Sophie's Smile: A Novel (19 page)

Body:

Hi Sophie,

 
Thanks for hanging out today…it was nice and relaxing to spend some time at the lake, and of course, it’s always nice to spend time with you.

Good luck with school this week!

Talk to you soon,

Liam

Easily now, I eagerly responded:

January 8, 2006 3:03 PM

Subject: RE:
Hey

Body:

Hi Liam,

I also had a great time today. It’s a great place for a walk. Just next time I have to remember to wear tennis shoes.

I hope your first day back to UCSD goes well. Tell me how it went.
 
-
Soph

The first day of Winter Quarter dragged on. More classes I didn’t want, and more teachers I couldn’t understand. I could feel myself looking for him everywhere—in the lecture halls, along library walk, in the bookstore, by the library—but he was nowhere to be seen.

“Idiot,” I thought to myself. UC San Diego is a large campus and since I didn’t know his schedule, chances would be slim-to-none that I would run into him today. But I couldn’t help but hope. I gave up and texted him instead:

How’s your classes
going?

That was lame.
Ugh
, I was unraveling to the core. The more I tried to divert my attention elsewhere, the more it came back to Liam. I felt pathetic.

Liam’s message for me was waiting in my Inbox when I got home:

January 9, 2006 10:11 PM

Subject:
Yaaaay
! First Day of School!

Body:

Hi Sophie,

Thanks for the text message…you are so thoughtful! It makes me feel good to know you are thinking of me; I think of you often during the day and it always makes me feel so happy! :)

How was your first day? I hope everything went well, and your professors aren’t too crazy (yet).

So I’m back in business! It felt really good to be in school again…but I can tell that I’m a little behind on what I should know (It’s been a LONG time since I’ve taken this stuff). But I think I’ve dusted out the cobwebs enough to get on track soon. Today was really fun, though.

See you soon,

Liam

P.S. Yeah, my feet hurt a little too (wrong shoes). Just look out, though, ‘cause next time we’ll be ready (
muah
-ha-ha-ha…)

Liam sure knew how to make a girl smile.

24

The rest of the week crawled by. Each time I walked around campus I’d think of him, look out for him, and wish he were there. I’d think I saw him by the tree, locking his bike on the nearby rack.
Or by the coffee stand, fueling up for another grueling day in Peterson Hall.
Each time being a random guy who was clueless to the fact that a second later I could have made a fool of myself.

It all felt too weird, surreal even. I couldn’t stop thinking about him, wishing he’d call me, asking to see me. Every time I saw a couple walk by I thought of him. I felt pitiful. I finally felt myself seeing him as more than a friend, which was scary and exciting, but also very confusing.

25

Hooray!
It was Friday night and Liam asked me to the movies. We headed toward Fashion Valley to watch
Tristan and
Isolde
, another romantic love story.

The theater was filled with teenage girls, giggling every time James Franco filled the screen. The story was lovely, another version of Shakespeare’s
Romeo and Juliet
, but the physical scenes put me on edge—I could feel Liam’s hand tense around mine (we always held hands now, our hands attracted to each other like magnets)—so much so that I was relieved when the movie ended.

Liam was quiet on the way out. We headed toward his Volvo in silence. Mumbling a few words and comments about how good the movie was, and so on.

We were heading back toward my place when he asked, “Do you want to call it a night or do you feel like doing something else?” His question was filled with hope, hoping that I would choose the latter.

“I’d like to do something else.”

“Great.” He grinned. There was meaning behind that grin, but I was too happy to notice.

“So what do you want to do?”

“Hmmm…well I have an idea.”

A few moments later I realized we were headed toward the bay. He parked in a remote lot at the southern end of Mission Beach. Darkness filled the night sky as we headed toward the sand with the blanket he always kept folded neatly beneath the back window of his Volvo. The air was cold and the gust nipped my face. Liam seemed to be calm as he held my hand with his. I was curious, but it felt nice just to be with him so I didn’t pry. I just watched as he stopped next to a simmering bond fire—most likely cast by a group of teens enjoying the warmth as they roasted marshmallows on a stick and washed them down with smuggled adult beverages. He unfurled the thick blanket, which was made of wool and woven with the intricate patterns and colors reminiscent of Mexico. I wondered if he purchased this item from Old Town, as I flashed back to the vivid colors, textures, patterns, aromas, and flavors of our date there.

We sat silently on the blanket for some time, huddled by the scarce fire, watching as gray clouds blanketed the blackened sky, graced by the moon and stars in subtle, cottony openings. The waves crashing on the shore before us, continually moving, continually breaking, increasing in strength and stamina as the tide flowed in.

Lost in observation, I suddenly felt his breath on the nape of my neck. Felt his full lips brush gently against my cheek. Felt him move closer, his breath hot and filled with desire. He mumbled a few words but I couldn’t hear him against the breaking waves.

He mumbled again, this time a little more urgently, each word stressed by his intensity, “I want to kiss you right now.”

I heard the words and froze.
Uh-oh
, I thought.

And as I turned toward him I knew it was too late.
Too late to react.
Too late to second guess.
Too late to stop him.

His lips darted toward mine. His kiss was slow at first, soft and gentle, as if he was being careful not to break me. His slow kiss turned into soft pecks…pecking my lips, my cheeks, my hair, my neck, always coming back to my no-longer-virgin lips.

His breath heavy and his pulse quickening.
He moved closer now, his lips parting mine…caressing them with the tip of his tongue…lingering…roaming…slow, soft, and sensual.
Constantly moving as if he was using his tongue to navigate through the darkness.

Then the kiss became more vigorous, as the waves breaking against the sand, his lips pressed against mine with such force my mind went blank. I could feel his uncontrollable lust and desire as he crushed his mouth to mine, numbing my lips with the pressure. Soft moans escaped from his lips as he moved even closer.

With one cold hand, he swiftly guided me backward toward the thick blanket. The sand felt hard against my back.
The light from the dying fire flickering against the night sky.
With one hand supporting me he tangled the other in my right hand. Stopping momentarily—his breath ragged and hungry—to whisper, “I knew that once I kissed you I wouldn’t be able to stop…I wanted to kiss you for so long.” And then he continued to do so.

I felt his kisses, each kiss making my body tingle in response. I tried to let go and respond to his movements but I just lay there stiff, stunned, and scared. Looking up I counted the stars, watched as the moon glimmered, quietly masked by the graying clouds.

I never told him to stop. I allowed him to continue, to take as much as he pleased. Worrying about how much he would end up taking.

He would sometimes come up for air and whisper, “Are you okay?” It was like he knew that this intimate act frightened me but was still unwilling to pull in the reins. And all I could muster was a faint, “Yes.”

As the fire died so did his lips. His kisses lessened and when he was finished, he hesitated, his body quivered from the cold. His eyes were filled with excitement, caution, and nervous understanding. I could tell it was everything he dreamed and hoped for, but for me I felt dazed and stunned. The intense passion took me by surprise. My lips felt swollen and numb as if I had just received a shot of Novocain. When we reached my front door, my lips still tingled.

26

That night I couldn’t sleep. I touched my lips in the morning and they ached. I had no idea that kissing would hurt. I turned on my computer and checked my Inbox. Liam sent me a message.
That was quick.
I hesitated before opening it:

January 15, 2006 9:34 AM

Subject:
Good Morning :)

Body:

Hi Sophie,

Good morning to you!

Liam

P.S. I made a “modification” to my profile…you may find it interesting ;) (
wink
, wink, nudge, nudge)

My pulse quickened.
Modification?
I tricked myself into not believing what I already knew to be true. Updating his profile could only mean one thing. At that moment my eyes saw what my brain already knew…his status changed from
Single
to
In a Relationship
. I felt numb once again, lost, confused, nervous, scared; I just had a rush of confusing and compounding feelings.

I’d read about this, watched it in movies, seen my friends go through it…but I’d never experienced it…no basis to go by…I didn’t know what to do…how to do it…so here I was, having everything I ever dreamed of wanting offered to me on a gold platter…and how did I feel? Numb.

Me, feeling numb?
Me, a girl who “feels” things constantly, a girl who is so emotional she cries at the drop of a hat, and now I feel nothing?