Somewhere in Between (14 page)

Elliot, relishing in the closeness he was getting with Gemma, of course noticed her change in demeanor. Where she had a slight blush, and was receptive to his touch, he now felt her pulling away from him. "Are you okay?" he asked just above a whisper. She just nodded her head, keeping her eyes averted away. He knew he wouldn't have time to dissect what had happened before their teacher began the lesson, so he resolved to wait until lunch to get to the bottom of it.

The hour passed slowly. Gemma just wanted to run and hide, find Leigh and tell her she couldn't do it, wasn't ready to come back. She knew her sister would believe her. Elliot, on the other hand just wanted to know what he'd done wrong. He'd had a smile on his face all morning, even in spite of the stupidity that had come from Josh, and suddenly it seemed to be imagined.

By the time the bell rang, Gemma was scrambling out of her seat with Elliot right behind her. He gently took her elbow, careful not to startle her. The last think he wanted to do was hurt her by frightening her.

"Gemma, can I talk to you for a second," he asked quietly, not wanting to draw attention. Her eyes when they finally landed on him took his breath away. The level of pain she was radiating was astonishing, especially given everything that had happened to her. "Please."

She nodded her head, her bottom lip caught between her teeth to keep it from trembling. Elliot led her into the cafeteria, bypassing the lunch line since they had both brought lunch that Caroline had made for them, and passed the table Leighanna and Trent were sitting at. She was curious to see if Josh still sat in the same place, and where Christie, who she had yet to see, would sit. But she wouldn't get to know because Elliot walked them to a table near the back, away from prying eyes.

She sat down heavily, still not looking at him. "You wanted to talk about something?" Her voice was low, barely a whisper. What had started out as not such a bad day had spiraled downward inside her head as quickly as though it had all been a figment of her imagination.

"What happened?" Elliot delicately asked. When Gemma just shrugged her shoulders, he shook his head. "What did I do wrong? Everything was fine through the whole morning, and then we get to Art and you just… you just shutdown. What did I do? Was it touching you or did I scare you somehow?"

It was the tone of his voice and the words that accompanied it that broke her down. Even at her angriest with him over his Trisha devotion, she could never be hurtful to him. And right now, keeping quiet, letting him believe he'd physically harmed her or scared her somehow, was hurting him. "Why are you being so nice to me? Why are you taking care of me like you are? I mean is it because Trisha knows who you are now and you're taking advantage of that?"

"What? No, why would you think that?" he asked completely dumbfounded. That was nowhere near what he expected her to say. And it hurt that she even thought it.

"I see everyone looking at us. You said she "outted" us last week as being in a relationship. She knows who you are now, Elliot. Doesn't that spell good news for you?" Her words were harsh, and tears were ready to fall.

He ran his fingers through his hair, trying to calmly tell Gemma she was insane. "It doesn't spell
anything
for me. Yes, she thinks we are together, but it doesn't change anything. It doesn't mean that I think I have a shot with her now. I mean that logic makes no sense to begin with especially after her speech about not hurting those we care about, because that would imply I'm using you to get to her, or have no qualms about cheating, which I do very much so," he muttered with a frown. "I'm sorry that everyone is looking at you. They don't know what happened, so it's not because of that. You've been off for a week, and there was a pretty big mash up last week with the terror twins and my sister. I know people are probably wondering what you think of that since Christie is supposed to be a friend of yours and again, she is my sister."

"No one stares at me when I'm alone, Elliot." She was ignoring what he was saying on purpose. He couldn't be telling the truth. He couldn’t really not care about Trisha anymore.

His face fell, because a thought popped into his head that made the morning butterflies cower in dread. "Do
you
not want to be seen with me? Is that what's wrong? Are you ashamed or embarrassed by me
because
of everything with Trisha? I mean I would understand that. I've had plenty of people tell me the last week how foolish I made myself look so it would be understandable if you didn't want to be seen with me because of it."

She saw his eyes become impossibly sad. And the words he spoke about being embarrassed to be seen, it was what she felt so she knew he shouldn't feel that way. "I always thought you'd be ashamed of me."

He didn't care how it looked; he pulled her into his arms and held on tight. He heard her sniffle a few times and had to clear a lump in his throat. What a pair they made, he thought miserably. "I could never be ashamed of you. No matter what happens. You are my best friend. I care about you so much," he declared, pulling back to look into her eyes. "I am not holding your hand to get attention. I'm holding your hand because I care about you, because I want to protect you, and because when I touch you, I have tangible proof that you're next to me, okay? When I hold your hand, I know that I haven't lost you."

His words, and the way his eyes glistened with unshed tears told Gemma she had been foolish. And the rational part of her brain knew that, but her insecurities, something she never would have had to fight against before, wouldn't let that part control her emotions. Elliot had spent every moment he could with her without an audience, meaning he had nothing to gain.

"I'm so sorry for hurting you," she cried against his shoulder. "I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know why I'm thinking and feeling this way."

He held her tight, rocking slightly to calm her. He knew what was wrong, and it wasn't her fault. "Shh, shh, shh, it's okay. I'm okay." He wiped away the tears that had started to fall and smiled softly at her. "I know you're scared. So much is happening and it's a lot to take in. But believe me when I tell you, Trisha means
nothing
to me. I was a fool for ever thinking that way before. I would never use you. You are the most important thing in my life." It was a heavy confession, but one he couldn't stop. She needed to know. He needed her to know because he couldn’t handle her doubting him.

As he sat back in his chair, he could see some people watching the two of them. He wouldn't draw Gemma's attention to them though. The people of Skyview could talk and gossip all they wanted. The only thing that mattered to him was Gemma.

"For what it's worth, I like you holding my hand," she murmured with a blush.

"For what it's worth, so do I." Her smile was blinding then, and genuine, and it made him feel like he was on top of – no, the king of - the world. Take that, Leo! He thought with his heart beating faster than the wings of a hummingbird. He let his hand take hers, holding it loosely as they ate the sandwiches Caroline had crafted for them, pointedly ignoring everything around them.

The day passed much smoother after that, and by the time their last class ended, Gemma felt like she'd accomplished something. She only flinched twice throughout the day, once during third period when someone dropped their textbook pulling it out of their bag, and the last time during her last class, when Lisa Adams tapped her on the shoulder asking for a pen. No one had a problem believing Gemma was simply jumpy from being so sick, and so after receiving the pen, Lisa apologized profusely until Gemma was finally able to convince her she was fine.

By the time the day was over, Elliot was again waiting for her, and again, he took her bag, leading her to his car. Gemma kept her head down to avoid the looks, but made sure to give Elliot her attention if he spoke to her so he didn't think anything was wrong. She was just so overwhelmed and was ready to go home.

"How'd it go?" Caroline asked the moment they walked into the house.

Gemma bit back a comment about her mom being home from work early, since everyone seemed to be going out of their way for her. "It wasn't too bad. I survived it."

"She did amazing," Elliot told her mom. "You should have seen her."

"I'm glad the day went well for you." Caroline kiss her forehead, near the spot Elliot had touched with his lips. She tried to ignore the tingles she got thinking about that moment, and smiled up at her mother. "You are incredibly brave, Gemmalyn. I hope you know that."

She didn't feel brave, but she just smiled. Saying how she felt wouldn't change it, but she knew it would make those around her try to convince her otherwise. "I have a lot of catching up to do, including two tests to make up."

"I can help you," Elliot immediately offered. His parents already expected him to be late and not make it to supper since he'd been spending all his time with Gemma.

"There you go," Caroline smiled and walked back into the kitchen to continue making dinner.

For two hours Elliot helped Gemma go over all the school work she'd missed, promising they'd continue with the rest of it tomorrow. As they started to pack away their books, Elliot couldn't help but stand as close to Gemma as possible. He craved the warmth her body exuded, craved the contact of knowing she was with him wholly because the thought that he could have lost her, the thought that those guys could have taken her from him completely made his stomach twist painfully and his heart clench so tight it might burst. But he didn't say anything about his fear, he just kept his hip strategically brushing against hers, kept his hands in close proximity to where her hands moved.

She breathed a heavy breath, relishing in the familiarity of Elliot being at her side. It had been a long hard first day back. While everything about it was simple, with little fanfare or worry come to pass, for Gemma, immersing herself into an environment where hundreds of people could bump into her, make noises that made her jump, or acted in a way that may unintentionally frighten her, it was a lot of work. But if she ever wanted an ounce of normalcy again, she knew she needed to keep pushing forward. And after the conversation she'd had with Elliot at lunch, she knew she might one day have that normalcy back.

Still, his words and his actions were playing on her mind. She could feel him occasionally bump into her. She could feel his hand pass over hers to grab a book or pencil. She could feel how close he was to her and how it all seemed deliberate. It made her confused and happy and yet terrified at the same time.

"You guys all finished for the night?" Caroline had been checking in on them throughout the evening while she cooked. Gemma wondered if it was because her mother was afraid she would fall apart from the strain of the day, while Elliot worried if he appeared too comfortable with Gemma, and her mother disapproved. With a nod from the two, Caroline smiled. "Good. Dinner is ready." Abandoning their backpacks, the two entered the kitchen to find Leighanna and Andrew already home.

"I didn't hear you guys get in," Gemma commented with a frown as she pulled out her chair to sit. Leighanna was already wearing yoga pants and a sweater, something she only wore once she was home for the day, and her father had already shrugged out of his suit.

"Yeah, well, you two were pretty deep in conversation about unilateral triangles and the juxtaposition of Othello compared to racism today that we thought it best to just leave you be. You looked too cozy to disturb." Leighanna had a smirk on her face as she said this, clearly looking to tease the two. "Trent said to say hi, by the way."

As they took their seats, Elliot's face was heated with blush at Leighanna's implications. He didn't know if what he was starting to realize he felt about Gemma was written across his face and she was commenting on it or if she was just teasing. He didn't know if his feelings were even welcome after everything that had happened in the last week or so. Leighanna was Gemma's protector in so many ways, being older than her, and before homecoming night, had not been Elliot's biggest fan because of Trisha. But Elliot knew Leighanna would never say anything to hurt Gemma so he knew for now at least, Leighanna had to just be teasing him.

"Chicken fried chicken, I sure did get lucky marrying me a good southern gal," Andrew joked as he slathered gravy over his plate. He added a healthy portion of mashed potatoes and green beans to his plate as Caroline beamed at him and Leighanna mock-gagged at the display.

"You two are disgusting," she whined as she cut up her chicken, her face full of a pout.

As food continued to be passed around, and light-hearted joking broke into the conversation, Gemma couldn't help but feel tears well up in her eyes. It felt so good to see her family laughing and joking. She'd spent a week trapped inside the house, too afraid to leave it. And the tension that filled the space as a result, was stifling. It was almost as if everyone was afraid to show life after what had happened to stilt hers. But that first day back to school seemed to have let the quiet out and her regular family returned. Chancing a glance at Elliot, Gemma smiled a small smile, grateful for those around her. It gave her hope. For the first time in over a week, she felt something other than fear and failure. She finally felt hope again.

CHAPTER SEVEN

Days began to pass as they had before. Gemma would wake up fifteen minutes before seven, shower, dress, and have breakfast with her family and Elliot, who was always waiting to drive her to school now. She attended her classes, did her homework, and made sure to look as normal as possible. Of course Elliot still walked her to every class, and her sister and Trent were always a breath away, even if Trent was still in the dark about what was going on. The only major difference involved Christie.

Two weeks passed before Gemma saw Christie again. Where Christie used to always try to wear or emulate that she was wearing the latest fashions, the petite girl had taken to wearing dark hoodies and stopped styling her hair as before. The shoulder length cut remained, but the mahogany sheen had faded, and it no longer held any life to it. It was subdued, like she had become. She kept to herself trying to work off her punishment.

It was the end of the day when Gemma was walking with Elliot to his car that she saw Christie sitting in one of the classrooms, books opened on the desk in front of her, as she scribbled away. When Gemma had asked Elliot about it, he simply told her according to his parents, Christie was spending an hour after school with a tutor, but he didn't know anything more about it. They still had yet to talk and Gemma knew it bothered him, Christie and Elliot had always been close, but at the moment, they were barely strangers rather than siblings.

Another difference was Elliot himself. And to Gemma, it was the biggest difference of them all. Elliot no longer looked anywhere but at her. He never even mentioned Trisha Scott again. It was as though that period of time had never even happened, though she thought it had more to do with the fact that he wished he could erase it rather than he was denying it.

Still, he spent every waking moment with her or next to her. And his eyes followed her everywhere she went. She could feel the way he watched her, the way he seemed to breathe with her. It was unnerving and exhilarating. She didn't know what to make of it. On one hand, she knew from what he had spoken that he was scared, and that part of the reason he hovered so closely was just to make sure she was okay. He needed the reassurance that even though she had been hurt so viciously, she wasn't lost to him. Gemma understood that, and that was the only reason she didn't tell him to back off most of the time.

But there was another reason for his nearness. She knew that. She could see it in his eyes when he looked at her. There were moments when she thought she saw something more. The blue of his eyes would change, almost as though a fire were lit within them. But then he would see her looking and the fire would vanish, and a look of embarrassment would replace it. It was something that Gemma knew she needed to get answers about.

It was just before nine; Elliot had left and wouldn't call until 9:30 to talk until they fell asleep, so Gemma decided to speak with Leigh. Tentatively Gemma knocked on her sister's door, and then entered moving silently to the desk chair in front of the bed, where Leighanna was resting on her side, a chemistry book open in front of her. "Can I ask you a question?"

The book closed, and Leighanna sat up. "Shoot."

She twisted her fingers until she felt pain, and then released them to pull on a hole in her shirt. "Do you think Elliot is looking at me differently?" she asked with her voice so small it almost wasn't heard.

Several minutes passed as Leighanna sat, looking at Gemma. "What do you mean? Looking at you differently how? Because if you mean he thinks something is wrong with you, I gotta say, that's the furthest thing from the truth."

She knew she should have clarified. "No, I just mean, he's
always
looking at me now. He's always watching where I go, what I do, and it doesn't always
feel
like it's just to make sure I'm okay." She felt flustered saying anything about this. "I just, sometimes, when he looks at me, it feels like there's more behind it. I don't know. Ugh, this is so stupid."

Leighanna just laughed. It was a teasing laugh. "Oh sweetie, I love you." She shook her head and moved to sit on the edge of her bed, letting the laugh die out. Her face turned serious, as she spoke. "I know things have been tough for you. Still haven't heard back on your results, still waiting to hear anything from the cops, so your mind is not exactly following what everyone else can see." It was true; the lab results were still yet to come in, something about a backlog causing the delay. And the police had not yet gained any leads, though they had invited Elliot and Gemma back to do a sketch of the men to put on the news.

"What am I not seeing?" She didn't really want to know the answer. While her mind was preoccupied with everything, and she still had yet to set up the appointment with a therapist, like everyone felt she should, she still noticed something with Elliot, and it unnerved her. He was acting like the boy she had befriended last school year, but he was also acting like something else too.

"Elliot cares about you," Leigh began with a shrug. "You mean a lot to him."

"He cared about me before," Gemma challenged.

With a sigh, Leigh moved to her side and gave her a hug. "Gemma, Elliot
cares
about you. And I don't know if he knows it now, or if it's because of Christie and her torment, but I think the way Elliot is with you, it's not because you were attacked. I think it's because he's finally
seeing
. This is a good thing."

The answer was still vague, but Gemma figured she wasn't going to get anything better out of her sister. There was something in Leigh's tone, some sparkle in her blue eyes that showed Gemma her sister knew more, or wanted to say more but wouldn't for whatever reason. Still, she was going to focus on the fact that Leigh felt it was a positive. "Keep your secrets, then." She gave a smile to show she wasn't mad over it. "I'm gonna go get ready for bed. Elliot should be calling soon." As she left her sister's room, she saw Leigh smile warmly at her.

*LtB*

He was hungry. Even though he'd eaten two plates of Caroline's pot roast, he was hungry again. Leaving the sanctity of his room, while keeping a close look at the time, he headed downstairs to the kitchen. As he approached, he could hear music playing softly. He knew it had to be his mom. She always baked at night and played music.

The closer he got, the better it was to hear. He laughed to himself as the sounds of
Third Wheel
poured from the room. While she'd never come right out and admit it, Grace Wade was a
huge
Third Wheel fan, and had even managed to get his dad to attend a concert with her once while the group was still together. He could hear the song playing come to an end, and as he reached the entrance to the kitchen, a new one began that made him pause.

It was just a moment
One single moment in time
But we couldn’t have known it
Or fathom reasons why
So it felt never-ending
Felt like this was our cross to bear
Would we ever get our beginning
Or would our love disappear into thin air

When the world is against you
When you feel like you’ve lost it all
Know that you have me
Know I’ll never let you fall
 

He knew the song of course, had heard it played many times before, but for the first time, he really listened to the lyrics being sung. They made him think of Gemma, and the way things were for her now. They also made him think of his feelings for her too.

"Hi, sweetie. Didn't hear you come in," his mother smiled as she paused the song. It was one of her favorites, she wouldn't talk over it if she could help it.

"Hi, mom," he smiled back, taking a seat at the counter. "I got a little hungry. Thought I'd grab a quick snack before I called Gemma."

Grace laughed. "My growing boy." She pulled out some lunchmeat and bread to make him a sandwich. "How are you doing?"

It was an easy enough question, but Elliot knew his mother was worried about him. "I'm okay."

"You've sure been spending a lot of time with Gemma lately. More than usual," she commented placing the sandwich, a turkey on Jewish Rye, before him. It was his favorite. Her words didn't sound like she way prying, or trying to force anything out of him.

"Yeah, um, she's my best friend." That was lame. His cheeks heated from the words.

"I know," his mother was laughing at him. "But I'm seeing something else there too." This stopped him quick. He watched him mother closely, trying to find out what she was getting at. "I know you liked that Scott girl for a bit, and I know you don't anymore. But one thing I know more than any of that is the way you look when it comes to Gemma Grady. And long before the carnival happened, too."

He lowered his eyes to his food, contemplating her words. He'd been thinking about that very thing for a few days now, realizing that Gemma had always been so important to him before, and that he'd always held some type of adoration for her. He just didn't realize in those moments that what he was feeling wasn't just friendship. "She means everything to me," he whispered.

"I know she does. She's a very special girl." The words said one thing but Elliot could hear what wasn't said. "I know something is going on, I'm not saying this to guilt you into telling me. But I want you to know that I'm here for you. I love you, Elliot. I would walk through fire for you. And if you are ever ready to talk, just know that I'm here."

He nodded and sniffed back the tears that wanted to fall. "Thanks, mom."

She nodded back and went back to her baking, turning her songs back on while Elliot ate his sandwich. He couldn't help but wish his mother knew what was going on. He wanted so badly to be comforted by her, and have her tell him everything would be okay. His dad was great, but there was something about a mother's comfort that seemed to make even the worst things better.

But he knew he couldn't. He'd already pushed the limit telling his father, and no matter what Gemma said, no matter how understanding she was about it, he had betrayed her trust. So he kept quiet, but hoped one day to change it. Then there was what his mom had said about Gemma. It seemed almost as though she was saying she knew how he felt about her now. Could he have been so transparent that everyone could see how he really felt? Everyone that was, except for himself and Gemma? It seemed preposterous, but too many had commented on it so he wasn't sure.

"Do you think Gemma likes me? As more than just a friend, I mean," he asked before his brain could stop his mouth. Instantly Elliot felt his entire face, all the way to his ears, burn red hot.

Grace stopped rolling the dough before her to turn back to Elliot. She looked at him long and hard, contemplating her words, before smiling softly. "I don't think she likes you," she started, and Elliot's heart sank. He was wrong then.
Everyone
had been wrong since his mother always knew so much. "I think that girl may love you, but has been too scared to say anything to her friend. She doesn't want to jeopardize your friendship," Grace answered and that made his heart return to its rightful spot but with a beat five times faster than normal. "I'm sure there are other reasons she hasn't said anything. It's rough being a teenaged girl as it is, and with the way you were carrying on about that senior girl, it's really no wonder she hasn't come clean."

And his heart plummeted again. It always would come back to that, always back to Trisha. Maybe one day people would let it go. Maybe one day people would allow him that one moment of stupidity and not bring it up, but he didn't see that happening for a long time. Besides, they were right. He saw the note in Gemma's drawer telling him how she felt. He saw that it was dated for the same day he foolishly tripped over himself for Trisha. Of course she wouldn't say anything. She knew he would reject her because he'd found someone to be infatuated with. His foolhardiness really was at an all-time high in that regards.

Now though, with nothing standing in her way, no Trisha for him to drool over, could Gemma possibly still have any sort of romantic feelings for him? After everything that had happened to her not even a month earlier, could she possibly ever feel anything for him that wasn't merely gratitude or simple friendship again? He wanted to hope that maybe she could. She'd allowed him into her bed to sleep beside her. She'd allowed him to hold her hand and be close to her. She allowed him to see the pain she felt and the fear that had taken up residence in her soul. But he couldn't be sure that these allowances meant more than friendship.

"I wish the whole Trisha thing had never happened," he sighed, resting his head in his hands. "I get it now. I see how foolish I was for falling for her smile. A smile I’ve come to learn was simply her being polite."

"That's good. I did not raise my son to be a fool," Grace nodded. She was quiet for some time, but then he heard her ask the one question that he knew she knew the answer to. "Do you want Gemma to like you, Elliot?"

He blushed again. "Yes," was his whispered answer, followed by the deepening of the red on his cheeks. "I've spent all this time with her these past few weeks, and I've realized that from the moment I met her, there's always been something about Gemma that draws me in. She's so sweet, and kind, and she's so beautiful, mom. I keep thinking about that time I took her to my favorite park, and the way she just seemed to glow in the sun surrounded by all those flowers. She took my breath away then, but I never paid enough attention to what that meant until…." He stopped. He was dangerously close to saying something he knew he shouldn't. He had to redirect.