Somewhere Only We Know (20 page)

When Kate got to the hospital the next morning,
she found Finn and Sara still next to Jacks bed. Sara was sleeping curled up in the chair, but Finn was wide awake and watching every breath his dad took.

“Hey,” Kate said
, in a hush voice, as she took the seat next to Finn. “How’s he been?”

“The same,” Finn replied. “Asleep mostly.”

“Did you get any sleep?” Kate asked, but the dark circles under his eyes already gave her the answer to that question.

“I tried,” he replied, not taking his eyes from his father. “But all the machines beeping mad
e it too hard. How the hell sick people ever sleep, attached to these things is beyond me.”

“You would be surprise
d,” Kate shrugged, as she briefly thought back to her time in hospital, just after the crash. Finn finally looked up at her and smiled.

“Thanks for coming back,” he said, gratef
ul for the support. “Dan has just gone to get us some coffee.”

“Is there anything else you need,” Kate asked. “I could go get you some clean clothes? Something to eat?”

“Dan is going to go pick some stuff up,” he smiled at Kate. “But thanks for the offer.”

“Hey
Son,” Jack croak from his bed.

“Dad,” Finn said, leaning in closer to his father. “How are you feeling? Are you in any pain?”

“I’m okay,” he replied. “Just tired.”

He looked past Finn towards Kate and smiled.

“Hey Kiddo,” he said in a bear whisper. “You, sort things out with Callum?”

“I am still working on it,” she replied with a smile, then quickly glanced at Finn. She felt like a complete bitch, when she saw the look on Finn’s face. Maybe being here wasn’t such a great idea. She was probably giving him mixed messages, and that was the last thing he needed at that precise time.

“Dad,” Sara said, as she suddenly sat up. “How are you feeling?”

“Hey sweetheart,” Jack said turning to his daughter
and gave her a broad smile. “I’m okay.”

“I love you Daddy,” she said
, leaning forward and kissing him on the cheek, as the tears danced in her eyes.

“I love you too princess,” Jack replied. “Please don’t cry. I will be okay and so will you. You have my handsome grandson to take care of.
”

“But I want you too,”
Sara said, unable to hold her tears back any longer.

“I know sweetheart,” Jack said. “And believe me, I wish I didn’t
have to go anywhere. But your mom is calling me home.”

“Dad,” Finn said
, moving closer to his father. “It’s okay. We will be okay. I will look after Sara and DJ, I promise.”

“Thank you son,” Jack whispered before he drifted off back to sleep. Sara stood up and walked out of the room to try and compose herself.

“That was a very sweet thing you did, Finn,” Kate said, as she softly touched him on the arm. She could feel him freeze and she quickly dropped her hand. “I…eh… I should go, this is a time for family and I am not family.”

She stood up, leaned into Jack and kissed him on the cheek. Then, with one more glance at Finn, she picked up her hand bag and headed out the door.

“Is everything okay?” Sara said, a look of sheer panic on her face when she saw Kate hurry out from her father’s room

“Everything is fine,” Kate replied. “I am just going to give you some space. I will call later, to check in.”

“Okay,” Sara replied, a look of confusion on her face. Kate smiled and hurried down the hallway. When she stepped into the lift, she slumped against the wall, as the doors closed. Coming here had been a huge mistake.

When the door
s opened, she quickly headed for the door, as she searched her bag for her car keys. She had just stepped out into the bright morning sun when she heard a voice call her name.

“KATE!” Finn called out
, as he ran up to her. “Kate, don’t go, please. I am sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Finn,” Kate replied. “The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you.”

“I know that,” he replied. “Look, I am not going to lie. I really like you and the thought of you and him, well it hurts. But right now… right now I need a friend. I wish we could be more than friends, but if friendship is all you can offer, then that is what I will take.”

“Finn, I will always be your friend,” Kate replied.

“Please come back in with me,” Finn asked Kate, as he reached out and took her hand. “I can’t do this on my own. I mean… I know Sara is there, but she has Dan. I need…a friend… to hold my hand too. Please.”

Kate smile and squeezed his hand.

“I promise I won’t let it go,” Kate replied, with a smile. Keeping hold of her hand, Finn turned and walked back into the hospital and back to his father’s room.

**********

They all spent the day camped out next to Jack’s bed. He woke briefly a couple more times, but each time was for a shorter time than the one before.

The nurse and doctor kept a constant check on him, checking his blood pressure, temperature, listening to his chest, all the usual checks.

A couple of times they asked the family to step outside while they made Jack more comfortable. Kate knew it wasn’t going to be much longer. His heart was beating slower and slower. His breathing had become more shallow and slower also.

It was late in the afterno
on. Finn had stepped outside to take a call and Dan convinced Sara to go with him to get a coffee. Kate was left alone with Jack in the room. She moved closer to Jack and took hold of his hand and softly stroked it with her fingertips.

“Jack,” she whispered. His eyes blinked but they didn’t opened. “Jack, I ne
ed to ask you a favour. When you go home to your Kathleen, will you watch over Emily? I know she has my mom with her, but a little girl needs a daddy. I couldn’t think of anyone I would rather have take that role right now. Tell her I love her…”

Kate couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. She cried for her little girl and for the life she will never have. She als
o cried for Jack and his family. Saying goodbye was never easy, especially for those left behind.

She leaned in closer to Jack and whispered.

“Tell her I am so sorry,” she sobbed softly. Suddenly she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned and found Finn standing behind her, tears dancing in his eyes.

“My dad will look after her,” he said with a
reassuring smile. “He would love nothing more.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were there,” Kate said, as she quickly wiped the tears from her eyes.

“I didn’t mean to eavesdrop,” Finn said, as he took the seat next to Kate. “Are you okay?”

“
I’m just being silly,” she said with a laugh.

“I don’t think it’s silly at all,” Finn replied. “I think it’s very sweet.”

“You are going to miss him a lot, aren’t you?” Kate said looking back at Jack. Despite all the tubes and machines, he looked very peaceful. He looked happy.

“More than I can bare to think of,” Finn replied honestly.
They both sat in silence, watching Jacks chest rise and fall slowly.

“Do you think my m
om is waiting on him?” Finn asked with a whisper.

“I think she is here with you all,” Kate said with a smile. “And I think, when it’s time she will be holding his hand tightly.”

Suddenly, the alarm on the machines began to sound and the room was immediately filled with medical staff. Kate and Finn quickly stepped back and let them work on Jack.

“WHAT’S HAPPEN
ING?” Sara yelled from the doorway. She hurried into the room towards the bed, but Finn pulled her to him.

One of the doctor listened to Jack’
s chest, then looked up at the rest of the team and shook his head, as one of the nurse reached up and switched off the machine, the beeping stopped. The room was filled with silence.

“Why aren’t you doing something?” Sara cried pulling free from Finn and hurrying to her father’s side. “Turn the machines back on.”

“There is nothing we can do, Ms. Morgan,” the doctor replied. “I am so sorry.”

“NO!” she screamed
, as she turned back to Jack. “NO, PLEASE, DADDY PLEASE.”

“Sara,” Finn said
, stepping behind her and wrapping his arms around her. “Sara, he’s gone.”

“No,” Sara cried. “Please do something.”

“Sara,” Finn sobbed. “He is gone.”

She dropped to the ground and sobbed like her heart was shattered into a thousand pieces. Finn knelt next to her and held her tightly
, as they both cried over the loss of their precious father.

Kate stepped back until her back was against the wall. She fought to hold back the tears
, but the grief hit her like a tidal wave. She closed her eyes and wished that Callum was there with her.

She missed him more than she ever imagine
d she would. She wished he could take her in his arms and make everything feel better.

How had she been so stupid to let things get to this? Yes, she was hurt he cheated on her, but she knew now, leaving had been the wrong thing to do. He was her Callum. The past year had been a nightmare, but they could make it right again. Well, they could have if she hadn’t have been so stupid.

But if she hadn’t have left Callum, she would have never have met Jack, she would have never have met Finn. Yes meeting Finn had complicated things, but she didn’t regret the lessons that meeting him had taught her. And she certainly didn’t regret meeting Jack.

“
Kate,” Finn said, suddenly next to her. Kate opened her eyes and found him standing directly in front of her. “Kate, are you okay.”

She nodded and quickly wiped her tears away.

“I’m okay,” she quickly replied. “I am so sorry Finn, he was such a special man.”

“I know,” Finn croaked
, as the knot of grief in his throat almost choked him.

Kate instinctively reached out, wrapped her arms around Finn and held him close to her. He buried his face in her neck and sobbed like a little boy.

“My dad is gone Kate,” he whispered through his tears. “I have no one now.”

“I am here Finn,” Kate replied. “I will always be your friend and you will never be alone.”

The next few days passed in a blur. Kate kept herself busy helping Finn and Sara plan Jack’s funeral. Nonetheless, Kate found all she could think about was Callum. She missed him. She wished more than anything that Callum would just call. But he never did.

She considered calling him but she just didn’t know where to begin. She wasn’t even sure he would want to hear from her and the more time that passed, the harder it became.

Olly and Leah, both pushed her to make the call but she just couldn’t bring herself to do it. She began to resign herself to the fact, she had blown her chance with Callum. Maybe it was time she let him go.

The morning of the funeral, Kate, Olly and Leah arrived at Jack’s house. She had arranged to meet Finn there. When Sara opened the door, she told Kate that Finn was up in his old bedroom and that she
needed to go talk to him.

Kate
hurried up the stairs and made her way down the landing to the door Sara told her was Finn’s old room. When she reached it, she tapped on it lightly.

“Come in,” Finn called out from the far side of the door. Kate opened it and stuck her head through the gap, expecting to see Finn dressed in a black suit, white shirt and black tie. Instead, she found him in a white t-shirt and pair of jeans, sitting on the edge of the bed, staring out the bedroom window.

“Hi there,” she said when he looked up to see who was at the door. “May I come in?”

“Sure,” he said and turn
ed his attention back to whatever he was looking at outside the window.

Kate walked in and sat down on the edge of the bed next to
Finn. Neither said anything for a moment. Then Finn sighed deeply before he spoke.

“I was just thinking,” he said, still looking out the window
. “When I was seven, I was a huge Superman fan. He was my favourite superhero. I wanted to be him so badly. So, one day, I tied a sheet around my neck and climbed out this window, I really believed I could fly. I jumped and of course, hit the ground. I broke my leg and spent the whole summer laid up in this very bed. My dad was on holiday too, as school was out. He spent every day in this room with me. He taught me to play chess, he read me Robinson Crusoe five times. He played The Beatles every day. My dad was a huge Beatles fan. But some days, we would just lay here and talk for hours and hours. It was the best summer of my entire life. After that summer, Superman was no longer my favourite superhero. My dad was.”

“That is very sweet, Finn.” Kate said as she imaged a seven year old Finn and a younger Jack spending hour after hour in that room. It was exactly what she would have expected from Jack. “It’s a beautiful memory to have.”

“Yeah it is,” Finn said as he looked at Kate. “That’s all I have now, memories.”

“But you still have them
, Finn,” Kate replied. “Nothing or no one can ever take them from you.”

“I guess so,” he replied sadly and turned hi
s attention back to the window and once again, they were in silence.

“Finn,” Kate said nervously
, finally breaking the silence. “Don’t you think it’s time to get ready for the service?”

“Oh that,” he replied and shrugged his shoulders. “Yeah, about that, I have decided I am not going to go.”

“Finn, you have to,” Kate said, taken aback by his response.

“Why?” he asked
as he turned back to look at Kate. “What does it matter if I am there or not? He isn’t going to be there. Not really.”

“But you need
to do this,” Kate said, as she reached over and took hold of his hand. “You need to go and say goodbye.”

“What if I don’t want to say goodbye?” Finn asked, dead serious.

“I am afraid that is something you don’t really have a choice in,” Kate replied. “Finn I know you are hurting. These past few days have been so hard on you, but they were hard on Sara too. Finn she needs her big brother there to help her get through the day.”

“But what’s the point?” he sighed. “What’
s the point of any of this?”

“Right now you don’t see t
he point because you are angry and upset,” Kate replied very simply. “But trust me, if you aren’t there, you will regret it every day for the rest of your life. Believe me, I know.”

“Do you regret not being at Emily’s funeral?” he asked.

“Every single day,” Kate replied honestly. “But that was not my choice. Callum had to do what he had to do. I don’t hold it against him, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less.”

“If I go, it makes it real,” Finn said, as he dropped his gaze down to his hands.

“Finn, it is real,” Kate said as she reached over and took hold of his chin. She turned his face until he was looking at her. “He will still be gone, even if you don’t go. Nothing can change that. But you can go and be the man he knows you are. Go stand by your sister as the new head of this family and make your dad proud.”

He smiled and nodded as
Kate stood up and walked to the door. She stopped and turned back to Finn.

“I will be with you, every step of the way,” Kate said. “So when you get tired
of being strong and doing the right thing, I will be there and I will be strong enough for the both of us.”

“Thanks, Kate,” he said with a smile.

Thirty minutes later, Sara, Dan, DJ, Finn and Kate climbed into the black stretch limousine that was waiting for them outside Jack’s house. Olly and Leah took Kate’s car.

Kate hadn’t wanted to go in the mourning car with the family but
Finn had insisted.

The service was beautiful. There was hundreds of people there, including children from the school Jack used to teach in.
Kate had never seen so many flowers.

As they sat next to Jack
’s coffin in the cemetery, the smell of the lilies and roses that were on top of it, filled the air and they reminded Kate of her dream. She thought about their meadow and all the happy days they had there. She missed it.

Kate
thought about Callum, and wondered where he was at that exact time. Was he thinking about her? Did he still love her?

She looked over at Sara and Dan. He was holding her, doing everything he could to protect his wife and try to give her strength.

Then she looked down at her hand intertwined with Finn’s. He was holding on to her like he would die if she let go of his hand.

S
he thought about Callum again. She wondered how he had survived Emily’s funeral all on his own. He had lost his child and didn’t know if he was going to lose his wife. How hard must that have been for him? She thought back to her conversation with Finn early that day. Did she blame him for not being at Emily’s funeral? Maybe she did.

“Kate,” Finn said, pulling her from her thoughts. “It’s time to go.” Kate just smiled as she stood up and followed him back to the car.

When they arrived back at Jack’s house, it was already full of people. Sara had insisted on hiring a caterer to sort out the food and refreshments for all the people who came back. Kate hadn’t been sure it was a good idea at the time but never voiced her opinion on the subject. However, now, looking at all the people in the house, she realised it was the right decision to make.

She found Olly and Leah sitting in a quiet corner, each sipping a glass of wine and she joined them.

“How are you doing, sweetie?” Leah asked as she shifted over in her seat to make more room for Kate.

“I’m doing okay,” Kate replied honestly. “Finn
is talking to a couple of his buddies so I left him to it…”

She stopped mid-sentence as a thought occurred to her. She was lost deep in thought when Olly spoke.

“What is it Kate,” Olly asked. “Is there something wrong?”

“
I was just thinking about Emily’s funeral,” Kate said looking at her two friends. “I was actually thinking more about Callum to be honest. That day, I wasn’t there. I know his mother was there, but let’s face it, you could never accuse her of being a supportive and nurturing mother. James was in the middle east.”

“You were
n’t there because you were in a coma,” Leah said, confused by where her friend was going with this. “That wasn’t your fault

“
Yes, I know,” Kate replied, looking at her two friends. “But it got me thinking. Who was there for him? Who was his rock, when he buried our little girl?”

“We were all there for him,” Olly replied.

“But I wasn’t,” she replied. “In one weeks time is her first anniversary. A whole year has passed. And for that whole year he never stopped trying. Not for one day. But I never gave an inch. I was so angry with everyone. I was angry with me because I blamed myself for Emily’s death. I was angry I lived and she died. I thought I didn’t deserve to be loved, especially not by Callum. But I realised today, something I never realised before, I was angry with Callum too.”

“What were you angry about?” Leah asked.

“I was angry I never got to say goodbye,” Kate replied as tears danced in her eyes. “I was angry Callum buried her before I got to kiss her one last time.”

“Kate, he didn’t really have a choice,” Leah said.

“Today, sitting at the grave,” Kate explained. “I thought about Callum, I was angry with him for taking that away from me, but that’s when I realised he didn’t. He did it for me. He did it for both of us. He stood there alone, and watched…watched as our little girl was lowered into the ground and I wasn’t there to hold his hand. How difficult must that have been for him?”

“Kate, it’s not too late!” Olly exclaimed. “Talk to him, tell him what
you just told us.”

“I will, I will call him once we get home,” Kate assured her friends. “I promise. I will put this right.”

It was almost six before the last of the guests left. Kate went looking for Finn and found him sitting on the back porch with DJ.

“Hey,” he said with a big smile
, when he looked up and saw Kate standing there.

“Hey yourself,”
Kate said, as she sat down next to Finn. “How are you holding up?”

“I am doing okay,” he nodded and smiled. “Glad I went today.”

“I’m glad too,” Kate replied. “Everyone has left now, and the place it all cleaned up.”

“Thank you,” Finn said. “
Thanks for everything today. I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

“
That’s what friends are for,” Kate replied. She looked down at DJ and gave him a big smile as the little boy yawned. “I think somebody will be having an early night.”

“Yeah, I think we are going to stay here for tonight,” Finn said as he glanced down at DJ.

“Well I am going to head home,” Kate said as she stood up. She leaned down and kissed Finn on the cheek, then kissed DJ, on the top of his head. “Call me if you need anything.”

She walked to the door and glanced back at Finn and gave him a big smile, then went in search of her friends.

It was fifteen minutes past six when they got back to Kate’s house.

Leah, went straight into the kitchen to make them all tea, while Kate flopped down on to the arm chair and pulled out her phone. She glanced up at Olly, who gave her a reassuring smile
, then she brought up Callum’s number and pressed call.

The phone rang
about five times. Kate was about to hang up when she heard a woman on the other end of the line.

“Callum Greyson’s phone” the voice chirped brightly down the line.

“Eh… hi,” Kate said a little thrown to have a strange woman answer Callum’s phone. “Can I speak to Callum please?”

“Callum can’t come to the phone right
now,” the girl replied matter of factly. “He is just getting out of the shower and getting dressed. Can I take a message?”

“No… no message,” Kate replied and hung up. She could feel the blood drain from her entire body.

“What is it?” Olly said as she moved closer to Kate. “What’s wrong?”

“I think he has met someone else,” Kate said before she was on her feet and racing towards the bathroom. She dropped to her knees in front of the toilet and got violently sick as the realisation hit her, she was too late. Her heart broke.