Sorrows of Adoration (16 page)

“That won’t save the
girl who is assaulted,” Jarik sighed.

“
No,” I agreed.
“It won’t. But perhaps if the men who commit such crimes knew their
guards would be obliged to report it
 
…”

“They would be less
likely to commit the offence in the first place,” Jarik
finished.

Kurit continued to
pace, tapping his finger to his lips as he pondered our idea. “It
is certainly a matter worth discussing with my father. I’ll tell
him what we discussed and ask if he thinks your solution is a
viable one.” He sat back down near me and took my hand, still deep
in thought. He stared at my hand, fixated on it as he pondered this
terrible truth I had revealed.

“I am glad you brought
this matter to our attention, Aenna,” Jarik said, looking at me
with concern. “I am grateful to the Gods that you were not hurt
yourself.”

Kurit raised my hand to
his lips and pressing it there, his eyes closed. “I think I’d go
into a mad rage if you told me anyone had done such a thing to
you,” he said in a voice rough with anger and sorrow. “I’d hunt him
down and put my blade through his vile heart.”

I moved my hand to his
cheek and caressed it softly to reassure him. “I’m very fortunate
to not have to worry about my own safety any more.”

“You certainly don’t,”
Jarik said emphatically. “I would cut down anyone who dared to hurt
you.”

I smiled at him, not
just because I appreciated his protection, but also because I
wanted them both to stop brooding on such a horrible subject, now
that a possible means to reduce such activity had been proposed. “I
am grateful that I have two dear men to protect me. I wish every
woman did.”

Kurit nodded slowly,
still upset. “We’ll do what we can, Aenna. Thank you for your
wisdom in this.” He kissed my hand again and looked at me dearly.
“This is why I keep telling you that you will be a worthy Queen.
There is so much that you know that we do not. You have lived as
one of the people, and your experiences lend you insights that no
lady of the court could ever possess.” He rose and came to me. I
stood to let him hold me. He lifted me from the ground and carried
me to an armless chair. He sat there, holding me on his lap,
cradling me as though I had been hurt and he was trying to comfort
me. He kissed my forehead several times, rocking me softly, and it
was comforting to us both, so I let him continue until our meals
arrived.

We ate quietly, the men
picking at their food, still upset. I felt empathy for them, but I
had lived with these truths for such a long time that I could not
share their fresh outrage, so I ate my full meal, and was glad to
have it.

After we finished,
Jarik asked if I felt safe to sleep in my own room and offered to
stand watch outside my door. I declined his sweet offer and assured
them that I would bolt the door, and since they were beside me I
could easily call them if I needed to.

Kurit escorted me to my
room, which was much smaller but certainly adequate. He held me in
his arms for a long time and then kissed me softly.

“Are you certain you
will be well on your own in here?” he asked. There was an edge to
his voice, and I felt guilty for making him so upset with the awful
truths I had told. I kissed him, then held him tight, and assured
him once again that I was fine. As my head rested on his chest, I
could hear that his heart was still pounding in worry.

“I’m sorry I told you
those things, but I really thought it common knowledge,” I
said.

“No, no, Aenna, don’t
be sorry. You are not at fault for the truth. These are things we
should be aware of. It is revolting that I had to hear it from you,
but don’t blame yourself for that. I’m glad you told us. You must
promise to never withhold a truth from me, no matter how upset you
think I shall be.”

“If that’s what you
wish.”

“It is. It is
unpleasant to hear such things, but it would be a thousand times
worse to not hear them and let the injustices continue.” He
squeezed me tight, and I did likewise. Then he kissed me goodnight,
and as he left he told me to bolt the door immediately and be sure
to bang on the wall between our rooms if I needed him.

“For anything, Aenna.
Even if you’re just upset and cannot sleep.”

I agreed and bolted the
door as soon as he closed it. I did it roughly, that he might hear
it and relax.

Once I was ready for
bed and had tucked myself under the covers, I became aware that I
could hear voices through the wall between our rooms. Kurit was
easily audible, as most of what he said was done so exuberantly,
and because Jarik’s bed shared a wall with my own, I was even able
to hear his softer, lower voice. I would have simply gone to sleep
and ignored them, but I heard my name mentioned and couldn’t help
but listen.

“Don’t so easily
dismiss Aenna’s insecurity,” Jarik advised, “or it will feed on
itself and might cause her to run away again.”

Kurit’s response
sounded exasperated. “I do realize that, Jarik. I wasn’t trying to
make light of it. It’s just frustrating trying to convince her
repeatedly that I mean what I say.”

I remembered being told
as a child that eavesdroppers only hear ill of themselves. Hearing
Kurit’s weariness of trying to convince me to be with him filled me
with remorse.

“I don’t think she
doubts your convictions,” said Jarik, which was true, and I was
glad Kurit would hear it. “She simply doesn’t believe that you are
correct in them.” That also was true, though I regretted it.

“So tell her yourself,”
Kurit replied. “You agree with me.”

“Why do you think I put
her hand in yours?”

Kurit chuckled. “That
was very smooth of you.”

“I didn’t do it to be
smooth, you vile rogue,” Jarik retorted.

“Righteous half-wit,”
Kurit teased in return.

Jarik came back again
with: “Contemptible knave.”

I stifled a giggle at
their silliness.

“I had the wit to
deduce that your words weren’t convincing her, and I thought maybe
another opinion would help,” Jarik continued.

“Clearly, it did.”

“Well, don’t be a fool
and think she’s going merrily along with you. It’s entirely obvious
that she’s distraught still.” Jarik’s words continued to hit the
mark, and though I was glad to have someone expressing my feelings
without it having to be myself, it was eerie that this man knew
what was in my heart when I had hardly ever spoken with him.

“So, oh wise lover of
women,” Kurit mocked, “what do you suggest I do, if she doesn’t
believe my praises?”

Jarik was quiet for a
moment and then replied, “Keep good on your promise to tell your
father about this unpleasant trend we’ve somehow missed. Give her
credit for bringing it to your attention. Show everyone back home
that she has something to offer, and that will prove to her that
she does.”

I considered what he
proposed and thought that, indeed, I would be more apt to believe
Kurit’s kind words of my worth if I saw that I could help to reduce
such injustices. I smiled to myself in the darkness, wondering what
it would be like to have ideas for solutions that could actually
become implemented in meaningful ways. What a delight that would
be!

“I intend to bring up
the matter,” said Kurit. “It’s revolting. But your advice is sound,
for a pious half-wit.” I don’t know what Jarik did in response to
the tease, but I did hear a sudden thud from their room, followed
by a loud “oof” grunt from Kurit. I suspected the much larger and
stronger Jarik had whacked him with a pillow or perhaps thrown a
boot at him.

Kurit moaned
exaggeratedly and said, “Brute!”

“Weakling,” muttered
Jarik in mock derision. His comment was followed by another brief
noise of commotion.

“Cursed thug!” Kurit
moaned.

“Kick me again, and
I’ll tear your leg off,” Jarik threatened without inflection. I
briefly wondered if he was kidding, but the ensuing silliness
quickly relieved that concern.

“Pah,” Kurit
jeered.

“I’ll ram it down your
scrawny neck.”

“Go ahead and try,”
Kurit dared him.

“You’ll suffer
indigestion from wiggling your toes,” Jarik said in a forced
monotone.

I had stifled my
giggles at first, lest they should hear me and know I had been
listening, but Jarik’s last line made me laugh out loud despite my
efforts. Thankfully, by the time my mirth could not be contained,
they were already laughing loudly themselves and would not have
heard me.

As the laughter in both
rooms subsided and they fell to talking of other things, I drifted
to sleep happily for the first time since leaving Endren.

Sometime during the
night I woke in alarm, hearing footsteps outside my door. I sat
bolt upright, hand raised to bang on the wall, pausing only to see
if whoever was there would try to open my door. It seemed, however,
that the soul in the darkness was content to remain still.

I very quietly rose
from the bed and tiptoed to the door. Kneeling, I put my head on
the floor to look under the door, and peering into the darkness I
saw only what appeared to be a man’s feet, standing still against
the wall across from my room. I heard a soft noise, and then there
was a small amount of light near the man.

Carefully and quietly,
I rose to full kneeling height to peer out the keyhole, sure that
he could not be looking in from across the hall.

There stood Jarik,
having just lit a wall lantern, and I sighed in relief. He rubbed
absently at his eyes, looking quite tired. By his posture, though,
he didn’t seem about to leave. I watched for a minute or so as he
stood there, guarding my door.

I considered telling
him to go to bed, but in truth I felt that much safer that he was
there. And I had told him not to bother to guard me, yet there he
was, so clearly he intended to do so with or without my
request.

I rose slowly to my
feet and returned to bed, sleeping all the easier for knowing that
such a good man watched over me.

* * *

We left early in the
morning’s light, as we wished to reach Endren before it was dark. I
rode side-saddle again with Kurit, but the narrower path through
the forests in this region prevented Jarik from riding alongside
us. He led the way, always the Prince’s protector.

The horses settled into
a steady, quick pace. I rested my head on Kurit’s chest and tried
not to feel nervous about our return.

In time, the rhythmic
rocking motion of the horse and the fresh air combined with being
so close to Kurit—hearing his heart beat even over the rush of wind
and thunder of hooves, being enveloped in his warmth and alluring
masculine scent—it all aroused me. I closed my eyes in daydreams,
thinking impure thoughts, fantasizing about a wedding night of
passion. Soon the fantasies were so lustful I grew embarrassed and
tried to shake them away.

I moved my head to gaze
up at him. He caught my glance and smiled down at he. That smile—I
know it sounds ridiculously girlish, but it made my heart flutter.
He loved me. I knew that he loved me.

He lowered his head and
kissed me, and I was so very aroused that I could not help but
return it enthusiastically. After the kiss, I rested my head
against his chest again, burning inside with my thoughts of
fantasy.

“Mmmm,” came the happy
sound, resonating in his chest. Of course, I was embarrassed at my
thoughts and hoped he had not sensed my arousal in the kiss.

“What is it?” I asked,
raising my head again to look at him innocently.

He leaned forward and
whispered into my ear, “That was no innocent kiss, my dear.”

I looked away, trying
to hide any blush that might have appeared. “I don’t know what you
mean,” I said, hoping to sound truthful.

Again he whispered
right to my ear, “If that were true, you wouldn’t be blushing so
deeply.”

That certainly did not
help me at all. I felt my face grow very warm. After a moment, I
dared to look at him, only to see him give me a roguish wink.

Determined not to allow
this behaviour to continue—on his part or my own—I forced myself to
give him a reproachful look. I tried in my own mind to pretend I
had not thought anything the least bit lewd.

But then the rascal
whispered to me again, saying, “Don’t give me a scolding look
because of your impure thoughts.” Then he laughed softly,
mischievously.

I tried to look
indignant but felt the blush rise again. Oh, he was a cad, and yet
his brash words aroused me all the more!

He laughed softly again
and then whispered, “You think me a beast for saying that, don’t
you?”

“Yes, you are a beast,”
I said, for he was.

“Only because you want
me to be one,” he replied and kissed me with a fiery passion that
threatened to expose just how right he was.

I forced myself to pull
away, breathless from excitement and embarrassment. “No, that’s
not … I thought no such thing!” I stammered pathetically.

“You don’t desire me?”
he whispered with mock pain.

“Yes, but—”

“And your kiss betrayed
the lust in your heart.”

“But I—”

“And we are to be wed,
so there’s no shame in it.”

I was deeply
embarrassed nonetheless. Then something occurred to me, and I
decided to use what I could to no longer be the guilty one in this
game. “Then why are you whispering, if there’s no shame in what you
say?” I asked.

He had no quick rogue’s
answer to that! After a moment he admitted, “Because if Jarik up
there heard me speaking to you like this, he’d likely land his fist
in my face.”

I tried not to smile as
I said, “Is he not as scurrilous a knave as you?”

Kurit leaned back from
me and brought his hand to his heart, feigning that I had wounded
him with my jest.