Sophie's Smile: A Novel (23 page)

Then on Tuesday, we discussed my tattoo, Sophie’s belly-button piercing, scars, and weight issues:

Pinkie16 (6:30:46 PM): Ugh, Ethan was over and left the toilet seat up again. Why can’t guys just put it back down after they’re done?

Itchy Bonsai (6:31:29 PM): well, around here the seat is always closed when the toilet is not in use. I pride myself on not being one of “those guys” that personifies negative male stereotypes

Pinkie16 (6:31:44 PM):
haha
we’ll see

Itchy Bonsai (6:31:57 PM): well, now that I said it I’m sure you’ll find something

Pinkie16 (7:56:52 PM): hey I’m curious about
ur
tattoo…when did you get it?

Itchy Bonsai (8:01:11 PM): oh, I got it about 3 years ago. A friend of mine was training to be a tattoo artist, so it was like a “bonding thing” between us and he worked on me for free. It was scary to trust him, but he was a good artist and I wanted a tattoo

Pinkie16 (8:01:41 PM): hmm. That’s cool

Itchy Bonsai (8:02:06 PM): actually, I want more, but I’m not sure if I’ll get more

Pinkie16 (8:02:16 PM): did it hurt?

Itchy Bonsai (8:03:04 PM): If you tap your inner wrist bone kinda hard with your fingernail…that’s what it feels like… but it bled a LOT

Pinkie16 (8:03:21 PM): yea, I bet.
Wut’s
it of?

Itchy Bonsai (8:11:07 PM): a dragon, but it’s more like a tribal, I guess. He used to draw dragons on me all the time, so that’s why I picked it. Unfortunately, he went crazy on drugs and I don’t see him anymore. I was kinda like a father to him, as weird as it sounds. He was a foster kid, 3 years younger than me

Pinkie16 (8:11:59 PM): oh so like a “big brother” type…that’s nice

Itchy Bonsai (8:12:14 PM): yeah but I felt really bad when he lost it. He just made a lot of bad decisions and I couldn’t be a part of it anymore.

Pinkie16 (8:12:37 PM): yea,
dat’s
tough

Pinkie16 (8:13:17 PM): well, I don’t have any tattoos but I got my bellybutton pierced freshman year of high school, but I had to take it out
cuz
my skin got too thin so you could see the bar and now there’s a scar :C

Itchy Bonsai (8:14:05 PM): really? How did that happen?

Pinkie16 (8:15:00 PM): my skin just didn’t accept it. But
it’s
okay, it was a little annoying when I had it…always getting caught on my shirt or jeans or something

Itchy Bonsai (8:15:52 PM): oh, why did you get it?

Pinkie16 (8:16:02 PM): because I thought it was pretty

Itchy Bonsai (8:16:31 PM): it just gave you an excuse to wear bare midriff shirts all the time,
haha

Pinkie16 (8:17:02 PM):
haha
no, the rings are really pretty, and I wanted to look like Britney Spears!

Itchy Bonsai (8:18:03 PM):
haha
. Ugh, not Britney! Well, it probably didn’t add much to the pre-existing beauty of your belly-button. Your body just knew it was pretty enough, that’s why it rejected it

Pinkie16 (8:20:20 PM):
awww
well u
reallie
knoe
the right things to say, don’t u?!

Itchy Bonsai (8:20:50 PM): oh, I’m full of ‘
em
(
haha
)…did it leave a big scar, or just a little one?

Pinkie16 (8:21:04 PM): I think it’s a big one

Itchy Bonsai (8:21:15 PM):
 
well, I’ll show you my
tattoo, then you show
me your scar, and we’ll call it even

Pinkie16 (8:21:23 PM): well…okay

Itchy Bonsai (8:21:51 PM): you’re like “o-
kay
, whatever THAT means…”

Pinkie16 (8:22:17 PM):
haha
no…actually, it’s just I don’t really like my stomach…

Itchy Bonsai (8:22:57 PM): oh, okay, if it makes you uncomfortable, but you have no reason not to like it…you really have no reason to dislike anything about yourself (I won’t rant or anything) but I find you strikingly beautiful in all ways

Pinkie16 (8:23:09 PM): well
dat’s
always nice to hear. Thank you.

Itchy Bonsai (8:23:16 PM): you’re welcome and it’s the truth

Pinkie16 (8:36:47 PM): I guess it’s
cuz
I had a problem with weight since seventh grade. My hormones went all outta
wack
and I’ve always been self-conscious of the way I look in that aspect…and plus my mom always nags me about it

Itchy Bonsai (8:37:01 PM):
gaag
! Why does she do that?

Pinkie16 (8:37:38 PM):
cuz
she’s my mom, she loves me, and well, most Korean moms do the same thing

Itchy Bonsai (8:38:29 PM): well, maybe it’s different for you and your mom because you can picture yourself in the past, while the only image I have is of you now

Itchy Bonsai (8:38:58 PM): I was a pretty chubby kid. I used to get picked on in Middle School, for being the “fat kid”

Pinkie16 (8:39:00 PM):
awww
, that’s sad. I got picked on too.

Itchy Bonsai (8:39:17 PM): kids can be so cruel. Well, you don’t ever have to feel self-conscious around me when it comes to your body…you know how I feel

Itchy Bonsai (8:39:40 PM): Have you noticed a scar on my forehead?

Pinkie16 (8:39:54 PM): no?

Itchy Bonsai (8:40:23 PM): yeah, it used to be a big gash…it made me look like Frankenstein and I used to be really embarrassed by it, but now it’s pretty light

Pinkie16 (8:40:56 PM): hmmm, no wonder I haven’t noticed it…how did you get it?

Itchy Bonsai (8:42:10 PM): I was 4 and playing under a teeter-totter…it came down on my head…actually, it was my fault,
I
was pushing on it. My sister laughed at me, can you believe it?
Haha
.
It bled a lot, and the funny thing is I didn’t start crying until I saw blood

Pinkie16 (8:42:19 PM):
awww
, that
sux

Wednesday came around, and we started talking about illnesses:

Itchy Bonsai (5:00:19 PM): So tell me more about your VSD. Does it affect you much?

Pinkie16 (5:01:47 PM): No, I just have to take antibacterial medication when I see the dentist…it’s really tiny but it’s easy to hear with a stethoscope

Itchy Bonsai (5:02:28 PM): wow. I don’t really know much about them…does it mean your heartbeat is irregular

Pinkie16 (5:02:59 PM): Yea, the second beat isn’t there…it’s more like a whoosh

Itchy Bonsai (5:03:07 PM): does that mean your diastolic pressure is low?

Pinkie16 (5:03:50 PM): (shrug) All I
knoe
is that I get tired easily when I do any kind of cardio

Itchy Bonsai (5:05:17 PM): that makes sense

Pinkie16 (5:05:24 PM): yea

Itchy Bonsai (5:07:26 PM): I don’t really know of anything like that with me, other than I had jaundice when I was born and I almost died at childbirth…but nothing ongoing that I know of

Pinkie16 (5:07:48 PM): OMG!!!

Itchy Bonsai (5:10:14 PM): the umbilical cord was wrapped around my chest, so I couldn’t breathe. I almost suffocated, I guess

Pinkie16 (5:10:22 PM): oh geez…well, I’m glad u made it

Itchy Bonsai (5:10:49 PM): yeah…oh! What time is your presentation on Thurs?

Pinkie16 (5:11:44 PM): umm 3:45p why?

Itchy Bonsai (5:12:50 PM): I just wanted to know, so I can send you happy thoughts. I’ll be thinking of you then!

Pinkie16 (5:13:04 PM):
awww
thanks
u’r
too sweet

Itchy Bonsai (5:14:17 PM): you make it easy to be…Sophie, I’m really happy to be with you…I can’t remember a time I’ve smiled so much

Pinkie16 (5:14:33 PM):
awww
, I’m happy too

Then on Thursday, I decided to tell Sophie about my anxiety; it seemed like she had something more to tell me about hers, but she stopped herself:

Itchy Bonsai (6:15:56 PM): I’ve had some pretty bad anxiety attacks in my day…but luckily I haven’t had any lately (like for 6-8 months)…after I was terminated from UCSD, I became pretty depressed, so my family convinced me to start seeing a psychologist. There they tried to put me on all sorts of medication. I took this one anti-depressant for a while, but it’s horrible so I stopped that…but for the last year or so I’ve been feeling great

Pinkie16 (6:17:51 PM):
dats
good

Itchy Bonsai (6:18:03 PM): I think everyone hits a rough spot in their lives. I’ve learned that how you handle those troubles is the key (I learned the hard way)

Pinkie16 (6:19:34 PM): I understand…I’ve had a lot of anxiety too, especially surrounding school.