Somewhere in Between (15 page)

"It was so easy to stop thinking about Trisha. It was
so
easy for that crush to die. It was never more than a smile anyhow. But the idea of never knowing Gemma, or of never being near her or seeing her again, that breaks my heart." He was tearing up because he still couldn't shake the fear of losing her from his mind. His father had suggested he speak with a professional about it, and he was starting to think that was a good idea. "She means everything to me, mom."

He could see his mom's eyes misting. "My sweet boy." She moved quickly around the counter to pull Elliot into a hug. She held him tight against her, and though it wasn't for the reason he had initially wanted it to be for, Elliot couldn't help but find solace in the arms of his mother. He could feel tears leak from his eyes, could feel his breath shortening, and his mind quicken and calm all at once. "You have no idea what it means to hear you say these things." She pulled away to look at him. "I knew from the moment you met Gemma that she wasn't just some regular girl. The way you always watched her, the way you helped her out that first day of school, and how you couldn't stop talking about her. There was something special about her the moment she moved here."

"How do you know that?"

"Because your whole face would light up before you even muttered a word about her. If she wasn't special, that gleam wouldn't be in your eyes," she answered, brushing a finger along his cheek. "And you wouldn't have that look of absolute panic and worry etched into your face."

He was taken aback by that. And he didn't know rightfully how to respond without sounding mean or giving anything away. "Mom…."

"It's okay," she interrupted. "I've spoken with your father. He told me something was going on and you'd talk to me when you were ready. I am not trying to pry, so don't think this was a trick." He nodded because he hadn't thought she'd been doing that. "But I am worried about you. I can't help it. It's what happens when you're a mom. So, when you are ready to talk to me, I will be here for you. Okay?"

"Okay," he whispered.

"I love you, Elliot."

"I love you too, mom." And with that, he polished off his sandwich and headed back upstairs, to his phone that would lead him to Gemma.

*LtB*

A week had passed since Gemma spoke with her sister. She still got rides to and from school from Elliot, and he still spent every night at her house until he absolutely had to go home. Nothing much had changed from before her talk with her sister, except how she viewed Elliot. She decided after listening to Leighanna's coded speak, that maybe she just wasn't paying good enough attention to how Elliot acted with and toward her. It was true so much had been going on she hadn't spent all that much time thinking about her crush on Elliot. Truthfully speaking, she didn't really know if she should still feel anything for him.

It wasn't that her feelings had changed any; it was simply a matter of everything that had happened to her. Was she still allowed to want attention from males after it was males who had harmed her so viciously? Was it normal for other women who had gone through something similar to still want male attention after being… or did they realize something she hadn't yet?

Would any male actually want her after knowing what had happened to her and was it real how Elliot was acting toward her rather than just sympathy and guilt?

Her mind and her heart were at war. On one hand, the very thought of being close to anyone, more than she currently was, scared her beyond reason. She couldn't fathom ever allowing herself the opportunity to be hurt again like she was. But then she knew, logically, that not all males were like those who had attacked her. Elliot, in particular, was a saint. He cared for her, took care of her,
saved
her after everything. And he was still by her side. So what did that mean in the grand scheme of things? Did that mean, as Leigh had hinted, that he felt something more for her, or did it mean simply that he felt bad about what had happened to her and was trying to essentially make it up to her?

She couldn't be sure. And the way she found herself swimming in a sea of confusion and anger and sadness, she knew there would be no way to fully know until she learned to breathe right again. So she made it a mission to be more attuned to Elliot, to watch him watch her, to see how he really was with her and not how she pictured he was.

Plus it helped keep her mind off of other things.

Two days earlier she finally heard back on her test results from the lab. After her father started calling the police station regularly for any updates, Leighanna took it upon herself and started calling the hospital demanding to know what was taking so long, since it had been over a month. It was only a day later Gemma got word back. Thankfully, Gemma was given a clean bill of health from the initial tests.

That didn’t stop Gemma from moments of complete terror though.

After having a panic attack at the thought that she might be pregnant because the morning after pill had failed since her menstrual cycle was late, Caroline, wanting to put her daughter’s mind at ease, had rushed to the drug store and purchased a test (or five) for Gemma to take. She was again thankful when the five tests came back negative. And after a phone call to Dr. Lindley, Gemma tried to accept that the trauma her body had suffered, as well as the stress from waiting on news was more than likely the contributing factor in her being late.

Those words proved true, when two days later, her period finally showed.

It was fortunate Andrew wasn't home at the time of her panic, and Elliot had already spoken with her before hanging up for bed. She didn't know how she'd explain that to either man. Especially when she still couldn’t wrap her own head around everything that had happened to her.

Un
fortunately, she was still required to take other tests every six months as a precaution. The idea that she was infected with any serious disease was enough to trigger her panic, but at the moment, all her tests indicated she was okay. Even with that news, it didn't make the ache in her belly any less.

After thirty-three days, Gemma still woke screaming every night, and she still found herself crouched over the toilet losing whatever dinner she managed to eat. The bruises had long faded, and the pain between her legs was almost non-existent. But her mind still knew, her heart still felt, and her skin still sensed.

She was better around her classmates, the boys and male teachers didn't frighten her as much as her first week back, but she was never left alone to really know for sure. If she wasn't flanked by her sister, Trent and Elliot all together, then at least Elliot or Leigh was with her at all times when not in class. Even when she used the restroom, somehow Leigh just knew to be there with her. And Trent didn't scare her anymore, well, his size didn't, since
Trent
never really scared her to begin with. She managed to make her mind remember how gentle and kind he was, and that he would do anything for her. Besides, he was scared of pissing Leigh off, so that helped too.

But there was still no word from the police. No leads had come in, no one reported knowing the men and nothing from the DNA database had hit yet, though it was being checked nationwide now. Besides the sketches that had been put out, security footage from that part of the street had been found, but it was grainy and the images were too disturbing to release. None of the family had chosen to view it.

The local news had run the story of her attack, leaving Gemma’s identity out of it since she was a minor and a victim, but so far there was still nothing. Word was, the police were scouring other states and neighboring counties since it was looking like the men weren't locals.

More than anything, Gemma held a deep seated fear that they would find her and hurt her again. She kept that to herself though. In truth, they didn't have any of her personal information, and didn't seem to be interested in anything other than hurting her that night as right after it was over, they’d left her behind. Yet, she still felt, down to the depth of her soul that somehow they would find her and destroy her. It was again, illogical thinking, and she knew it, but she couldn't help it.

She still had yet to speak to Christie, had barely seen her, though according to Elliot, that had more to do with all the volunteer work she was doing to make up for her behavior. From what Gemma understood, Elliot hadn't even spoken with his sister since everything happened, and had only learned this information from hearing things while at home. Everything was strained, and everyone was walking on eggshells around each other, though Josh had taken to sitting with her group at lunch again.

More than anything, Gemma wished to go back in time and fix everything. Even if it meant Elliot still dreamed of Trisha.

"Hey, where'd you go?"

Smiling softly, Gemma turned her head to look at Elliot. He was sitting next to her at the kitchen table, her math homework spread out in front of them. "I'm sorry, what?" she blushed.

He laughed a little. "Just asked where you went. You had this look on your face, like something had upset you but not really bad."

"Oh, right. No, it was just this homework. I thought I'd be caught up by now." It was an easy lie to tell. Elliot worried too much about her for his own good, he didn't need this too.

"Oh, okay."

"Thanksgiving is next week." It was a random thing to say since it wasn't like Elliot didn't know, but Gemma had a reason, and Caroline was part of it.

"Yeah, can't wait for the week off," Elliot laughed. He knew Gemma was lying to him about what was bothering her, but it didn't appear to be anything too serious, so he was letting it go for now.

"What are your plans? What do you guys do?"

Elliot frowned. "Hmm, well, usually we go to my grandma and grandpa's in Grand Junction, but with everything going on with Christie, I don't think we'll be making the trip this year." He hadn't really thought much about the holidays this year. Halloween passed without any fanfare. Of course, with Gemma being petrified of people in general, add in those hiding behind masks, and it didn't make sense to bother with it. So instead of celebrating it, they stayed home from school and watched a Lord of the Rings marathon ignoring every time the doorbell rang later that night. But now that she'd brought it up, Elliot was wondering himself how things would work. "I guess I'll have to ask my parents. I mean, it would be weird to go when things are so…delicate right now. Talk about an uncomfortable car ride."

"Yeah, I still can't believe Christie hasn't spoken to you yet," Gemma commented.

He just shrugged. "I think my parents are keeping us apart for the time being, to be honest."

"What do you mean?"

"Until Christie is finished with the volunteering, they don't seem to want her around anyone. It's sort of part of her punishment. She can't hang out with friends, she can't talk on the phone, computer or even write a letter unless it's for school. It's like isolation or something," Elliot replied. "I also think given how things got between us, my parents just think it's better to keep us separate until they, especially dad, knows for sure that Christie is not going to act out again."

"I guess that makes sense. Still, seems weird to not be able to talk to your sibling," Gemma murmured feeling sad about Christie. The small girl with the big personality had cast a void with her actions, and even though Gemma didn't think she could handle Christie's boisterous attitude, she hated that she had, at least for the time being, lost her friend.

"Yeah, well, she knew what Penny and Cassie were like and chose to hang out with them again. It's her own fault." Flipping the page of Gemma's math book to keep from delving too deeply into his feelings on his sister, Elliot gave a small smile. He might have still been upset, but he had hope. "Think it may be working too. At least, mom thinks it might be. She'll talk to me when the time is right."

"I hope so."

"What about you guys? What do you do for Thanksgiving?" Elliot asked ending the conversation on Christie and getting back to the original topic.

"Oh um, well, we used to have the whole family come over in Austin, since both grandparents and my aunt and uncle live there still and we had the biggest house." She left out that it was Caroline's parents who she referred to as grandparents since once her mom left, Tabitha's parents seemed to not want anything to do with her or her dad. It was bad enough Elliot felt sorry for her over what happened, she didn't need his pity for this too. "Um, we were supposed to go back, since again, everyone else still lives there, but after um, after what happened, mom and dad decided it might be better to avoid anything that might, you know, make me upset or trigger anything."

"Yeah, I guess that makes sense," Elliot nodded. He didn't want to draw attention to the negative parts. "None of them are going to come here then?"

"No," she shook her head. "Dad told them we wanted to continue to get situated up here, get used to the weather and all, and had suggested they visit to be polite. Though he didn't really sound convincing on the phone, but I guess it's too cold and no one wants to get snowed in."

Elliot laughed at that. "Well, I’ll tell you, while it can get really cold, it’s not months below zero. Usually temps run around forty degrees. And even though it does snow, it’s not every day.”

"Either way, it's okay. I mean yeah, I miss seeing them, but the last thing I want to do is freak out in front of them and then have to find a way to explain it." The thought made Gemma shudder. Her dad and Tabitha were both only children, and once Caroline and Leighanna came around, Gemma gained four cousins and aunts and uncles. She loved being around her cousins, who were both older and younger than her. But she didn't want them to see her like she was now. "I'd hate to ruin Thanksgiving because I couldn't handle something, you know?"