her hands. He had a way of touching her, holding her, that made her feel safe as well as desired. Luke was a man who knew what he wanted. He led her where he wanted to go, but made sure she was with him every step of the way.

He slid a hand beneath the lace of her panties and groaned with pleasure when she shifted so he could touch her more deeply. They continued to kiss even as Cassie undid his pants and pushed them down, freeing the evidence of how much he wanted her. He paused his intimate caress to help her step out of the last of her own coverings.

Naked before each other, they ran their hands over each other as they stood beside the bed. He took his time, tracing each of her curves. His mouth followed the tantalizing trail of his fingers. Cassie stroked his shaft with one hand while she greedily enjoyed the rest of him with her other. They had spent the last two weeks learning how to please each other, bringing almost unbearable intensity to their lovemaking.

She bent and took him into her mouth, loving how his hands dug into her hair as she went deeper. By now she knew just how to circle him, just how deeply to take him to drive him nearly out of control. His passion fed her own in a way that was new to her. His groan revealed he was close to release. Cassie would have continued to his climax, but he pulled her back up to face him and kissed her deeply.

They were both shaking with need when he picked her up and carefully tossed her on the bed with the sexiest smile she’d ever seen. He looked down at her as if she belonged to him, with him. Cassie wanted both to be true. She gave him what she hoped was an equally sexy look and beckoned him to her.

He sheathed himself in a condom then crawled across the bed to her and positioned himself above her. He settled himself between her legs, his thick, hard cock pulsing against the outside folds of her sex. Holding himself slightly above her with his elbows, he buried both of his hands in her hair. “Do you know how beautiful you are? Every inch of you. Inside and out. The more I have you, the more I want you. Give yourself to me, Cupcake. Give me all of you. Not only what you think I want. Don’t just come with me, take me where you want to go.”

Cassie pushed him off her and onto his back. His smile widened. Although they’d had sex many times, he had always been the aggressor, the one who set the pace. Cassie sat back on her heels and caught her breath in her throat. An idea had come to her, but she’d held back from doing it. She’d only read about it.

His eyes half closed with pleasure as if he could read her thoughts. “Do it, Cassie. Tell me what you want.”

Trusting him as she had never trusted another, Cassie swung a leg over his torso and sat with her knees on either side of his head. It was in the asking she felt vulnerable. Others had demanded, and she had given. Luke had suggested, and she had enjoyed. But never before had she boldly taken her own pleasure. She raised herself, holding onto the headboard with both hands and brought her sex down to an inch above his mouth.

His cupped her ass with one hand as he worshipped her with his mouth. Cassie closed her eyes, still tense and unsure. Luke used his other hand to part her so his tongue had better access to her clit. He blew on it gently. Circled it. He ran his teeth back and forth across it until he found the pressure and caress that had her writhing against his mouth.

Self-consciousness fell away and Cassie moved with his mouth, opening herself wider to his tongue. She looked down, met his eyes, and used her hand to squeeze and tease her breast. She could tell by the way his hands gripped her that he was enjoying the display. She slowly dipped a finger into her mouth then used it to draw wet circles around her nipples. Luke moaned with pleasure and drove his tongue deeply into her. Cassie came with a freeing, uninhibited cry.

After a moment of readjusting, Cassie lowered herself down on Luke’s cock, loving how he filled her. She closed her eyes, giving herself over to the feeling of being in control of their rhythm. As her speed increased, Luke swore and ground himself upward, his thrusts becoming as wild as she felt. When Luke came it was with a growl of satisfaction. Cassie’s second orgasm rocked through her. Still above him, their intimate connection unbroken, Cassie smiled down at him. She was sweaty and trying to catch her breath, but she’d never felt more powerful or alive.

He ran a hand lovingly up and down one of her thighs. His eyes sparkled with warm humor. “I do believe you enjoy being on top.”

She leaned down, holding herself above him with a hand on either side of his head. “Who knew?”

He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. “I did.”

Cassie grinned and said sassily, “Doctors: they think they know everything.”

He grabbed her hips and rolled onto his side. She laughed as she fell onto the bed beside him. “Only because we do, but we don’t usually brag about that to mere mortals like yourself.” He whipped the bed sheets around them and pulled her into his arms. He nuzzled her neck and breathed her in as if her scent was also an intense pleasure for him.

In that moment Cassie felt her defenses crumble. There was no way to fake the feelings he was displaying. She didn’t have to protect her heart from him. He wasn’t going anywhere. It was time to tell him the final piece of her story. “Luke, I never thought it could be this good. I tried not to let you in so I wouldn’t be hurt when you left. But now I—”

Luke cut her off, a frown creasing his forehead. “Cassie, there’s something I have to tell you.”

A cold panic tightened Cassie’s chest.
Don’t assume the worst. It could be anything.
“What?”

He rolled onto his back and sighed. “I’m flying back to New York tomorrow morning.”

As quickly and as completely as her heart had opened to him, it slammed shut. His announcement fed every fear she’d had. It fit the pattern of her childhood. The people she let closest to her disappointed her the most. A familiar distancing numbness that had helped her survive the unspeakable in the past, filled her again as she cursed herself for believing for a moment he would stay. She didn’t physically pull back from him, but she was already a million miles away in her head. “Will you want breakfast before you go?” she asked calmly.

He sat up, his frown deepening. “I wouldn’t leave, but there’s a family crisis that needs my attention. I should be back in a few days.”

Self-doubt filled Cassie as she wondered if she had jumped too quickly to a conclusion. She remembered his brothers had called him. There could be something back in New York he had to deal with. She knew she had difficulty trusting people. Was this another example of that? She held the sheet to her chest and went up onto one elbow. “What kind of crisis?”

He rubbed a hand over his eyes in frustration. “My mother is in the hospital.”

With that, Cassie sat all the way up. “Oh, my God. Is it serious?”

“It could be. She hasn’t been in the best of health lately.”

“Is that why your brothers called?”

“Yes, they want me to look over her records and make sure her doctors are doing all they can.”

Cassie laid a hand on his chest. “I’m so sorry. Do you want me to go with you?”

He raised her hand to his lips and kissed it. “No. This is something I need to do alone.”

Alone. His words cut through her. “Of course,” she said, unable to keep coldness from her tone.

His hand tightened on hers. “What is going through that beautiful head of yours?”

She pursed her lips and chose an honest attack. “You don’t want me to meet your family.”

“You’re right; I don’t,” he said, then seemed surprised when she pulled away from him and slid off the bed. He rose and stood beside her. Although they were once again naked and face to face, the emotions crackling through the air were entirely different. He took her arms in both of his hands. “You’ll meet them one day but not like this.”

And there it was, the truth about how he saw her. She wanted to yell at him:
You said you wouldn’t do this. You said you wouldn’t leave me. Please, don’t leave me.
Cassie didn’t say any of that, though. She held those thoughts inside and tried to distance herself from the pain. “What time are you leaving in the morning?”

“Early.”

Cassie walked to the door of her bathroom, took her robe off the hook, and covered herself. She felt as if she were about to lose control. “I have orders to fill I didn’t make earlier tonight. You should probably sleep in your room so we’re both well rested for tomorrow.”

Luke followed her and turned her in his arms. “Don’t shut me out. I knew you’d be hurt when I told you, but I need you to trust me on this. It’s better this way.”

She struggled to pull away from him, but he held her before him. That alone triggered a violent response within her. She growled and began to swing at him with her fists. “Get your hands off me.”

He instantly let her go. “Cassie, there’s no reason to get upset. I’ll be back in a few days.”

Once the door to her past insecurities had opened, outrage that couldn’t be suppressed flooded through her. With it came a wave of emotion from discovering she wasn’t pregnant, all the guilt that had been building within her, and anger with herself for not being able to control how she felt. What she suddenly saw when she looked at him was a man who could undo all the good she’d brought into her life, and she couldn’t let that happen. “No, you won’t, because there is no need to.”

Standing there completely indifferent to his state of undress, Luke said calmly, “I’ll call my brothers. I’ll tell them I can’t go back yet.”

Cassie held up two shaking hands in a plea for him to stop. What did it mean if he could change his plans that easily? Could it be that his mother wasn’t even sick? “No. I want you to go. And you don’t have to wait until morning to leave, Luke. I don’t even want you to stay here tonight. Get out of my room. Get out of my house. Just—get out.”

Luke made a gesture of appeal to her, but she recoiled from him. He picked up his clothes from the floor angrily and paused at the door. “I’m leaving because I want you to understand I respect you and what you’ve been through. It’s not what I want, but it’s what I’ll do.”

After closing her bedroom door, Cassie sank to her knees and covered her face with her hands. So many conflicting emotions stormed within her. In that moment she didn’t know if she loved or hated Luke. He’d brought to the surface insecurities and fears she preferred to deny she had.

She listened to him open and slam shut the drawers in his room. She heard his footsteps approach her closed door and then it sounded as if he’d placed a hand on the other side of it. “I need to go back to New York because I told my family I would. But I am coming back, Cassie. And when I do, we’ll talk this through.”

Cassie closed her eyes tightly and didn’t answer him. She wanted to believe him, but fear and her past held her immobile. She didn’t move until she heard a car pull up to the front of her house and the door of her downstairs kitchen open and close.

He was gone.

***

A few phone calls and several hours later, Luke stripped down to his boxer briefs and lay down on his own bed in his Manhattan apartment—alone. He rolled onto his side and punched the pillow by his head.

The quiet of his apartment was oddly depressing, and that realization was more than a little unsettling. Whether it was a woman he was sleeping with, or a family member he was visiting, he normally kept all of it outside of his apartment. It didn’t matter how hectic or chaotic life was out there, his apartment had remained his tranquil, efficiently furnished retreat.

Luke rolled over angrily—again. He’d replayed his last conversation with Cassie many times during the trip back. He cursed himself for not explaining more sensibly why he didn’t want her to join him. She had opened herself up to him, but he hadn’t done the same to her. Not when she’d needed him to.

At the time, telling her as little as possible had made sense. She’d already had an emotionally charged few days with him and had been reserved and withdrawn before the fundraiser. From what he knew of her life, she had good reason not to trust people, and that was why he’d wanted to keep her safe, protect her. That didn’t involve exposing her to his fucked-up family or leaning on her emotionally.

What could I have said?

Sure, come back to New York with me, Cassie, but there are a few things you should know. Just off the top of my head: Don’t ever be alone with my mother or she will tear you to shreds. Don’t ask questions because regardless of who answers, it’s probably a lie. Why am I going back? To help a mother despite the fact I’m almost convinced she deserves whatever is happening to her.

I don’t sound like a good son, do I?

That’s okay. I’m failing at being a good brother and doctor, too.